Never Really Gone
by Suuz-5-5
Summary: A few years have passed and Kensi's son is still missing. Is it time to move on?
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes.  
>This is the sequel to Trying to Remember. According to my sister this chapter can be read without having read the First story. But it might be wish to read Trying to Remember to fully understand this story.<strong>

_Chapter 1_

'I'll see you tonight at dinner,' Deeks said and he grabbed his stuff. Callen and Sam looked up from their work.

'Deeks, you know it's no use,' Sam said carefully. 'She isn't coming. No matter what you say.' Deeks shook his head.

'I'll get her to come,' he said. 'You will see her tonight eating dinner with us, like she is supposed to. Hetty invited her. I'm making sure she doesn't decline one of Hetty's invites.'

'Deeks, just give it up,' Callen sighed.

'Good luck, mister Deeks,' Hetty told him.

'Thank you,' Deeks said and he walked out of the bullpen. Actually he knew that Callen was right: he should give up. She wasn't coming. But for some reason he couldn't give up. Not on her. He was getting there and when he got there he would be with her. He only didn't know where there was. He got slowly in his car. He needed to think about a strategy. How was he getting her to Hetty's Christmas dinner? She hadn't come to Sam's thanksgiving dinner and she had avoided Halloween. She was shutting herself of from the world. She wanted to be alone on these days. But Deeks was sure she needed to be with someone.

Deeks noticed he was driving in a routine to the apartment and he took a quick left. Change your routes, like Sam had told him several times. He should concentrate on routes instead of…anything else.

At Kensi's new apartment he knocked on the door but there wasn't an answer. Deeks knocked again. He wasn't giving up that easily.

'Come on Kensi,' Deeks said through the closed door, knowing that she was inside. 'We need to leave.'

* * *

><p>'Come on, Kensi, we need to leave,' Kensi heard Deeks saying through the door but she kept sitting on the couch. Hetty had invited the entire team for Christmas, as usually. And as usually, Kensi didn't want to go. Each year Deeks would try to convince her to come with him and each year he failed.<p>

'I'm not going!' Kensi said. 'You should go, though!' Deeks knocked again on the door.

'Can you at least open the stupid door?' he asked. 'I believe that your neighbors want to call the cops.' Kensi sighed and she opened the door. Deeks smiled and he looked at her. She was wearing comfy clothes and her hair was in a messy ponytail. But the first thing he noticed was that she looked like she had been crying. Deeks stepped inside without seeing anything and he looked around. He still had to get used to her clean apartment. That wasn't like her…well the old her.

'Deeks you know that I won't go,' Kensi said. 'No matter what you say.' She picked up an empty coffee mug from the coffee table and placed it in the sink.

'You can't spend every Christmas alone, Kensi,' Deeks sighed.

'Well, right now I'm not alone,' Kensi replied. 'You're here. So you can be happy.: I won't spend Christmas alone.'

'Should I get ice cream and beer?' he asked. 'I know that that's your Christmas tradition…we can just sit here and drink.' Kensi looked passed him and Deeks turned around. She was looking at a picture on the wall, a picture of her and Damian. Deeks could remember when he had took the picture. They had spend the whole day on the beach. It had been an amazing day.

'We can just stay here,' he said. 'Just here with the two of us.' Kensi sighed and she turned away from the picture.

'Four Christmases without him,' she said. 'It isn't fair.' And before Deeks knew it she was crying. He could feel tears forming in his own eyes and he pulled her in a hug. After four years it looked like she was giving up hope to find her son. How much chance was there to find him after four long years?

* * *

><p>Deeks didn't know how he did it or what he had said but Kensi changed her mind and they were currently sitting on a long table at Ops, eating the delicious Christmas dinner that Hetty had made them, talking and laughing. Deeks was pleased to see a faint smile on Kensi's face. It had been such a long time since Kensi had smiled. Since Damian had gone missing she had become even more serious. She just came to Ops to work and nothing more. When the day was over she left as soon as possible. It was worse than the time they had that fight. This time there was nothing he could do about it.<p>

'Deeks!' Callen shouted and Deeks looked up confused. 'Could you give the damn potatoes to Eric?' Deeks just then noticed that Eric was trying to get his attention. He quickly gave the bowl to Eric.

'Deeks, are you thinking about the girl you love?' Sarina asked giggling. Aimee punched her younger sister on her arm.

'You don't ask a boy that,' she told her sister. 'You wouldn't like them to ask you that, right?' Sarina glared at her big sister.

'Hitting me isn't nice!' she said.

'Stop acting like a baby!' Aimee said. 'You're nine!'

'And you stop acting like my mother!' Sarina shouted. 'You're only eleven! That's three years older than me!'

'No, two years, you dumbass!' Aimee corrected.

'Alright!' Sam stopped them. 'No one is a dumbass and it's Christmas. Time of peace, remember?' Aimee crossed her arms angrily and Sarina stuck her tongue out to her sister before doing the same.

'That is it,' Nina said annoyed. 'No dessert for you two!' Aimee screamed and she left the table.

'I hate that my little girl is slowly turning into an emotional monster,' Sam sighed.

'It will pass some day,' Hetty told him. 'Every girl is going through such a phase, isn't that right Miss Blye?' Kensi looked up at hearing her name and she looked questioning at everyone.

'Excuse me,' she then said and she left the table.

* * *

><p>Outside Kensi took several deep breaths. Why had she let Deeks convince her to come? She knew that Sam would be there with his kids. She knew that that was going to remind her of Damian. And that was what she didn't want. She heard footsteps and when she turned around she was surprised to see Callen. She had expected Deeks to follow her. At least that was what he seemed to do the whole time.<p>

'It's hard to see Sam's happy family in there, isn't it?' Callen asked. 'It makes you realize you're missing something.'

'Yeah, it does,' Kensi answered. 'It's not only Sam's happy family. It's every family I see. I won't be able to have that and worst of all: Damian would never have that.'

'It's hard,' Callen nodded. 'But that longing feeling to want a family will ease someday. Only the feeling of missing him will never ease. We all miss the little guy. We're here to help with whatever you need.'

'There is only one thing you could do and that didn't work,' Kensi said.

'We're still looking for them,' Callen said. 'And we'll never stop doing that.'

'In case you didn't know: four years is too long,' Kensi said. 'Damian will be five soon and I missed all those years. That is even worse than missing his first six months. He might not even recognize me!' Kensi sighed when she felt once again tears welling up. She was tired of crying. Callen said nothing but just wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer. And that was just what she needed. No words but just an arm around her.

* * *

><p><em>Today it's the fourth Christmas without you. This year Deeks convinced me to come to the dinner at Ops. It was a disaster. I missed you so much today. More than ever. I never thought that that was possible.<em>

_How are you spending your Christmas, if you even spend it at all? I bought you a present. It will be in your room if you ever come back, just like the presents of the years before. _

_I never got to spend a Christmas with you. I regret that. Maybe I should have looked harder for you. I'm sorry, baby. Sorry I failed you._

_Lots of love and kisses,_

_Your mom_

Kensi closed the notebook and she laid it back on the dresser. Writing to Damian had been an idea from her therapist. Kensi thought it was silly but now it seemed to help her to stay in contact with her son.

Her eyes wandered to Damian's crib. This was the only room in the apartment that wasn't as clean as the rest. Everything that belonged to Damian was in this room. Kensi sat down on the chair. She saw Damian's stuffed rabbit laying on the ground and she picked it up, holding it close to her. The stuffed animal still smelt a little bit like her son.

'_Moom,' Damian said and he walked to Kensi, holding a rabbit in his little hand. Kensi lifted him onto her lap. _

'_Who is that?' she asked and she pointed at the rabbit._

'_Rab,' Damian answered._

'_That is right,' Kensi smiled. 'That is your rabbit.'_

It had been luck that the stuffed animal wasn't lost in the fire. She had forgotten to take it with her when Damian stayed with Deeks one night. Such a small action but now it meant so much to Kensi. She still had something that could remind her of Damian. All the things in the room came from Deeks' apartment. He had a lot of stuff and had no trouble giving it to Kensi when she found this apartment. He did seem a bit reluctant when he saw the room for the first time. She knew it was because he thought that it won't help her coop but that was exactly what the room did. It helped her coop with the lost of Damian. It made sure he was still here.

* * *

><p>'Hello, old boy,' Deeks said and he stroked Monty over its head. He gave the dog a dog biscuit and he lay down on the couch. He waited for Monty to come and lay next to him. The dog had gotten a bit slower over the last four years. He wouldn't be able to play with Damian anymore. Those fun days were over. Deeks suspected that part of Monty's getting slower was because Damian was missing. It couldn't be all old age. The dog missed his buddy. Deeks missed his little buddy as well. Well, the only one who didn't have to miss Damian was the asshole Mark.<p>

What was that man thinking? Taking away a little boy from his family? Mark never deserved to be Damian's father or Kensi husband and boyfriend. Deeks would love to find the guy. Not only because he wanted Damian back but also he would love to show Mark how he felt about his betrayal. Mark really messed Kensi up. The first time it was baf but the second time was the worst. She has been the same for four years now. Almost nothing of the old Kensi was inside the new Kensi. Only the love for her little boy.

**TBC  
>The start of the sequel. Like before: please review <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes.**

**It's a short chapter but I wanted a chapter to show how the rest of the team was dealing with it.**

_Chapter 2_

Callen was looking at his wall. It was filled with pictures and papers about Damian's case. And still they were getting nowhere. All that information was worth nothing but yet again it was all that they had. He took a sip from his bear and sighed.

The first half year had been hopeful. They were getting more and more information and sometimes they even got a location on Mark, given by one of Hetty's many contacts. But they hadn't caught him Still the team had had hope.

After one year there had been less hope but it was still there. The team looked over the case for the thousand time but they got nothing new. But still the team didn't give up.

After two years hope was fading and fading quickly. They all knew the chances. Callen saw it with his team members. Sam would call more often with his family, making sure that they were okay, Eric was spending his free time inside Ops behind a computer, Deeks was constantly watching Kensi and she lost everything. Her smiles disappeared and she had nothing to tell them. She would just sit behind her desk, doing her job and after a workday she would leave without saying goodbye or offering to buy them a beer. She turned into a vague colleague instead of his friend.

After three years it was like there was no more hope. They had realized [it all but still they would look. They would talk again with Mark's sister and his friends, look for his car and look at the things they got. And they had still nothing to go on. Eric had put a picture of Damian in an aging program and that had been the hardest moment for everyone. To look at the almost four-year-old Damian, knowing there was little chance little chance to meet him.

And now after four years it was like never before. The team had fallen apart. Callen and Sam would banter less and they talk about serious things and Kensi and Deeks weren't like they use to be. They all changed and would stay like this. It was like they had become colleagues instead of a family and friends.

Callen put his empty beer bottle on the ground and took another one. Once again he sighed while looking at his wall. Yes, Mark had messed up their family.

* * *

><p>'At what time will you be home?' Sam asked Aimee who was packing her stuff. 'And will you call when you're leaving Amber's home?'<p>

'Yes, dad,' Aimee answered, slightly irritated. 'I'll be home before dinner, like always. Will you please relax? Not every child goes missing!' Nina looked up. Aimee had put her hands in her side and looked provokingly at her father, who was looking worried. Nina walked over to Sam and put her hand on his arm, letting him know that it was enough.

'She'll be fine,' she assured him. 'She has got her phone and she promised to call when she leaves. You know it will be okay.' She watched Sam take a deep breath and it looked like he was staying here with her. But just when she wanted to let him go, he started to walk towards the door.

'I'm getting the car!' he said.

'Sam!' Nina yelled after him. 'She'll kill you when she finds out you followed her to Amber's house. You need to trust her.' Her words seemed to reach Sam and he stood still in front of their car. He stood there so defeated that Nina could feel his pain in her heart. She hated to see her husband like that. She was walking towards him when she saw that he was talking. Turning her head she saw Leo standing.

'I'm not going anywhere, buddy,' Sam told Leo. 'Why don't we play a game? You can pick the game.' Nina smiled. It weren't the easiest times but they were pulling through as a family. But yes, Mark Harris had messed up their family.

* * *

><p>Eric had never hated his job. Computers could always tell him what he needed to know. But by now he knew that computers didn't have all the answers. He was tired of seeing 'no match' appearing on the screen. Unfortunately that was all that he could in Damian's case, no matter what he tried. He had called Nell, hoping that she would be able to do more but she couldn't help him. They had tried everything that had thought of together but came up with nothing. Or at least nothing worth telling the team. Why would they need to know that Mark bought dog food in 1997 when he was watching his sister's dog? That wouldn't bring Damian back to them.<p>

Eric missed Nell more and more now that the team was all coping with the disappearance of Damian. He would call her several times just to be able to talk with someone. They had met a few times whenever they could find time with both their jobs. It had been nice to be able to talk with someone who understood. It had been nice to talk to Nell but it wasn't like before. It made him miss the old time. Mark had messed up their family

* * *

><p>Hetty walked through one of her houses, thinking about how little it meant to her. It was just her house like she had more of them. Home was at Ops with the team. But that had been destroyed. She would watch the team sometimes and she saw that it had all changed. They weren't like before. The disappearance of Damian had affected them all.<p>

All the contacts she had made over the years meant nothing. Most of them stopped looking, only few were still looking but they all had nothing. Hetty didn't understand how that was possible. All those people but still Mark could escape them.

Hetty saw how the team fell apart. And this time she couldn't help or stop it. Only getting Damian back was going to bring them back together. She had to watch each one of them to make sure they weren't losing it. She had sent Kensi to the therapist to be able to keep Kensi working. To the others she had suggested to see a therapist but as expected they didn't take her offer. They were dealing with it on their own. In times like this Hetty wished she hadn't sent Nate away. He would definitely be able to help the team coop.

All that Mark was good for was messing up her family and no one messes with Hetty's family.

**TBC**

**Please review**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes.**  
><strong>This chapter was a hell to write! I have rewritten it several times and I hope it's okay by now.<strong>

_Chapter 3_

All around them were people dressed in nice clothes and drinking expensive champagne. The team was on the protection detail of Lieutenant Elisabeth Frasco and her husband Bill. They had received a death threat for Elisabeth if she gave information about a project she was working on. This night, on this place they had set up a meet to arrest the suspect, Nick Gibson, an old friend of Elisabeth with whom she broke contact when he was constantly asking her about her work.

'Anything?' Deeks asked through his earpiece while he walked to the crowd, scanning the room. All responses were negative and Deeks sighed. When was this guy supposed to show up? He had said ten o'clock and it's already ten over ten.

'_Looks like he is coming in_,' Eric reported, who was watching the security feed from Ops. '_At the south entrance. He is looking at Frasco_.' Deeks' head immediately turned to the south entrance and he saw a tall brown haired man standing there. His mind went to the brown haired man who had messed up everything and he couldn't help to already dislike the man.

'_Sending Elisabeth to him_,' Sam reported and the suspect smiled as he saw Elisabeth walking towards him. He kissed her on the cheek as a greeting, [like they had never broke contact and still were friends.

'_How are the kids, Lizzy_?' Deeks could hear Nick asked friendly through Elisabeth's earpiece. '_The kids are fine_,' Elisabeth answered calmly and Deeks could hear Nick laughing.

'_Do we have people at the house_?' Callen asked. '_In case Nick has something else in store for the Frascos?_'

'_LAPD is at the house_,' Deeks answered.

'_I think you __have got__ something for me_,' Nick said casually and Elisabeth handed him the USB-stick Eric had given her. Nick said his goodbyes and he walked away.

'_Deeks, Kensi, go after him and arrest him quietly_,' Callen ordered. Deeks scanned the room for Kensi and found her already heading outside.

'_On our way_,' Deeks replied and he hurried outside.

* * *

><p>'Stay down!' Deeks could hear Kensi say angrily and he almost ran around the corner. Nick was laying on the ground with his hands on his head and Kensi was pointing her gun at him. Deeks grabbed his cuffs and he cuffed Nick. And all Nick did was laughing.<p>

'I knew she was talking with the cops,' he laughed. 'I could never trust her with anything…so why could I trust her with this? Is there a big virus on the USB? Or a way that you could trace me? What for special surprise is on it?'

'Nothing you would want,' Deeks said and he dragged Nick to the car. When Nick sat in the car he turned to Kensi. 'You're okay?'

'I'm fine,' she said curtly and she walked to the car. Deeks smiled a little as he saw her for the first time this evening. She was looking beautiful. A perfect dress -what else could you expect when Hetty was dressing her- and matching heels. He could look at her all night without getting bored a single time.

But a hand on his shoulder brought him back to reality.

'You both okay?' Sam asked, sounding a little bit worried. Both Deeks and Kensi nodded.

'Well the Frascos are okay,' Callen told them. 'Elisabeth and Bill are on their way home as we speak. LAPD is escorting them. We can go home.'

'Great,' Deeks mumbled and he got in the car.

'But first you need to bring Nick to LAPD,' Callen added and Deeks nodded. Kensi sat down on the passenger's side and they drove off.

* * *

><p>'Is this pretty lady your partner?' Nick asked teasingly. 'Or is she your girlfriend? Are you two sleeping together?'<p>

'Shut up,' Deeks ordered and he turned his head quickly to see Nick sitting on the backseat with a big smirk.

'Just making conversation,' he said.

'Well, don't,' Deeks replied and he turned his attention back on the road. Next to him Kensi was staring outside. Normally she would be home around this time. Sitting in Damian's room, thinking about him. In the last four years it had become a routine.

Both Deeks and Kensi were glad when they could Nick deliver at LAPD. Deeks got some remarks said to him. But he was used to that and he just ignored it.

'Ready to go home?' Deeks asked when they got in the car again.

'Yeah,' Kensi mumbled and she turned her head away from him. Deeks sighed. She was letting him know she didn't want to talk, like he got use to. And he was wish enough not to ask her anything more. So the car ride to her place went in silence.

She didn't invite him in or said goodbye. She just walked out of the car, straight to her door. Deeks had said a goodbye after her, but she didn't hear it or she pretended she didn't hear it. Deeks stared at her door for a while and then he drove away from her apartment. But he didn't get far. He just drove out of her street when Callen called him.

'Deeks, where are you?'

'I just dropped off Kensi and I'm heading home. Why?'

'The case isn't over. When Elisabeth and Bill arrived at their home, their son Ruben was gone. He's kidnapped and the kidnapper want[s] the information and Nick.'

'Shall I get Kensi? Or should I leave her out of this?'

'Hetty said we all needed to come in…'

* * *

><p><em>The team had a case of a kidnapped nine-year-old girl Michella, their first missing child case since Damian's disappearance. Callen, Deeks and Sam hurried towards the house where Eric had located Kensi's phone, when she had hadn't come in after following a lead. Sam kicked in the door and they moved one by one inside. Callen signed Deeks that he and Sam were going upstairs and that Deeks should check out downstairs. <em>

_The door to the basement was left open and Deeks went inside with his gun drawn. The first thing he saw was Michella with a shocked expression on her face._

'_Michella,' Deeks said and he tried to get her attention but her eyes were glued to something in front of her. Deeks moved closer and he almost dropped his gun when he saw that Michella was looking at._

'_Kensi!' he shouted and he kneeled next to her. He stroked her hair as she was breathing heavily. She was surrounded by blood. She was trying to stop the bleeding from her stomach but she hadn't had the strength. Deeks quickly applied pressure to the wound._

'_He…he…just shot…' Michella stumbled. 'He just shot her!' Callen and Sam came downstairs and Sam immediately took Michella with him back upstairs._

'_Eric, I need an ambulance!' Callen yelled over the earpieces._

'_Come on, Kens,' Deeks whispered softly. 'We need you to stay awake.' Kensi was fighting to keep her eyes open and it seemed like she was losing. _

'_Damn it,' Deeks cursed and he turned to Callen. 'How long for the damn ambulance to arrive? __She is dying here!'_

* * *

><p>Deeks shook his head, trying to get rid of the memory. Kensi had been in the hospital for five days and all because she was so stupid to don't call for backup. And she was damn lucky. The kidnapper had only shot her in the stomach and had taken off. Callen and Sam were able to arrest the guy a few hours later before he got to any other girl.<p>

Every since that case, Hetty hadn't allowed Kensi to go into the field when they had a case concerning a missing child. And now there was another child missing. Deeks turned his car and drove back to Kensi's place. He knocked on the door and to his relieve Kensi opened the door immediately.

'What do you want, Deeks?' she asked bluntly.

'Ruben Frasco is missing and we're called in to find him,' he answered directly. Kensi stared at him for a moment, not knowing what to say and then she went inside to grab her stuff. They quickly drove to Ops, where Callen, Eric and Sam were waiting for them.

* * *

><p>'Ruben Frasco, fourteen years old,' Eric told him and the picture of the boy appeared on the screen. They had seen it before but this time they needed to find him, not keeping his mother safe.<p>

'So what exactly happened?' Deeks asked.

'LAPD arrived at the house and found the two officers assigned to the house dead and Ruben missing,' Eric told him. 'His younger sister Amanda wasn't taken because she had a sleepover at her friend's house. A note was laying on Ruben's bed with the demand. No fingerprints on the note or in the house that could belong to the kidnapper.'

'So are we giving the information and Nick?' Deeks asked.

'We can't give the real information but we can give them some other information and Nick,' Callen said. 'And hopefully we can do this all without Nick knowing. He might warn his buddies.'

'Mister Callen and Hanna, you should get mister Gibson and make sure he is ready,' Hetty told them. 'And miss Blye, you're staying out of the field.'

'I'll be fine,' Kensi argued.

'No, you will not,' Hetty said seriously.

* * *

><p>'Kensi, you knew she wasn't going to let you in the field,' Deeks said when he followed an irritated Kensi downstairs.<p>

'It has been three years,' Kensi said. '_A__nd _it all happened shortly after Damian's case. I'm fine now. I can work on a missing child's case again.' Deeks looked at her questioning. Kensi sighed as she sat down behind her desk. 'I just feel useless when I'm stuck here. I can do more than that to find Ruben.'

'We just don't want you to get hurt again,' Deeks told her. 'If we had come a minute later to that house, you would have died there. You tend to…to go over the top when it comes to missing children. We're just looking out for you.' He braced himself, waiting for Kensi to start yelling.

'Shouldn't you do something useful outside of Ops?' was all that she asked. Deeks shook his head and he sat down behind his own desk.

'We're waiting for a call from the kidnapper,' he explained. 'To tell us where we're going to meet.' Kensi nodded understanding[ly] and she looked through the files that they had collected during the case.

* * *

><p>Callen, Deeks and Sam were looking at Ruben who was hugging his parents and younger sister. The meeting had gone well. The kidnapper had given himself up fairly easy when Callen, Deeks and Sam arrived with their guns drawn. He had known better than to run from three men with guns.<p>

'A great turnout for this case,' Sam said satisfied. 'Ruben is back with his parents and the information on Elisabeth's project is safe.'

'Hopefully they can forget all of this very soon,' Deeks said and he looked around, hoping to spot Kensi.

'She already left,' Callen told him, knowing immediately for whom he was looking. 'Our workday is over.'

'I'm going to check if she's okay,' Deeks said.

'Is she ever okay?' Sam asked. Deeks ignored that comment and he walked to his car.

_Today we got another missing boy. His name was Ruben and he was fourteen. It made me think of you, my beautiful little boy. Will we be still looking for you when you turn fourteen? Or will I be able to sing happy birthday to you? You would say you want me to stop singing, that you're too old for that but inside you will love it. I didn't spend any birthday with you. I was planning a big party for your first birthday but Mark interfered. He took away our chance to spend a birthday together._

_I wish to spend one birthday with my little boy. Even if it's just one. I just want to see you, hold you and wish you a happy birthday. That can't be too much to ask…_

_Lots of love and kisses,_

_Your mom_

Kensi laid the notebook on the table when she heard a knock on the door. She got up from the couch and she opened the door. Deeks was standing in front of her with a worried face. She could have expected him to come.

'Got any beer left for me?' he asked and he nodded towards the two empty bottles on the table next to the notebook. Kensi pointed at the fridge.

'Help yourself,' she said.

'You want another one?' Deeks asked when he grabbed a beer.

'No, I'll go with something stronger,' Kensi answered and she held up a half filled bottle of tequila. That comment made Deeks turn around quickly.

'Kensi, I know that cases like this are hard…'

'Don't even start,' she interrupted. 'I just want a drink. And don't try to stop me, because it'll turn out terrible.' Deeks held his hands up and he sat down on the couch, in silence, only drinking their alcohol every now and then. Just sitting on the couch like they had done before but then so much different.

**TBC**

**People: I PASSED my exams! I'm going to the university! And I'm also almost accepted to the study I want to do. I only have to sit in a class for a day to see how teachers teach the class. That will be on my old school and it was weird to be there again after 6 years. They even still recognized me.  
>But this all means <strong>that I'm totally free to write chapters for this story!<strong> **

**GuitarGal20 (would have send you a personal message but I couldn't so): thank you for your review. I'm really glad to hear that you like the story. But a lot of credit on the 'minimal grammatical errors' goes to my sister who check the story time after time.**

**Please review and please tell me if there are still mistakes because then I can and will correct correct them.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes.**

_Chapter 4_

Kensi woke up with a killer headache. She remembered drinking the tequila and she saw the empty bottle standing on the table in front of her. She threw the blanket, of which she knew Deeks had laid over her, and she got off the couch. Her mind wandered to Daniel and his family. Kensi had left Ops earlier to avoid seeing Daniel reunited with his dad. How was it possible that they could reunite every family except hers? Why was is it so hard to find Damian and so simple to find any other child?

Kensi took an aspirin and stepped into the shower. She had to go to work whether she wanted to go or not. She couldn't remember when Deeks had left but she could remember drinking with him. Fortunately and deferent from other times, he hadn't said anything. Maybe because he knew it was useless. But Kensi was glad about that. She didn't need to talk. Her therapist might think something else but Kensi didn't want to talk. She just wanted her son with her.

* * *

><p>Deeks woke up with a killer headache and licking on his hand. Monty was already standing next to its owner's bed. Deeks sighed. Now he had to get up and get outside. And outside it was bright. Why couldn't Monty walk himself?<p>

'Come on, old boy,' Deeks said and he got out of his bed. 'Let's get you outside before you pee all over my room.' He quickly put on some clothes, not caring if they were clean or not, and he grabbed his sunglasses. Monty was following him with its tail waggling.

Outside it wasn't as bright as Deeks had suspected and he walked into the park. They were walking slowly to the park when a small boy ran over to Monty.

'Look, mommy!' he exclaimed enthusiastically and a woman walked over with a smile on her face.

'Shouldn't you ask the man first?' she asked the boy, who immediately looked up begging bright green eyes.

'Can I play with him, sir?' he asked.

'Sure,' Deeks answered and the boy stroke Monty over its head.

'I'm sorry,' the mother apologized. 'Timmy loves dogs. We can't walk pass one without him stroking the dog. If dogs were allowed in our building, I'm sure he would he would've had his own dog. Deeks smiled and he looked at Timmy and Monty. Monty was even wagging his tail, something Deeks hadn't seen in a long time.

'It's okay,' he said. 'Monty is used to kids.'

'You got your own?' the mother asked and when Deeks looked sadly to the ground she looked very sorry. 'Oh, I'm sorry. That's none of my business.'

'It's fine,' Deeks assured her. 'I don't have kids. I used to have a…kid next door. He moved.' The mother nodded and she extended her hand.

'I'm Kim,' she introducted.

'Marty,' Deeks replied and he shook her hand. He looked at his watch and cursed under his breath. 'I'm very sorry, Kim but I need to go. Before I arrive too late at my job.' Deeks whistled and Monty came jogging towards him. Timmy grabbed his mommy hands and both of them waved.

* * *

><p>'Mister Deeks, late again,' Hetty announced when Deeks sneaked into Ops, hoping not to get caught. He winced and he turned towards Hetty.<p>

'Yes, I'm sorry,' he said. 'Won't happen again…oh, why do I even try? I'm talking to you…'

'Yes, you are, mister Deeks,' Hetty said, stopping Deeks from speaking. 'Go sit behind your desk. There is plenty of paperwork to do. And I expect them to be perfect.'

'Of course,' Deeks said and he hurried to his desk. Callen and Sam were already sitting behind their desks working on their paperwork.

'Where is Kensi?' Deeks asked curiously, seeing his partner's desk empty.

'She called and said she would be half an hour late,' Callen answered.

'Why?' Deeks asked worried. 'Something wrong with her?'

'I didn't ask,' Callen answered and he went back to his work.

'Why didn't you?' Deeks asked. 'What if something is wrong?'

'Then she wouldn't have called to tell us she was half an hour late,' Sam answered. 'Deeks, just relax. Nothing is wrong. Maybe she had to go to the dentist. But you shouldn't ask her when she gets back. You know how she…'

'…hates it when we're overprotective,' Deeks finished for Sam, earning a glare from him. But Deeks couldn't care. He was worried about Kensi.

* * *

><p>Kensi walked to the door of the old house and she knocked. A faint yell told her to come in and she walked inside. Ronald Evors had become a good friend of hers and he greeted her with a hug.<p>

'Anything new?' she asked and the smile that was plastered on Ronald's face disappeared.

'Nothing,' he said. 'I talked with the guy I told you about last week, who worked with Mark for some months but he couldn't tell me anything. He didn't even know that Mark had a kid, let alone kidnapped it.' Kensi sat down in the chair in front of the desk. A chair where she sat on a lot of times searching through files. Ronald Evors was a private investigator whom Kensi had hired when the team had come up with nothing. At first Ronald could tell her new things that the team didn't tell her but after a while he got nothing. He promised to keep looking and now after two years he was looking into the case from time to time whenever Kensi asked him. Kensi knew he was feeling sorry for her.

'Like always,' Kensi sighed and Ronald gave her a cup of coffee.

'I'm sorry, Kensi,' he said while he sat down behind his desk. 'I'm really trying to find anything but like your team, I'm getting nothing.'

'At least you're trying,' Kensi mumbled.

'I'm sure your team is still looking,' Ronald said and he took a sip of his own coffee. 'They just don't tell you when they're looking because they don't want to disappoint you. And to be honest, neither do I but unfortunately I have to disappoint you.'

'At least I know you're trying,' Kensi said and she stood up. 'Thanks for the coffee but I need to get to work.'

'Next time I hope I got something for you,' Ronald said and he gave her a hug.

'See you next time,' Kensi smiled and she left the room with an empty feeling inside of her. No one was able to find Mark. How was she going to find her little boy?

* * *

><p>When Kensi walked into the bullpen Deeks almost jumped out of his seat but he managed to stay in his chair, acting like he wasn't curious about where Kensi had been. She would tell them if it was something serious, right? Deeks found himself nodding at his own question and Sam was looking weirdly at him.<p>

'Good to see the team complete,' Hetty said when she came into the bullpen. 'Then this is the right time to tell you that I want that paperwork finished today. And please fill it in correctly.' The team looked at the papers in front of them and they sighed. This was going to take all day to fill in all of them.

While doing his paperwork Deeks looked at Kensi every now and then and he saw her staring at her paperwork instead of filling them in. He had watched her before when they filled in paperwork and she would always concentrate only on the paperwork, just to escape from everything that happened.

But this time she was staring at the papers. Something must have happened in that hour and an half this morning. Something not good.

'Don't,' Sam hissed when Deeks was about to walk over to Kensi's desk. Deeks looked at Sam and sat down again. He tried to get back to work but he couldn't so after fifteen minutes or so he stood up again.

'I'm getting lunch,' he announced, even if it was too early to get lunch. But he needed to get out of Ops. 'What do you guys want?'

'Just get us something,' Callen said. Deeks nodded and he left the building.

* * *

><p>The entire workday was spent in silence. All they did was filling in paperwork and Sam called his kids once to see if they were okay. Nothing else happed. No case or anything. Just one day of peace in Los Angeles.<p>

Callen was the first to handed Hetty his paperwork of that day. But he just sat down behind his desk again. He didn't go home. At home there was not much. He took the file as he had done many times, Damian's file. He actually didn't need to read the file as he knew it by heart. Each time he hoped something was added to the file, like with his own file. But each time there was nothing.

Deeks was sitting behind his desk, filling in his paperwork very slowly. He hated days like this the most. When the team had no case and had to stay in Ops the entire day. All day in silence as they didn't speak with each other. When he saw Kensi grabbing her stuff he knew that their workday was over. Like always Kensi left without saying a word to them. Deeks quickly finished his paperwork and he also left.

* * *

><p>Warmth and arms around her, that was the way Kensi woke up. At first it surprised her and then it frightened her. It was like Mark was back. She quickly got out of her bed and she grabbed some clothes to put on. But when she heard a moan she turned around and just stared in shock at the bed. The blue eyes that met her were also staring in shock.<p>

'What the hell,' Deeks mumbled and his hands went to his head. Kensi looked at him a bit longer and then she hurried out of the room. She didn't want this to be real. This couldn't be real! What was he doing in her apartment? What was he doing in her bed, with her? Why were they naked?

'Kensi?' Deeks asked carefully after and he laid his hand on her arm but she shook it away. He couldn't touch her right now. He couldn't be here. But he was touching her and he was here, in her apartment.

'What the hell happened?' Kensi asked softly and she looked at him. He was wearing clothes now and he looked as confused as she felt. 'I left work and you stayed behind…we didn't eave together…' Deeks ran his hand through his hair.

'I remember going for a drink,' he answered. 'But I don't remember you being there with me…where [were] you there?' Kensi shook her head. She could only remember leaving Ops and going home. But nothing that could explain their current situation.

'We need to get ready for work,' she said, not wanting to talk or think about last night and she went to make coffee in the kitchen.

'Do you have an aspirin?' Deeks asked, understanding what she wanted. 'I got a hell of a headache, again.'

'In the bathroom,' Kensi answered. 'And could you get me some too?'

* * *

><p>The weirdness between Deeks and Kensi was immediately noticed by Callen and Sam. Deeks and Kensi were acting uncomfortably around each other, like they had never done before. And they quickly looked away when they happened to look in each other's eyes. Even Eric had noticed it and they were watching them from the balcony, like they had done before.<p>

'What happened between them?' Sam asked confused. 'They have never acted like this before around each other.'

'So that means they didn't have a fight,' Eric noted. Callen said nothing, he just watched Deeks and Kensi. He was asking himself if they needed to kill Deeks for doing something to Kensi. This wasn't good at all. Would they be able to work with each other acting like this? Moments like this made him miss Nate. It would have been easy to send Nate to them. Nate would have known what to say and what to ask.

'Something definitely happened,' Eric stated useless.

* * *

><p>'We need to talk about it,' Deeks said when he had followed Kensi to the gym Kensi shook her head and she quickly went to the lady's room. Deeks sighed. Maybe she wanted to ignore this, but he couldn't. He needed to talk about it. He needed to tell her… what? He didn't even know <em>what<em> to tell her. Nothing like this had happened to him before. And when it happened, it had to be with Kensi. Like their relationship wasn't messed up already.

He had never stopped loving her.

**TBC.**

**I noticed something: more and more authors start to hold their story 'hostage' unless they get a certain amount of review (or I'm reading more and more stories of authors who do that). I understand that you want review but can someone please explain why 5 reviews are better than 1. Okay, it means that more people like your story and want to tell you that. But you write the story for other people to read, right? Not to get as many reviews at possible? And when you demand a certain amount of reviews people will review think they don't mean. **

**I have rather one reviewer who really loves my story than 100 reviews that mean nothing.  
>Sorry for my rant, it's starting to annoy me very much! <strong>

**And I want to thank you all how reviewed: they make me happy and mean very much to me because I'm not really sure about the story. Also big thanks to my sister for checking both stories (which has become many chapters to check) and for helping me whenever I'm stuck with the story or need something for the story like a name. So thank you Muzy95**

**To Pekenota14 (I would reply to your review but I couldn't): I'm really glad you like the letters Kensi is writing to Damian...they are sometimes hard to write. And I'm glad that I'm not going to fast (I check a lot with my sister to make that sure but I'm not always sure) and that I make clear what's happening because it gets confusing for me sometimes. Well the not leaving loose ends: Damian is still missing... But thank you for your review!**

**This has become a long author's note and I'm sorry for that. Next chapter will be posted soon (the next two are already written and checked).**


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes.**

_Chapter 5_

Kensi felt uncomfortable walking through her own apartment. It wasn't the way she wanted to feel. She needed to be comfortable in her own home. When she walked into Damian's room she came to ease. Her hand touched all furniture as she walked towards the chair. She stroked the picture of Damian and she sat down on the chair, holding the stuffed rabbit in her arms.

'We messed up,' she mumbled and she stared to the card on the floor. It had fallen of sometime ago and she had never picked it up. Everything had its place in this room, including the card on the floor. The presents she had bought for him over the years were lined up on the dresser, leaving less and less room for other stuff. But the room was as she needed it to be. Maybe if the room didn't change, there was still a chance that Damian came back. He needed to come back some day to see his room, to open his presents and read his cards. If he was able to read when he came back. Otherwise she would read them to him.

In her own apartment all she could think about was seeing Deeks in her bed and later in her living room, looking at each other. Both had no idea what to say to each other. Kensi didn't want to think or talk about it. Maybe if she didn't, it could be like it never happened. Like it all had been a weird dream.

* * *

><p>'Hey, bud,' Deeks said when he got home and he scratched Monty behind its ears. 'We did something stupid…we messed up.' Monty looked at him with its old loyal dog eyes and it made Deeks smile. The entire day had been weird. Deeks and Kensi hadn't talked and Callen, Eric and Sam were watching them all day. Deeks hated that Kensi wanted to pretend like nothing had happened because something had happened, even if they couldn't remember it. They needed to talk about it before they could act like nothing had happened.<p>

But the truth was that Deeks didn't want to act like nothing had happened. This may not be a perfect situation but this situation could not have happened if there wasn't a thing, like Ray called it…Ray…did this qualify as needing to call him? It wasn't like their 'thing' worked out…this might have messed it up a lot more. But it was definitely something. He loved Kensi and he knew this wouldn't have happened if Kensi hadn't felt something that could be the same.

* * *

><p>'What do you think happened?' Sam asked Callen when he and Callen were sitting on the couch in Sam's home, drinking a beer.<p>

'I have no idea,' Callen said and he big sip of his beer. 'I think we need to plan killing Deeks.' Sam smiled and shook his head. Nina came walking into the living room putting some snacks on the table.

'I think they slept together,' she told them on her way out. Sam, who had just taken a sip, started to cough. He wiped his mouth and he looked at Callen, who was staring at the wall opposite of them.

'You don't think…' Sam stumbled and Callen slowly turned his head.

'It would explain a lot,' he said. 'The acting weird, the not talking with each other. It's like their ashamed of it.'

'It would explain a lot,' Sam agreed.

'We should talk with them first,' Callen said. ''Cause if they are in a relationship I don't want to stand in the way of that. We do need to talk with Deeks. Give him the speech.' Sam smiled.

'But we're going to kill him if this means nothing, right?' he asked and Callen nodded slowly before taking another sip of his beer.

* * *

><p>Deeks got up from the couch where he had been laying on for several hours, staring to his ceiling – which he needed to paint again, he noticed – and walked to the kitchen. He should get something to eat, or at least get Monty to eat something. He was pouring food into Monty's bowl when the dog began to bark.<p>

'What is it, boy?' Deeks asked and he put the dog food on the counter. Monty barked again and Deeks could hear a knock on the door. Deeks opened the door and Kensi was standing in front of him. Normally it was the other way around. Deeks would show up at her place. Kensi hasn't been to his place in four years, except when she got Damian's stuff.

'Hey,' he greeted confusedly and he held the door further open for Kensi to walk inside. Monty got off the couch quickly and walked to Kensi. She smiled and she stroked the dog's head. Deeks walked back to the kitchen and continued filling Monty's bowl.

'Maybe you're right,' Kensi said when she stood next to him, watching the dog food hitting the bowl. 'Maybe we need to talk.'

'You don't want to talk,' Deeks said. 'And if you don't want to, we don't need to.' He said it,but he didn't think it. He was happy that she had come over to his place, wanting to talk. But he wasn't going to force her to talk.

'You should know that Callen and Sam won't be happy hearing about this,' Kensi started and Deeks nodded. He already knew that and he had thought about it.

'Then we won't tell them,' Deeks said. Kensi nodded and there even appearing a smile on her face. It made Deeks smile also.

'You want something to eat?' he asked.

* * *

><p>Callen, Eric and Sam were once again standing on the balcony watching Deeks and Kensi. How those two acted confused all of them.<p>

'They are talking and laughing,' Eric said amazedly.

'What is happening with those two?' Sam asked. 'One day they are acting weird and the other day they're acting even weirder.' Callen turned his head to Hetty's office, where Hetty was also watching Deeks and Kensi and he smiled. This might actually be a good thing. Maybe it was getting back to what it used to be. It was looking good to see Deeks and Kensi smile.

'Maybe Nina was right,' Sam mumbled.

'These are two days like I have never seen before,' Eric stated and then he turned to Sam. 'Nina was right about what?' Callen and Sam smiled at each other.

'Come on, tell me,' Eric said impatiently, looking from Sam to Callen and back. 'Wait, they slept together?'

'That was what Nina said,' Sam answered.

'You two are going to kill Deeks, aren't you?' Eric asked and Callen shook his head.

'Not when Kensi is looking like that,' he said and he pointed at Kensi who was laughing. She even looked a little bit happy. Something none of them had seen in a long time.

* * *

><p>Deeks and Kensi wouldn't talk about what happened. They agreed on that. But they would try to talk about other stuff. Currently they were sitting in Kensi's apartment on her couch, drinking soda.<p>

'You know: Damian and Monty love a good 'Let's make it hard for Deeks'-day,' Deeks said, smiling by the thought. 'It was not long after you came living with me and you were still sleeping. It started with dressing Damian. He was struggling the whole time…' Kensi started to laugh.

'He sure did hate getting dressed,' she smiled. Deeks looked at her.

'Anyways: after I finally got him dressed Monty started to circle around me, begging for food,' Deeks continued. 'When Monty got his food I made the big mistake of giving Damian his food.' A big smile appeared on Kensi's face. She knew what was coming. 'Which ended up on my face.'

'I don't know what was wrong with that boy but he never could eat his food,' Kensi smiled. 'He always had to throw with it…I wish I could have seen that.'

'Well, you got your own day,' Deeks replied. 'You know that day in the supermarket?'

'That was such a horrible day,' Kensi answered. 'And you weren't working with me. You kept on making jokes. Maybe Damian learned the food throwing from you.' Deeks held up his hand.

'No way,' he said. 'Then I would have taught him not to do it when I'm feeding him. I think I ate more baby food than that little boy. He was really throwing a lot of food at me!' They both started to laugh.

'This is good,' Kensi said after they calmed down a bit. 'I like talking about Damian. About the memories we have of him.'

'We will be able to make more memories of him one day,' Deeks said and he put his arm around her shoulder. Kensi tensed up a bit but then she relaxed and put her head on his shoulder.

* * *

><p>Deeks opened his eyes when he heard sounds coming from Damian's room. He got up and he walked to the door. Kensi was sitting in the chair, hugging Damian's stuffed rabbit.<p>

'_I have got a thousand kisses in my head_,' she was singing softly. '_And if you want them – come quickly. They are all for you – a promise is a promise. Because I love you so much. A kiss on your cheek, a kiss on your hair, a kiss to say: we belong_.' Deeks felt tears forming in his eyes. It had been four years since he had heard that song. And this time it sounded more loving than ever before. It made him feel like it was going to be okay. She had sung it when she held Damian for the first time after her coma, when she wasn't sure that she would remember. That song had been the sign for Deeks that it would be okay. So hearing it again, it made him feel like it was going to be okay.

'How long have you been standing here?' Kensi asked, pulling Deeks back into the room with his thoughts. 'Are you crying?' Deeks touched his cheeks, which were wet.

'I guess,' he answered and he walked into the room until he was standing in front of the crib. He touched edge of it and traced it to the end. The crib was exactly as he remembered. It was weird to see it here in this room, empty. He could imagine Damian laying in it.

'It's weird, isn't it?' Kensi asked if she was reading his mind and she got up from the chair, standing next to him. She also touched the crib. 'It makes me feel like he's still here. Like we're waiting for him to get ready for bed.'

_It has been a weird couple of days. But also a good couple of days. Deeks and I had a good talk about you. About our memories of you. When he's telling his memories it's like you're closer to me. Closer than ever before._

_I need another 'Let's make it hard for Deeks'-day. Because that would mean that you're here with us. He told me about the last 'Let's make it hard for Deeks'-day that you had together with Monty. That memory made me miss you even more._

_You loved playing with Monty. You were each other's best friends. I didn't always like the moments you __picked__ to play with each other but it was great to see you together. Just like when you were playing with Deeks. You really liked him and he was really the greatest godfather in the world. He __hasn't given up __up hope on finding you. _

'_We will be able to make more memories of him one day.' That was what he told me and when he said it, I believed him. Someday we'll make memories again. Until then, my sweet boy._

_Lots of love and kisses,_

_Your mom_

Deeks woke up on Kensi's couch. Rubbing his eyes, he got up from the couch. It was dead silent. No one was outside and apparently Kensi was sleeping. Deeks walked to the kitchen and went looking for the coffee that was somewhere in the kitchen. Smiling because of finding the coffee, he started to make some. They were going to need it when they wanted to be awake for work. They had talked a long time and Deeks was surprised that he didn't even feel that tired. He took a sip of his freshly made coffee.

Deeks walked to Kensi's bedroom to see if she was already awake. They had still had a lot of time before they needed to go. But her bed was empty and it was still made up so Kensi hadn't slept in it. Deeks turned around and walked towards Damian's room. When he opened the door carefully, he could see Kensi sleeping in the chair. A blanket was laying next to the chair, indicating that Kensi had slept here before. Deeks put the blanket over Kensi very carefully, trying really hard not to wake her. But he failed and Kensi opened her eyes.

'What are you doing?' she asked sleepily.

'I was putting a blanket on you,' he answered. 'You might have been cold…I made coffee.' He held up his cup.

'Great,' Kensi replied and she got out of the chair. 'Then I will make breakfast.' Deeks smiled and they walked to the kitchen together.

**TBC.  
><strong>

**Chapter 5: good number to take time and thank me everyone**

**Thank you people who reviewed:  
>Pekenota14, Ealasaid Una, GuitarGal20, Benjaminek, reyes27kd, amblue36, glamorousangle and quiltingbren <strong>

**Thank you people who favorite this ****story:  
>beetleofthebard, BetweenMindAndHeart, GuitarGal20, Lisa1989 and terken<strong>

**And thank you people who put an alert on this story:  
>agent1332, aliiahncisxx, AngelVanguard, BetweenMindandHeart, casper84, ComeSomedaySoon, glamorousangel, GuitarGal20, montydam, muzy95(and a special thank you for everthing else), Nina.444, takestime, tiva13579<strong>

**They make me all happy =D (and yeah, I was bored so I looked everything up =P)**

**Please review**


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you all for the reviews, alerts and favorites!**  
><strong>In this chapter some time has passed.<strong>

_Chapter 6_

It was another day of working at Ops. Callen and Sam were in the gym working out and Deeks and Kensi were sitting at his desk, eating their lunch. After the night they talked about Damian they had become closer again. They had spent more nights talking. Deeks was glad it was getting better.

'Why are we eating lunch at my desk?' Deeks asked and he took a bit from his sandwich. Kensi raised her eyebrow and she smiled.

'You're the only one with the messy desk,' she answered and she pointed at some paper props. Deeks quickly threw them in the trash bin. When he looked at his desk he saw that Kensi was right. Kensi's desk had been a mess, but now, like her apartment, it was ultra clean. Everything stood at a standard place.

'Do you get us lunch?' Sam asked when he and Callen walked into the bullpen. Deeks pointed at the food that was standing on their desks.

'Great,' Callen said and he hungrily took a bit from his lunch. Both of them sat down. Not long after Eric also came downstairs to get some lunch.

'So what happened between you two?' Eric asked, pointing at Deeks and Kensi, who looked at each other.

'Nothing,' they lied at the exact same time.

'We just talked,' Deeks added.

'What did you talk about?' Eric asked curiously.

'We talked about Damian,' Deeks answered, looking at Kensi, who smiled. 'About all the fun memories we had about him.'

'Like those time Damian kept drooling all over Callen?' Eric asked. 'Because that was a lot of fun to watch.' Kensi looked confused at them.

'Every time I picked up Damian, he started to drool,' Callen explained. 'And when I say drooling I mean really drooling. And he would only stop if I handed him over to someone else. Luckily for me and my t-shirts Damian stopped doing that when he got older At four months it all stopped.'

'I guess he liked you,' Kensi smiled.

'I heard before that girls were drooling over me,' Callen joked. 'But Damain was another story and I was glad it was over.'

* * *

><p>Deeks watched Kensi leave once again without saying goodbye once their workday was over. She looked even hurried. Deeks looked at all the stuff at his desk and he decided to go to Kensi's place. Last couple of days he thought about their drunken night. He needed to talk about it with Kensi. He was having all kinds of feelings. Maybe this was a hint of destiny. Maybe it was time that he told Kensi that he loved her, for all those years.<p>

All lights at Kensi's house were off and Deeks found it strange. Kensi didn't go to sleep this early. He took a deep breath and he knocked on the door. After not hearing anything he knocked again. When he still heard nothing he pulled out his phone to send Kensi a text message.

_**You're home? I need to tell you something**_. Deeks pressed send and he waited.

_**Will be home in ten minutes**_ was the reply he got from her. He smiled and he sat down on the steps. And indeed after about ten minutes he saw Kensi's car arrive at her apartment. He stood up and Kensi walked over to him holding a bag with groceries.

'Hey,' she said. 'What did you want to talk about?'

'Can we get inside first?' he asked. Kensi shrugged and she opened the door. They walked inside and Kensi continued to the kitchen to put the groceries away.

'So what did you need to tell me?' she asked him and she held up a beer and Deeks grabbed the bottle. He took big gulp of it, trying to calm his nerves. Kensi had finished putting away the groceries and she gestured to sit down on the couch.

'Deeks, you wanted to talk and you hardly say a word,' Kensi said and she was getting a little bit annoyed. Deeks took a deep breath.

'I know we agreed not to talk about our 'thing' but I can stop thinking about it,' he started. He noticed that Kensi tensed up. 'Well…what I want to say is that…that…I think…I know that I love you…' Kensi stared in utter shock at him, having no idea what to say to him.

'I'm tired,' she mumbled eventually. 'You should go.' Deeks nodded and he got up.

* * *

><p>'What the hell happened with you?' Sam asked surprised when Deeks walked into the bullpen. 'You look like you haven't slept in weeks.'<p>

'Didn't have a good night,' Deeks grumbled and he threw his bad next to his desk before sitting down. He grabbed the first paper that was laying in front of him. It was a lunch menu. Deeks sighed. The talk from last night went not like he had suspected. He expected her either to tell him that she felt the same way or to tell him that she wasn't feeling quite like he did. But not that she would react like she did. Deeks hadn't gone home immediately. He had driven around LA, thinking about the stupid mistake he had made of telling her. He should have kept his mouth. Why could he never keep his mouth?

'Kensi didn't come in yet?' he asked when he noticed Kensi's empty desk.

'We heard nothing from her,' Callen answered.

'I know I'm late,' Deeks said as he walked into Hetty's office. 'But I had…dog trouble and I'm really sorry. I'll stay another half an hour after to make up for the lost time.'

'Well good morning to you too, mister Deeks,' Hetty greeted. 'Great to hear that you want to spend extra hours here.' Deeks sighed. This fitted perfectly in his day. He really should keep his mouth.

'Anything else, mister Deeks?' Hetty asked when he kept standing in front of her.

'Where is Kensi?' Deeks asked, trying to sound not desperate for knowing.

'Miss Blue had taken some days off?' Hetty answered. 'She wanted to visit her aunt for a couple of days.'

'Something wrong with Gabby?' Deeks asked worried. He had become fond of Kensi's aunt over the first two years after Damian's disappearance. They had talked quite a lot when Gabby had called him to check up on Kensi, knowing that Deeks would tell her how everything was going with Kensi. They had also talked about Gabby's guilt for not recognizing Ian as Mark when he and Kensi had come to visit her. She had told him that her memory wasn't like it used to be. Some days she even didn't recognize her own neighbors. Deeks reckoned that that was why she didn't call him anymore. She simply forgot to call him.

'As far as I know, miss Blye's aunt is just fine,' Hetty answered. 'Miss Blye needed some time off. You can always call her if you don't trust me.'

'I trust you,' Deeks quickly replied. 'But maybe I'll call her…'

'Take my advice, mister Deeks and don't call her,' Hetty said. 'She made clear that she didn't want to be contacted. She wants some alone time with her aunt. I assure you that everything is fine with miss Blye.' Deeks slowly nodded and he left her office.

* * *

><p>'I'm so glad you're here,' Gabriella told Kensi for the hundredth time. 'It has been too long since you were here.' Kensi smiled and she ate the piece of cake Gabriella had given her.<p>

'I'm glad to be here too,' Kensi smiled. 'It's good to be here and be able to relax.'

'Too bad you didn't take that cute partner of you with you,' Gabriella said. 'I like Marty. He's a nice boy and he loves Damian.' Kensi slowly swallowed and drank some of the tea. Deeks wasn't a subject she wanted to discuss. Gabriella patted Kensi on her arm before standing up again.

'Time to go to bed,' she said.

'Gabby, it's not even twelve o'clock,' Kensi carefully told her aunt. Gabriella sighed and put on a fake smile.

'So how are you doing?' Gabriella asked. 'It must be hard some days.'

'It's okay,' Kensi answered. 'But you're right: some days are harder than others. Some days I want to stay in my bed forever and then I wish I would wake up and this all would have been a nightmare.'

'Well, this nightmare produced something good,' Gabriella said. 'Without Mark in your life you wouldn't have your handsome little boy.' Kensi took a deep shaky breath and she could feel tears welling up in her eyes.

'I haven't got him now,' she replied and Gabriella pulled her in a tight hug.

'It will be all okay, sweetie,' she soothed and she stroked Kensi's hair like normally a mother would do when her child was crying.

* * *

><p>Kensi was sitting on the porch in a chair, looking at the plants in the garden. A little bird flew by and Kensi sighed. It was peaceful here. Very different from LA. She loved being at her aunt's.<p>

'You need anything?' Gabriella asked, who walked onto the porch. 'Something to drink or to eat. I can make you a lot.'

'I'm good,' Kensi smiled. 'I would like to sit here for a while.' Gabriella smiled and she sat down in the other chair.

'You know that your mother sat in that same chair looking at the garden just like you did?' she told Kensi. 'It was strange but familiar to see you sitting like that. You look a lot like your mother, you know.'

'I remember seeing her sitting in a chair on the porch,' Kensi replied. 'When I was playing in the garden. And she was always smiling as I looked at her. Also she was holding hands with my dad.'

'They were great people,' Gabriella said. 'And they are still missed every day. Like their grandson.' Kensi took another deep breath. It was still hard to talk about missing Damian. Rain started to fall from the sky and for a long time it was the only sound in the garden.

'Should I expect a call from your partner?' Gabriella asked that evening when they were sitting at the couch after their dinner.

'He has got your number?' Kensi asked surprised. Gabriella looked intensely at her wine glass when she realized what she had implied by saying that. 'You called him to check up on me, Gabby?'

'You would say that you're okay when I would ask you,' Gabriella explained. 'I hoped that Marty would tell how you really felt…and he did. You're not allowed to be angry at him. I forced him to tell.'

'You forced him quite a lot if he knows your number,' Kensi said.

'Marty is a nice guy,' Gabriella told her. 'So we talked more about all kind of stuff. Do you need anything?' Kensi shook her hand and she drank the rest of her glass of water.

'What are you acting tensed whenever I mention Deeks?' Gabriella asked. 'Last time we talked he wasn't a problem to talk about.'

'He told me he loved me,' Kensi told her.

'And that makes you acting like this because…?' Gabriella asked not understanding.

'I think I'm going to sleep early,' Kensi told her aunt and she kissed her aunt goodnight on her cheek and went upstairs, not wanting to speak a word about last night.

_Can you still remember your great-aunt? Because she remembers you and is waiting for the moment she can see you again. She misses you, like I do._

_The last time we were here you adored her. And she was spoiling you __by giving__ you food like cake and bananas. Do you still love your bananas?_

_As I'm looking at the garden at her house, I wish you could be here. As a four year old you would love playing in that garden. It's big with enough room for you to play. I want to be able to play with you. What if I find you when you're too old to play? How am I going to make up for all that lost time? It might be too late by then. There would be no way to make up for that. Losing your first six months __was__ already hard to make up for. If it wasn't for the help of Deeks…_

Kensi put away the notebook on the nightstand and she lay back in her bed. It felt weird to be in this room, in this bed. Gabriella had replaced the bed for some reason but she had stayed with Mark and Damian in this room.

She knew Gabriella felt guilty for not recognizing Mark when they visited. Kensi didn't blame her. She hadn't recognized him either. Both of them had a reason for not recognizing him. Both their memory wasn't good. Only Kensi only lost two years and Gabriella was losing her memory more and more.

* * *

><p>Deeks was looking at his TV without noticing anything that was on it. He was stroking Monty absently while he felt guilty for pushing Kensi away. They were finally getting closer and now he messed that up. He needed to apologize to her so he ignored Hetty's advice and he grabbed his phone. After calling her four times, she finally picked up.<p>

'Why are you calling?' Kensi sounded annoyed and sleepy.

'I'm sorry, you were sleeping?'

'Not anymore….I don't know if it's a good idea that we talk…'

'Umm…I just wanted to know if everything was okay with Gabby. Hetty yold me that you left to visit her…and I know about her memory problems. I'm just worried about her.' And not only about Gabby, Deeks added in his mind.

'Gabby is okay. She is still forgetting stuff and she knows it. That makes it all harder for her.' Deeks sighed.

'Are you okay? I didn't want you to leave when I told you that I loved you. I just needed you to know…I couldn't keep it to myself anymore…But even if you don't feel the same way, it isn't a reason to leave, right?' Deeks had gotten up from the couch and he started to pace around the room.

'Maybe you should come over…' Kensi's voice went from annoyed to shaking.

**TBC.**

**I'm free but still I'm busy: meeting with friends, snuffelstage at my old school to see how teacher teach (to know for sure I want to be a teacher myself, even thought I know since I'm like six that I wanted to be a teacher) and one of my friend needed to have a operation so I had to visit her of course. Also I started to bake: cookies, brownies, pies and to cook. So I'm busy busy and I still need to write (I like to have a few chapters in store before I update the next chapter). **

**I don't really know when the next chapter will be posted...maybe thurseday...although I'm getting my high school diploma that day. Yes I'm graduating high school! Finally I can start my study!**

**But please review. Reviews make me happy =D**


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes.  
>I'm not really sure about this chapter...nope not sure at all. So I'm really sorry if it horrible! <strong>

_Chapter 7_

Deeks was so lost in his thoughts over that Kensi needed to tell him, that he missed several turns. He should have concentrated on the road since he usually drove with Kensi to Gabriella and didn't really know the way. It took him longer than normally but he arrived at Gabriella's house. He knocked on the door and Gabriella opened the door.

'Marty, how nice of you to come,' she greeted smiling. 'Why are you here?'

'Kensi asked me to come,' Deeks answered.

'She's upstairs,' Gabriella said and she looked less happy to see Deeks. 'First door to the left. I'll make the couch ready for you so you won't have to drive home tonight.' Deeks thanked her and he walked upstairs. He knocked on the door.

'Deeks,' Kensi greeted as she opened the door. Deeks smiled and he came inside. He sat down on the bed and Kensi started pacing through the room. He watched her playing nervously with her hands. Suddenly she stood and she faced him.

'Deeks, I'm pregnant,' she told him bluntly. Deeks' mouth fell opened and he stared at her in shock. Pregnant…Kensi…Kensi was pregnant…that night…his baby? He tried to form words but none came to him. He just stared at her with wide eyes.

'Can you please say something?' Kensi asked him, looking more nervous than before.

'Is it mine?' was the first think that came to Deeks mind and when he saw her face he wanted to kick his own ass. Of course it was his. Kensi wasn't seeing anyone, she wasn't the serial-dater like before. Then it really hit him. Kensi was pregnant with his child after a drunken one-night stand which had become a forbidden subject between him.

'Really?' Kensi asked him, offended. 'Like I would tell you I'm pregnant when you're not the father!

* * *

><p>'<em>Oh my God!' Kensi said from the bathroom. Deeks jumped up from the seat and he walked to the door.<em>

'_You got a result?' he asked nervous._

'_No,' she answered and Deeks let go of the breath he was holding. 'I can't get this damn thing opened!' Deeks smiled. She could hotwire a plane but she couldn't open a box._

'_Should I come in and help you?' he asked._

'_You're enjoying this too much!' she told him. 'You stay outside and just wait. I already got this stupid thing open. I'm just…nervous.' Deeks raised his eyebrows. She was deadly calm when she came to his place telling him that she might be pregnant. He was surprised to hear her say that. He knew it was coming some day. She was married __to__ Mark and married people start to think about children. But pregnant this soon? He didn't think Kensi wanted a child._

_Deeks could hear Kensi mumbled and then she started to laugh. He knocked on the door, wanting to know what there was to laugh about. Kensi opened the door and she hugged him. Deeks patted her awkwardly on her back, surprise by the hug._

'_I'm getting a baby!' she told him and a smile appeared on Deeks' face. Not because she was getting a baby with Mark but because she was happy._

* * *

><p>'Deeks?' Kensi asked and Deeks was back in the present instead of the past. He shook his head slightly and he looked at her.<p>

'This is a lot,' he stumbled. 'I'm going to be a dad…How far along are you?'

'About seven weeks,' Kensi answered with a weak smile on her face. She was becoming a mother again but her son would never see his little brother or sister. Deeks pulled her into a hug.

'It's going to be okay,' he whispered to her.

'Wait until we tell Callen and Sam,' she replied and Deeks let go of her. He looked in shock at her. He hadn't thought about that.

'I'm dead,' he stated.

* * *

><p>'You heard the news?' Gabriella asked smiling that morning during breakfast when she put a pot with coffee on the table. Deeks slowly nodded.<p>

'Still getting used to the idea,' he said. 'It's kind of bizarre.'

'Well, I'm excited,' Gabriella said. 'Another little kid. Damian probably will love it too. When are you two going home? The baby sitter probably wants to be relieved even though Damian is a sweet boy.'

'Can I get some tea?' Kensi asked and Gabriella immediately walked to the kitchen.

'She looks the most excited of all,' Deeks stated. 'Anyway…we do need to talk about it. About how we're going to do this all. Are you staying in your own apartment or are you moving in with…'

'I'm staying in my own apartment,' Kensi said firmly. 'I'm not moving out. I got pregnant during a one-night stand, a drunken one-night stand. We're not in a relationship or anything. We're getting a baby together…'

'You all thought it out apparently,' Deeks said and they both moved nervously on their seat when Gabriella walked back in the room.

'Oh, I'm sorry,' she apologized when she noticed the tension. 'I'm sure you two got a lot to talk about. Maybe you should go outside, take a walk in the park.'

'Gabby,' Kensi hissed and the older woman held her hands up, smiling.

'So how is it going with the morning sickness?' Deeks asked. They had taken Gabriella's advice and they had gone to the park. It was quiet in the park. It was perfect to talk about the pregnancy without anyone interrupting.

'Actually really good,' Kensi answered. 'I hardly throw up. That's why you didn't found out earlier or anyone else. Apparently it's different than when I was pregnant with Damian.'

'When did you find out?' Deeks wanted to know.

'About a week ago,' Kensi answered. 'I almost told you but then two days ago you came over and told me that you love me. It made me freak out. You love me, I'm pregnant and I just don't know what to feel anymore…it's all very confusing.' Deeks let Kensi to a bench and they sat down.

'I meant it,' Deeks said. 'I do love you…I have loved you for a real long time.'

'I guess I could have guessed that when you were acting so jealous with Ian,' Kensi replied. Deeks nodded and he smiled.

'That may be right,' Deeks said and he took her hand. 'But that doesn't matter right now. We're getting a baby and that is the most important. We need to tell Hetty and you need to tell Callen and Sam. You can't chase suspects anymore.'

'I need to tell Callen and Sam?' Kensi asked.

'Yes, I need to be far away when you tell them,' Deeks answered. 'They won't be happy. They're like your big brothers and you don't tell big brothers that you knocked their little sister up during a drunken one-night stand.'

* * *

><p>'First Kensi doesn't show up for work and now Deeks doesn't show up,' Callen stated. 'What is going on with those two?'<p>

'Would this mean that when you don't show up for work, I can stay home the next day?' Sam asked. 'Because then you need to stay home. I want to spend a day with my wife and kids. It's almost Sarina's birthday.'

'Eric, come here!' Callen shouted when Eric passed by. The tech hurried towards him.

'What can I do?' Eric asked.

'Can you locate Deeks and Kensi?' Callen asked and Eric nodded. He gestured them to follow him while he walked upstairs. He typed in something and two blinking spots appeared on the screen, next to each other.

'So they are together,' Sam said.

'And it looks like they're at Gabby's place,' Callen said. 'But if they are visiting Gabby together, why did Kensi leave a day earlier?'

'If you really want to know, you should ask Hetty,' Eric said and they both looked at Callen at the same time.

'Why me?' Callen asked surprised.

'You're her favorite,' Sam answered. Callen sighed and he walked downstairs.

* * *

><p>Deeks and Kensi had moved downtown to get some lunch. They were slowly walking through the streets which were really empty because people were working. Deeks had never thought that this was the news Kensi had to tell him. He had thought of many things but a pregnancy hadn't come up. He started to feel happy. He was getting a little girl or little boy with Kensi. It wasn't like Deeks had thought it would go but now that it was happening it was good.<p>

He made them stop in front of a baby shop, looking at the stuff that was shown in the window. Tiny socks were laying there and Deeks heart just melted. His child would be wearing tiny socks like that.

'It's unbelievable,' he mumbled.

'You can say that again,' Kensi said. 'Can we continue walking? I'm hungry.' Deeks noticed that she was looking away from the window and then he realized it. Even though it was her second pregnancy, she didn't remember being pregnant with Damian. That had been always hard on her and now she was pregnant again. Now she would feel what she had forgotten to feel. Deeks wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

'It will be okay,' he said. 'I'll be with you every step of the way.'

'You better be,' Kensi replied. 'I don't think I can do this on my own.'

'I'm not going anywhere,' Deeks assured her. 'Also because Callen and Sam will kill me if they find out I'm ditching you.' A smile appeared on Kensi's face and Deeks was happy that he could make her smile.

* * *

><p>'You need to come back soon,' Gabriella told Deeks when she hugged him tightly. 'It's good to have a man around from time to time.' Deeks smiled and he gave Gabriella a kiss on her cheek.<p>

'I'll be back soon,' he promised the woman. He turned to Kensi who was looking uncomfortable. Deeks pulled her into a hug and she returned the hug.

'I'll see you in a few days, right?' he asked and Kensi nodded.

'I'm just staying some more days before heading back,' she answered. 'So don't get used to not having me around.'

'I could never, Fern,' Deeks joked and he walked to him car. Gabriella wrapped an arm around her niece. Kensi put her head on her aunt's shoulder. She was exhausted even though she hadn't done anything. She and Deeks had just walked through town, talking about things and around lunch time they had headed back to Gabriella.

'I don't understand why he called you Fern,' Gabriella said when Deeks' car had left the street. 'That's not your name…' Kensi laughed because of Gabriella's confused face.

'It's something between us, Gabby,' she smiled and the women headed back to the house.

* * *

><p>Deeks was worried about going to work tomorrow. Callen and Sam would question him about where he had been. Kensi and he had decided to wait with telling them. At least until Kensi was back in LA too. But what was he going to say to them? How would he explain that he left right after Kensi had left? They had to know that he was going to Kensi. Hetty had known. Would she have told them?<p>

At home Monty greeted him happily and Deeks had to admit he had missed the dog. He played with Monty for a while and then he sat down on the couch. Last night had changed his life. He wasn't just Marty Deeks anymore. He was now Marty Deeks who was becoming a daddy.

'A dad,' Deeks mumbled out loud and it sounded so weird. He had thought about calling Ray when he and Kensi had their drunken one-nightstand but decided not to. But now he had to call his friend. Getting a child together must qualify as their thing working out. Deeks took a deep breath and he called his friend.

'Hey, Marty. How is it going?' Ray greeted happily.

'Hey, how is it going with your little girl and your girl?'

'They are great. It's such a shame you haven't seen Carina. She's an angel. But how is it going with you and Wikipedia? You're calling because your thing worked out?' Deeks smiled.

'Well, you can tell me: we're getting a baby...'

**TBC.**

**Today was my Graduation Day and of course I was sick. Just my luck. It only happens to me. I couldn't even go to my friend's graduation. My mom wanted me to stay home and get some more sleep to be alright for my own graduation. And I made it to my own but now I'm very tired and feel horrible. But I wanted to post this chapter.  
>Also Tuesday I had my snuffelstage at my old elementary school which was great! The kids were amazing and they asked me to help with their sports day tomorrow. <strong>

**I love reviews so please review =D**


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. **

_Chapter 8_

Kensi took a deep breath when she felt like she needed to throw up. She was back in LA and she would go to work soon, so there wasn't time to throw up. But the baby had other thoughts and Kensi ran into the bathroom. After emptying her stomach, she brushed her teeth to lose the bitter taste. She hoped she wasn't going to throw up in Ops. The last couple of weeks had gone relatively fine. She only threw up in the morning and never when she was at Ops. Apparently that was a lot different from when she was pregnant with Damian.

Thinking about her boy, Kensi walked into his room. She still had some time before heading to work and she could spend it right here.

_You're becoming a big brother, sweet boy. It makes me miss you more and more. Also because I still can't remember how I felt when I was pregnant with you. This pregnancy feels like my first when I know that it's my second._

_Will you ever meet your baby brother or sister? Will you be ever able to play with him or her? Or __protect__ him of her from the mean bullies at school? You would be a perfect brother, I know that for sure. You__ just need to be here.__ I don't want to miss you anymore. This baby will remind me of you in so many ways. Now you don't need to come home only for me but also for your baby brother or sister. Please come home, baby._

_Lots of love and kisses,_

_Your mom_

* * *

><p>Deeks called Monty and they walked back to the apartment in a slow pace. Today Kensi would come back to work and they probably needed to tell the team and Deeks didn't know if he was ready to die yet. It would have been a lot better if he and Kensi were a couple, hell even married, and that they have to tell Callen and Sam that they were becoming parents, because they would expect it. But he and Kensi weren't together and Callen and Sam wouldn't see it coming. Maybe if they brought it right, he had a chance of coming out of this all alive. Maybe he had to bribe them…<p>

'Good morning, mister Deeks,' The kid next door greeted when Deeks and Monty arrived at the apartment. Deeks put his hand up and smiled.

'You can call me Marty,' he told the boy.

'I know but I will call you mister Deeks anyways,' he smiled. Deeks nodded and he walked into his apartment.

* * *

><p>'Welcome back, Kens,' Callen greeted her smiling. Kensi smiled back and she saw Deeks looking questioning at her. But before they could say or do anything Eric whistled. Like disciplined dogs they walked upstairs. Eric was waiting for them in front of the big screen.<p>

'This morning Petty Officer Hank Terreto was found dead by his neighbor,' Eric told them when they all stood in front of the screen. 'He was shot to death. Terreto was forty years and he was on medical leave, he had taken a bullet to his leg. No wife or girlfriend and both parents are deceased. The killer left a note on Terreto's body.' Eric pulled the note on the screen.

'He deserved nothing less. It's time for revenge,' Callen read out loud.

'Can we expect more bodies or was this the only one?' Deeks asked.

'The note says: it's time for revenge,' Kensi said. 'That indicates that there will be more bodies unless he has already killed more.'

'Why was Terreto on medical leave?' Sam asked. 'What happened with him?'

'He got shot in his arm and shoulder when he was in Afghanistan,' Eric answered. 'About six weeks ago. According to the neighbor he wasn't home that long.'

'Let's go to the crime scene,' Callen said. 'Maybe we'll find something there that could lead us to the next targets. Eric you check all the people he served with.' Eric nodded and he walked to his computer. Callen, Deeks, Kensi and Sam all walked to the cars to head to Terreto's house.

* * *

><p>'How was Gabby doing?' Sam asked while driving the car. Deeks and Kensi quickly glanced at each other.<p>

'Fine,' Kensi answered. 'Still forgetting stuff but otherwise fine. She was very happy that I was there for those days, although she greeted me three times because she didn't remember I arrived.'

'And Deeks how were your two days off?' Sam asked, trying to sound just generally curious and not like he was interrogating him. Deeks sighed.

'I also visited Gabby,' he answered. There was no need to lie about it.

'Why would you visit Kensi's aunt?' Callen asked.

'Because…' Deeks started with answering, trying to think of an excuse.

'Because…Gabby wanted to see him,' Kensi helped him and Deeks nodded.

'Yes, she called me very early and wanted to know if I could come by,' he continued Kensi's lie. 'I don't think she knew it was two a.m.'

'And you just went to see her?' Callen continued. It must have been Deeks lucky day because for he could answer, Eric called them.

'There have been reports of gunshots at Terreto's place and we can't get contact with the police at the crime scene,' Eric told them.

'Alright, we're on our way,' Callen said and Sam accelerated.

* * *

><p>'You need to stay in the car,' Deeks whispered hurriedly to Kensi when they arrived at Terreto's house. Kensi looked offended at him. 'I'm fine,' she whispered back but Deeks shook his head.<p>

'You might be fine, but these are guns we're talking about,' he told her. 'It's not just you these days.' And he nodded towards her stomach, which Kensi covered with one hand. She sighed and she nodded. Deeks walked over to Callen and Sam, ready to go to the house. Callen looked over his shoulder and saw Kensi sitting in the car.

'What's wrong with Kensi?' he asked Deeks.

'Shall we go inside and help to LAPD?' Deeks asked, ignoring Callen. 'We don't have much time.' Callen looked at Sam, who shrugged, and they moved towards the house. Kensi watched them as they moved into the house. She sighed. Once again she was left out of the action, but she had to admit that Deeks was right. Maybe that was annoying her the most. Why hadn't she thought about the possible danger?

Not long after a few shots, Deeks came walking out of the house and he signaled Kensi to come inside. Kensi took a deep breath and got out the car. How were they going to explain this?

* * *

><p>The second Kensi walked into Terreto's study, her face turned pale. Callen, Deeks and Sam looked worried at her. Kensi held a hand over her mouth and she hurried out of the room with Deeks quickly following her. Callen and Sam looked at the body. There had been quite a lot of blood but not the worst they had seen. And Kensi never walked away at a crime scene.<p>

'Does she know him or something?' Sam asked and Callen could hear the worry in his voice. Callen himself was worried, too.

'I have no idea,' he answered. 'But let Deeks handle it. We will handle the crime scene.' Sam walked over to the desk and picked up a framed picture.

'Look,' he said and he handed the picture to Callen. 'Looks like the guys he served with.' Callen made a picture with his phone and sent it to Eric for facial recognition.

'This is the only room that is tossed,' Sam said, remembering the clean rooms from when searched all the rooms. 'So whatever the killer was looking for was here…'

'Maybe addresses of the other guys,' Callen suggested and he looked through some of the papers on the floor. 'These are all e-mails about daily life of some family. Looks like Terreto's knew them pretty well since they talking about a sleep-over for the kids.'

'But Terreto doesn't have any family left,' Sam replied. 'Perhaps they're friends?' Callen shrugged and he texted Eric the name.

'Let's see how Kensi is doing,' Callen said and they went outside.

* * *

><p>'We're messing this up,' Kensi said when she had emptied her stomach. 'I never throw up at a crime scene and they know that. They know something is going on. We have to tell them now.' Deeks handed Kensi some water.<p>

'Drink some,' he ordered. 'Maybe we should tell them. They are already asking questions since you stayed in the car and now the throwing up. Let's just tell them…but next to the car in case I need to flee.' Kensi smiled a little bit and Deeks put his hand on her arm to reassure her. They saw Callen and Sam coming out of the house, looking around. When they noticed Deeks and Kensi they walked over.

'You're okay?' Callen asked worried. 'What happened?' Kensi looked at Deeks and he nodded, telling her to tell them.

'Umm, I'm pregnant with Deeks' baby,' she told them bluntly. Deeks looked shocked at her. He hadn't expected her to be this. He slowly turned his head to face Callen and Sam who were looking shocked at them.

'I think I'm heading to the car,' he whispered to Kensi. 'They don't look really happy.' He took a step backwards but Kensi took his hand, stopping him. When he looked at Callen and Sam he saw a smile. A smile! That wasn't what he had expected.

'Congratulations,' Callen said and he hugged Kensi. Next was Sam and he hugged her even tighter, also congratulating her. When they stood in front of Deeks, Deeks swallowed and he took a deep breath.

'Congratulations,' Callen said and Sam nodded. 'We'll need to talk.' Sam nodded again, this time looking in more agreement.

'Maybe over some beers,' Deeks suggested. And preferably after some beers, he added in his thoughts.

* * *

><p>Next Deeks and Kensi had to tell Hetty but Deeks was more relaxed about that. Hetty could be scary but getting a child wasn't against NCIS rules (at least so far Deeks knew) and Deeks believed that Hetty was less protective over Kensi than Callen and Sam. It was going to be easier. He only hoped that Kensi wasn't as blunt as with telling him, Callen and Sam.<p>

Hetty looked up from her papers when she noticed Deeks and Kensi walking into her office. She smiled when she saw them.

'Well hello mister Deeks and miss Blye,' Hetty said. 'With what can I help you?'

'We need to talk with you,' Kensi said calmly and she glanced at Deeks.

'Umm, yeah…we do,' Deeks agreed. 'Umm…Kensi and I…'

'…slept together?' Hetty finished questioning. 'I already knew that. It was all over your faces. I was surprised that mister Callen and Hanna didn't notice. Mister Beal, I could understand. I don't pay him to notice things. But I do pay mister Callen and Hanna to notice things.'

'Well, it continues,' Deeks said and he looked at Kensi, who was looking at him. Deeks sighed and faced Hetty. 'We are getting a child.' Deeks believed that it was the first time he had seen Hetty surprised and he knew he wasn't going to see that face any time soon.

'Congratulations are in order,' Hetty said smiling when she recovered a bit from the new and she hugged both of them. She turned to Kensi. 'You know what this means, Miss Blye. No more fieldwork and no interrogations. Eric will be happy with you assistance.'

'I know,' Kensi said, slightly irritated.

'It's for a wonderful reason,' Hetty replied. 'Keep that in mind, Miss Blye.'

* * *

><p>'Unbelievable,' Sam mumbled. 'Unbelievable that you're becoming parents…of the same baby…' Deeks and Kensi nodded smiling. It was still unbelievable for them. The team had gone to a bar to celebrate the pregnancy and Callen and Sam still needed to talk about this with Deeks.<p>

'So you aren't a couple?' Eric asked to be sure and Deeks and Kensi nodded.

'We can try it but what if we screw that up?' Kensi said. 'That wouldn't be fair for the baby.' Deeks nodded in agreement. They had talked about it before Deeks had left Gabby's place. He was sure about his feelings for Kensi, but she wasn't yet and they needed to take things slowly. Maybe a date first and then they could think about a relationship.

'How alcohol can change your life,' Sam said.

'You told them?' Deeks asked Kensi shocked and she nodded.

'No reason to keep it a secret, Deeks,' she told him. 'Why else wouldn't we be in a relationship but getting a child together?'

'Like we said, Deeks: we need to talk,' Callen said smiling. They all started to laugh when they saw Deeks' scared face. He so wasn't looking forward to that talk.

* * *

><p>Callen wasn't feeling like heading back home. Eric and Sam had their family, Deeks and Kensi were getting a family but he was going to an empty house. Today he wasn't up to that,so he headed to Ops. Surprisingly he wasn't the only one in the building. Hetty was sitting behind her desk, looking quite worried.<p>

'Everything okay?' he asked her. Hetty just smiled at him.

'Nothing to worry about, mister Callen,' she answered him.

'You should know that that makes me worried,' Callen said and he sat down.

'Would you like some tea?' Hetty asked, making clear to him that she wasn't ready to talk about it. Callen nodded and Hetty made them some tea. Callen watched Hetty while they drank their tea.

'Mister Callen, I assure you that there is nothing you can do,' Hetty told him. 'At least not yet. I'm keeping everything under control.'

'You know that the last time you kept things under control it didn't go well,' Callen said. 'We had to follow you to Romania. Sam nearly drove us nuts with his cleaning of the guns. And you reassigned. We don't want another Lauren Hunter.' Hetty smiled slightly.

'I still don't understand why you didn't like miss Hunter,' she said. 'Finish your tea and get some sleep. You look like you need it.' With those words, Hetty stood up and she left. Callen watched her walk away and he got up himself. When he wanted to walk away he noticed something scrawled on a piece of paper: _Mark Harris – DC._

**TBC.  
>Sorry for taking so long...I 'm having trouble writing the next chapters. Chapters any further I can write without a problem but ch. 10 isn't going so well...But I'll keep trying so that I can post more chapters soon. Of course there is already a chapter 9 ready to be posted. Still I'm very sorry for taking so long!<strong>

**Please review =D **


	9. Chapter 9

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes.**

_Chapter 9_

'We got another body,' Eric told them. 'Terreto's friend: Petty Officer Chris Dayne, thirty-five years old, still lived with his parents when he lost his house after he came back. He was also shot to death and was found behind a restaurant where, according to his mother, he should have had a blind date. He was meeting Bianca Moore, a twenty-nine year old waitress. A waiter at the restaurant told LAPD that Bianca left after about two minutes and Dayne paid the bill.'

'Did CSU find another note?' Sam asked.

'Yes,' Eric answered and he hit a few keys. The note appeared on the screen. 'Same message as the last time: _He deserved nothing less. __It's time for revenge_.'

'What kind of revenge?' Kensi asked. 'Revenge because they killed the wrong person? Or because they crossed the wrong person? Could you locate those other guys?'

'Some of them,' Eric told her. 'Umm, Harold Evans died a few days ago. Corner ruled it as natural death and there wasn't a note with the body. Peter Wallis, thirty-eight years old and a stay-at-home dad of two girls. LAPD is on their way to his house. Simon Enright, twenty-two years old and a student. Still trying to locate him. According to his roommate he went partying last night and hasn't come home yet but that wasn't uncommon since he would stay at a girl's place sometimes.'

'Or the killer has already found him,' Deeks said. 'Where is Callen by the way?'

'He needed to do something,' Sam answered. Deeks, Eric and Kensi looked at him, wanting to know more. Sam held his hands up in defense. 'He told me nothing more.

* * *

><p>Callen had heard and ignored Eric's whistle. He already knew that there was another body. He had more important things to do. He went outside and grabbed his phone.<p>

'Special Agent Gibbs.'

'Gibbs, it's Callen. I need a favor.'

'What kind of favor?'

'I told you about Mark Harris, right? The serial killer? Well, Hetty located him somewhere in DC. I don't know exactly where but I need you to see if you and your team can find him. Or at least the boy he's traveling with.'

'Agent Blye's child, right?'

'Yes. Can you do that?'

'Of course. We don't have a case at the moment. I'll call you whenever I found something.'

'Thanks and please, only call me when you find something. I don't want to give hope when there might not be hope.'

* * *

><p>Kensi was looking into Dayne's life. The guys were at the crime scene. She didn't even mind that she wasn't there because she would probably throw up again at the crime scene and she rather didn't throw up in front of them. That would only worry the guys and there was nothing to worry about. She was just pregnant.<p>

'How did his mom know that he was meeting Bianca?' Kensi asked.

'Probably because she arranged the blind date,' Eric answered without looking up from the computer screen. 'Moms do that for their sons. My mom had done that for me once: a disaster. She wasn't very sociable and only talked about her cats and…' Kensi raised her eyebrow at him and Eric smiled. 'Right, you don't want to know that.'

'Not particularly,' Kensi replied and she turned back to her computer screen. She searched through all kinds of information, hoping to find the link and the reason for the revenge.

'I might have something,' Eric announced after some time and Kensi turned to the big screen. 'Look, all four guys filed complaints and a restraining order against Thomas Barcello.'

'I read that name somewhere,' Kensi remembered and she looked into her notes. 'He used to live next to Dayne's old house, which Dayne lost.'

'Wouldn't surprise me that Barcello is the reason that Dayne lost his house,' Eric said. He typed some things into the computer. 'Thomas Barcello, forty-five years old and currently unemployed. He moved after Dayne moved in with his parents: no new address. He lost his brother one year ago, almost to the day.'

'Terreto was killed on that day,' Kensi pointed at the news article. 'Is Barcello blaming the guys for his brother's death?'

* * *

><p>'Tell us, Peter,' Sam said as he was looking at a worried man, 'why would Barcello be after you and your friends?' Hearing the name Barcello made Wallis look up.<p>

'Barcello?' he repeated. 'I haven't heard from that guy in some time. It all stopped after we got a restraining order against him. I thought, and hoped, it was all over. Is Barcello the reason that Hank, Chris and Harold are dead?'

'Might be,' Callen said. 'What can you tell us about Marcel Barcello?'

'Marcel was our buddy,' Wallis started and he ran his hand through his hair. 'He died in a car accident the day he got back from deployment. We were supposed to bring him home but Hank, Chris, Harold, Simon and I wanted to go to a bar first. Marcel wanted to go to his family without any detours like a bar. So he drove home and died. We were supposed to sit in that car. Maybe if we had, he hadn't died...'

'And what about Thomas Bercallo?' Sam asked and Wallis sighed.

'That man couldn't leave it alone,' he answered. 'He kept demanding to know what happened and told us that we lied. He was...is convinced that we killed Marcel but we would never to that! Marcel was our buddy! Thomas started to call us, show up at our houses, even at my girl's school. That was too much for me and I got the restraining order. It all stopped…until Hank, Harold and Chris died.'

'Can you tell us where Simon Enright is?' Callen asked.

'Probably somewhere drunk,' Wallis answered. 'I don't think he has been sober one day since Marcel died. They were really close. Simon took it hard…' Callen's phone started to vibrate and Callen took it out of his pocket. It was a text from Kensi.

**_LAPD found Enright. He was hanging from a bridge. With a note: I'm sorry_**. Callen showed it to Sam and they left the room, leaving Wallis behind without any explanation.

* * *

><p>The corner had ruled Enright's death as suicide. First a natural death, then two murders and a suicide. This case had everything.<p>

'One man left,' Deeks said. 'Peter Wallis.'

'And of course Thomas Bercallo,' Eric said. 'I'm trying to use the GPS of his phone to locate him, but apparently his phone is broken 'because I can't get a trace.'

'Well, keep trying,' Callen said and he walked out the room.

'What is going on with him?' Deeks asked surprised.

'Is he working on two cases again?' Sam asked, slightly irritated by the thought. 'This and his own case? I hate it when he does that. He's supposed to trust…'

'Guys!' Eric shouted, even though they were standing next to him. 'I found Bercallo. He's at Wallis' place.'

'I'll get G,' Sam said. 'And we'll meet you at the car, Deeks.' Deeks nodded and they walked downstairs together. Kensi followed them down the stairs when she realized that she couldn't come with them. She sighed and walked to her desk. This was going to be hard for the next seven months, staying at Ops whenever something happened.

* * *

><p>'This will be a lot of paperwork,' Sam sighed when they drove back to Ops. 'Why would Bercallo kill himself? He didn't finish his revenge.'<p>

'He knew he was stuck,' Deeks said. 'He saw no other way out.'

'What do you think, G?' Sam asked and Callen looked up surprised when he heard his name. Sam repeated his question.

'He thought there was no other way out,' Callen answered. He got out of the car the second Sam had parked it. He pulled out his phone and called Abby.

'Callen! How great to hear something from you! How is it going? Oh you're probably calling to see if we got something…'

'Yes I do,' Callen managed to cut into Abby's rambled. 'What did you find?'

'Mark Harris didn't fly to DC using his real name but McGee managed to find his alias: Jeff Smith…we're still trying to find him. McGee is looking at the security from the airport and Tony and Ziva are looking into the alias and are checking with rental cars. I'll call you the second we get the results.'

'Any signs of a child with him?'

'Not from anything we got right now. But we will keep looking for the little guy. It might help if you can send me a photo of Damian…'

'Callen!' Sam said when he came walking towards Callen. Callen quickly said his goodbyes to Abby and hung up.

'What is it, Sam?' he asked.

'Deeks is currently alone,' Sam answered. 'I think it's time to talk to him.'

* * *

><p>Deeks heard some noise in front of him and when he looked up he saw Callen and Sam standing in front of him. Deeks looked around and noticed there was nobody besides them. No one could save him now.<p>

'Nice sweater, Sam,' Deeks smiled. 'And great…umm…watch, Callen.' Callen and Sam looked at each other and then back to Deeks.

'Do you remember the talk we had a few days after Damian's disappearance?' Callen asked.

'About all the things we thought we could do to Mark when we found him?' Sam added. Deeks slowly nodded. He remembered that talk clearly. He had some plans what to do to Mark. They all had…where was this heading?

'You had some great ideas to do to him,' Callen complimented. 'You remember? Sticking needles under his nails, then pulling out his nails one by one and forcing him to eat them? Just to let him know what was coming?' Deeks looked slightly scared at the men in front of him.

'And of course our ideas,' Sam said and Callen nodded. 'Making small wounds all over his body like he had done, but over several days. Cutting of his genitals.'

'I remember,' Deeks said and Callen and Sam nodded content.

'Well, that is what we do to you if you hurt Kensi,' Callen said seriously.

'And we will keep you alive so we can do it twice,' Sam added. Deeks watch Callen and Sam in shock as they walked away like nothing happened. This was one hell of a Talk.

* * *

><p>'Callen and Sam gave me the Talk today,' Deeks said when he drove Kensi home. 'They are quite good at that. Will you remind me to never share any of my ideas with them again?' Kensi raised her eyebrows surprised and Deeks smiled. 'They might have used some of my plans for Mark when we catch him to threaten me. They are acting quite well as big brothers.' Kensi laughed.<p>

'How will I ever get you to shut up?' she asked. 'I have been trying for about seven years now, but I never succeeded.'

'Next time, try mentioning the Talk,' Deeks suggested. 'I promise you: I'll shut up immediately.'

'That would be like a dream,' Kensi joked and Deeks parked the car in front of Kensi's apartment. She got out of the car.

'Thanks for driving me home, Deeks,' she said before heading inside. Deeks sighed. He had kind of hoped that she would invite him in, to talk some more about their situation. He had no idea how everything was going to happen.

* * *

><p>Kensi looked out the window and watched Deeks drive out of her street. Maybe she should have invited him in. They had to talk about their situation again some time. In seven months they would have a child together and they needed to arrange stuff. They needed to buy things for the baby and think about Deeks' involvement with the baby.<p>

Kensi walked to Damian's room and she felt…guilt. She felt like she was moving on when it wasn't time to move on. She already had a son and she needed to find him, instead of getting pregnant with her partner. Not messing everything up. She looked at the pictures on the wall. All were pictures of Damian. She would do anything to go back into time and prevent all of this. No pregnancy and Damian still being with her.

* * *

><p>Callen was standing once again in front of his wall. This time he could add some information. Mark's new alias: Jeff Smith and his location: DC. Gibbs' team had come up with a few things but nothing concrete. They still hadn't found Mark. That man was too good and Callen knew that Gibbs wouldn't find him. How could Gibbs find Mark when Callen, Deeks, Eric, Hetty Kensi and Sam had been looking for four years now? How could Gibbs' team be better than theirs? His phone started to ring and Callen looked at the caller-ID. He quickly picked up when he saw it was Abby.<p>

'What do you got, Abby?'

'The great McGee managed to locate Mark at the airport but Mark had just left. He left DC and was flying to Chicago. Gibbs already alerted the locals to pick him up at the airport. Only they just told us that Mark didn't arrive at the airport.'

'So he's missing again?'

'McGee and I are trying to find him on any security camera on an airport somewhere in the USA, which where are a lot of cameras, Ziva is contacting every contact she knows and Tony is doing something too…'

'So he's missing again?'

'Umm…yes, for the moment he's missing. And we still didn't see any boy with Mark on the airport. Maybe he was in DC for business and now he's going to his son…I'm sorry, Callen.'

'I thought that you couldn't apologize because it was a sign of weakness.'

'I can apologize. Gibbs would never be mad at me, only at McGee, Tony or Ziva…'

'Thank you for looking. I have to go now.' Callen quickly hung up before Abby could ramble on about something. He turned his head back to his wall and crossed DC off as a location of Mark.

**TBC**

**Currently I'm in a little dip concerning writing. I just don't feel like writing right now but I'll keep trying! I find it hard to move the story along right now so I'm sorry that I'm taking so long with posting. Next chapter will be a long one =D**

**My sister came up with the torture ideas for Mark and I used to think she was just a sweet girl =P Now she's a sweet girl with an over active imagination.**

**I need your help: I need food cravings for a pregnant Kensi like carrots with peanut butter. Tell me your ideas =D and please review**


	10. Chapter 10

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes.**  
><strong>It took me a long time to write it but now it's finished and it's even longer than the other chapters.<strong>

_Chapter 10_

Kensi groaned when her phone started to ring. She wanted to relax on the couch, watching some movie whereby she didn't need to keep her attention. But now someone was changing her plans by calling her and she already had an idea who was calling her.

'Hey, Kensi,' Deeks greeted when she answered the phone.

'Why are you calling, Deeks? We just left work.'

'Well, you were gone before I could talk with you.'

'So, talk.'

'What are we doing right now?'

'We're talking on the phone with each other even though I want to watch a movie.'

'No, I actually meant about the baby. Are we going to talk about him or her any time soon? Preferably before he or she is born…' Kensi sighed and she rested her head on her hand. This wasn't a subject to discus right now.

'Deeks, can we do this another time? I…just don't want to talk about it now.'

'Alright…how about a talk about the feelings we both have? Can we talk about that?'

'No!' Kensi started to pace through the room. She didn't want to talk about anything heavy. She wanted to relax and don't think about it.

'Are we ever going to talk about it?' Kensi could hear some hurt in Deeks' voice.

'Deeks, I don't know yet what I'm feeling other than that I'm feeling tired. It's all very confusing. You are my friend and I don't want to ruin that. What if we get into a relationship because of the baby? That can never end well. Those kinds of relationships always end up in a breakup and angry people. I want you to stay my friend. We just need…to take it slow, to be sure about the feelings we may or may not feel…' There was a silence on the other end of the line. 'Deeks?'

'Yeah, I'm still here. What about….I take you out for a date…or we don't even call it a date. Just to see where this is going, taking it slow? What do you think? Tomorrow night you and me in a nice restaurant for dinner? Just as friends?'

'Alright. We'll go on a date tomorrow night.'

'Wow, even a date!' She heard the smile in Deeks' voice and she had to smile herself. 'Pick you up at seven? I know a nice place that you will probably like. Nice people, good food and not overly romantic or anything.'

'Seven o'clock is fine. I'll see you tomorrow.' Kensi smiled while they said their goodbyes. Deeks was taking this really serious. He seemed to really want this. When Kensi put the phone down, she noticed that her other hand was on her stomach.

* * *

><p>Callen had picked Sam up from his house so that they could talk. He needed to tell Sam about his findings on Mark. He had to involve Sam.<p>

'So Mark was in DC?' Sam asked in disbelieve after Callen had told him everything. He couldn't believe that they had located Mark for the first time in four years, even if it was just for a day. 'And he escaped once again? I really want to kill that bastard!'

'You and me both,' Callen agreed. 'And we're most definitely not the only ones. Only problem is that he has disappeared once again. Gibbs' team can't find him anymore. No one has heard of a Mark Harris, an Ian Veros or a Jeff Smith.'

'What worries me the most is that no one has seen Damian,' Sam said and Callen nodded in agreement.

'Maybe Mark was only for some business in DC,' Callen suggested like Abby had done. 'Or just to taunt us. He must know that there's a NCIS team in DC. We have talked about the team. Maybe he just went to DC to let us know that he's still alive and still winning.'

'That makes him even more an asshole!' Sam growled. 'What do you want to do now? Should we inform Hetty and Eric about our findings?'

'We could,' Callen answered. 'As long as we keep Deeks and Kensi out of this. They have enough to worry about right now. Let them sort the baby situation out first. Also I don't want to give Kensi false hope.'

'Sounds fine for me,' Sam said. 'It's still weird to say that Deeks and Kensi are getting a baby together. I mean, everyone knows that they had a thing but I thought it had cooled down in the last couple of years.'

'This shows that one can still be surprised,' Callen replied. 'I believe that even Hetty didn't know about it.'

* * *

><p>It was quiet at Ops. There wasn't a case (yet) and the team could drink their morning coffee in peace or in Kensi's case some tea.<p>

'Sarina asked me to invite you all to her birthday next Saturday,' Sam said and he pulled some envelopes out of his bags. 'She even gave me your personal invitations.'

'And she is turning…?' Deeks asked. 'I need to know that before I can get her a present…what does she like? Ponies?'

'She's turning nine,' Sam answered. 'And she likes clothes and pink. She's a real girl, just like her sister. I believe she wrote down her wish list on the invitation.' Callen took out the extra piece of paper and Sam sighed at the sight of the length of it.

'That is a long wish list,' Callen said smiling. 'Apparently Deeks knows nine-year-old girls pretty well. She asks for a pony.'

'Unbelievable,' Sam mumbled. 'She gave you the same wish list as she gave me and Nina. Well, she don't need those ridiculous expensive presents. She isn't even getting that from us.' Kensi had not moved since Sam has handed them the invitations but now she got up and walked away, leaving the guys in silence behind. Deeks wanted to go after her but Callen stopped him.

'Better to leave her alone for a moment,' he told Deeks.

'Maybe she needs someone to talk to,' Deeks suggested, still wanting to go after her, but when Callen shook his head, he sat down.

* * *

><p>Kensi wiped away the tears that were escaping from her eyes. She hated that she had to cry just because Sam talked about his daughter's birthday. She should be able to listen to that without tearing up. Those damn hormones were making her cry in front of them. She had only cried one time before in front of them, when they weren't able to find Damian in one day. She had broken down but after that had never cried in front of them again.<p>

It was just a birthday. She needed to accept that Sam had kids who were growing up, who had birthday parties. She needed to accept that Sam still had his kids.

'Everything okay, Miss Blye?' Hetty asked as she sat down beside Kensi.

'I'm fine,' Kensi answered and she took a deep breath, holding her tears back. 'It's just some hormones.'

'If you say so,' Hetty said. 'But you should know that you're allowed to cry sometimes and you don't need to cry alone. They are here for you whenever you need them. And sometimes it's even better to show them how you feel.'

'Why should I?' Kensi asked.

'You don't want them to worry about you,' Hetty said. 'And telling them how you feel might be the only way to make them stop worrying about you. Or at least let them worry less about you. Saying how you feel doesn't make you weak, Kensi.' She patted Kensi's leg and stood up again.

* * *

><p>'You're okay?' Deeks asked worried when Kensi walked back to her desk. She nodded briefly and she sat down. Deeks took a sip of his coffee and shivered. It had already turned cold. A few minutes ago it had still been warm. Sighting he stood up and poured his coffee in the sink.<p>

'Mister Deeks, coffee is to drink,' Hetty told him as she suddenly stood next to him. 'Not to throw away.' Deeks looked at his empty cup.

'It was cold,' Deeks defended his action. 'No one can drink their coffee when it's cold. That must be unhealthy or something…'

'Well, then make sure that it doesn't get cold the next time,' Hetty advised and she walked back to her office. Deeks watched her and then he shrugged. He poured some new and warm coffee in his cup and walked back to his desk. But on his way Eric whistled and he had to change directions.

'A dead man, Zach Bowe, showed up at his own house,' Eric told him. 'And he was still very alive. His wife, Hayley Bowe, called us the second she saw him coming towards the house before she fainted. Zach Bowe supposed to have died in a plane crash seventeen months ago. His wife assures us that it's her husband.'

'Was the plane crash an accident or an attack?' Kensi asked.

'According to who?' Eric asked, looking at her. Kensi raised her eyebrow and Eric nodded. 'Well, it was an accident. But there are plenty people who swear it was an attack. The plane was filled with soldiers who were coming home after deployment.'

'We'll ask Bowe about it when we get to him,' Callen said and he, Deeks and Sam walked out of the room. Kensi grabbed a chair and sat down next to Eric.

'How did the plane crash?' she asked him as he pulled up the report.

'One of the motors stopped for some reason and after a while it exploded,' Eric answered. 'It seems that the motor overheated. The plane crashed into the sea. It was said that there were no survivors until Bowe showed up at his house.'

'No wonder she fainted,' Kensi said. 'It must have been a shock to see your dead husband arriving home.'

* * *

><p>'Mister Bowe, can you tell me what happened during the plane crash?' Callen asked Bowe. The man sitting in front of him didn't look like the picture they had seen. This man was skinny and looked very tired. It was clear that the last seventeen months had been hard for the man.<p>

'We were flying,' Bowe started to tell. 'I was talking with Jim, one of my friends, about Hayley and his girlfriend, telling each other how happy we were to go home.' Next to him Hayley started to sob and Bowe squeezed her hand before continuing his story. 'When we were about half an hour flying there was some kind of explosion, the motor and I could see the fire through the window. The next moments are somewhat unclear…I remember being surrounded by water and few moments later, but it could have been hours too, seeing faces who were talking to me but I didn't understand them. I have been in the hospital for two months before trying to get home…which finally happened.'

'Why did you call NCIS?' Sam asked, turning to Hayley. 'Most people's reaction is to call the police.'

'Zach always told me to call NCIS if anything happened to him,' Hayley answered sobbing. 'I couldn't even think of anything else when I saw him. Nothing but calling NCIS.'

'Have you had any contact with someone?' Callen asked.

'No, we haven't had any time to call anyone else,' Hayley answered. 'Not even Zach's parents…or mine…'

'…but we did get a call,' Zach added to his wife's answer. 'Someone congratulating us on our happy end. I recognized the voice but I couldn't connect it with a name…it even concurred to me how that man could possibly know I was back.'

'If it's okay with you, we'll track down the phone,' Deeks said. 'To see who it was.' Zach nodded and Deeks left the room to call Eric.

* * *

><p>'She looks familiar,' Kensi noted when she looked at a picture of Hayley. 'Only I don't know from where. But I have seen her before…'<p>

'Maybe at the hospital where she's a nurse…' Eric asked but Kensi shook her head.

'It was at someone's house,' she said.

'Someone is a popular person today,' Deeks noted when he walked into the room. 'Someone called Bowe to congratulate him on coming home while they hadn't told anyone yet. Did you find out who called them?'

'Yes, Dan Buckley,' Eric answered. 'Right now he's being picked up by LAPD. He seems to be a suspect in a robbery.'

'Deeks will arrange for us that we can talk with Buckley first, right Deeks?' Kensi said smiling and she looked at Deeks.

'Sure,' he answered. 'I'll call my very good friends at LAPD. They'll love to talk with me…' He sighed and he grabbed his phone.

'If you want to know where you know Hayley from you might want to go to the boatshed,' Eric suggested. 'Callen and Sam took her and Bowe there to be safe.'

'Good idea, thanks Eric,' Kensi said and she stood up. 'I'll take Deeks with me.' Eric nodded and turned back to his computer screen.

* * *

><p>'Oh my god!' Hayley exclaimed when Deeks and Kensi walked into the boatshed. 'Kensi? I haven't seen you in ages! You work with NCIS?' Callen, Deeks and Sam immediately looked questioningly at Kensi and she shrugged at them. Apparently she was right: she knew Hayley.<p>

'Hey, Hayley,' she said and then she sighed. 'I'm sorry…how do I know you again?'

'I'm friends with Sarah…Mark's sister,' Hayley answered. 'We met during Sarah's birthday several years ago. Mark took you with him…you were about to get married.' Kensi slowly nodded.

'I don't really remember much of those years,' she said.

'I'm sorry about all that happened,' Hayley said. 'Mark seemed like a great guy…until he got in the news…you two looked very happy. How is your son doing?' Kensi saw Callen, Deeks and Sam tense up and by herself she felt tears forming. Hayley seemed to notice the tension and she looked for Kensi to the guys.

'Sarah told me you and Mark got a son,' she said slowly. 'That's right, right?'

'Umm, yes, that is right,' Kensi managed to say. 'But…umm…excuse me.' She hurried out of the boatshed. Once outside the tears began flow.

'What happened?' Hayley asked, clearly feeling guilty about making Kensi leave the room in a hurry. Deeks took a deep breath.

'Their son went missing together with Mark,' he explained. 'They have been missing for four years now.' He looked at Callen and Sam, letting them know he was going after Kensi and they nodded.

* * *

><p>Kensi looked angry when Deeks found her and he approached her carefully. But not carefully enough. When she looked up, she looked even angrier but also very sad, with tears rolling over her cheeks.<p>

'I already hate being pregnant!' she shouted at him. 'And this has to go on for seven more months!' Deeks sat down next to her.

'Well, it isn't really you, who is crying,' he tried. 'It's just all those hormones…it's their fault…as a little bit of our baby.'

'Don't blame the baby,' Kensi said angrily. 'It isn't his or her fault. It's the hormones but I hate crying in front of everybody.' Deeks wrapped his arm around her shoulder and he rubbed her arm.

'Maybe it's just something telling you that you should cry more,' he suggested. 'That it's okay to cry about Damian. You can miss him and cry about it some days. Also it's okay to cry in front of others. Especially in front of people who care a lot about you.' Kensi looked up, into his eyes, and she smiled.

* * *

><p>'We're definitely not going to tell Kensi about Mark,' Sam said when he drove Callen home after a long day at Ops. 'Not while she's full of hormones.' Callen nodded.<p>

'That was really unexpected,' he said. 'And Hayley was really shocked. How could she not know? Sarah must have told about Damian…or she should have noticed when Mark and Damian didn't show up at birthday parties.' Sam turned his head at Callen.

'Or should she have?' he asked Callen.

'What are you talking about?' Callen asked confused.

'What if Mark still shows up at birthday parties?' Sam answered. 'I mean: it have been a couple of years. People don't keep remembering something that was four years ago. We live with it every day because of Damian. But other people can forget after a while. There is nothing about Mark in the news paper. If Mark has never been really present at these parties, he would be able to go unnoticed. Or people only realize it afterwards…'

'That does mean that he's taking big chances,' Callen contradicted. 'Maybe too big for him. It doesn't seem like something that Mark would do….'

'And showing up in DC is?' Sam argued. 'Come on, G, we think we know the guy but actually we don't know him. Otherwise we would have located him by now. We can't predict his moves.'

'So you want to talk with Hayley about the last time she has seen Mark?' Callen asked and Sam nodded. 'Alright, we can do that tomorrow.'

* * *

><p><em>Hormones aren't the best thing of a pregnancy. I can't even hear something about children's birthday parties or tell someone about you without starting to cry. It's as if I miss you even more now that I'm pregnant of your baby brother or sister…and maybe it's true. You are life that grew inside of me and now there is new life growing inside of me. It makes me feel like I'm replacing you…which I would never want or be able to do. You will always be my beautiful little boy.<em>

_Deeks has been so sweet to me. Like he always used to be with you. He loves you and he told me he loves me too. But he makes me feel like I'm replaced our life with a life with him and the baby. I can't let that happen. You belong forever in my life._

_Lots of love and kisses,_

_Your mom_

When Kensi looked up from the notebook she noticed that it was already a quarter to seven. Deeks could arrive any minute and she was still dressed in comfy clothes, in which she most definitely wasn't going to a restaurant, on a date. She placed the notebook on the dresser and she hurried to her own room.

Was she going to dress for a real date? Or for a dinner with a friend? Kensi sighed. This wasn't making things easier. She didn't want to disappoint Deeks. He really seemed to want this and she didn't want to be the one who screwed it up. Just when she had decided to wear a simple but nice dress, she hears heard knocking on the door. Kensi hurried towards the door and she opened it.

'I'm sorry, I'm running a bit late,' Kensi apologized and she held the door open so that he could come in. 'Grab a beer and I'll get changed. It won't take long.' She was already on her way back to her room

'Like at Ops?' Deeks asked. 'Maybe I should change our reservation.'

'No, it's fine!' Kensi shouted at him and she quickly grabbed the dress. Now all she had to do was finding shoes, doing her hair and her make-up. How long could that take?

* * *

><p>Deeks sat at the couch drinking his beer when Kensi came walking into the living room, wearing a beautiful dress. He smiled and got up.<p>

'It only took you fifteen minutes,' he joked. 'Or are you not ready yet?'

'I'm ready,' Kensi replied and she grabbed her keys. 'Shall we go?' Deeks nodded and they walked to his car. He held the door open for her as she got in.

'It looks really nice,' Kensi said smiling when they walked into the restaurant Deeks had picked. It wasn't a big restaurant but that made it even nicer. Deeks also smiled and the waiter walked them to their table, a quiet one in the back where they could talk.

'Would you like something to drink?' the waiter asked.

'Umm…some water would be fine,' Kensi answered.

'For me a coke, please,' Deeks said. The waiter nodded and he walked away after handing them the menus. They both took a look at it.

'You know: I used to work here,' Deeks told Kensi and she looked surprised.

'Really?' Kensi asked smiling and Deeks nodded. She looked around and could imagine Deeks walking around asking people what they wanted to drink or to eat. 'Well, what do you recommend then?'

'They actually changed the menu since I worked her,' he said. 'But one of the tapas menus could be a good start.' Kensi slowly nodded and when Deeks looked up, he saw her swallowing several times. Just when he wanted to ask if she was okay, she got up and excused herself. Deeks watched her hurry to the lady's room.

'Marty, I think you should check up on your wife,' another waiter, who Deeks recognized as his old colleague Danny, said. 'I believe she's sick.' Deeks put his menu down and stood up.

'She isn't my wife,' Deeks corrected. 'And I think she will be okay, Danny. She's pregnant. It might be the smells that make her sick.' Danny nodded.

'Alright,' he said. 'I guess you won't need your drinks?'

'You guessed that right,' Deeks answered and he went to the lady's room.

* * *

><p>'I'm so sorry,' Kensi apologized once again when Deeks helped her inside her apartment. She was still a bit unstable from throwing up. 'You try so hard and I mess it all up…or the pregnancy messes it all up.'<p>

'It's okay, Kens,' Deeks said, also once again. 'You can't help it. I should have thought of the smells. I mean: I read those forums, I should have known.'

'Still I feel guilty for messing everything up,' she said. 'I'm going to change in something comfortable.' Deeks nodded. He wouldn't have minded to see her longer in that dress but that wasn't up to him.

It took Kensi much less time to change in comfortable clothes and soon they sat on the couch together, with some chocolate ice cream and a beer for Deeks.

'This is horrible,' Kensi sighed and Deeks looked at her ice cream. It looked fine to him. 'You wanted to eat tapas in a restaurant and here we are: at my place eating ice cream.' Deeks noticed tears forming in Kensi's eyes.

'I love ice cream and beer,' he said, hoping that she wouldn't cry.

'But you tried so hard to make it perfect,' Kensi said. '…to show that it might work and you're so sweet for wanting to take it all slow. You wanted this to go well and me and my stupid pregnancy messed it up by throwing up because of some stupid smells….and I'm going to cry again!' Deeks took Kensi's hands in his.

'It's fine, Kensi,' he said in a serious tone, hoping that it would show that he meant it. 'You can't help feeling sick at certain smells and your pregnancy isn't stupid. We're getting a beautiful baby together. We can handle some throwing up and hormones. It will seem like nothing when we hold our baby.' Kensi sniffed and Deeks wiped away her tears. 'It will be all okay.' Kensi slowly nodded and Deeks took a relieved breath. He was glad that he got through to her.

'Maybe we could watch a movie,' he suggested. 'So to take our minds of the date.'

'Sound like a good plan,' Kensi said and Deeks went through her DVDs.

'Aha!' he exclaimed after a while, holding a DVD up. 'You have Johnny English, just like me. I love that movie. It makes me laugh.'

'I love that movie too,' Kensi smiled. 'We can watch it.' She took the DVD from him and put it in the DVD player. Deeks pressed play and Kensi sat next to him. Not long after the movie started Kensi snuggled against him and Deeks couldn't help to think that this was way better than the date in the restaurant.

**TBC.**

**Writing is going very slow these days and I'm sorry for that. Also in a week I'll go to Madeira for two weeks and after that one week to Amsterdam, probably without internet. But I'll try to keep writing on paper and post new chapters as soon as I get home.**

**For those who are interested: Ian's last name is Latin and it means true. My sister came up with the name, which was a lot of fun to do. We came up with names like: Firend, Denfir, Firden, Yfamil, and Eshont. And I discovered that Ian means gift of God. It's unbelievable how much fun you can have with choosing a name for a bad guy XD**

**Please review =D I wonder what you all think what's going to happen in this story. And of course if you like the story so far.  
>BTW: please tell me if there are any mistakes in it so I can correct it. I hate when there are mistakes in my story<strong>_**.**_


	11. Chapter 11

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes.**  
><strong>I wrote this chapter while listening to 'When You Find Me' by Joshua Radin. The song really seemed to fit this story.<strong>

**This will be the only chapter you'll be able to read the next three weeks so I hope it doesn't suck!**

_Chapter 11_

'Are you in a supermarket?' Kensi asked confused while she walked into the kitchen. She was on the phone with Deeks. She had wanted to talk with him all day but she hadn't got the chance at Ops.

'As a matter of fact I am,' Deeks answered. 'How observant of you, Miss Blye.' Kensi searched through her fridge and sighed.

'Can you get me some quark? I would love to have some right now.'

'Sure, which flavor?'

'Any kind…but no blueberries or the one with the fake chocolate in it…oh and no strawberries. At the moment strawberries make me feel like throwing up.'

'Alright…here we go: one quark for you. But why did you call? I assume it's not because you wanted your quark. I know you're Wonder Woman but you couldn't possibly know that I was in a supermarket.' Kensi glanced at the paper stuck on the fridge. She ran her hand through her hair.

'Well…I got an appointment with the doctor tomorrow and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me. She is going to make an ultrasound and you could see the baby…I thought you would like that…'

'I would love to!' Kensi smiled at Deeks' enthusiasm. 'I'll definitely come with you to that appointment.'

'Great! It's at two o'clock and Hetty already knows about it so it shouldn't be a problem.'

'Thanks for asking me, Kensi.'

'No problem, it's your baby too.'

'That it is. I'll be in twenty minutes or so at you place to deliver your quark and maybe we could talk some more.'

* * *

><p>'Nina wasn't happy with me leaving this early,' Sam told Callen as they walked into a quiet Ops. It was still early and most people were still at home. 'Now she has to walk the dog and she doesn't like that.'<p>

'Then why did you get a dog?' Callen asked while they headed towards Eric

'Because Sarina had been begging for a dog for years,' Sam explained. 'And so have the other two. We just wanted the begging to stop…'

'You gave in,' Callen concluded.

'I would never give in,' Sam contradicted. They had arrived at Eric and the tech looked questioningly at them.

'With what can I help you?' he asked.

'Did you find anything on the cameras?' Callen asked. A few days after he had told Sam about Mark, they had asked Eric for his help. Unfortunately four weeks had passed and they had come up with nothing.

'Abby e-mailed me about their progress,' Eric said. 'McGee and I tried to find Mark on any camera but we didn't find anything. Also nothing on stops between DC and Chicago. Just like he did in LA, Mark just seemed to disappear. One minute he was boarding the plane in DC and the other minute he was gone. Does Hetty even know that we know that Mark was in DC?'

'Knowing Hetty, I think she does,' Callen said. 'She probably left the note with his location for me to find. She would never leave something like that behind if she wanted to keep it a secret.'

'But all this time Abby never said anything about Damian,' Eric noted and Callen and Sam could hear dread in his voice.

'That doesn't mean anything,' Sam assured Eric. 'Damian didn't go to DC with Mark. Mark went to DC to taunt us.' Eric nodded slowly but after four weeks they all began to doubt that theory. It seemed a good theory at first but not anymore. If Mark really wanted to taunt them, he might have brought Damian with him. Just to show them that he was really winning. He still had his son and they had no idea where he was. That would be the best way to taunt them.

* * *

><p>'Deeks what are you doing here?' Sam asked surprised when Deeks walked into the bullpen, whistling. 'And why are you so happy?'<p>

'I'm here to work and I'm happy because I'm going to see my baby for the first time today,' Deeks answered smiling.

'And why are you so early?' Sam asked. 'You never come in early!'

'Because the doctor's appointment is at two so I have to leave early,' Deeks said. 'And I want that Hetty doesn't have any problem with me leaving to see my baby for the first time.' Sam laughed. People always say that you can see that a woman is pregnant because she glows. Well, now Sam discovered you also can see when a man is becoming a father: they too glow. Deeks was really glowing.

'Why is that so funny?' Deeks asked surprised at Sam's laugh.

'Hetty would never forbid you to leave,' Sam answered.

'Well, now she really can't,' Deeks said. 'I didn't just arrive on time, I arrived early!'

'If only you could do that every day, mister Deeks,' Hetty commented, appearing out of nowhere like she always does.

'So, you're seeing your child for the first time,' Sam said and Deeks nodded. 'I can assure you that there is nothing better than when you see that tiny heart beat. That is when you really realize that soon there will be another person on the earth and that you created that person. It's wonderful.'

'What if I can't see the baby?' Deeks asked worried. 'Like in an episode of _Friends_…they couldn't see the baby on the ultrasound…only the doctor could. What if that happens to me? Or what if Kensi changes her mind and she doesn't want me inside the room?'

'She wouldn't do that to you,' Sam said. 'And this is the twelve-weeks-ultrasound. You'll be able to see your baby.' Deeks took a relieved breath which made Sam laugh.

'Am I going crazy?' Deeks asked. 'Because it kind of feels like I do.' Sam shook his head.

'You're going to be a dad for the first time,'he said. 'It's normal to worry about things like that…although I don't know about worrying about the chance that you won't be able to see your baby on the ultrasound. I never heard that before. But I can tell you that that the worries will never go away. You will always worry about your kids, but you'll just have to find a way to deal with it. To let them go, each time a little bit more.'

'You're full of wisdom about parenting,' Deeks noted. 'Maybe you should write a book about it. I'll definitely come to you whenever I need help or when I'm about to freak out.'

* * *

><p>Several women and men were in the waiting room at the doctor's. Some were very pregnant and some didn't look pregnant at all. Kensi nervously browsed through some magazine, waiting for her name to be called. When she looked at Deeks, he looked as nervous as she felt, if not more nervous.<p>

'Kensi Blye?' doctor Idle called and Kensi stood up, jabbing Deeks in the progress. But he was already standing at her first name. Doctor Idle smiled and she shook their hands. She let them into her office.

'Well, twelve weeks,' she smiled as she sat down behind her desk. 'How are you feeling, Kensi?'

'Umm…fine,' Kensi answered. 'Not much throwing up or anything. Only with some smells and food like strawberries.' Doctor Idle nodded and she wrote something down.

'Are there any hereditary diseases or disorders in either one of your families?' she asked them. Kensi looked at Deeks, who shook his head.

'Not as far as we know,' Kensi answered.

'Good,' Doctor Idle said. 'I know you have been pregnant before…' Kensi swallowed and she felt Deeks' hand grabbing hers. He squeezed it gently. '…and gave birth to Damian. I also know about his disappearance so I understand that this might be difficult. But I would like to know how the pregnancy went. Where there any problems?'

'Umm…' Kensi stumbled and she looked at Deeks.

'Nothing unusual,' he answered for her. 'At least that I noticed. The first trimester you threw up a lot but nothing serious. That stopped after the first trimester and the second and third went good.' Doctor Idle nodded again.

'Are you using any kind of medicine?' she asked and Kensi shook her head. 'Alright, if you could lie down on the table, we could see your baby.' Deeks face lightened up and they walked over to the table. Kensi lifted her shirt and Deeks noticed for the first time that she had a tiny bump, a tiny pregnant bump.

'The gel might be cold,' doctor Idle warned and she applied some gel on Kensi's stomach. She moved the transducer over her stomach while looking at the screen. After a few seconds doctor Idle pointed at the screen and the sound of a strong beating heart filled the room. Deeks and Kensi both looked at the screen and they could see their tiny baby. Deeks held Kensi's hand when a tear escaped from her eyes.

* * *

><p><em>I'm not supposed to be happy. Not when you're still missing, my little boy. How can I feel happy when my son is missing? What kind of mother does that make me? I shouldn't feel happy…but I feel happy because of Deeks and your baby brother or sister. I can't help it and I'm sorry for it.<em>

_But I do miss you like when Deeks and I saw the baby at our first ultrasound together. Your baby brother or sister has a beautiful heartbeat and is growing perfectly. I wish you could see him or her. You would be such a great brother. _

_Will you be back when he or she starts to talk, or to walk or at his/her first day at school? I will tell him or her about you but I want him or her to meet you and love you like I do. I miss you so much, my little boy._

_Lots of love and kisses,_

_Your mom_

Kensi put the notebook on the dresser and wiped some of tears away. She took the ultrasound and looked at the little person that was growing inside of her. It felt like it was the first ultrasound she ever had and it felt so special. But she knew it wasn't her first ultrasound. She stood up and looked at a picture on the wall, another ultrasound. An ultrasound of Damian. She stroke with her finger over her son's picture. She never thought she could miss someone more than she missed her father but now she learned that she could miss someone more. Missing Damian was like she wasn't complete.

* * *

><p>'Look, old guy,' Deeks said to Monty and he held the ultrasound in front of the dog. 'You see that? That is our baby…I'm going to be a daddy.' Deeks felt like he could stare forever at the picture and never get bored. That was his child, his flesh and blood. One day he would be holding that baby in his arms. He stroked with his index finger over the tiny head.<p>

'Can you believe it?' he asked the dog. 'I'm going to be a daddy…and I'm going to be a good daddy. I'll be there when he or she grows up and maybe even film everything. That is what good dads are supposed to do, right Monty? I'm going to do my very best for this child. I'm not going to mess up.' Monty laid his head on Deeks' lap and Deeks stroked the dog's head.

* * *

><p>'Doesn't he or she look perfect?' Deeks asked enthusiastically when he showed the ultrasound to Callen, Eric and Sam. 'He or she is just perfect. The heart beats very strong.'<p>

'Look at that,' Sam smiled and he could remember his reaction with each ultrasound of his kids. He had been just as enthusiastic as Deeks.

'So do you know whether it's going to be a girl or a boy?' Eric asked and Deeks shook his head.

'That isn't visible yet,' he explained. 'We will have to wait until the twentieth week to know whether it's going to be a boy or a girl.'

'So what do you want it to be?' Eric answered.

'I think a girl,' Deeks answered honestly. 'I don't know if Kensi could handle it if we were getting a boy. It might feel like a replacement for Damian for her, even though it isn't. So a girl would be best…for myself I don't care if it's a boy or a girl. Like any parent I just want it to be healthy.' Eric handed Deeks the ultrasound back and Deeks looked at it, smiling because that was his kid and there was nothing more beautiful in the world.

**TBC.**

**Unfortunately for you, my amazing readers, I'm leaving tomorrow at 1am to the airport for our two-week vacation to Paul do Mar, Madeira. I'll keep writing on this story at the pool (xD) but I won't be able to post any chapters, or at least I don't think I will. The week after that I'm also away and I don't think I will have internet access. But when I get home I'll immediately post a brand new chapter.**

**Please keep reviewing. Every review makes me happy =D**


	12. Chapter 12

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 12_

Kensi slammed her car door close and she stamped into Ops. Callen and Deeks looked up surprised when they heard her come inside, loudly grumbling.

'Everything okay?' Deeks asked carefully, hoping that she wouldn't start yelling at him. Kensi threw her bag on the floor beside her desk and she sat down with a loud sigh.

'I don't fit into my favourite jeans anymore,' she told them. Deeks looked at Callen, in the hope he knew what to say but just like Deeks, Callen had no clue. Where was Sam when you needed him, Deeks thought and he glanced at the entrance.

'And I miss my morning coffees,' Kensi continued. 'I'm tired the whole time. I can't go into the field anymore. All I do is sit here all day, getting fatter. It's pissing me off!'

'Well, you're doing it all for a reason,' Deeks tried. 'Think about the little person inside of you...'

'This is also your fault!' Kensi yelled. 'Why the hell are the women the one who have to carry the baby around for nine months? Why can't the men be the tortured ones?'

'What if I made you dinner tonight?' Deeks suggested and Kensi's face lit up.

'You'll make anything I want?' she asked.

'Of course,' Deeks answered. 'I'll make whatever you want to eat.' Kensi smiled and she nodded. Then she stood up and left the bullpen. Deeks took a relieved breath. When he looked at Callen, he saw him smiling.

'What?' Deeks asked confused.

'She's pregnant, Deeks,' Callen said and Deeks raised his eyebrows. 'And pregnant women have cravings. They eat all kind of weird disgusting combinations of food. You are eating with her tonight with the promise you make anything she wants.' Deeks thought with mashed beets and cola sauce, soup of ketchup, mustard and potatoes and cow leg with peanut butter and chocolate. Callen started to laugh at Deeks' desperate face.

'And the worst thing: you can't refuse now,' he laughed. 'You don't want to upset a pregnant woman, especially when she has access to a gun.'

* * *

><p>'Hard day?' Kensi heard Sam ask her. She opened her eyes. Sam was staring at her and she sat up.<p>

'What did Nina do against the tiredness?' she asked him.

'Sleep,' Sam answered simply and Kensi smiled tiredly.

'There is nothing else I do when I'm home,' she told him. Her phone started to ring and Kensi looked at the caller-ID, ready to ignore the call when needed. But the name surprised her.

'It's Hailey,' she told Sam and she answered the phone.

'You people told us that it was nothing but now Zack is in the hospital!' Hailey told her hysterically over the phone. 'Someone almost beat him to death!' Kensi rose quickly from the couch and she looked worried at Sam.

'We're going to the hospital right now,' she said and Sam nodded, walking away with his phone. 'I need you to try to tell me what happened.' She started to walk towards the cars.

'Umm...Zack had received another weird call so he called me. While we were talking about what we should do, a man started to talk to Zack...and before I knew it the line went dead...umm...about fifteen minutes later I got a call from the hospital that Zack has been admitted.' Deeks opened the door for her and Kensi sat down.

'Hailey, we'll be there soon.'

* * *

><p>The team could spot Hailey pretty easily as she was pacing around looking very anxious. They walked over to her and Kensi carefully placed a hand on Hailey's shoulder.<p>

'How is he doing?' she asked. Hailey ran a hand through her hair before she looked at the team.

'I don't know,' she mumbled. 'They won't tell me anything even though I'm his wife! The doctors are still working on him I guess. But I don't know and it's driving me crazy!'

'I'll see if I can get any information,' Callen said and he walked to the nurse's desk.

'It has been almost an hour...' Hailey began to sob. 'How long can it take? This means it is bad, isn't it?' Kensi looked at Deeks and Sam.

'They are doing their very best to make Zack better,' Deeks told her. 'For that they need to take their time. Also he has to get MRI's and CT scans. That also takes time. It's good that they take their time. It means that everything is going okay. If he was dying, they wouldn't take this long. Time is good in this case.' Hailey looked at him through her tears.

'You sound like you really know,' she said.

'I only heard this from someone else,' he told her and he glanced at Sam.

'Zack took a pretty bad beating,' Callen could tell them when he got back. 'Right now he's getting a CT scan to see if there are bleedings inside his brains.' Hailey gasped and Deeks softly squeezed her hand. 'Also he has a few cracked and broken ribs, a concussion and several cuts and bruises. He's pretty bad but the doctor thinks he'll be okay in some time.'

'Why did they tell _you_ this?' Hailey asked surprised. 'They didn't tell me anything.'

'Well if they ask: I'm Gary, Zack's brother,' Callen told her and she nodded.

* * *

><p>Callen, Deeks and Sam all looked at Zack and saw Kensi for a second. Zack was laying in the hospital bed, hooked to all kind of apparatus. But unlike Kensi, Zack was awake. Hailey looked up from her seat next to his right side and she whispered something to Zack, who slowly looked up.<p>

'How are you doing?' Sam asked. 'Any pain?'

'American painkillers are great,' Zack answered slowly. 'You want to know what happened?'

'If you're up to it,' Callen said and Zack nodded before hissing.

'These assholes need to be punished,' he growled. 'I would do it myself if I wasn't tied to this bed. So where do we start?'

'Hailey told me that you received another weird phone call,' Kensi started and Zack nodded. 'Was it the same guy as the first time?'

'Yes, same asshole,' Zack answered.

'Did you recognize the guys?' Deeks asked and Zack shook his head, hissing once again. Hailey stroked her husband over the head. 'How many were there?'

'I believe four,' Zack answered. 'You should ask the doctors how many different fist impressions they found.'

'You remember where they attacked you?' Callen asked.

'Yes,' Zack said resolutely. 'It was near the restaurant to which I took Hailey to celebrate I was back. It's called Chalotta.'

* * *

><p>The restaurant's name was the first thing they saw when the team arrived at the place where Zack had been attacked. The street was almost deserted.<p>

'Zack said about sixty feet from the restaurant,' Sam said and he pointed towards a fallen trash bin.

'Happy to be in the field again?' Deeks asked Kensi and she nodded happily.

'This made the day a lot better,' she answered. 'And it will be fine. I stay away from anything dangerous.'

'You better,' Deeks said and their attention turned to Callen who held up a cell phone. It was Zack's phone as the last call had been to Hailey.

'I have blood,' Sam said and he pointed at the red substance smeared on a wall.

'There are people living in this street,' Deeks said, glancing around. 'How did no one heard anything? Or did anything to stop it?'

'They were scared?' Kensi suggested. 'When you're scared you can't think logical.'

'But why not call nine one one?' Callen contradicted. 'Then you don't have to get there yourself but you're still helping. How did no one called nine one one? People must have been home or in the restaurant...'

'Maybe Eric can find something on the cameras,' Kensi said and she pointed at an ATM and security cameras. 'The beating must have been recorded.'

* * *

><p>'The beating was recorded,' Eric told them over the phone. 'It shows four guys beating the hell out of Zack...it's unbelievable that he's still talking. He is one tough guy...'<p>

'Yeah, Eric, we know,' Callen said, hoping that Eric would give them more information about the attackers.

'They seem to know Zack because they talked with him first,' Eric said. 'Zack didn't seem happy to see them and he told them that before they began to beat him. No faces were soon which was kind of weird. Even in their anger they were able to hide from the cameras as they knew where they were.'

'That sounds like they planned it,' Callen said.

'Yeah. I'll keep searching and try to see their faces...oh and Hetty said - well _ordered _-for Kensi to get back to Ops since she's still pregnant and crime scenes are still dangerous according to her.'

'I'll tell Deeks to bring her back. Thanks, Eric.' Callen put his phone back and he walked to Deeks, with a tiny smile on his face. Sam immediately saw the smile.

'Deeks has to bring Kensi back to Ops?' he asked Callen and Callen nodded. A smile appeared also on his face. This was going to be interesting to watch. But for some reason Kensi reacted very calmly when Callen had sent Deeks to bring Kensi back to Ops.

'He must have told her that they were getting some food on the way,' Sam opted. 'That always worked with Nina when I had to take her somewhere.' Callen nodded in agreement.

* * *

><p>The usual tune was playing in the supermarket when Deeks walked inside. When Kensi told him what she wanted to eat for dinner, he thought she was joking but she had been dead serious. She insisted on eating lobster. Not some kind of disgusting dish but lobster. Now Deeks was walking through the supermarket looking for the ingredients of the dish.<p>

'Good day, how can I help you?' the salesman asked behind the fish counter.

'Umm...I'm making lobster tonight...' Deeks answered. '...for the first time in my life and it's for my...girlfriend and...' The salesman smiled.

'You need help,' he said and Deeks nodded. The salesman gestured him to come behind the counter. Deeks looked surprised at the man but he did what the man gestured.

'Lobster is a great meal to make,' the salesman told him. 'It's delicious and your girlfriend will love you even more when you make this dish. What are your plans for the lobster? Just plain or with some kind of sauce?' Deeks looked blankly at the guy. There were different kinds of ways to make lobster? Why didn't Kensi choose a soup of ketchup, mustard and potatoes? That would have been so much easier. The salesman was laughing.

'We will start with the lobster,' he said and he walked into the back. When he came back Deeks looked in shock at the man.

* * *

><p>When Deeks arrived at Kensi's apartment, she opened the door, eating a carrot. She looked surprised at the box in Deeks' hand.<p>

'Can I come in?' he asked. 'I need to make you your dinner...and this thing is heavy!' Kensi nodded and she opened the door even further.

'What's in the box?' she asked curiously.

'You won't believe it,' Deeks told her. 'How many carrots did you eat? Don't tell me that you don't want lobster anymore.'

'Just this one,' Kensi answered. 'Now tell me what's in the box?'

'Well, you wanted to eat lobster, so I got you lobster,' Deeks said and he opened the box. Kensi smiled and she looked inside.

'Oh my God, it's alive!' she exclaimed and she stepped back from the box. 'The lobster is still alive!' Deeks nodded.

'Apparently that is the way lobster is prepared,' he told her. 'At least that is what the salesman told me. It isn't too hard to make. You just put the thing in a pan with boiling water. It will die immediately.' Kensi grimaced.

'Sounds like a painful death,' she said. 'One time a Petty Officer was boiled to death and it wasn't looking pretty.'

'Yeah I know,' Deeks said and he looked again in the box. 'He looks kind of cute, right?' Kensi also looked in the box.

'I think it's a she,' Kensi said. 'But it is cute with it sharp pincers...'

'Yeah,' Deeks said. 'But I will start with dinner...' He took out some of the other ingredients when Kensi stopped him by taking his hand.

'I'm not feeling like eating lobster anymore,' she said. 'Maybe just some pizza?'

'It doesn't feel right to eat her, isn't it?' Deeks asked and Kensi nodded. 'Alright, we'll eat pizza but what should we do with our lobster? She can't stay in the box...'

* * *

><p>'I'm not getting her out of there!' Deeks exclaimed. 'I think our girl wants to stay with us!' He and Kensi were standing on the beach with the box with the lobster standing between them. Kensi shook her head laughing.<p>

'Deeks, just put her in the sea,' Kensi laughed. Deeks looked at the lobster.

'She is kind of nice,' he said. 'People keep lobsters as their pet, right?' Kensi turned the box on its side but nothing came out.

'You see?' Deeks said. 'She doesn't want to leave us. We should name her. What is a nice name for a lobster?' Kensi gave the box a push and the lobster came running out, right into the sea.

'There goes your dinner,' Deeks said and Kensi nodded.

'Now we can get some pizza,' she said. 'I'm hungry.' Deeks looked on more time at the sea and then followed Kensi to the street. She had already found a pizza place, probably smelled it, and they went inside.

* * *

><p>'This pizza is amazing,' Kensi said when she took another bit from her pizza. They were back in her apartment, sitting on the couch eating. 'I have never had a pizza that tasted this great.'<p>

'You were really hungry, weren't you?' Deeks asked. 'I should have known when I saw you eating that carrot. You never eat carrots but you eat Twinkies.' Kensi laughed.

'There were no more Twinkies and I knew you were coming to make dinner very soon so I took a carrot,' she said. 'This baby is making me hungry. I can tell you that these are going to be long hungry weeks.'

'I'll keep that in mind,' Deeks said and he stood up to take their plates to the kitchen. 'Do you need more food? Or more to drink?'

'No, I'm going to need the bathroom,' Kensi said and she got up from the couch, walking in the direction of the bathroom. 'For some reason all the fluids go immediately to my bladder.' Deeks laughed and he put the plates on the kitchen counter. He filled the sink with water and some detergent and placed the plates in the sink.

'You are doing the dishes?' Kensi asked when she got back and Deeks nodded. She grabbed a towel. 'Let me help.'

'You can sit on the couch and do nothing,' Deeks said. 'I don't mind to do the dishes alone.'

'Well, I do,' Kensi said and she dried a plate before placing it in the cabin. 'You are too sweet, Deeks. Willing to make lobster even when you scared of lobsters, getting me pizza and then also willing to the dishes by yourself.'

'Well, that's me,' he smiled. 'But I only do it for amazing people and the mother of my child.' He glanced at Kensi and he saw tears in her eyes. 'Are you okay?'

'I hate hormones,' Kensi said and Deeks smiled. He pulled her in a hug and that made Kensi cry even more. 'I hate that you're so sweet!' When Deeks looked at her and he looked right into her teary eyes. He stroked her cheekbone with his thumb and he pulled her closer, locking their lips.

**TBC**

**My sister said I had to tell you that the most animal friendly way to kill a lobster is to stab a knife in its head.**

**Yeah, I'm back from my vacation (and I wish I was still there because in the Netherlands the weather sucks!)…but I'm going away next week for another week. It's the introduction week of the university. So I'm just home for two days.**  
><strong>I have three chapters all written and checked by my sister so ready to be posted.<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites! They make me happy and awake (since I haven't had a lot of sleep this week: introduction week with parties, parties and so much fun)!**

_Chapter 13_

'How is Zack doing?' Deeks asked Hailey while they were drinking coffee in the hospital cafeteria. Hailey took a sip before answering the question.

'Better, all he wants is to go,' she said. 'He says he has spent enough time in hospital the last year alone. So he wants to go home. But I don't know. The attackers probably know where we life.'

'NCIS can set you up with a safe house,' Deeks said. Hailey smiled.

'I feel like we're a big bother to all of you,' she said. 'We take all your time...and it's not like they aren't dangerous. They tried to kill Zack!'

'We know how to handle dangerous guys,' Deeks assured her.

'Yeah...well I sure believe that but Kensi should stay safe,' Hailey said and Deeks looked questioningly at her. 'She's pregnant, right? I can see it. My sister is now six months pregnant. I have seen all the signs and tells.'

'Well, you don't have to worry about it,' Deeks smiled assuring. 'She isn't allowed to go in the field.' Hailey started to play with her empty coffee cup.

'Did you find anything?' she asked. 'Any idea who could have done this? Or why they have done it?' Deeks shook his head.

'Nothing specific yet,' he told her. 'Maybe we should head back to Zack, see how he's doing.' Hailey nodded and they walked back to Zack's room.

* * *

><p>'Why can't I just stay at the hospital?' Kensi asked Hetty. 'Not much can happen there and I think Hailey and I were some kind of friends...she might like to see a face she knows.' Hetty shook her head.<p>

'I thought I was clear, Miss Blye,' she said at a serious tone. 'No more work in the field until your maternity leave. Then you can stay at home.' Kensi sighed.

'Please?' she pleaded. 'I hate being stuck here while the guys are in the field. It's just the hospital.'

'Miss Blye, you...' Hetty started to say but she was interrupted by Eric's whistle.

'We got another beating!' he shouted from upstairs. Kensi turned to Hetty, who nodded and she walked upstairs.

'Where is Deeks?' she asked when she noticed only Callen, Eric and Sam were upstairs.

'He's at the hospital,' Callen answered and he turned to Eric. 'Tell us about the beating.' Eric started a security tape.

'The guy who is getting the beating is Lieutenant James Grawl,' Eric told them. 'He's forty-seven years, has two kids who are both in college and married to Lisa Grawl. He was walking home from the supermarket where he had bought some milk when four guys approached him and started to beat him.'

'So it's not about Zack?' Kensi asked.

'Probably not,' Callen answered. 'He just happened to be the first victim that we know of. Kensi, I know you're not allowed to go into the field but I'll clear with Hetty that you can go to the hospital to interview Lieutenant Grawl when he wakes up and you'll have to talk to the wife.' Kensi nodded. 'Sam and I will go to the crime scene.'

'I already sent the address to your phones,' Eric told them.

* * *

><p>Kensi walked into the waiting room, looking for Lieutenant Grawl's wife. She spotted the wife pretty easy, as she was the only woman in the room. Kensi stepped towards her.<p>

'Lisa Grawl?' she asked carefully and the woman nodded, before wiping away her tears. Kensi showed her badge. 'Special Agent Kensi Blye, NCIS. I would like to talk about what happened.' Lisa Grawl nodded.

'I don't really know what happened,' she sobbed. 'He was getting the groceries...I was supposed to do that but he insisted on going...he was talking about a romantic dinner with the two of us...what am I going to do if he doesn't make it?' Lisa could no longer hold the tears back and Kensi stroked the woman's back.

'The doctor are doing their very best,' she said. 'It's going to be alright...' Lisa took her phone out of her handbag.

'I should call our kids...but I haven't found the courage yet...' she sobbed and she looked at Kensi. 'Is there any chance that you...that you could call them?' Kensi slowly nodded and she took over the phone. 'Their names are Amy and William...their numbers should be in there...tell them that I'm sorry for not...' Lisa stopped mid-sentence when she saw a doctor approaching them. She grabbed Kensi's arm as support.

'Misses Grawl?' the doctor asked and Lisa nodded. 'I'm very sorry but your husband didn't make it...his trauma was too severe.' Lisa just dropped down, crying, and Kensi took a deep breath.

* * *

><p>'That was Kensi,' Callen said. 'Lieutenant Grawl didn't make it.' Sam sighed and looked back at the crime scene.<p>

'Looking at the scene there was little chance he would have,' Sam said. 'Look at all this blood. It's like they were angrier this time...why would they do it? Zack and Lieutenant Grawl don't have much in common except that they're Navy and married.'

'It could be because they're Navy,' Callen said. 'The attackers may not like the Navy...Kensi is trying to get something more out of Mrs. Grawl...to see if they have received phone calls as well and Deeks is keeping an eye on Zack and Hailey.'

'How is Zack doing?' Sam asked.

'Doing better,' Callen answered. 'Still waiting to get out of hospital and still does like the American painkillers.' Sam smiled and then he pointed at something between trash bins. He crouched down to get it. It was a smashed cell phone.

'Did the Lieutenant still have his phone?' he asked Callen, who nodded. 'So this could belong to one of his killers.' Sam pushed some of the keys and turned in it around. 'Well, it's dead now. Maybe the lab can do something with it and hopefully Eric can find something.'

'One attack a day,' Callen said. 'They will strike again tomorrow and we don't have much to go on. Don't forget that the attacks get more violent. The next one will be a murder. The next will not even make the hospital.'

* * *

><p>Deeks just needed to smell his coffee to feel energy building up in his body. He walked into Zack's room and to his surprise was Kensi sitting in the room as well, sleeping. Hailey smiled when he gave her the other cup of coffee.<p>

'Looks like Kensi could use some too,' she smiled.

'I wasn't gone that long,' Deeks said.

'She arrived almost two seconds after you left,' Hailey told him. 'She sat down and two minutes later she was asleep...she did tell me that the other man didn't survive the attack. Zack was apparently very lucky.' Deeks sighed.

'Seems like it,' he said. 'He's still sleeping?' Hailey nodded and she took a sip of her coffee.

'The doctor said that he needs the sleep to recover,' she explained. 'Sleep's the best medicine. Why? Do you need to talk with him again? 'Cause he doesn't remember anymore...and I don't want him to wake up right now...' Deeks put his hand on her shoulder.

'He doesn't need to wake up,' he assured her. 'I just wanted to know how he was doing.' Hailey relaxed a little bit and she looked at her husband.

'Do you think you'll be able to catch them?' she asked Deeks.

'I hope so,' he answered.

* * *

><p>It was dark in the room when Kensi opened her eyes again. Confused she looked at her watch and to her surprised she had been asleep for almost two hours.<p>

'Look who's awake,' Zack smiled and Hailey got up from her chair.

'Good evening,' she smiled. 'Do you want something to eat?' She pointed at a sandwich standing on the table. 'Deeks got it for me but I'm not hungry. You must be.' Kensi smiled and she nodded. She was indeed very hungry.

'I didn't want to fall asleep but...' she stumbled.

'Being pregnant is very tiring, I heard,' Hailey smiled and she handed Kensi the sandwich. 'Deeks has gone with Callen and Sam to see the other man's wife. He will be back in half an hour or so.' Kensi nodded and she took a big bite of the sandwich, which tasted so good. That wasn't the food she remember from the hospital. Apparently the patients get the bad food and the visitors the good food. Just when she was enjoying the sandwich, her phone started to ring. She grabbed the phone and answered it, slightly irritated.

'Blye.'

'Good evening, Princess.' Kensi rolled with her eyes hearing one of Deeks' nicknames for her. 'Did you have a good sleep?'

'It was fine...but you're calling at the wrong moment. I was just enjoying a delicious sandwich, which is still calling my name. So what do you need?'

'Lisa Grawl told us that she had received phone calls as well. Eric had been able to trace the owner of the cell phone...of whom you didn't know yet that he existed...but anyway...Callen, Sam and I are heading over to the address right now. Lisa Grawl is heading home with her son right now...when I get back, should I bring back some food?'

'If you could bring some more of those amazing sandwiches, that would be amazing.' She could hear Deeks laugh on the other side.

'I'll do that. You enjoy the rest of your amazing sandwich and I'll be back to bring you home.'

'See you then.' Kensi smiled and she put her phone back into her pocket. When she looked at Hailey and Zack, they were both smiling.

'What?' Kensi asked. They both shook their head.

'Nothing but...' Zack started

'You and Deeks...?' Hailey finished. Kensi smiled shyly and Hailey laughed. 'I knew it. I could see it. Now I know what people meant when they said that they could see that Zack and I were together.' Zack kissed his wife's hand.

'Well, we're not together exactly,' Kensi said. 'At least...I think...it's complicated.'

'Real love is never complicated,' Zack said and he looked lovingly at his wife. 'You either love him or you don't. Everything else doesn't matter.' Kensi shook her head.

'Well in this case it does matter,' she said.

* * *

><p>Sam counted till three and he kicked in the door. Callen and Deeks moved with him inside the house, clearing every room. The house was empty. They put their guns away and they started to search the house.<p>

'They have a lot of pictures of a Navy officer,' Deeks nodded and he held one of the pictures in his hand. 'Maybe a father or a brother?'

'Or a good friend,' Callen added. 'Anything else that could be a reason for them to attack Navy personnel?'

'If that is their father, brother or friend, he isn't alive anymore,' Sam noted and he handed them a folder of news articles. 'He died seventeen months ago in a plane crash...the plane crash Zack survived...'

'So that could be the reason to attack Zack,' Callen said. 'They thought that he should be dead too...but why Lieutenant Grawl? And why kill him?'

'I'll call Eric and see if Lieutenant Grawl was involved in the plane crash,' Sam said and he walked out of the room to make the phone call. Deeks looked around the room.

'It looks like they only sleep here,' he said.

'And plan their attacks,' Callen added as he hit a key on the laptop. A picture of Lieutenant Grawl appeared on the screen with several routes of the man written down. 'Looks like they have been following him for a while. Attacking him when he was going to the supermarket couldn't be planned...that must have happened accidently. They just ran into the guy.'

'That might explain why there was more anger,' Deeks said. Sam came walking back into the room and Callen and Deeks looked questioning at him.

'Lieutenant Grawl was supposed to be on the plane,' he told them. 'Half an hour before the plane was scheduled to leave, there was a change of plans. Lieutenant Grawl was going to fly with the plane but he took the next one instead...'

'So our killers think that Lieutenant Grawl should have died as well,' Deeks said.

'And they kill him when he is on his way preparing a romantic dinner with him wife,' Sam added.

* * *

><p>Deeks and Kensi were sitting on the couch in Deeks' apartment, with Monty laying in front of them. Kensi was enjoying some carrots with peanut butter, some new weird craving of her. Deeks absently stroked her hair and somehow it felt like a family night at home.<p>

'Hailey and Zack seem so happy, even though they have been through so much,' Kensi said, disrupting the silence. 'That plane crash keeps coming back into their life.'

'Well, they love each other,' Deeks said. 'So I think they can get through everything together.' Kensi sat up and she looked at him.

'You really think that?' she asked him and Deeks nodded. 'You think that love is that strong?' Again Deeks nodded. Kensi stared at him for a few seconds and she leaned back against his shoulder.

'You remember the day we took Damian and Monty to the beach?' He asked her, changing the subject. Kensi smiled.

'Which day?' she asked. 'We went so often to the beach...'

'Well, the day that you took Damian into the water for the first time?' he asked her and Kensi nodded. Of course she remembered that day. It had been an amazing day.

_Monty was jumping around them, barking happily. Deeks grabbed the stick and threw it away. Kensi walked with Damian towards the water and she held him tightly when she put Damian's little feet in the water. Damian started to laugh and move his feet, splashing the water up, causing him to laugh even louder. Kensi walked with him along the water and all Damian did was laughing._

'_He really seems to love the water,' Deeks smiled and he snapped a picture of them. 'He will be surfing soon, you just wait and see.' Kensi laughed when Deeks pretended to be surfing on the beach._

'_That is fine by me as long as you teach him,' she said and she lifted Damian out of the water. She looked Deeks directly in his eyes. 'I would only trust you enough to teach him.' _

'_Of course I'll teach him,' Deeks said and he wrapped an arm around her shoulder. 'Why don't we get us and our future surfer-' He tickled Damian's stomach and Damian started to squirm in Kensi's arms, trying to get away from Deeks' tickling fingers.'- something to eat. 'Cause I'm hungry.' Kensi nodded and when Deeks whistled for Monty to come, they walked together toward the restaurant, just as if they were a family on holiday._

'That had been a beautiful day,' Kensi said and she faced Deeks. 'And I really meant it when I said I would only trust you to teach Damian to surf.' A tear escaped from her eye and Deeks wiped it away with his thumb.

'I know you did,' he said. Kensi closed her eyes and Deeks continued stroking her hair. Soon Kensi was sleeping soundly and Deeks thought back to that day. That day he had almost told her that he loved her, almost.

* * *

><p>'Zack, you need to stay in bed,' Deeks could hear Hailey say and she sounded desperate. He hurried into the room and he saw Zack sitting up in the bed, ready to get out. Deeks put his hand on Zack's shoulder.<p>

'I know it sucks, but you need to stay,' he said.

'Someone killed Lieutenant Grawl because he didn't go on the plane,' Zack said. 'He wasn't the only one who didn't go on the plane as planned. You need to find Petty Officer Gina Ortiz. She took an earlier flight, as in three days earlier, because her aunt died. You need to find her.'

'We will find her, Zack,' Deeks promised. 'You just need to lay back in bed. We'll find here and you just worry about getting better.' Zack sighed and he lay back. Hailey turned to Deeks and mouthed a thank you to him. Deeks nodded and he grabbed his phone.

'Callen, I know the next possible target,' he said straight away. 'Her name is Gina Ortiz. She was also supposed to be on the plane.'

'Alright, Eric will text you the address and we'll meet you there.' Deeks hung up and he turned to Hailey and Zack.

'Kensi will probably be here soon,' he told them. 'I'm going to find Gina. No worries, Zack.' Zack nodded and Deeks left the room.

'All we got is the GPS of her phone,' Eric told Deeks over the phone. '– you need to take here a left turn – she is on her way to her sister's place, on foot. Just like Zack and Lieutenant Grawl had been.' Deeks turned left and he pushed the accelerator.

'Where are Callen and Sam?'

'Just one street ahead of you...if you take a right turn you should be able to see them.' Eric was right and Deeks followed Callen and Sam.

'She stopped,' Eric reported. Deeks parked his car next to Callen and Sam's car and they moved further on foot, all three their guns drawn. When they turned the corner, they recognized the woman as Gina Ortiz and a man was shouting at her.

'NCIS!' Callen, Deeks and Sam yelled, pointing their gun at the man. 'Put your hands in the air and don't move!' The man immediately put his hands up and Sam moved towards the man. Callen turned to Gina Ortiz.

'Are you okay?' he asked her.

'Yeah,' she answered and she looked confused at Sam. 'Why are you arresting that guy? What is going on?'

'This man may be involved in two attacks on Navy personal,' Callen explained.

'What?' the man exclaimed. 'I did nothing to some Navy personal. This lady rudely bumped into me, making me drop my groceries, breaking my eggs. I just wanted her to pay for the eggs! But now that's not necessary anymore! I will buy some new ones myself! I didn't touch her!'

'So you're here alone?' Deeks and the man nodded scared.

'I did bump into him,' Gina said. 'But that was his fault so of course I didn't want to pay for his stupid eggs. There was no attack...and if someone would attack a person it would be me, hitting this guy!'

'Wait, is this about those attacks that were on the news this morning?' the man asked. 'Where a Lieutenant died?' Callen, Deeks and Sam looked at each other and Sam let the man go.

* * *

><p>The day went by and there wasn't a third attack. Deeks was driving Kensi back to her apartment after spending the rest of the day waiting.<p>

'So I thought that we could go to the beach when we get off,' Deeks said while keeping his eyes on the road. Kensi simply nodded and she searched through the glove compartment.

'Do you have something to eat?' she asked him. 'I'm hungry...'

'I thought that the glove compartment wasn't a fridge,' Deeks smiled but he reached for his bag. He dropped it on Kensi's lap. 'In there, there are at least three candy bars. Don't eat the all at once.' Kensi smiled and she reached in the bag. Deeks glanced into his side mirror and he frowned.

'What's wrong?' Kensi asked and she looked over her shoulder.

'I think we have company,' Deeks answered. 'The dark blue SUV.'

'Turn left here,' Kensi pointed and Deeks did what she said. Kensi looked again over her shoulder. 'Yep, we got company.' Deeks accelerated and turned left again. Kensi reached back into Deeks' bag.

'You put your phone in here?' she asked him and when she looked at him she saw him nod. 'Well, I can't find it!'

'Then grab your own phone,' Deeks said, slightly irritated and he concentrated on ditching the other car.

'Who are these guys?' Kensi said irritated. Deeks took a sharp turn to the right. Kensi looked once again over her shoulder. 'They sure aren't amateurs.' Deeks looked in his side mirror again but then he didn't watch the road. Kensi looked at the road and she was shocked.

'Deeks, watch out!' she yelled. Before Deeks could turn away, there was a loud bang.

**TBC.**

**I found some time to post this chapter. I'm really really sorry for keeping you waiting so long! But I never thought that my vacation would as busy as this =D.  
>At the moment I'm not writing at all on this story: I just don't have time for it. I'm all day at Groningen having fun with my KEI-group (which is the best!) and parting. So sorry for that. Next week should be a quiet week so enough time to write.<br>****As from today I'm not going home until Saturday (sleeping at my KEI-leaders' place) but I still have 1 finished and checked chapter and one finished but not yet checked.  
><strong>**So probably I'll post a new chapter Saturday or Sunday...no I promise you I'll post a new chapter this weekend. No excuses! **

**I hope you have a great time as well and as always: please review =D**


	14. Chapter 14

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 14_

A pounding headache was coming up and Deeks slowly opened his eyes. He looked around, trying to remember what happened. One moment they were driving and the next moment they were in this situation. There was smoke coming from the hood. Deeks looked to his right, seeing Kensi.

'Kensi?' he asked worried and he felt for a pulse. But before he could feel anything, Kensi groaned and she turned her head to Deeks. He smiled and he stroked her head.

'Are you okay?' she asked him and he nodded. He couldn't care less about himself.

'Are you hurt?' he asked her and Kensi slowly nodded. Then she looked in shock at him.

'The baby,' she said and she tried to get her seatbelt off, but it didn't work. She yanked it a few time and she looked back at Deeks. 'I'm stuck.' Deeks tried to unbuckle the seatbelt but it didn't work.

'I'm going to get out of the car and try it from the other side,' he said. When he moved out of the car, Kensi grabbed his hand.

'Where is the other car?' she asked him and Deeks remember again what happened. They were trying to shake of their tail and they drove into some pole. Deeks drew his gun and nodded at Kensi. He walked around the car when he suddenly was thrown against the back of the car. He groaned as the pounding in his head increased

'Deeks!' Kensi shouted panicking and she yanked the seatbelt again. 'Deeks!'

* * *

><p>Another fist landed into Deeks' face and he could taste the blood in his mouth. Another punch into his stomach and he fell to the ground, spitting the blood on the pavement. Before he could catch his breath, a kick hit him in his ribs and Deeks cried out from the pain. From the corner of his eye he saw a man moving towards the front of the car and Deeks grabbed the man's foot, keeping him from going to Kensi, who was still shouting for him. That they beat him to death was okay as long as that kept them away from Kensi.<p>

One of the men took Deeks' head in his hand and he threw it against the car. Spots formed in Deeks' vision but he didn't feel the pain from the blow. He was holding onto the man's feet, until a boot stamped on his hand. Deeks let out a cry of pain and he had to let go. Just when Deeks started to lose hope of keeping Kensi safe, a gun shot rang out. Deeks lifted his head and he recognized Sam's car. Relieve filled Deeks and he couldn't feel any pain anymore. Kensi and the baby would be safe. As he realized that, his eyes started to flutter and soon they closed.

* * *

><p>'Deeks!' Kensi yelled over and over, tears rolling over her cheek. Deeks was getting beaten and there was nothing she could do. The seatbelt held her in her seat. She tried to find her phone, which she dropped when they hit the pole and she grew more desperate as she couldn't find the stupid thing. Suddenly she heard ringing out of Deeks' bag and when she opened it, she saw his phone. She quickly answered it.<p>

'Deeks, a car left just after you!'

Kensi let go of her breath when she heard Callen's voice. Now she would be able to help Callen.

'Callen! Callen! I'm stuck and I can't get to Deeks! Callen, they are going to kill him!'

'Kensi, calm down...speak slower. What are you saying? Who are going to kill him?' Kensi looked over her shoulder, seeing the attackers.

'The damn attackers! They are beating Deeks to death and I can't do anything because of this stupid seatbelt! You need to get here and help him! And soon! I don't know how long Deeks got!'

'Kensi, we're already on our way.' Kensi was amazed how calm Callen sounded and it even calmed her down a little bit. Then she saw a man approaching her side of the car. Oh God, Kensi thought panicking and she yanked the seatbelt again, dropping Deeks' phone in the process. When she turned to see where the man was, she was looking right into his eyes. His green eyes which looked deadly calm.

'Please,' Kensi whispered. 'I'm...I'm pregnant...' She had never begged a criminal to save her life but this time it wasn't just her own life. She had to keep her baby safe. But the man couldn't care less and he tried to open the door. A deafening sound, to Kensi a beautiful sound, made the man drop to the ground.

* * *

><p>'Kensi?' Callen shouted as he ran towards the crashed car. Sam followed him but stopped at an unconscious Deeks. LAPD were arresting the attackers. Callen dragged the man away from the car door and he saw Kensi sitting, staring at the dead man.<p>

'Kensi,' he repeated, this time in a calming voice and Kensi turned her gaze at him. 'Are you hurt anywhere?'

'Deeks...' she mumbled and she looked over her shoulder again. Callen turned her head towards him.

'Kensi, Sam is with him,' he told her. 'Now I need to know if you're okay.' Kensi looked down at her body and when she faced Callen again, he could see panic in her eyes.

'The baby,' she said and tears escaped from her eyes. Again she yanked the seatbelt. She had to get out of the car. Callen stopped her.

'Fire department is on his way and is going to cut you lose,' he said. 'You just sit still. Everything will be fine.'

'Did they kill Deeks?' Kensi sobbed and Callen took her hand.

'No, they did not,' he assured her. 'I think you're the only one who can kill him.' A weak smile appeared on Kensi's face. 'It's good to see that you can still smile...now you don't need to worry. Ambulances are on their way, just like the fire department. Everything is going to be okay, Kensi. I promise you that.' He squeezed her hand and he nodded at her when they could hear the sirens.

* * *

><p>'He's severely beaten and had just been in a car crash,' Sam told the paramedics, who had hurried towards Deeks. 'Lost consciousness and hasn't regained it yet.'<p>

'You can step back now, sir,' the male paramedic said. 'We'll take over from you. Paula!' The female paramedic moved closer and Sam stepped away, giving them room to work.

'You better take care of him,' Sam said. 'He's one of us...and he is needed.'

'Don't worry, he will be okay,' Paula said and she placed a neck brace around Deeks' neck. Sam nodded.

'He always is,' he said. 'Hang in there, Deeks 'cause I don't want to tell Kensi that you're not okay.' He glanced at the front at the car, where Callen was with Kensi.

'Kensi is the woman inside the car?' Paula asked and Sam nodded again. 'She is pregnant, correct?'

'Yes, about twelve weeks,' Sam answered. Paula gave the information through to her colleagues over the radio, who just arrived at the scene.

'They will take care of her as soon as she's cut loose,' Paula assured Sam and she turned back to her partner. 'He's ready to go?' The male paramedic nodded and at three they lifted Deeks on the stretcher.

* * *

><p>'The paramedics are with Deeks now,' Callen told Kensi. 'So he'll be okay.' Kensi nodded and Callen glanced at the road. What was taking the paramedics so long? Just that moment, two men ran towards the car.<p>

'Step away, sir,' they said. 'We need all the room we get.' Callen had to let go of Kensi's hand and she looked panicking at him.

'Callen!' she sobbed.

'I'm right here,' he told her. 'The paramedics need their space to help you and your baby. But I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere.' The paramedics placed a neck brace around her neck.

'Can you follow the light?' one of the paramedics asked and he shined a light in her eyes. 'Okay, that's good, Kensi. Can you tell me how far along you are?'

'I'm...twelve weeks along,' she answered him. 'Is the baby okay?'

'We don't know yet,' the paramedic answered honestly. 'We need to get you to the hospital for that. Are you having any pain?'

'A little...but it's okay,' she answered. 'On a scale of one till ten it's about a two.'

'You have been in this situation before,' the paramedic smiled. 'But a two is good. Okay, you need to stay still for me, Kensi.'

'We're going to cut you lose now,' the fireman said. Kensi said nothing and looked panicking at the paramedic, who stopped the fireman before he started the procedure of getting her loose.

'Let me get in the car,' the paramedic told the fireman and she nodded towards Kensi. 'She is going to freak out any moment and we need her to stay calm. You need to her to stay calm.' The fireman nodded and the paramedic got inside the car. Kensi's eyes went to the woman, as she couldn't move her head because of the neck brace. The paramedic grabbed Kensi's hand and nodded at the fireman. He shouted to another fireman to come and both they started to cut Kensi lose.

'Kensi, you need to stay calm,' the paramedic sussed. 'Soon you and your baby will be out of the car. Your friend is already waiting for you...he never went anywhere, like he promised. Look at him. Ignore those firemen.' Kensi stared at Callen, who was watching nervously. He never looked nervous. Why was he looking nervous? Was something wrong? Kensi's breathing increased rapidly and the paramedic yelled at the firemen to stop.

'We almost got it!' one of the fireman protested confused.

'She is freaking out!' the paramedic yelled angrily. 'She needs to calm down!' The paramedic gestured Callen to come. Callen hurried towards the car.

'What is wrong?' he asked worried. Then he saw Kensi's panicking look and he heard her rapidly breathing. 'Move!' he ordered the paramedic, not wanting to sounds so rude as he did but he needed to get to Kensi. As he traded places with the paramedic he saw Kensi's tears.

'Callen...is he dead?' she sobbed and Callen shook his head.

'Sam is with him,' he told her. 'He's at the hospital. He's doing fine. You need to calm down so that we can get you to him. You're almost free.' The paramedic passed him an oxygen mask and Callen placed it over Kensi's face, under her protest. He took her hands in his and he nodded to the firemen that they could continue. Within a minute Kensi was freed and placed on the stretcher. Callen walked with her and the paramedic towards the ambulance, never letting go of her hand.

* * *

><p>'Can I go now?' Kensi asked curtly when the nurse had put bandages on her head wound. Her doctor, introduced as doctor Peetrony, shook her head.<p>

'I'm not liking your blood pressure,' she answered. 'It's still high.

'It's the stress,' Kensi dismissed and she pushed herself of the table.

'Miss Blye, high blood pressure is dangerous while you're pregnant,' doctor Peetrony warned. 'We need to keep an eye on it. You need to stay.' Kensi placed her hand on her stomach, thinking about the possible that their baby could be in danger.

'Then tell me how Deeks is doing,' Kensi said. Doctor Peetrony looked at Kensi and nodded. 'Mister Deeks had a broken hand, several bruised and a few broken ribs and a lot of bruises and cuts,' doctor Peetrony told her. 'He is very lucky. It could have been a lot worse. Now you know how mister Deeks is doing so you can stay here until your blood pressure is normal.' Kensi sighed irritated.

'I promise you that my blood pressure will be normal again when I can see Deeks,' she told the doctor.

'Your friend told me that you would be trying to do this,' doctor Peetrony sighed. 'Alright, I'll allow you to go visit mister Deeks.' Kensi smiled and she glanced around the room, in search of her shoes. 'But nurse Emma will come with you and you will be sitting in a wheel chair.'

'What?' Kensi replied. 'A wheelchair? I can walk perfectly!'

'Hospital policy and my condition for you to see mister Deeks,' doctor Peetrony said and she crossed her arms, letting Kensi know that she wasn't going to let Kensi go unless she was in a wheelchair. Kensi sighed and she nodded. Doctor Peetrony nodded towards nurse Emma, who left the room to get the wheelchair.

'This is ridiculous,' Kensi mumbled when she sat in the wheelchair, being pushed through the corridors of the hospital. Callen was walking next to her and he was smiling.

* * *

><p>Deeks' mouth was dry and he was dying to drink something. But he stopped thinking about drink when his door opened. Someone was in his room. Deeks reached to his night stand to get his gun...but the night stand he felt, wasn't his. His vision was a bit blurry and he needed to blink several times to be able to focus on the person who was walking in. His headache increased but Deeks remembered where he was again and what had happen. Sam sat down in one of the uncomfortably chairs next to the bed.<p>

'You're awake,' he said and Deeks could swear he could hear relieve in Sam's voice. 'How are you feeling?'

'How is Kensi?' Deeks asked, ignoring Sam's question. 'And the baby?' Before Sam could answer, Callen walked into the room, with a smile on his face. Next was Kensi in a wheelchair, being pushed by a nurse. Deeks was so relieved to see Kensi out of the car. He tried to sit up but his ribs didn't allow him.

'Kensi,' he said relieved. Kensi got up from the wheelchair, ignoring the protest of the nurse, and she gave Deeks a hug. From that moment he couldn't care about the pain she was causing him. All he could care about was that she was okay.

'You're okay?' he asked her when she released him.

'I'm fine,' she answered. 'And so is the baby. We got a strong one.'

'Not surprised with a mom like you, Kensi,' Callen joked.

'Miss Blye, doctor Peetrony's orders were clear,' the nurse told Kensi in a firm tone. 'You needed to be seated in the wheelchair all the time. Your blood pres...'

'Check my blood pressure,' Kensi interrupted and she held her arm out. 'It'll have decreased, I promise you.' The nurse moved forwards and checked Kensi's blood pressure.

'Still a little bit high but it has decreased,' she concluded. 'You escaped if doctor Peetrony comes to check up on you.' Kensi laughed.

'You had nothing to do with it,' she smiled. 'Thanks, Emma.' Nurse Emma smiled and she left the room. Deeks took Kensi's hand and he placed a soft kiss on it.

'I'm glad that you're okay,' he whispered. 'I was so worried.'

'You were the one who was getting the beating,' Kensi said.

'You are pregnant,' Deeks said and he touched Kensi's slightly swollen stomach. Kensi felt her stomach warm with his touch. He had talked, cared, about their baby but never had he touched her stomach as if he wanted to touch their baby. And Kensi had to admit that she liked it.

* * *

><p>Kensi's eyes fluttered for the fourth time and she almost fell asleep right there in that uncomfortable chair. Deeks touched her hand and she immediately sat up straight.<p>

'What's wrong?' she asked worried. 'Are you in pain?' Deeks laughed and then winced. Kensi looked at the door, ready to get a nurse when Deeks told her to.

'I'm fine, Kens,' he smiled. 'I thought that you should go home to get some sleep.' Kensi shook her head.

'I'm fine staying here,' she said. 'I'm not tired at all.' Deeks raised his eyebrow and Kensi sighed. 'Alright, I am tired but I'm fine staying here.'

'You should go home,' Deeks insisted. ' You should get a good night of sleep. Call Callen to drive you because...well, my car won't be driving anytime soon and your car isn't here...'

'You're lucky it's your car,' Kensi smiled and Deeks laughed. That was right. He remembered what she had told him on once case what she would do if he scratched her car. He didn't want to know what she would have done if he drove her car into a pole.

'How bad is it actually?' Deeks asked. 'Still worth safe? Or should I get a new one?'

'I don't know...but it looked bad,' Kensi answered. 'Hetty took care of your car. Either she threw it away or she brought it to a garage...' Kensi yawned again.

'That is it,' Deeks said and he held out his good hand. 'Give me your phone. I'm going to call Callen.' Kensi grabbed her phone but she didn't hand it to Deeks.

'I'll call him myself,' growled and she dialed the number.

Callen walked into the room only a few minutes later since he was in the cafeteria with Sam. Kensi looked surprised when he walked in and Callen just smiled.

'How are you feeling, Deeks?' he asked like he was just visiting.

'I told you to take your time,' Kensi told him irritated and Callen held his hands up in surrender.

'Talk to Sam,' he said. 'He didn't even let me finish my sandwich.' Kensi sighed and Deeks smiled.

'Well, I don't want to go yet,' Kensi said, crossing her arms. 'I'm perfectly fine sitting here.' Deeks took her hand and he looked at her.

'Kens, you should get some sleep,' he told her. 'Just go with Callen. I need to get some sleep too and the only way I'll get some sleep is when I know that you'll be sleeping comfortably in your own bed.' Kensi glanced at Callen, who nodded in agreement and she sighed.

'Fine,' she gave in. 'I'll go but I'll be here next thing tomorrow.' She turned to Callen. 'You better be at my place at seven o'clock to bring me!' Callen nodded.

'Why don't you get Sam,' he suggested. 'He's waiting in the cafeteria.' Kensi nodded and she kissed Deeks on his left cheek, the only part of his face that didn't look like it would hurt.

'See you tomorrow,' Deeks said and Kensi left the room. The second she left, Deeks immediately turned to Callen. 'You should stay with her tonight.'

'Already planned to do so,' Callen said with a smile on his face. 'No worries, Deeks. I know how to take care of her.' Deeks nodded and he leaned back.

'Oh, and get her some food,' he continued and he sat up again. 'She may tell you that she isn't hungry but she is...or she will be. So get her some food.'

'Deeks, no worries!' Callen repeated and he laughed. Deeks only smiled weakly.

'Just make sure she's okay,' he said. 'And if she isn't sleeping in her room tomorrow, she's sleeping in Damian's room. Just let her sleep there...and don't wake her up at seven. Just let her sleep. You can take her to the hospital whenever she wakes up. She needs her sleep...' Callen's laugh, stopped Deeks' rambling. At first Deeks looked confused at him but then he got it. 'Right, no worries. You can take care of her. Thanks Callen.'

'No problem, Deeks,' Callen replied. 'Just get some sleep.'

* * *

><p>When Kensi woke up, she felt her sore muscles. She stretched and got out of bed to loosen up her muscles. The red lights of her alarm caught her attention. They were telling her that it was already half past ten. Damn, Callen, Kensi thought while she quickly grabbed some clothes. She hurried to the bathroom.<p>

There was a breakfast standing with fresh orange juice on the kitchen table when she walked into the living room. Callen was sitting on the couch, reading the news paper. Their take-out was still standing on the coffee table as they were to tired to clean up last night. Callen immediately got up when he saw her walking in.

'You didn't wake me!' she told him angrily.

'I wasn't allowed to,' he smiled. 'Deeks' own, very strict orders. Just eat your breakfast. Deeks told me what to get you...I can't understand how you can eat carrot with peanut butter. That can't be healthy...' Kensi smiled and she sat down at the table. There were no carrots with peanut butter, which made Kensi happy because she only ate them as a snack around two o'clock, but there was some fresh fruit, which Callen had to have bought this morning because she didn't have any fresh fruit, and some plain yoghurt. Exactly what Kensi liked for breakfast. She took a piece of banana. It tasted very good. She hadn't eaten banana in a long time. She had avoided the fruit for the last couple of years but the fruit tasted good.

'Thank you for the breakfast,' she said to Callen. 'Did you have breakfast?'

'Yes,' he answered. 'And I found some coffee, stashed far away in one of your cabins.'

'The smell used to make me throw up,' she explained. 'But apparently no longer, which is a good thing because I never realized how many people drank coffee and how much.' Callen shook his head laughing and he continued reading the news paper.

Just when Kensi was enjoying her breakfast, someone knocked on the door. She glanced at Callen but he gestured that she should open the door. She sighed and walked to the door.

'Who could be knocking on the door?' she asked him and he shrugged. Kensi raised her eyebrows and she opened the door.

'Good morning, Fern,' Deeks greeted cheerfully. Behind him Sam was standing at his car and he held his hand up.

'You were already allowed to go home?' Kensi asked happily and she helped him inside. Deeks was still a bit unsteady and sore. Sam closed the door when he was inside.

'No, Sam helped me escape from that place,' Deeks joked. 'And now we need a place to hide.'

'I'm glad you're home,' Kensi smiled. 'Do you want breakfast?' She pointed at her unfinished breakfast. 'Callen made it.'

'Ah, you followed my directions,' Deeks said, smiling at Callen. Kensi turned to Callen.

'You knew he was coming,' she realized. 'That is why you let me sleep!'

'Well, actually that were also my orders,' Deeks said. 'I never thought Callen would follow them this well.'

'I told you I would take care of her,' Callen replied.

* * *

><p>'So what was the reason you were released?' Kensi asked. She was sitting with Deeks on the couch, taking an easy day. Hetty had given them the week off and after that week, Deeks had to do deskwork just like Kensi until the cast on his hand was removed.<p>

'The doctor cleared me,' Deeks answered. 'They just wanted to keep me overnight for observation.' Kensi nodded and she leaned against his shoulder.

'Now that it's just the two of us and you don't need to be the tough girl anymore, tell me: how are you?' Deeks asked.

'A little headache and some soreness,' she told him. 'The doctor told me that the headache and soreness would pass in a couple of days.' Deeks looked at her head wound.

'No stitches?' he asked and Kensi shook her head.

'Nope, bandages were enough,' she said.

'I'm glad you're okay.'

'So am I.'

**TBC.**

**Anything medical might be wrong because I'm just a teenager and not a doctor.**

**Like promised a new chapter. I hope not too many mistakes because I'm really tired after the KEI-week which was amazing. Next chapter is written but not yet on the laptop. That will be done soon and I'll post it then.**

**My question to you this time is what do _you_ want to happen? What are your wishes for the story?  
>Just so I know what you all want. I'm not saying that it's going to happen (and if I put it in, you will get credit) because I already have a plan for the story but I'm curious to what you're thinking.<strong>

**So please review xD  
>Love to hear what you think because you guys are the best!<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 15_

'How are you feeling?' Kensi asked Deeks the next morning. He had stayed the night at her place and would be staying for the next week. The doctor had ordered him to stay with someone the entire time. Sam had brought Monty over so that Deeks' neighbor didn't have to take care of the dog. The dog had already his own spot next to the TV.

'Okay,' Deeks answered while he slowly walked to the couch and he panted when he sat down. The walk from the bedroom to the living room had been tiring. Kensi got up almost at the same time.

'I'll make you some breakfast,' she told him and she looked at the clock. 'A very late breakfast. You have been sleeping for a long time. What do you want for breakfast?'

'I'll eat whatever you make,' Deeks answered simply and Kensi laughed.

'I already ate breakfast,' she told him. 'And an early snack, as well as lunch…but maybe I should get a second lunch. I am kind of hungry.' That made Deeks smile and Kensi walked into the kitchen to prepare their lunch.

'Maybe we should get some exercise,' Kensi suggested. 'To catch some fresh air.'

'Maybe we should,' Deeks agreed. 'Monty would surely like that. Maybe a walk in the park.' Kensi nodded and she handed Deeks his breakfast.

* * *

><p>People gave them curious glances when Deeks and Kensi were walking through the park with Monty. Deeks was still looking bruised, with his left hand in a cast and he had to lean against Kensi for support and Kensi had her head wound and now a slightly visible pregnant stomach. Monty was the only one who wasn't wounded.<p>

'What a great day in the park,' Deeks smiled. 'With all these people staring at us. That just makes the day.'

'Shut up, Deeks,' Kensi smiled. 'And just enjoy. Try keeping Monty from jumping in the pound.' Deeks looked at his dog, who indeed was looking longingly at the pond. Deeks whistled and the dog ran back to them.

'Before you drove us into the pole, you were talking about something,' Kensi said and Deeks nodded.

'Right,' he said. 'I was thinking about a day at the beach, where we used to go to. I thought of it when we were talking about that day with Damian. We always had a lot of fun at the beach…'

'Sounds like a good idea,' Kensi smiled. 'But only one problem. Your cast can't get wet.' Deeks shrugged.

'Then we'll just sit on the beach, looking at Monty almost drowning himself,' he replied. 'That should be a lot of fun, don't you think. Maybe take a lot of food and a sandwich for me.' Kensi punched him in his arm and Deeks winced.

'Oh, I'm sorry, Deeks,' Kensi apologized when she realized how much the punch must have hurt. Deeks just smiled and rubbed the spot.

'You haven't done that in a long time,' he said and he almost looked happy with the punch. He slung his good arm around her shoulder and they continued their walk in silence. After some time Kensi noticed that Deeks was getting tired and she let him to a bench, so that they could sit down.

'We should shop somewhere later this week,' Deeks suggested and Kensi looked surprised at him.

'I didn't know you liked shopping,' she replied smiling and Deeks also smiled.

'No for me,' he told her. 'But for the little one. We should get some stuff for the baby…and think about colors for his or hers room. I only have a traveling crib and all the things that survived the fire are in Damian's room.' He looked meaningful at Kensi, who avoided his eyes. In her mind that room was Damian's and no one else's.

'Come on, Kensi,' Deeks said. 'We need to think and _talk_ about this stuff. We can't keep avoiding it.'

'Maybe I don't want to talk about it,' Kensi suggested.

'Then I'll buy all the stuff,' Deeks decided. 'And choose the colors.'

'You do that,' Kensi replied and she stood up. 'I would like to go home now.'

* * *

><p>The rest of the day Deeks got the silence treatment from Kensi. He was sitting on the couch, looking in baby magazines. He had to get Kensi interested. He suspected that once they were in the store, Kensi would love it. She used to love going to the store. She loved buying stuff for Damian.<p>

'Kensi!' Deeks shouted. 'Would you like something to eat?' Kensi opened the bedroom door.

'What are we going to eat?' she asked. Deeks smiled. If you wanted to get the attention of a pregnant woman, you just had to mention food and you got it.

'What do you want to eat?' he asked. He heard Kensi walking back into the room, before walking into the living room.

'You still owe me a lobster dinner,' she told him and Deeks was glad to see that she was smiling because he wasn't going to make lobster anytime soon! Their first lobster adventure would be their last. Kensi glanced at Deeks and she shook her head.

'You can't make dinner,' she told him. 'You will get your cast wet. I say that we order in.' Deels nodded and he grabbed the phone to order their food. While he was calling, she saw Kensi looking at the magazine and he smiled when he saw her scanning through it. They were getting somewhere.

'Deeks, about that shopping thing,' Kensi started and Deeks looked at her. 'I think you're right…we should get some stuff…before we know it the baby is here.' Deeks nodded while he finished the order and he sat down next to her.

'Dinner will be here in forty minutes,' he told her. He watched her browse through the magazine and wondered if he should ask her but he decided not to. One argument had been enough for this day.

* * *

><p>'This store is huge,' Kensi sighed when she glanced around the baby store. 'This is going to take a long time to get everything.' Deeks smiled and he gave Kensi a little push towards the door, earning him a glare of her.<p>

'First things first: a crib,' he said. 'And don't worry. Everything we need is here. This place is highly recommended on the baby forums. They supposedly have everything you need to get ready for a baby…'

'That is right, sir,' a salesman, who appeared out of nowhere, said enthusiastic. 'We got everything _you_ need for little junior.' He gestured them to walk further and Kensi leaned towards Deeks.

'You really should stop reading those forums,' she whispered to him and Deeks laughed.

'So, what do you need?' the salesman asked. 'Call me Ed by the way…what are your names?'

'None of your business,' Kensi answered curtly. 'Shall we continue?' She started to walk further into the store. Ed laughed at Deeks.

'She got it bad,' he laughed. 'My wife was like that. She tried to kill the cat because it had scratched the couch. Pregnancy hormones are the bad part of pregnancy.' Deeks put on a fake smile.

'Shall we go?' he said and when Ed nodded, they followed Kensi.

'Do you know if you're getting a girl or a boy?' Ed asked while they walked to the crib section. Deeks and Kensi shook their head and Ed nodded, still with a big smile on his face like a true salesman.

'Not a problem,' he continued. 'We have everything in boy and in girl colors and of course we have neutral colors. More than enough choices for the happy couple.'

'We're not a couple,' Deeks and Kensi replied at the same time and Ed slowly nodded.

'Alright,' he said. 'Here we are: the crib section. We have standard rooms displays and we can put a room together all by your own choice. Do you have decided on what kind of style you want for the room?' Deeks and Kensi shook their head. 'Not a problem. I'll take you to Lisa, who's perfectly qualified to help you out.' Ed waved at a young woman in the corner, who hurried towards them.

'Good afternoon, I'm Lisa,' she introduced herself to Deeks and Kensi and they shook her hand. 'Ed, I think that the people at display room twenty-nine need you for the payments.' Ed nodded and he left them. Deeks and Kensi both took a relieved breath.

'Imagine working with him all day,' Lisa joked and she let them to an office.

* * *

><p>'These are a few of our showrooms,' Lisa said and she showed them several pictures of rooms. 'But like Ed probably told you: I can put a room together with your help that will be perfect for your child. Is it your first?'<p>

'Yes.' 'No,' Deeks and Kensi answered at the same time and Lisa looked a little bit confused at them.

'My first and her second,' Deeks explained without telling too much and Lisa nodded. 'But our first together.'

'Do you have any ideas for the room yet?' Lisa asked. 'Maybe a color?'

'I think we would like a neutral color,' Deeks answered, looking at Kensi, who nodded. Lisa took a color palette out of the drawer and she showed them the neutral colors. Also she grabbed pictures of neutral showrooms.

'Just so you get an idea of how it could look,' she explained. Deeks and Kensi took a look at the pictures. Kensi pointed at one picture.

'I like these colors,' she said. 'The beige and soft yellow. It looks warm and…kind of safe.' Deeks looked at the picture and he nodded.

'Only I don't really like the furniture in the picture,' he added.

'That doesn't matter,' Lisa said. 'We can take the colors and other furniture. But I agree: the colors are nice and very suitable for a nursery. Soft colors so that the baby doesn't get over-stimulated. With this color base we have come far. Maybe it's time to look at some furniture. I can tell you more on our way through the showrooms.'

'As long as we don't run into Ed,' Kensi said. Lisa laughed and they left the office.

'I think you would like a wooden crib,' Lisa suggested. ''Cause that would look nice with the color base. Here we got some wooden cribs…just look at the cribs.' They walked into the first showroom. Deeks looked at the price tag hanging on the crib.

'I think I'm going to sell cribs from now on,' he sighed. 'This crib is expensive.'

'When it comes to children, all parents want is a safe crib,' Lisa explained. 'And unfortunately these days safe means expensive. You will have to spend some money for a good quality nursery.'

* * *

><p>After spending three hours thinking and talking about putting a nursery together, Deeks and Kensi could leave Lisa to finish it and they could look at all the other stuff.<p>

'At least we got a room,' Deeks said relieved.

'Look, a lunch corner!' Kensi pointed happily. 'Let's go eat something. I'm starving.'

'This store really thinks about everything,' Deeks replied amazed while they ordered a sandwich for Kensi. Deeks wasn't hungry and patiently waited for Kensi to get her sandwich.

'He's a real keeper, miss,' the woman behind the counter said. Kensi smiled and walked back to Deeks to walk through the store. They stopped walking when they were standing in front of a big wall with a lot of clothes.

'How are we going to choose?' Deeks mumbled.

'We should only buy a few practical clothes,' Kensi told him before taking another bite. 'People buy clothes as a present for the baby. We'll get plenty.' Deeks smiled and Kensi looked at him. 'What?'

'You read the baby forums,' he smiled.

'So what if I did?' she asked him. 'I'm getting a baby and I'm a woman. Only women are one those sites. No men.'

'Well, more men should visit them,' Deeks replied. 'I learned a lot about babies.'

* * *

><p>'That was the last time I went to that store,' Deeks sighed. They finally got home after spending the whole day in the store, buying lots of baby stuff. Kensi just sat down and said nothing. Monty lay down next to her and she stroked the dog's head.<p>

'Are you tired?' Deeks asked and Kensi simply nodded. 'You want anything to eat before you go to sleep?' Kensi nodded again and Deeks walked into the kitchen. He grabbed some carrots and a jar of peanut butter, knowing that Kensi would want to eat that now. But when he got back Kensi was already sleeping on the couch. Deeks smiled and he covered her with a blanket. He placed the food in front of her for when she would wake up. Deeks watched her sleep for a while and then he got up to walk through the apartment. He stopped in front of Damian's room, Kensi's safe room. He looked once again at the sleeping Kensi and he walked into the room.

The room was a mess compared to the rest of the apartment. Toys, cards and notebooks were laying all over the place with the stuffed rabbit prominent in the chair next to the crib, waiting to be put in with a sleeping little boy.

This room would keep Kensi in the past. With this room Kensi would never be able to move on. Had started as a room of hope but now it was a room of despair.

* * *

><p>When Deeks' phone started to ring, Deeks hurried to the living room where the device was laying. He quickly answered the phone.<p>

'Deeks, how are you doing?'

'We're fine, Callen. Did you get anything on those guys?'

'They were angry at anyone who survived the plane crash. One of the guy's brother and one's fiancé died in the plane crash. And both weren't supposed to be on the plane. They took the place of Grawl and Ortiz. And you because we were protecting Ortiz. That pissed them off.'

'Yeah, I felt that they were pissed.'

'But we got them all so that closes the case. Zack is doing okay. He is probably coming home in a couple of days. I had to give you a get well from him and Hailey.'

'That's nice of them. How is everything going at Ops?'

'You should be happy that you have the week off. Hetty wants all the paperwork done by tomorrow and I can tell you that it's a lot. I have to go now. Say hi to Kens, for me and I'll see you in a week.'

'Goodbye, Callen. Thanks for calling.' Deeks hung up and put the phone on the kitchen counter.

**TBC.  
>I already know where this story is going. But do <em>you<em> know?  
>(doesn't that sound excited =p?) <strong>

**Friday will be an offline day for me because then is the birthday of my amazing sister who checks every chapter for me (and I need to thank her big time for that because otherwise this story would suck. She helps a lot with it. I sometimes joke that I write it with her xD)  
><strong>**But the next chapter has been sent to her so maybe I'll post another chapter tomorrow (officially today) or otherwise in the weekend. **

**Please review**


	16. Chapter 16

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

**Like promised a new chapter =D**

_Chapter 16_

'You need to take your painkillers,' Kensi told Deeks while she was eating once again carrots and she put the bottle with the pills in front of him.

'I don't want them,' Deeks replied like a little child, not looking at the bottle. Kensi sighed and she sat down at the table. She looked at him.

'You whine about a broken nail,' she said. 'But when you're really hurt, you don't feel any pain. Why?'

'A man got to have a talent,' he answered. Kensi shrugged and she took another bit of her carrot. Deeks continued reading the news paper when Kensi pulled it towards her. Deeks let it slide and leaned back, watching Kensi reading the paper. He took a deep breath.

'Kensi?' he asked carefully and she looked up, surprised to see his serious face.

'What is it?' she asked worried. 'Are you in pain?' She gently pushed the bottle with painkillers towards him but Deeks shook his head.

'I need to know the sex of the baby,' he told her and the carrot dropped on the table.

'Why?' Kensi asked, tears already forming in her eyes.

'Because I think it's the best thing,' he explained. 'This pregnancy is already hard for you…for us. I think we need to be prepared in case…'

'No,' Kensi interrupted firmly and she stood up, letting him know that she wasn't going to talk about it.

'Kens…' Deeks tried but Kensi told him 'no' again and she headed to the door. Even before Deeks could try to stop her, she had already left the apartment.

* * *

><p>An hour passed and Deeks got worried when Kensi still didn't come back home. He had no idea where she had gone to and she didn't have her phone with her, since it was laying on the coffee table.<p>

'Where could she be, bud?' he asked Monty and he ran a hand through his hair. Then he grabbed Monty's leash, decided to go look for her. Monty slowly walked towards the door. The sun was going down when Deeks walked into the park, looking at every spot Kensi could be and he searched the beach. But there was still no sign of Kensi. Deeks sighed and he grabbed his phone. He had one thing left to do and he dialed the number.

'Callen?' Deeks could hear music in the background and he knew that Callen wasn't home or at Ops.

'It's Deeks. I got a problem: Kensi disappeared. I tried to look for her at the park and at the beach but I can't find her. It has been an hour and I can't call her because she left her phone at home. Who knows what kind of trouble she got into…'

'What happened?'

'I told her that I wanted to know that baby's sex and she didn't like that. She left the apartment without saying anything.'

'I'll find her.' With those words Callen hung up, leaving Deeks without a clue what to do now. He sighed again and he whistled. Monty jogged towards him and they walked back to the apartment.

* * *

><p>Callen looked at the field in front of him, searching for Kensi. He easily found her since she was one of the few people at the place. He walked over to her but said nothing when he stood next to her, giving her some time.<p>

'Deeks sent you, didn't he?' Kensi said after a few minutes.

'That's right,' Callen answered. 'He's just worried about you.' Kensi sighed and she got up, looking at Callen.

'I'm tired of him worrying about me,' she told him, sounding pissed. 'He thinks I can't handle this pregnancy at all…but I think I can…as long as I don't think too much and Deeks makes me think too much right now. And I hate him for that.' Kensi growled when a tear rolled over her cheek. 'And I hate those damn hormones making me cry all the time. I have enough with crying!'

'Why don't we get something to eat?' Callen suggested. 'Then we can talk some more, about what to do with Deeks being Deeks. You must be hungry.' Kensi nodded.

'I only ate a carrot with peanut butter,' she replied and Callen grimaced at the thought of carrots with peanut butter. Kensi looked confused at his face. 'What? It's really delicious. You should try it.'

'No thanks,' he said. 'Come on.' He put his arm around her shoulder. Kensi took another look at the graves and she went with Callen.

'How did you even know I was here?' she asked him on their way to Callen's car.

'You once told me that you went to your dad if you didn't know what to do,' Callen answered.

* * *

><p><em><strong>I found Kensi and she's fine. I'm getting her some food right now and I'll try to talk with her. <strong>_Deeks took a relieved breath when he read Callen's text. He was so glad that she was okay. He put his phone back in his pocket and he grabbed the pen again. He took another look at the paper in front of him and continued writing.

_Marty here, your godfather who drives your mom crazy sometimes…I don't know why I'm writing this but it helps your mom…and I guess I want to talk with you again. Right now you should be at the age that you can talk back. But I have to do it this way._

_Your mom really misses you and I don't think she wants to admit how much this pregnancy makes her miss you. But I can see it. She finds it hard to buy baby stuff because you used them once._

_Damian, it's really time to come home, boy. Everyone is missing you and I don't know how much longer your mom can take it. I love your mom, you know that, don't you? I love her with whole my heart. Just like I love the baby and you. I love you too and you just need to come back home. For everyone's sake._

_Just come home, Damian_.

Deeks quickly put the piece of paper between the cards and he wiped away the few tears that were rolling over his cheeks when he heard knocking on the door. He quickly opened the door. It was Callen, with Kensi leaning against him, half asleep. Callen smiled weakly as a greeting and he moved inside the apartment with Kensi.

'She fell asleep on the way,' Callen told Deeks. 'But she's okay. She ate some food and all she needs now is sleep.'

'Let's get her to the bedroom,' Deeks said and they moved Kensi.

'Thanks, G,' she mumbled sleepily when he put her down on the bed.

'Good night, Kens,' Callen said and he and Deeks walked back to the living room.

'Did you have a change to talk with her?' Deeks asked wondering and Callen nodded.

'She will talk with Doctor Jones before making a decision,' he told Deeks.

'That's good, right?' Deeks replied. 'Doctor Jones will know what's best for us and Kensi will listen to her?' Again Callen nodded.

'Thanks for everything, Callen,' Deeks said gratefully.

'No problem, Deeks,' Callen replied. 'I will always be there to help Kensi. And you should stop worrying all the time about her. She hates that. You just have to give her some space with this pregnancy. She is able to handle it when you stop worrying all the time. Got it?' Deeks nodded and Callen smiled. 'I'm going home now. Call me when there's trouble again.' Deeks nodded and he walked with Callen to the door.

* * *

><p>Kensi woke up in her own bed, not remembering how she got there. She yawned and stretched before getting out of bed. She gently stroked her stomach before walking into the living room. Deeks was sitting on the couch and Kensi stood at the entrance watching him. Monty was laying at his feet. It was like he already lived here. It looked so homey but it bothered Kensi for some reason. This wasn't his home. He didn't live here.<p>

But it also looked right: Deeks sitting on her couch, waiting for her to get up. Like they were a family. And in some way they were family. They were getting a baby together. Only this family was missing a member right now and no one could replace him. Not the baby that was growing inside of her or any other baby. Damian was her son.

Deeks turned his head when Kensi sniffed, trying to keep the tears inside. He immediately walked to her and hugged her when he saw the tears. Only the gesture made Kensi cry even more. Why was Deeks always so sweet? Why didn't he ever get mad at her? He wanted to go on with their life with the baby but Kensi was stuck with her life with Damian. A life she would never let go. Not until she found him.

'It's okay,' Deeks shushed and he stroked her hair. 'It's all going to be okay. I'm sorry for worrying so much but you should stop with making me worry about you. I love you and the little one and I don't want to lose you for one moment…'

'I don't want to make you worry,' Kensi sobbed. 'You should stop worrying about everything. I can take care of myself and the baby. I have been taking care of myself for a long time now. You might be close by but stop trying to hold my hand. And stop being so sweet all the time. That makes me cry.' Deeks laughed and he kissed her cheek.

'I'm going away for a few hours tomorrow,' Kensi told Deeks. 'I don't want to tell where I'm going but I don't want you to worry, okay?'

* * *

><p>'Wow, Kensi,' Ronald Evors smiled when he opened the door himself this time. 'You're getting bigger. Congratulations are in order, I see.' Kensi smiled and she gave him a hug, which he happily returned.<p>

'No coffee this time,' he smiled. 'Do you mind if I get some coffee?'

'No, of course not,' Kensi answered and she sat down in the chair in front of his desk. Ronald chosen to sit next to her instead of behind the desk.

'It has been some time since the last time you came,' he said. 'You were skinny for starters…and I have been extremely busy. Like you know, Mark was located in DC…' Kensi looked in shock at the private detective.

'What?' she stumbled. Ronald looked at her and he swallowed before continuing.

'Mark was located in DC. You must have known…NCIS was looking for him in DC…'

'I didn't know,' Kensi stumbled and it hit her. Callen and Sam had withhold information about Mark. Ronald sighed.

'Well about two months ago, Mark was seen at the airport in DC,' he started to tell her. 'NCIS tried to find him but when they spotted him on a camera at the airport boarding a plane to Chicago it was too late. He never arrived in Chicago. He just disappeared like he has done before.'

'So nothing changed?' Kensi asked.

'Well we know that Mark is still in America,' Roland answered. 'And that's better than when he would have left to some other country.'

'Yeah, sounds great,' Kensi replied sarcastically. 'My crazy ex is still somewhere in America with my son but no one can find him!' When she looked at Ronald she noticed his troubled look. 'What is it that you're not you telling me?'

'Umm…he wasn't in DC with Damian,' Ronald brought carefully.

'That doesn't mean anything, right?' Kensi asked worried. 'Maybe he left him at home. DC isn't a city to bring a kid to and they are looking for Mark and Damian. It must be easier to travel without Damian…'

'And technically you're still married to Mark,' Ronald finished and Kensi looked in shock at him. She was still married to her serial killer/kidnapper/crazy husband?

**TBC.**

**And yes Ronald is right. Officially Kensi is still married to Mark because she never filed for divorce. I found that out by talking about the story with my mom. I found that so weird to hear! It takes a lot of time to divorce someone who disappeared.**


	17. Chapter 17

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 17_

It had been some time since Kensi walked through the doors of Dr. Jones' office but she still recognized it. The colors that were supposed to calm you, made Kensi nervous. Dr. Jones' assistant smiled at her and gestured her to wait in the waiting area. Kensi sighed and she sat down. She had promised Callen to go; otherwise she would be walking out of the building right now. She wouldn't even be here. She didn't want to be here.

'Miss Blye?' the assistant asked and Kensi nodded. 'Doctor Jones is ready for you.' Kensi took a deep breath and she walked to dr. Jones office. Dr. Jones was writing something down when she looked up smiling.

'Hello, Kensi,' she greeted. 'You wanted to speak to me.' Kensi nodded and she sat down on the couch. The same colors as in the waiting area covered the walls in Dr. Jones office. Kensi glanced at the flowers at the desk. Different once since the last time but still there were standing flowers.

'Kensi?' Dr. Jones asked, drawings Kensi's eyes to her face. 'Can you tell me how you're feeling today?'

'I'm fine,' Kensi answered. Dr. Jones gestured her to elaborate that. 'I'm tired and hungry a lot but that's normal when you're pregnant so I'm fine.'

'I hear resistance in your voice,' Dr. Jones noted. 'You know that we can talk freely in here. Nothing leaves this room.'

'I know but there is nothing more to tell,' Kensi replied.

'Last time you were here, we talked about the team you're working with,' Dr. Jones. 'Callen, Sam, Eric, Deeks. Can you tell me about them?' Kensi sighed.

'You want me to talk about Deeks, right?' she asked.

'If you want to tell about him, then that's fine by me,' Dr. Jones answered. 'But you don't need to talk about him. That is not the reason you're here today. Today we need to find something out. We need to make a choice.'

'What if I don't want to make that choice?' Kensi asked.

* * *

><p>'How far along are you?' Dr. Jones asked when they had talked a bit about nothing, directing the conversation towards the point of the therapy session.<p>

'Fourteen weeks and a few days,' Kensi answered, feeling a little bit uncomfortable. She knew what was coming and she didn't want to go there.

'And how are you feeling with this pregnancy?' Dr. Jones asked. 'It must bring feelings up concerning your son, Damian. Does it made you miss him more?'

'No,' Kensi answered. 'I don't think I can miss him more than I already do. I'm handling this pregnancy just fine.'

'Are you still writing in the notebooks?' Dr. Jones asked and Kensi nodded. 'What does that mean to you? Gives it comfort to you, writing to Damian in those notebooks?'

'Some,' Kensi answered. 'It makes me feel like he's still with me. Not far away from me as he really is. He deserves a place in our lives, even if others think otherwise…'

'Others like Deeks?' Dr. Jones asked. Kensi looked back at the flowers. She wondered what kind of flowers they were. They had a beautiful bright purple color. They looked out of place in the office. They asked for attention when you were in the room. They wanted that you looked at them. Kensi suddenly looked away from the flowers, back at Dr. Jones, who was looking very calm in her chair, waiting at Kensi to continue.

'I don't want to know the baby's sex,' Kensi said abruptly. 'Is that so weird? A lot of parents want to keep it surprise until the baby is born. Why can't we do that? Keep it a surprise?' Dr. Jones slowly nodded and wrote something down on her clipboard. Kensi hated when she did that. She wanted to know what was written down.

'That is not weird, Kensi,' Dr. Jones told her. 'But in your case it may be wise to know. We don't know what will happen if you get a boy, or a girl. In your case it may be wise to be able to prepare yourself, even if you don't want to. It isn't all about you this time. A little child is involved and we need to know how we can give it the best life that it deserves.'

'For that I don't need to know the baby's sex,' Kensi told Dr. Jones, rather angrily.

'Can you tell me about Damian?' Dr. Jones asked. 'You can tell me anything as long as it's about Damian. I would like to know more about him.' Kensi smiled as she thought about her little boy. His cute smile, the cutest smile in the whole world, filled her mind.

'He loves to smile,' Kensi started telling. 'He smiles to everyone. Because of that, everyone just melts for him. He made the world a better place, or at least my world. He loves dogs. Deeks has a dog, Monty, and Damian loved to play with him, not caring about where or when. There was a day when Damian threw a ball and Monty ran after it. They decided to do that at eight o'clock in the morning. So when I walked out of the door, Monty crashed against me. And all Damian did was laugh. He was such a happy child with a big love for bananas. He always wanted to eat bananas. No candy or anything but healthy bananas.' A few tears escaped from her eyes but they were happy tears. This time they didn't bother her.

'You seem happy when you tell me about him,' Dr. Jones noted. 'Does thinking about Damian make you happy?'

'Most of the time,' Kensi answered and she wiped away her tears. 'But when I'm drawn back into reality, those memories make me hurt so much because he is no longer with me and I miss my little boy. I want to see him smile again and see him play with Monty. It's not right that he can't do that. He should be able to choose to do anything he wants to do.'

'And Mark stopped that from happing,' Dr. Jones said and Kensi nodded.

'He changed everything,' Kensi answered. 'Because of him, I didn't remember my son anymore. He forced me to build another bond with my son. That wasn't fair towards Damian. He deserved a mom who didn't forget him. Now, because of Mark, I have to miss my son every day. And also because of him, I feel like I'm pregnant for the first time but I know it's my second pregnancy. I can't remember Damian's first kick, or the happiness I felt when I held him in my arms for the first time. He made me forget all that.' She couldn't stop her tears anymore and they were rolling over her cheeks. 'Mark ruined my life.'

'Right now, your life is ruined?' Dr. Jones.

'Yes, but differently,' Kensi answered after some thinking.

* * *

><p>The first thing Deeks noticed was Kensi's red eyes, telling him that she had cried. She walked into her apartment without greeting him, walking straight to Damian's bedroom. Deeks followed her and when he walked into the room, he saw her sitting in the chair, hugging Rabbit. He wanted to walk to her but Kensi stopped him.<p>

'Don't,' she told him bitterly.

'How did it go?' he asked her and Kensi looked up at him. Anger was all Deeks saw in her eyes and he swallowed. This couldn't be good.

'You have got it your way,' she told him. 'Dr. Jones advised that we should know the sex of the baby. So you have got it your way. I hope you're happy.'

'Kensi, I didn't do it because I wanted to have my way,' Deeks told her. 'I wanted to know because I care about you.'

'Deeks, not now,' she told him. 'Can you please go somewhere else? Somewhere I'm not.' Deeks nodded and he left the room, to give Kensi some time. He wanted to know the sex so badly but now he doubted. Kensi really looked miserable. Maybe talking to Dr. Jones wasn't such a good plan as he initially thought. He really didn't want to make it any harder for Kensi. He just wanted to know.

_I wonder if you ever knew that I had forgotten you. That I was a changed mom after the coma. Did you had to get used to me again or was I the same mom as always?_

_To your brother or sister I'll be a different mom than to you, because to you I was a horrible mom. I wasn't there for you and I'm still not there for you. I didn't keep you safe, like I was supposed to do as your mom. I need to keep your brother or sister safe. If I lose this baby like I lost you…I won't be able to deal with that. I can't lose my two children._

_But right now it's one of my two biggest fears: losing your brother or sister. The other is never seeing you again._

_This world is so dangerous and cruel. How can I keep him or her safe when I failed you? I know it's all different now. Deeks would do never something like your father did. He's my friend and he's too afraid of what G and Sam will do to him. He is really afraid of them. It's almost funny to see. You would have laughed about it if you were here to witness it._

_You should have been here to witness it._

_I miss you, my gorgeous boy. I say it every letter I write to you and each time I mean it. I miss you and it's my own fault I have to miss you. I have always chosen the wrong men in life: Jack, your father and then again your father. _

_But Deeks has always been the person who can make anyone smile at any time. He makes me smile. But he's also one of the few men you can turn to to talk about feelings and knowing that he wouldn't walk away...that he would support you._

_He makes me feel safe. Not only at work but also outside of work. He always has my back to make sure I can go home. He has my mind to keep me sane...and I think he also has my heart and Deeks doesn't seem like the guy who would crush it and throw it away. I know that he would keep it safe. _

_But how__ can I make the right choice with Deeks? I don't want to be with him because he's the father of the baby. I need to make that choice based on my feelings. But they__ say to stay away from men. All men do, is hurt me._

_I already know what your choice would be, Damian. You love Deeks with whole your heart. Should I listen to you then? Will you make the right choice for me?_

_Lots of love and kisses,_

_Your Mom_

* * *

><p>'How can some guy disappear of the face of the earth?' Sam asked and he took a sip of his beer. Callen had come to his house to eat with his family. But they were too focused on the fact that Mark disappeared to enjoy it. 'I mean, you need to go somewhere at some point. To buy food and drinks for example.'<p>

'Or someone does it for him,' Callen suggested.

'Daddy, may I watch some TV?' Leo asked with a begging voice while he snuggled against his dad, to persuade him. Sam pulled his son even closer, hugging him tightly and stroked his hair.

'Sure, bud,' Sam answered and Leo jumped up, thanking Sam. He ran to his sisters to get them to watch too. Sam watched his kids ran off and he smiled weakly. Callen also watched them go, but while he did that, he looked at Sam from the corner of his eye.". He smiled at the loving glare of Sam as he watched his kids. That moment was interrupted when Callen's phone started to ring.

'It's Kensi,' Callen told Sam when he looked at the caller-ID and he picked up.

'I really hate you right now,' Kensi told him angrily.

Callen raised his eyebrows in surprise. 'Good evening to you too, Kens.'

'You made me go to Dr. Jones and she told me that I had to know the baby's sex.'

'If she says so, than it must be the best thing for you, the baby and Deeks. She knows where she's talking about…but you can't be mad at me for making you go. You agreed and went to her. Everyone knows that you're too stubborn to go when you didn't want to go.'

'You made me agree to it! And Deeks forced me to go. He made the appointment when I didn't after a week. So I hate you and Deeks right now!' Callen sighed and he handed the phone to Sam after explaining the situation.

'Hello, Kensi. I hope you don't hate me. I'm willing to hate Callen and Deeks with you, form a front against them. If that makes you happy.' Callen looked indignantly at Sam and Sam laughed.

'Yes, that would make me happy.'

'Then you should come to dinner tomorrow. Spend some time with your front and away from your enemies. Callen can babysit Deeks.'

'No, I don't want to be a bother to you and your family. You should spend time together. Family is important.' Sam heard the sadness in Kensi's voice and he sympathized with her.

* * *

><p>When Deeks walked back into the apartment with Monty after taking a walk in the park, it was empty. Kensi was no longer sitting in Damian's room. Instead there was a note laying in the chair, saying that she had gone to the beach and that she had her phone with her. Deeks grabbed the note and walked into the living room where Monty was looking at him with begging eyes.<p>

'I'll get you something to eat and to drink but then I'm leaving,' he told the dog. Monty began to wag its tail and followed Deeks to the kitchen. Deeks quickly filled both of Monty's bowls and he headed outside.

* * *

><p>It wasn't the warmest day in LA and there were very few people on the beach. Deeks could see Kensi standing in front the water, staring at the horizon with her hands on her stomach. She looked so peaceful. He slowly walked closer and he laid his hand carefully on her back. Kensi turned her head to look at Deeks and she leaned closer against him. Deeks wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.<p>

'I'm sorry,' he whispered in her ear.

'I'm sorry too,' Kensi whispered and she turned around in his arms to face him. 'You are right: it's best to know. And I know that you only tried to take care of me.' Deeks brushed a strand of hair out of her face, pulling her closer to him.

'Did anyone told you that you're beautiful when you're pregnant?' he asked her softly and Kensi shook her head, as she couldn't find the words to speak. 'Well, you are beautiful.' Kensi smiled and she laid her head against his shoulder. Suddenly the sun appeared from behind the clouds, warming their faces. Kensi looked up, right into Deeks' blue eyes and she leaned closer, kissing Deeks. And it felt right.

**TBC.**

**Today I have another test for the University and the year hasn't began yet. But I passed it and that's all that counts =D Just 4 more days and my first year will start.**

**I'm happy =D Already 52 reviews, 16 favorites and 28 alerts. And only 16 chapters with more to come. That makes me happy. You guys and girls are amazing!**


	18. Chapter 18

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 18_

'It looks like your hand healed perfectly,' Deeks' doctor noted and he took one more look at Deeks' hand. His cast was finally removed and he was happy to be able to move his hand normally again. 'I recommend being careful for another week but then it should be back to normal.'

'So I should be able to work in the field again after a week?' Deeks asked and the doctor nodded. 'Can you write that down on paper, for my boss? I don't think she will believe me when I tell her.'

'Of course I will write Hetty,' the doctor answered. 'But I can also call her as soon as you leave.' Deeks sighed. Of course his doctor knew Hetty. Almost everyone seemed to know her.

'How is everything else feeling?' the doctor asked.

'Everything else feels fine,' Deeks answered. 'No more pain and no more bruises, which is the best part. People tend to stare at you when you walk around with a bruised face.' The doctor smiled and he pulled Deeks' sleeve down.

'So another week rest and then you can use it again,' the doctor told Deeks once again and Deeks nodded. He was already glad that he only had one more week of desk duty. He didn't know how Kensi did it without complaining. Deeks hated it.

* * *

><p>Kensi rubbed her stomach, hoping that the baby would stop kicking. At first the kicking was great and exciting but now Kensi only wanted the baby to stop. She just wanted some rest.<p>

'You should be happy that you're male, Monty,' Kensi told the dog. 'Because kicking babies aren't that great.' She took a relieved breath when the kicking decreased but it also caused her to feel slightly worried. Why would the baby quit kicking? She just continued rubbing her stomach. Slowly her eyes started to close. It was such a relaxing feeling.

* * *

><p><em><strong>A few weeks later – 20 weeks pregnant<strong>_

* * *

><p>Deeks woke up when he smelled pancakes. He removed the sheets from his body to step out of bed. As he walked into the living room, he was greeted by Monty, who was very happy to see his owner up. Deeks stroked the dog's head and he walked into the kitchen. Kensi was standing stove, making the pancakes Deeks had smelled. Deeks slipped his arms around her and he kissed her neck. His hands covered the now visible pregnant stomach. Time had passed so fast and there was almost no time to enjoy it all. Deeks laughed when he felt the baby kick against his hand. It was still the most wonderful thing he had ever felt, the kick of his own baby.<p>

'Good morning,' Kensi smiled and she stroked his hand. 'I hope you're hungry.'

'How did you guess?' Deeks joked and he let her go so that she could continue making him pancakes. 'But why am I getting pancakes?'

'Because I wanted to make you breakfast,' Kensi answered and she turned to face him. 'And I wanted to eat pancakes this morning. So that's why there are pancakes for breakfast.' Deeks smiled and he grabbed the plates from the cabinet. He quickly set the table, just when Kensi finished the last pancake and she put the plate with pancakes on the table.

'How many did you make?' Deeks asked surprised when he saw the pile.

'I told you that I wanted to eat pancakes,' Kensi smiled and she grabbed the first pancake. Deeks shrugged, not willing to argue with a pregnant woman and especially not on this day, and he also grabbed a pancake.

* * *

><p>'Good morning,' Deeks greeted when he and Kensi walked into Ops. Callen and Sam looked up like they were interrupted by Deeks' greeting. Deeks and Kensi sat down behind their desk and Callen and Sam continued their discussion.<p>

'Okay, Kens,' Callen said, turning to Kensi after some time. 'Can you get the best doughnuts at the place where I get them or where Sam gets them?'

'Maybe I need to taste before I decide,' Kensi smiled at him and Callen nodded. He and Sam immediately left to get doughnuts for Kensi.

'We just had breakfast,' Deeks noted and Kensi shrugged.

'They didn't know that,' she said. 'And the best doughnuts you can get at the place where we always go so both of them are wrong. Look at it from the bright sight: we're getting free doughnuts.'

'Where are mister Callen and Mister Hanna?' Hetty asked walking into the bullpen with a pile of papers. Deeks and Kensi sighed at the sight of it. That would consume their entire day to finish.

'Don't look so disappointed,' Hetty said, putting half of the pile on Kensi's desk and the other half on Deeks'. 'The day after tomorrow is soon enough. I know about your appointment at the doctor.' Kensi glanced at Deeks, who nodded.

'You got to be kidding me,' she exclaimed. 'We're having an appointment with doctor Idle today? At what time?'

'Around three,' Deeks answered. 'I told you yesterday evening, but you were tired at the moment.'

'All I can remember from last evening was your complaining about the movie I wanted to watch,' Kensi replied. 'Every movie was wrong: too much violence, too much cursing, even too much romance!'

'Well, babies can hear sounds from inside the womb,' Deeks explained. 'Sorry that I don't want my kid to hear all of that.'

'Most sounds are too soft at this stage!' Kensi said irritated. 'I'm not watching another movie with you as we have to watch _Dora the explorer_ again! You didn't even wanted to watch _Bambi_!'

'Bambi's mom is getting killed,' Deeks said. 'And don't forget the fire and hunters who kill sweet innocent animals.'

'Will you tell mister Callen and Mister Hanna that they have to get doughnuts on their own time?' Hetty said and she walked to her office, not wanting to hear any more of their discussion.

* * *

><p>Kensi was happy to see the doughnuts that Callen and Sam had brought her. It was about time for her early snack. But when she wanted to take her first bite, she wasn't hungry anymore and she put the doughnut down.<p>

'What's wrong with it?' Sam asked, grabbing the doughnut to look at it. Callen stood with a triumphant smile, but that disappeared when he saw Kensi's depressing face. He pulled his chair closer and he sat down next to Kensi.

'Are you handling today?' he asked. Kensi looked up and she nodded. Callen glanced at Sam, who shook his head, thinking the same as Callen. Kensi wasn't handling today.

'Deeks told us that today is your twenty-weeks-ultrasound,' Callen said. 'Today you're finding out if you're having a boy or a girl. That can't be an easy day.'

'I'm fine, okay?' Kensi replied curtly. 'I just hadn't much sleep last night. The baby kept kicking me.' She had ordered Deeks to keep his hands on her stomach, as that seemed the only way to calm the baby. But that didn't make the sleep any easier.

'And you had an argument with Deeks about movies,' Sam added. 'Or so I heard.'

'He didn't even let me watch _Bambi_ because Bambi's mom gets killed in the movie!' Kensi told them irritated.

'Wrong thing to say to a pregnant woman,' Callen noted and Kensi rolled with her eyes in annoyance.

'It's just stupid and he didn't change his mind about it,' she said. 'I'm going to have to watch _Dora the explorer_ for the rest of my life! Or at least until Deeks decides that the baby can watch _Bambi_!'

* * *

><p>Kensi had escaped to the lady's room to get some time for herself. The guys kept looking at her, to see if she was okay like she had been in a serious accident and was refusing treatment right now. But all that was happening was an ultrasound…an ultrasound which would tell them if they were going to have a boy or a girl. And that was bothering her. It had been bothering her from the start. It was giving her sleepless nights. All she could think about was what would happen if she was having a boy. Would she be able to look at it without being reminded to Damian all the time?<p>

_Is it fair to fear the doctor's appointment? Should I fear it? I wish I got sleep through this day. I wish everyone would forget this day and that we could move on._

_Knowing your baby's sex should be something exciting. Something to look forward to. Deeks looks forward to it. He tries to hide it but I can see it. He really wants to know. I start to wonder if I wanted to know if you were a boy or a girl when I was pregnant with you. It frustrates me that I don't know. I don't know what I wanted and I don't know how your kicks felt. Your baby brother or sister can't stop kicking unless Deeks has his hands on my stomach. It drives me crazy. But today he or she is relatively calm, like it knows what is going to happen._

_No matter what happens today: you will always be my only little boy. No one can possibly replace you. You are one of a kind and the most beautiful kind that exists._

_Lots of love and kisses,_

_Your mom, forever_.

'Miss Blye, how is it going with the paperwork?' Hetty asked and Kensi was her so thankful for not beginning about the doctor's appointment. Kensi put her phone back in her pocket, making a mental note to herself writing the letter down in the notebook later today.

'It's going slow right now,' Kensi answered honestly.

'Why don't you go and get the team some lunch,' Hetty suggested. 'I believe that they're hungry and I suggest that you get some fresh air. That usually works perfect for me when I don't know what to do.

'I'll do that,' Kensi answered and she walked out of the lady's room.

'Oh, and Miss Blye?' Hetty asked, turning Kensi around. 'Everything will be okay. Don't forget that you have a lot of people around you who care.'

'Thank you, Hetty,' Kensi smiled.

* * *

><p>Deeks began to doubt his decision of pushing Kensi. What if it isn't the best thing to know the baby's sex? No, Deeks thought. Dr. Jones told them that it was the best thing to know, so it will be the best thing. He actually feared that they were having a boy. That would make everything so much harder. Another reminder of Damian, of their lost. A baby should not be a reminder of a lost, of sadness but a reminder of happiness. Deeks doubted that that would be possible when they were having a boy.<p>

'Is there anyone who _is_ working in this place?' Hetty sighed when she saw Deeks sitting behind his desk, looking into space. 'Mister Deeks, everything going okay?'

'Are we doing the best thing?' Deeks asked, looking at his boss. Hetty took a deep breath, moving closer.

'I can't say that, mister Deeks,' Hetty answered. 'It's your and miss Blye's decision. And I believe you know what's best for you and for your family.'

* * *

><p>Callen and Sam watched Deeks and Kensi leave the bullpen, with both a worried look on their face. Sam felt sorry for them. Getting an ultrasound should be a happy occasion, not a worried occasion. You would see your baby again and be able to hear the heartbeat. So that you know that everything was okay. Sam loved ultrasounds and he had never missed one, even though Nina had told him that she understood that he wouldn't be able to be there all the time. But Sam just made the time.<p>

Callen was worried himself. He had seen Kensi at her parents' grave and talked with her in a café. She was really doubting herself, her ability to be a mom again. She didn't want to feel like she was replacing Damian but everyone made her feel like she did because they all told her that she wasn't replacing him. Callen hadn't understand it at first but now he did. He understood why she was doubting so much. He wished he could help her with that, but he couldn't. This was something between Kensi and Deeks. Something he shouldn't interfere with.

'They are still getting to know the sex?' Eric asked who joined them and Callen and Sam nodded. 'I thought Kensi didn't want to.'

'She doesn't,' Callen confirmed.

'But she will know it?' Eric asked and again Callen and Sam nodded. 'That must be hard…'

* * *

><p>Even doctor Idle could feel the tension in the air. She moved more carefully and nervously than other times. Deeks kept his eyes locked on Kensi while she looked away from him all the time.<p>

'The gel might feel a little bit cold,' doctor Idle warned and she applied the gel on Kensi's stomach. Kensi didn't move a muscle and stared to the wall opposite of her. Doctor Idle placed the transducer on Kensi's stomach and she looked at the screen.

'Do you want to know the sex of your baby?' she asked them.

'Yes.' 'No,' they answered at the same time. Deeks looked at Kensi. They had talked about it last night. To his surprise he saw tears in her eyes. She slowly looked directly in his eyes.

'I really don't want to know, Marty' she whispered. 'I _can't _know it...because our reason...it would make me a bad mom...' Doctor Idle removed the transducer and wiped the gel away.

'I will leave you alone for a minute,' she said. 'The baby is perfectly healthy.' Deeks nodded and the doctor left the room. Deeks took Kensi's hand and placed a soft kiss on it.

'We need to know, Kensi,' he said. 'Exactly because of our reason. That doesn't make you a bad mom. It's necessary to know the sex.'

'But how can I think that a boy would feel like a replacement of Damian?' she sobbed. 'Damian is my son and that will never change...No matter what happens, Damian will be my son. There is no replacement possible.' Deeks gently stroked her hair.

'Of course will that never change,' he said. 'But even doctor Jones said it was wise to know so that we could prepare ourselves...so that you could prepare yourself. And she knows you. That is the reason we want to know the sex of the baby.' Kensi slowly nodded and Deeks went to get doctor Idle.

'We want to know,' Kensi mumbled when the doctor walked into the room. Doctor Idle nodded. Deeks and Kensi took both a deep breath and held each other's hand tightly.

'Then I'm happy to tell you that you're having a girl.'

'A girl?' Deeks repeated amazed.

'Yes, a girl,' doctor Idle confirmed. Deeks turned to Kensi and he kissed her.

'We're having a girl,' he said excitedly. Kensi simply nodded and she kept sitting numbly on the table. Wasn't a girl even more a replacement? As if a boy wasn't good enough the first time...As if Damian wasn't good enough

**TBC.**

**So what do you think about the little girl that they are getting? Did you see that coming?**

**My life as a student at the university is beginning this Monday. I'm nervous and excited. But it does mean that studying will come first, then writing. So the updates might be less frequently but I will keep writing!**


	19. Chapter 19

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 19_

'Are you okay?' doctor Idle asked, worry present in her voice when Kensi kept sitting numbly on the table and said nothing at all. Doctor Idle glanced at Deeks and he stepped in front of Kensi. He grabbed her hands.

'Are you okay?' he repeated doctor Idle's question and when she didn't answered he got worried. 'Come on, Fern.'

'Don't call me Fern,' Kensi hissed, snapping out of her trance and she looked at Deeks and doctor Idle. Doctor Idle took a relieved breath and she looked at her papers.

'Kensi, I need to talk about your blood pressure,' she started and Kensi was immediately alert again, looking worriedly at doctor Idle. Deeks gently squeezed her hands but he was worried as well. 'After the car accident of a few weeks ago your blood pressure was too high…'

'That was because I was worried about Deeks,' Kensi explained. 'She wouldn't let me see Deeks. A nurse measured my blood pressure after I saw Deeks and she said it had decreased!' Doctor Idle put her hand up, stopping Kensi from talking.

'It isn't about that time,' she said. 'My concern is that your blood pressure is still too high.'

'There has been some stress lately,' Kensi said, glancing worriedly at Deeks.

'Well, a high blood pressure isn't healthy for the baby,' doctor Idle told them. 'Right now, the baby is fine but to keep it that way I want that you take it easy from now on. Avoid as much stress as possible. Watch some movies, take walks…just take it easy from now on.'

'She will take it easy,' Deeks promised the doctor. Doctor Idle smiled.

'I'm sure she will,' she said. 'But I do suggest working less. Maybe three days awake and regular hours, since your work can be rather stressful. Also get enough sleep. That's all very important and it's all for your baby's health.' Deeks and Kensi nodded. 'And for the rest: enjoy the pregnancy.'

* * *

><p>'I don't want to work less,' Kensi sighed while they drove back to Ops. 'I'll go crazy spending all that time at home!' Deeks stroked the back of her hand with his thumb.<p>

'It's all for a good cause,' he told her. 'We could lunch together on the days you're not working so that you could leave your apartment for at least an hour or so. And you could visit us at Ops without actually working…also what about buying baby stuff?'

'Yeah, that should be fun: buying hundreds of diapers,' Kensi replied sarcastically. 'Already looking forward to that!' They arrived back at Ops and Deeks parked the car.

'Please don't tell Callen and Sam about my blood pressure,' Kensi said at him when they walked into the building. 'I don't want two other people worrying about me. You are more than enough.'

'Then what are you telling them as reason for you cutting back work hours?' Deeks asked.

'Because that's normal in a pregnancy,' Kensi answered. 'That I have to take it easy with this job.' Deeks shrugged but he couldn't say much more since they were in the hearing distance of Callen and Sam.

'So how was it?' Eric asked, who was sitting behind Deeks' desk. 'Everything okay?'

'Everything is fine,' Kensi answered and she sat down.

'If you want to buy presents for the baby, please do this in the color pink,' Deeks smiled.

'You two are having a girl?' Sam asked enthusiastic and Deeks nodded. 'Congratulations.' He shook Deeks' hand and he hugged Kensi. 'Girls are great.'

'Now you have one of each kind,' Eric smiled. Callen looked at Kensi, who wasn't looking as happy and enthusiastic as Deeks. He walked over to her.

'Are you okay with it?' he asked her softly and Kensi nodded.

'I'm fine,' she answered. 'I'll have to go talk to Hetty.' Callen nodded and Kensi went to Hetty's office. Hetty was sitting behind her desk, looking at her computer. She smiled when she saw Kensi coming towards her.

'Everything okay, Miss Blye?' she greeted.

'Yes, everything is fine,' Kensi answered and she rubbed the spot their baby girl kicked them. 'We're having a girl…but I'm here because doctor Idle suggested to work less hours as in three days a week.'

'For any special reason?' Hetty wondered.

'No, just because I'm pregnant,' Kensi answered and Hetty slowly nodded. 'She wants that I take it a bit easy. Work will be harder the further I get in the pregnancy.'

'Alright, Miss Blye,' Hetty said.

'We should think about a name,' Deeks said. 'Now that we know that we're having a little girl.' Kensi nodded absently, concentrating more on the magazine she was reading. Deeks turned back to the pans for their dinner.

* * *

><p>Deeks was still amazed that they were having a little girl. A girl mixed with him and Kensi. He already knew that she was going to be a beautiful girl. She was bound to be, with Kensi as her mom. He had never really thought about his own children. But now that he heard that they were having a daughter, he really realized it. He was becoming a dad, a real dad of a little girl.<p>

'You want to name her after anyone?' he asked Kensi.

'I don't know, Deeks,' she answered. 'Maybe.'

'Maybe for a second name,' Deeks suggested. 'That could be nice. What about Gabriella? After Gabby? She means a lot to you, and also to me…'

'Deeks, can we talk about something else?' Kensi asked. 'Or not talk at all. I am trying to read.' Deeks nodded and continued cooking. In his happiness he hadn't thought about Kensi and her happiness. Maybe having a girl was a bit harder for her than it was for him.

'I'm sorry,' he told her. 'I didn't really thought about how you felt. How do you feel about having a daughter?' Kensi sighed and she put the magazine aside. She walked towards him. Deeks looked at her.

'I think it's great that we are having a little girl,' Kensi said and she kissed Deeks. 'As long as she doesn't whine about a broken nail like you do.' Deeks laughed and he pulled her closer with one arm. Kensi leaned her head against his shoulder, watching him stirring in the pan with sauce.

'We still should go to the beach some day,' Deeks said. 'And I have no longer a cast which can't get wet. Now would be a perfect time.' Kensi pointed at her stomach.

'Have you seen this?' she asked. 'There is no way I'm walking in a bikini with this belly!' Deeks laughed and he put his hands on her stomach.

'Well, I love your stomach,' he smiled and he kissed her.

* * *

><p>The weekend had started and Deeks and Kensi were packing for a day at the beach. Kensi decided to wear a summer dress instead of a bikini. Deeks put a picnic blanket in the bag, next to the drinks. Kensi was putting the food in the bag.<p>

'Why do we have so much food?' she asked him. 'Is the entire team coming or something? Because that would explain it.'

'No,' Deeks laughed but then he stopped packing. 'We could invite them, though. Having a team-day. You're supposed to do that when you're a team, right? What do you think?'

'It would be nice,' Kensi answered. 'We haven't done anything like that in a long time. Let's call them.'

'I'll call Eric and Hetty,' Deeks said. 'You can take Callen and Sam. Tell them to take food and drinks with them.' Kensi looked surprised and she looked at the food that was already in the bag.

'But we already got so many,' she told him.

'You can never have enough with a pregnant woman,' Deeks smiled and he gave Kensi a kiss before dialing Eric's number.

* * *

><p>Within the hour the entire team was relaxing at the beach. It was a perfect day for a day on the beach and the team was having a lot of fun. Sam had taken Nina and his kids along and the kids were playing in the water and building sand castles. Even Deeks and Eric were building sand castles. Hetty had taken some chairs with her and currently she, Kensi and Nina were sitting on them. Sam had brought a small barbecue with him, grilling meat for them and Callen stood next to him, drinking beer.<p>

'This was a great idea,' Nina said delighted. 'Just what everyone needed: a relaxed day at the beach.'

'Deeks' idea,' Kensi smiled. 'He does have good ideas sometimes.' Nina frowned when Leo climbed on her lap, dripping from the salty sea water.

'Mommy, can I get some ice cream?' Leo asked with a begging little smile. 'We're on the beach and then you're supposed to have an ice cream?'

'Sweetie, there is so much food,' Nina said. 'Why don't you eat some of that food?' Leo shook his head, sending water drops at Hetty, Kensi and Nina. 'Sweetie, I just sat down.'

'No, you have been sitting here for a long time,' Leo said and Nina laughed.

'Alright, smarty,' she said. 'Go ask your dad if he wants to go with you.' Leo slid of her lap and ran to Sam. Nina turned to Kensi.

'Prepare yourself,' she told her. 'This is what you get when you have kids.' Kensi smiled and she watched Leo beg his dad for ice cream.

'I can take them,' she suddenly told Nina, who looked surprised. 'I should take a walk anyway.'

'Alright,' Nina said and she grabbed her purse while calling Leo. Leo saw his mother reaching for her purse and he ran towards her.

'Thank you, mommy,' he said smiling and he held his hands up to receive the money. Nina looked at her son and pointed at Kensi.

'Kensi is coming with you,' she told her son seriously. 'And call your sisters, they probably want ice cream too. But you listen to Kensi and behave yourself. No jumping and dancing on the tables with your ice cream.' Leo nodded and he ran to his sisters.

'He really does that?' Kensi asked surprised. Nina sighed.

'Yes and that isn't even the worst,' she answered. 'Sometime he does that naked. Try explaining that to the people in the store. Good luck.'

'You're the very, very, very best!' Leo said happily to Kensi, while licking his huge ice cream. Kensi smiled and she paid the man behind the counter.

'Thank you, Kensi,' Sarina said.

* * *

><p>'Mommy never wants to take us for ice cream,' Leo complained. 'And that is so unfair! But you are nice. You gave us big ice creams.'<p>

'Well, you were right, a beach day isn't complete without an ice cream,' Kensi replied, enjoying her own ice cream. That was the real reason she had gone with the kids. Ice cream sounded really good and it was good.

'Can I babysit the baby sometimes?' Aimee asked. 'I'm really good at it. Mom lets me babysit Sarina and Leo.'

'You don't!' Sarina contradicted. 'You're always calling your friends when you're supposed to watch us!'

'We shall see,' Kensi said before the girls could say anything else. Suddenly Aimee ducked behind a wall. Curiously Kensi turned her head in the other direction.

'What are you doing, Aimee?' Leo asked.

'Don't say my name!' she hissed at her brother. Kensi smiled when she saw the reason for Aimee to duck away. Aimee looked around the corner before joining them again.

'So, what is his name?' Kensi asked curiously.

'I have no idea what you're talking about,' Aimee lied, badly. 'Shall we go back to the beach? Mom and dad are probably wondering where we are.'

'Sure,' Kensi said. 'But who was the cute boy standing opposite of the store?'

'His name is Cam,' Aimee answered and she started to blush. 'And he's really nice…but dad will kill me when he finds out. Cam is older than me. Also, my dad thinks that I'm way to young for a boyfriend. But I'm twelve!'

'Your dad is just protective of you,' Kensi said. 'If Cam really is nice, your dad won't cause trouble.'

'Yeah, right,' Aimee sighed. 'My dad, not causing any problem? No way. He followed us for a month when we started school.'

* * *

><p>Deeks and Kensi had walked away a bit from the team. Just to take a walk together. Their feet in the water and their hands intertwined. The sun was going down, turning the sky orange but it was still warming their skin. It was just perfect. Kensi took a deep breath.<p>

'This was a great day, Deeks,' she told him.

'Good,' Deeks said. 'You deserved one.'

'Why are you always so sweet to me?' Kensi asked. 'Why are you the sweetest guy in the world?' Deeks smiled.

'Isn't that clear?' he asked her. 'I love you and you deserve nothing less that the sweetest guy in the world.' He leaned closer to give her a kiss. Kensi couldn't help to smile and again she felt the tears forming in her eyes but this time she could hold them. She wrapped her arms around Deeks' neck, pulling him closer. Suddenly he left her up, in bridal style.

'What are you doing?' she asked him but all Deeks did was smile. 'What are you planning? Put me down!' Suddenly Deeks moved towards the water and Kensi began to struggle. 'Deeks! Don't you dare!' But it was already too late. A wave hit them and Deeks struggled to keep his balance. He fell into the water, dragging Kensi with his. Both came back up laughing and Kensi splashed water into his face. Deeks grabbed her hand, pulling her closer and he kissed her.

'Hmm, salty,' he joked and Kensi hit him on his chest.

* * *

><p>'What happened to you two?' Callen asked shocked when Deeks and Kensi came back to the team, both entirely sodden. Kensi pointed at Deeks, who was laughing.<p>

'He happened,' she answered. Deeks threw his arm around her shoulder.

'You looked so hot,' he joked. 'I thought you would like the refreshment.' Kensi punched him in his arm. Callen, Eric, Hetty and Sam couldn't help to laugh. Eric handed Kensi his towel and Kensi took it gratefully.

'Where are Nina and the kids?' Deeks asked Sam as he grabbed his own towel.

'They went home,' Sam answered. 'It was getting too late for them, although Aimee thought otherwise. She told me that she had to ask Kensi about something but that had to wait until tomorrow.' Kensi smiled, already knowing what Aimee probably wanted to ask about. Sam noticed the smile immediately.

'You know what it is about!' he said and Kensi nodded. 'Well, tell me!'

'No, Aimee apparently doesn't want you to know,' Kensi laughed and Sam growled.

'I think we're going too,' Deeks said when he saw Kensi suppress a yawn. 'It has been a long but fun day.' Kensi nodded and said goodbye. When she and Deeks had grabbed their stuff and walked off the beach, Callen smiled as he saw them holding hands.

**TBC.**

**This chapter I want to thank Benjaminek, for just being who she is =D You may not know it, but you helped me a lot. Thank you 3 **


	20. Chapter 20

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

**I wanted to kill this chapter...still want to kill it. It took so long to finish!**

_Chapter 20_

The day had been so perfect and Kensi was tired when they got home, but now she was laying awake in her bed. Their baby girl had decided to be active after being relatively calm for an entire day. Kensi had turned several times but nothing worked. She sighed and she got out of bed, knowing that there was no use trying any longer. Also she was kind of hungry. She grabbed a bowl of ice cream and sat down at the couch. She glanced at the bedroom and smiled before grabbing Disney's _Alice in Wonderland_. She couldn't care less about what Deeks thought about certain movies. She wanted to watch this movie and it wasn't too bad.

'What are you doing?' Deeks asked sleepily after half an hour into the movie. 'Why aren't you in bed?' Kensi paused the movie and glanced up to Deeks.

'I'm watching a movie,' she answered, stating the obvious. Deeks glanced at the TV.

'_Alice in Wonderland_,' he concluded and Kensi nodded while taking another spoon of ice cream. 'And ice cream. Wonderful combination.' He sat down beside her.

'Why are you awake?' she asked him.

'No one was tossing beside me,' he answered and he put his arm around her shoulder and a hand on her stomach. Their baby girl immediately calmed down.

'You just earned your stay,' Kensi joked and she pressed the play button.

* * *

><p>Kensi yawned when she and Deeks drove into Ops. She was happy that Deeks insisted to drive. She was too tired to do it but for good measurement she protested for a while, letting him win eventually. Deeks drummed with his fingers on the steering wheel while they were waiting for the light to turn green. Then he turned to Kensi.<p>

'What are we?' he asked.

'Late for work,' Kensi answered tiredly. Deeks shook his head.

'No, I mean: can I call you my girlfriend if I talk about you?' he asked. Kensi sighed. This wasn't the best subject for a conversation this early.

'Deeks, not now,' Kensi answered. Deeks nodded but Kensi noticed that he rather continued the conversation. 'Maybe tonight.' Again Deeks nodded and he concentrated on the traffic as it began to move again.

Kensi was happy when she could sit down at Ops. Watching a movie and eating ice cream had seemed like a great idea at the time but now she could feel the sleep deprivation. Not being allowed to have coffee was the worst part.

'You look horrible,' Eric noted when he saw her.

'Thanks,' Kensi sighed. 'I already knew that but thanks for reminding me.'

'You should have stayed home,' Deeks told her. Kensi shook her head.

'I already cut back two days,' she said. 'I'm not going to cut back more hours.'

'Suit yourself,' Deeks sighed, not wanting to get into an argument.

* * *

><p>Kensi was sitting in front of one of the many computer screens and she was bored. There was nothing to do but wait. Eric was busy typing and talking to Callen, Deeks and Sam, who were working on an op: trying to catch the killer of seven people. Three of them were Navy personnel and they all died of drugs but neither one of them had ever used drugs before. The killer had injected them with poisonous heroin. They were dead in minutes.<p>

Right now Deeks was trying to buy that heroin in a creepy warehouse filled with junkies and dealers. Callen and Sam were his back-up, Callen in the same room as a junkie and Sam outside, and Eric for the information they needed. But Kensi couldn't help them with this op. She just had to wait until it was all over. She was so bored that she almost fell asleep in the chair until Callen's voice caught her attention.

'You don't need to do this,' he urged someone. Kensi looked at the big screen where the footage of Callen's camera was shown. A woman was holding a gun against Deeks' head and she looked like she meant business. Kensi jumped out of her seat and moved closer to the screen.

'Deeks,' she whispered fearful and she turned to Eric while 'Who is she? Eric! Who is that woman?' Eric was typing furiously on the keyboard.

'I don't know!' he answered hastily.

'Get me my bag!' the woman yelled at Callen and Kensi tried to fix her attention on the woman but all she saw was the gun pressed against Deeks' head.

'Which bag?' Kensi asked.

'Umm, she wants Callen to get her a bag from some address,' Eric answered and he put information about the address on the big screen. 'LAPD suspects that the place is used as a drugs-house.'

'So we go there, arrest everyone inside, give the woman her bag and get Deeks back,' Kensi said.

'We can't, Miss Blye,' Hetty told her. 'We have no reason to arrest everyone inside. Mister Callen will have to get in, get the bag and get out.'

'But saving Deeks by giving the woman the bag is the plan, right?' Kensi asked worriedly.

'Of course is that our plan, Miss Blye,' Hetty confirmed and Kensi nodded. 'Do we have an ID on the woman yet, mister Beale?'

'Still searching,' Eric answered.

* * *

><p>'I will get you your bag,' Callen told the woman and he really meant that. He was getting Deeks out of this situation unharmed. He had to get back to Kensi even if that meant that Callen had to take his place.<p>

'You got two hours before I kill him!' the woman yelled and Callen saw Deeks wince. Callen nodded at the woman, not having another choice.

'I want your phone,' she told him and she pushed the gun even firmer against Deeks' head. 'Put it on the ground and crush it with your foot!' Callen obeyed the woman's order and he got another phone in return.

'You can only call and be called by one number,' she explained. 'My number. Contact me when you have the bag and we will meet at a place I choose. A picture of the bag and the precise location are on the phone. Now leave to get my bag! You have two hours!' Callen took one look at Deeks and he left the building. Outside Sam was already waiting for him in the car. Callen stepped in and Sam sped away.

'Eric told me that the house is probably used as a drugs-house,' Sam told him. 'Which mean that the people inside will have guns and are probably high. That makes it a dangerous situation. They will be trigger happy. I understand why she wants someone else to get her bag, which is probably filled with drugs or money.'

'You are full of good news,' Callen sighed.

'It gets better: Kensi knows about the situation,' Sam added.

'Great, just what we need, a worried pregnant woman,' Callen replied. 'I thought she was in the bullpen, filling in our paperwork…not helping Eric.'

'Well, she was helping him,' Sam said. 'So we really need to get Deeks back. Otherwise Kensi may witness Deeks getting killed.'

'Get us to that house then,' Callen replied and Sam stepped on the gas.

'Do you have a plan for entering the house, G?' he asked.

'Yeah, getting in and out alive,' Callen answered simply. 'LAPD will be keeping an eye on the house…maybe a stakeout close by. We can use them.'

'So we're going to arrest everyone inside?' Sam asked and Callen nodded. 'And then you will take the bag she wants, which will be evidence by then.' Again Callen nodded. 'Great plan, G. Good luck trying to sell that to LAPD.'

'It will work,' Callen said.

* * *

><p>'So what so of value in that bag that you're willing to take someone hostage for it and risk prison?' Deeks asked the woman while driving her to some place unknown to him and with a gun pressed against his side.<p>

'None of your business, I recon,' the woman growled. 'Just keep driving.'

'Well, since you're holding me hostage because of that bag, I think it is my business,' Deeks contradicted.

'Can we stop talking about the damn bag?' the woman growled. 'Once your friend gets me my bag, you're free to go…without a bullet in your head!'

'My kid would probably like that,' Deeks said, testing the woman and he felt that the gun was pressed less firmly against his side.

'You're a dad?' she stumbled.

'I will be in about twenty weeks…and if you don't kill me,' Deeks answered. 'Do you have kids?' That was the wrong question and the gun was harshly pressed against his side again. Deeks groaned. 'Okay, get the message. No more asking about your kids.'

'Take the next left and park the car behind the building,' the woman ordered and Deeks did what he was told. The woman sighed. 'Just one hour and ten more minutes and you will be able to get home to your pregnant wife.'

'Actually she isn't my wife or my girlfriend yet,' Deeks corrected the woman and the woman's facial expression softened.

* * *

><p>The supposedly drugs-house looked old and as if it could collapse any minute. Perfect to hide and use drugs. Sam turned his gaze back on Callen who was talking with LAPD. They didn't look happy with Callen's plan and Sam couldn't blame them. It wasn't like it was a great one.<p>

'We have permission to move inside,' Callen said when he joined Sam again. 'But they will wait here…as back-up, they say.' Sam shrugged. He hadn't expected another answer for LAPD. They were on their own.

'Let's get that bag,' he sighed and they both grabbed a shotgun from the trunk before moving to the house.

'_LAPD is talking about five people inside_,' Eric told them over the earpieces. '_There's a back door, which is covered by LAPD. You can just enter through the front door. Do you know where the bag is?_'

'Yeah, in one of the bedrooms,' Callen answered and they arrived at the door. Callen counted till three and Sam kicked in the door. The three men hanging on the couch were too high to even try to get up before Sam held them at gunpoint.

'NCIS, don't move!' he shouted and the men just stared at him. Sam nodded at Callen, who moved to upstairs. Upstairs it was deserted. Callen had to watch his steps with holes in the floor and he slowly moved to the right bedroom. He cursed when he walked into the room. There were several bags. Throwing a few of them away, he found the bag with the stuffed bear on it, like the one in the picture. He pulled it from the pile and he opened the bag. He was surprised to see stuffed animals, pictures and only a few dollars. He took photos of the pictures, sending them to Eric.

'I got the bag,' Callen reported over the earpieces.

* * *

><p>'Fifty minutes,' the woman said impatiently. 'Are you sure your friend is coming back?' Deeks nodded. The woman sighed and she stepped out of the car. She yanked the driver's side open and gestured with the gun for Deeks to get out. Deeks stepped out of the car, leaning against it. The woman started to pace in front of Deeks, clearly stressed<p>

'Why are you going through so much trouble?' he asked. The woman stopped pacing and she shrugged.

'I guess there's something important in the bag,' she told him. 'Why would you hold a person hostage to get something back?'

'I wish it was that simple in my case,' Deeks answered and the woman looked questioningly at him. 'But I guess I don't want to talk about it.'

'Well, then we got something in common,' the woman noted. 'We both don't want to talk about our reason to hold someone hostage…Now shut up!' She started to pace again and Deeks looked at his surroundings. Beside the car and the building there wasn't much else.

'Do you know what you're having?' the woman suddenly asked and Deeks looked confused at the woman. 'A daughter or a son?'

'A daughter,' Deeks answered and the woman smiled. 'You also got a little girl? Is that why you need the bag? You know, we can help you if someone has your daughter.'

'I don't need help,' the woman said, waving with the gun. 'I need that bag! You can't help me!' Deeks held his hands up in defense.

'I can,' he told her slowly, not wanting to upset her anymore and risking her shooting him. The woman turned to him, hitting him across the face in the progress. Deeks fell against the car and he spitted out some blood.

'I don't want your damn help!' she shouted at him with the gun pointed at him again. 'So shut up about it!' The woman reached frantically in her pocket and pulled up a phone. When she looked at the screen, she smiled.

'Your friend got the bag,' she told him.

* * *

><p>'Forty-five minutes,' Kensi stated while she paced behind Eric's chair, looking at the screen every now and then. It made her tired and her back hurt but she couldn't sit down at the chair. Not while some crazy woman held Deeks hostage.<p>

'Kensi, I know that,' Eric said, getting nervous with her hovering the entire time. 'But Callen has the bag and is meeting the woman in exchange for Deeks.'

'Do we have an ID on the woman yet?' Kensi asked, looking over Eric's shoulder again. Eric nodded and he showed her the woman's ID.

'Odessa Turner, twenty-seven years and unemployed at the moment,' Eric told her. 'No rap sheet until now…doesn't own a gun…her parents died two years ago. She had a daughter whom she has given up for adoption ten years ago. It was a closed adoption.' When Eric moved the information to the big screen, Kensi saw pictures of a little girl and stuffed animals.

'What is that?' she asked Eric.

'That is what Callen found in the bag,' Eric answered. 'The girl in the picture is Allyson McCammon who was born as Baby Turner as in Odessa Turner's daughter.'

'But if it was a close adoption, why does she have pictures of Allyson?' Kensi asked and Eric shrugged.

'Maybe she regretted giving her daughter up for adoption and is she trying to get her daughter back...'

* * *

><p>Deeks looked at the woman who looked excited but also saddened. Somehow he felt sorry for her. Something was going on in her life and it had driven her to the point where she took someone hostage. But she wasn't taking any help.<p>

'This is going too well,' she mumbled as she paced back and forth. She turned to Deeks, pressing the gun harshly against his chest. 'What haven't you told me?'

'I haven't told you a lot,' Deeks answered. The woman wasn't happy with the answer and she moved the gun underneath his chin.

'Tell me why it's all going so easy!' she demanded and suddenly realization was written all over her face. 'You're a cop.' She backed away from him. 'Shit! Shit! Shit!' She kicked angrily against the car before moving back to Deeks.

'What kind of cop are you?' she asked him. 'LAPD? FBI?'

'LAPS liaison with NCIS,' Deeks answered, knowing that lying wouldn't make this situation any better. 'If you let us…' The gun was pressed against his chin again and Deeks shut his mouth.

'Don't tell me that you can help me!' she told him angrily. 'I don't want your help! I don't care that you're a cop. Hell, I get my bag without having to shoot you, probably. Why were you at the warehouse?'

'We were trying to catch a killer,' Deeks answered and the woman moved her gun away from his chin. Deeks swallowed and continued. 'He already killed seven people with poisoned heroin and we suspected that he would be at the warehouse.' To Deeks' surprise the woman snorted.

'Great, I helped a killer,' she said, head shaking. They both looked at the entrance when a car drove towards them. The woman pulled Deeks in front of her, using him as a shield. The gun pressed painfully against his spine. Once the car stopped, Sam got out with his gun drawn.

'NCIS!' he shouted. 'Drop the weapon and let him go!' The woman shook her head and she moved backwards, dragging Deeks alone. Suddenly the pressure against his spine disappeared and the woman started to scream angrily. Sam laid his hand on Deeks' shoulder.

'You're okay?' he asked and Deeks nodded numbly.

'Odessa Turner, you're under arrest,' Callen told the woman, who was struggling against the cuffs that Callene had put on. 'You have the right to remain silent. Everything that you say can be used against you. You have the right of an attorney and if you can't afford one, one will be appointed at you.' Deeks watched Callen drag Odessa to the car.

* * *

><p>'<em>Why did you have pictures of Allyson McCammon in your bag<em>?' Callen asked Odessa. Deeks was watching her interrogation on the TV screen. Odessa looked so different in the interrogation. She looked defeated sitting there. She had changed so much in the twenty minutes she had been here.

'_You searched my bag?_' Odessa yelled angrily, jumping up from her seat.

'_Sit down!_' Sam ordered and Deeks watched her sit down calmly. He didn't understand what was important about the bag and who Allyson McCammon was.

'_Can you believe it?_' Odessa snorted, grabbing Deeks' attention again. '_I gave my daughter up for adoption in New York…only to see her ten years later playing at a play ground in LA. She had been so close all that time…she lives only ten minutes from my house. When I saw her, I knew she was my daughter…I felt it…and she was so beautiful. Ten years ago I made the worst mistake I could ever make. But I was pressure, by my parents, by her father. Everyone told me to do it. That it was the best for both of us. No-one asked me if _I_ wanted to do it…_'

'Mister Deeks, good to see that you're alright,' Hetty greeted when she walked into the boathouse. 'Or at least relatively.' She pointed at his cheek.

'I don't even feel it,' Deeks told her, smiling. Hetty nodded but she gave him an ice-pack anyway. Deeks winced when the cold pack came into contact with his sore skin but it did ease the pain.

Deeks and Hetty turned to the door when it opened. Kensi walked inside with two adults and the girl of the pictures. Hetty walked towards them, greeting them by shaking their hands. The girl looked shyly around.

'We weren't sure to come,' the woman, who introduced herself as Sophia, said. 'But Allyson told us she wanted to come. She wanted to see her mother.' Her husband, who introducted himself as Ben, put his arm around his wife. Hetty walked to the interrogation room to get Odessa and Allyson slipped her hand in her parents. When Odessa walked into the room, she burst into tears and she moved towards Allyson.

'Hey, Allyson,' she sobbed and she moved her hand towards the girl's face, stopping mid-way. 'You're beautiful.' Allyson smiled with a polite smile and Odessa looked up at the team, nodded towards them as a thank-you.

'Are you my mommy?' Allyson asked with a small and soft voice. Odessa laughed through her tears and she nodded.

* * *

><p>'I know who you're looking for,' Odessa said once Allyson and her parents had left. It had been an emotional goodbye but Odessa seemed to have accepted that Allyson belonged with her adoptive parents.<p>

'Looking for?' Deeks asked and Odessa nodded. 'You mean the one who kills with poisoned heroin?' Again Odessa nodded.

'Tell us,' Callen said interested.

'When I was at the drugs-house, there was also a man,' Odessa started. 'He kept talked about his heroin and even though it was shit, he was still selling it. He was bragging about all the publicity he was getting until he realized that most of the people in the room were too high or didn't care about his story. That was when he got really angry. He yelled that everyone was as stupid as the cops. That the cops were lying sons of bitches…'

'Give us a name,' Sam said impatiently.

'Umm it was Tygo,' Odessa answered. 'Tygo Rice, I believe.' Deeks immediately looked at Odessa.

'Are you sure?' he asked and Odessa nodded after she thought about it. 'Tygo Rice?'

'Yes,' she answered. 'I remember because I like rice and ate it that night.' Deeks ran his hand through his hair.

'What is it, mister Deeks?' Hetty asked him.

'We arrested Tygo Rice about four years ago,' Deeks told them. 'He helped us with a case and we arrested him…if it's him, it would explain the 'lying sons of bitches'. Tygo hates law enforcement.'

* * *

><p>'This was an unbelievable day,' Deeks said to Kensi that evening. Tygo had killed those seven people with the heroin and he had almost killed his eight victim if the team hadn't moved in to arrest him.<p>

Kensi had ordered Deeks to stay so that he could keep the baby calm. Deeks had no objections to that and currently they were laying in her bed. They both had their hands on Kensi's abdomen. They could feel their baby girl move but she wasn't kicking.

'I was so worried,' Kensi admitted. Deeks smiled and he kissed her forehead.

'I had it all under control,' he joked and Kensi laughed but then she turned serious again.

'You can't do that ever again,' she said and Deeks nodded. 'You can't scare me like that ever! Promise me.'

'I'll promise you everything,' Deeks replied and Kensi kissed him. Then she turned so that they looked directly at each other. Kensi gently touched Deeks' bruised cheek. Deeks winced even with her gently touch. She moved closer and she gave it a soft kiss that barely touched his skin. She lay back, closing her eyes and Deeks did the same, without letting his hand slip of her abdomen.

'You can call me your girlfriend,' Kensi said sleepily and barely audible but Deeks had heard it and he laughed.

**TBC.**

**This chapters is all thanks to my sister! I hate this chapter. It really sucked at first, then it sucked less but still I couldn't make it work and with the great help of my sister it's okayish now. Still not extremely happy with it but much better than before. So if you didn't like the chapter, think about how bad it must have been before and I'm sorry. Hopefully the next will be better.**

**To 'Reader': I'm really sorry about the phrase "getting a baby/getting a girl". I believed I changed it all. Sorry it was driving you crazy. But it was good you told me. Now I would do that anymore!**

**I also have a request: I don't really know anything about the ranks in the Navy...could anyone tell me the list of ranks. I tried to find it on wiki but I don't really understand since there is a difference between Dutch and American Navy (or so I believe) and I want to get it right. So please help me!**


	21. Chapter 21

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 21_

Deeks pulled the chair backwards for Kensi, who smiled and sat down. It was Kensi's day off and like promised Deeks would lunch with her. A waitress already walked over to their table.

'Good afternoon,' she greeted smiling. 'Would you like to eat something for lunch?' When Deeks nodded, the girl handed them the menu. 'You want anything to drink?'

'A coke for me, please,' Kensi said and Deeks ordered the same.

'Alright, I'll be right back to take your order,' the waitress smiled.

'Why are all those people in the business smiling so much?' Kensi asked Deeks, sounding annoyed by it.

'To seem happy,' Deeks suggested and Kensi shrugged.

'Well I don't like it,' she told him.

After some time they had ordered and received their lunch. Just when they were enjoying it, two girls walked over to their table, giggling. Kensi looked suspiciously at them.

'Could we get your number?' the girls asked Deeks giggling and Deeks raised his eyebrows. Kensi just looked in shock at the girls, who couldn't be older than twenty-five.

'Don't think that's a good idea,' Deeks answered and he turned back to Kensi.

'Come on,' the girls begged.

'You can go now,' Kensi instructed them. One of the girls raised one eyebrow.

'And you are…?' she asked arrogantly. 'His sister?'

'Do I look like his sister?' Kensi asked. She started to rise from her seat when Deeks stopped her by putting his hand on hers, telling her that the girls weren't worth it. The girls laughed and they walked back to their table. Kensi angrily pricked some lettuce on her fork and stuffed in her mouth.

'Stupid girls,' she growled.

'Wow, never know how possessive you were,' Deeks joked. Kensi stuffed more food in her mouth angrily.

* * *

><p>'How was our girl doing?' Sam asked when Deeks walked back to his desk after lunch. Deeks sighed when he sat down.<p>

'She was pissed,' he told them.

'Deeks, what did you do this time?' Callen asked. 'Did you forget to buy her Twinkies? Or more carrots and peanut butter?'

'No, two girls wanted my phone number,' Deeks said. 'And being pregnant makes Kensi very possessive…also they asked if she was my sister. That made her even more pissed off. I think she was about to hit those girls.'

'Good thing to keep in our minds,' Callen said smiling.

'When are you planning to paint and furnish the nursery?' Sam asked. ''Cause if you need help with that: Nina and I wouldn't mind to help.'

'Neither would I,' Callen added. Deeks shrugged.

'I'm already glad that we bought a nursery,' he said. 'Also we both live in a two-bedroom apartment and Kensi made it quite clear that she didn't want to move in…Usually a two-bedroom is perfect, but in Kensi's place the room is taken.' Callen and Sam nodded in understanding. They both knew about Damian's room and the importance of it.

'And moving in with you is difficult because of the room,' Sam said and Deeks nodded. The first couple of weeks it would be possible to have their daughter sleeping in Kensi's bedroom but after some time, she would need her own room. And Deeks would want to stay with Kensi when their girl was born. He wanted to spend all his time with his girls.

* * *

><p>'We had a case last week that made me think,' Kensi told Dr. Jones, who nodded interested. Dr. Jones had suggested to continue with therapy now that Kensi was pregnant. So Kensi was once again in her office. 'There was this woman and she had given her daughter up for adoption. She saw her again, then years later in LA…and I wondered…if...'<p>

'…that was going to happen to you with Damian?' Dr. Jones asked and Kensi shook her head.

'I wondered if I have passed him…without even knowing,' finished. 'He will have changed so much since I saw him. He's a boy now…what if I did pass him and didn't know?'

'And what if you didn't pass him?' Dr. Jones asked and she folded her hands. 'Kensi, we talked about the 'what ifs'. You can't think about them. It will drive you insane 'cause there will always be something that you could have done differently.'

'The woman said she had felt that the girl was her daughter,' Kensi said softly. 'She knew even after all those years…'

'And you will know it too, when the day comes,' Dr. Jones said. 'It may take some time before it's like before, but you will feel it too. Or you will even feel it straight away.'

'Or never,' Kensi added.

'You don't know that,' Dr. Jones replied. Kensi snorted.

'You really think that one day Mark will show up at my doorsteps to give Damian back?' she asked bitterly and Dr. Jones shifted in her seat. Also she wrote something down.

'You don't believe that your team will find Damian?' she asked Kensi. 'You believe that the only way to get Damian back is when Mark wants to give him back?'

'Do you think I should keep hope?' Kensi asked.

'Hope is never wrong,' Dr. Jones answered. 'But you can't answer my question with another question. It tells me that you're avoiding…'

'Which means you will keep asking,' Kensi finished and Dr. Jones nodded, indicating for Kensi to answer the question. Kensi took a deep breath.

'I don't know what to believe anymore,' she answered honestly. 'There are days when I'm wondering if they're still searching and if they will tell me when they found something…'

'Because they didn't tell you last time?' Dr. Jones asked.

'Partly, but also because they always seem so protective,' Kensi explained. 'Now that I'm pregnant even more. But sometimes the best protection is to simply know, right? Like with the baby's sex?'

'That was a different situation,' Dr. Jones replied. 'But yes, sometimes the best protection is knowledge. Maybe you should tell them that. That you want to know.'

* * *

><p>'We have talked a lot about Damian, these past years,' Dr. Jones began and Kensi looked curiously at the psychiatrist, wondering where the woman was going with this. 'But you hardly talked about the baby.' Kensi shrugged.<p>

'Why should I?' she asked. 'She isn't the reason everyone wants me to go to therapy. Damian's disappearing is. It has nothing to do with the baby.'

'Have you thought about a name?' Dr. Jones wanted to know. Kensi's gaze shifted from the psychiatrist to the wall behind the woman. There was a painting hanging on the wall. It was a lake with during the sunset with a stone laying in the water. Also an orange sky and the rest of the painting was brownish. Kensi wondered why Dr. Jones had picked the painting. It was just a painting of a stone in shallow water. It made her actually feel alone.

'Kensi?' Dr. Jones asked, bringing Kensi back to their conversation. Kensi smiled briefly at the woman, cursing at herself when she had done that.

'That are you thinking about?' Dr. Jones wanted to know.

'I was just looking at the painting,' Kensi answered.

'And avoiding my question about the baby,' Dr. Jones added. 'Why is that? Why is it hard for you to talk about the baby?'

'It isn't hard to talk about her,' Kensi lied. 'I just don't want to talk about her right now.' Dr. Jones nodded.

'Is it because you don't want to link her with your pain?' she asked. ''Cause this room must remind you of it. We spent hours talking about your loss and how to deal with it. That will always be present in this room for you.' Kensi stroked her stomach.

'I don't see how my daughter is relevant to this,' she said. Actually Kensi did know that her daughter was linked to it. But that didn't mean she wanted to discuss it.

'So she is your daughter?' Dr. Jones asked. ''Cause you never called her that before. It was always 'the baby' and now 'she'. You never gave her a word that is who she really is. She is your daughter. Are you afraid that when you name her 'your daughter' that you're forgetting or replacing Damian?' Kensi shook her head.

'No one can replace him,' she answered.

'That is right,' Dr. Jones said. 'No matter what's happens: Damian will be your son and will feel as your son. Every parent feels that his or her child is theirs. Like with the woman of the case. The connection between parent and child is strong.'

'What if I don't feel it?' Kensi asked worried.

'This isn't about Damian, is it?' Dr. Jones asked and Kensi slowly shook her head. 'Kensi, your daughter will feel like your own when she lays in your arms for the first time. I'm sure about that. The mother feelings are very strong.'

* * *

><p>'Have you told Deeks how you feel about him?' Dr. Jones asked curiously and Kensi nodded. 'Really told him?'<p>

'He wanted to know if he could call me his girlfriend,' Kensi told her. 'And last week, after the case, I told him that he could.' Dr. Jones nodded interested.

'Why after that case?' she wondered and Kensi took a deep breath. She could still see the gun pressed against Deeks' head and it still scared her to death.

'Deeks was in a hostage situation,' Kensi started to tell. 'The woman who I told you about held a gun to his head, demanding some bag. It scared me so much. I thought I was going to lose him…' Kensi swallowed her tears away.

'You told me in one session that it's just your life, losing the men you care about,' Dr. Jones told her. 'Were you thinking that it was going to happen again? That you were going to lose Deeks and that you have to take care of your daughter all on your own?' Kensi nodded, not wanted to say the words out loud. 'Were you afraid of having to take care of your daughter on your own?' Realizing that she _was_ feeling that, Kensi couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

* * *

><p>The session had almost ended and Kensi was glad to be able to leave. Dr. Jones wrote some last things down and then she looked at Kensi.<p>

'Kensi, have you bought something for your daughter?' she asked her.

'Yes, a lot,' Kensi answered, not understanding the purpose of the question. 'Everything for the nursery, bottles, clothes.'

'That is what you buy for every baby,' Dr. Jones said. 'I mean: have you bought something that's only for your daughter? A stuffed animal for example?' Slowly and thoughtfully Kensi shook her head and Dr. Jones nodded. 'Well, then I want to give you an assignment for the next session: buy something special for your daughter. Show it to me, next week.' Kensi nodded and moved to the door, really wanting to leave. She wanted to go home and sleep for a few hours. She was feeling exhausted, like she always did after a session. But Dr. Jones stopped her once more when she almost reached the door.

'Kensi remember: you're allowed to be happy,' Dr. Jones told her. 'No one will blame you when you are, except for yourself. You are the only one who thinks you're not allowed to be happy. I believe, know, that Damian would want his mommy to be happy.'

'But how can I be happy?'

'By thinking about the things that make you happy and forget the ones that don't.' Kensi nodded in understanding and she left the office. Walking to her car, she couldn't help to wonder, for just a second, where to place Damian: happy or unhappy?

**TBC.**

**Not much to tell this time.**

**Please review =D**


	22. Chapter 22

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 22_

Kensi was looking through the window at the toys displayed. She took a deep breath and she walked into the store. More pregnant women were inside, looking around for the right stuff for their babies. The first thing Kensi noticed was that they all looked happy deciding what to buy for their baby. Kensi herself didn't feel happy. For her it was an assignment that her therapist gave her. She didn't even come up with this idea on her own. But she had to buy something…something just for their daughter. Something special. Kensi had no idea what to give her. What made something special? She could get a stuffed animal from everyone so that wasn't special.

Kensi walked passed all the shelves which were filled with toys and other baby stuff. She took a quick glance at two women who were showing each other baby clothes, both smiling and every now and then rubbing their swollen abdomens. Suddenly Kensi felt a bump against her leg and when she looked down, she saw a little boy with a big smile on his face.

'Sowwy,' he said and he ran back to his mom, who gave him a hug. Kensi looked at them, feeling the enormous sadness inside of her. Damian should have been here with her, shopping for his baby sister.

'Can I help you?' a saleswoman asked and Kensi realized she had been staring into space with a stuffed giraffe in her hands. She put the giraffe back and smiled politely at the woman.

'No, I'm just looking around,' she told her and the saleswoman nodded, walking to the next costumer. Kensi took another look around and she realized that she wasn't going to find the special thing for her baby girl and with her hand on her big belly, she walked out of the store.

* * *

><p>Sitting in the chair in Damian's room, Kensi couldn't stop thinking about the boy in the store and about Odessa. Odessa's story made Kensi want to be outside constantly so that if her son was in LA, she would see him. But she realized that was a ridiculous thought. Mark wouldn't be hiding in LA. Not while everyone looking for him. He would go somewhere quiet, some place he knew very well. A place he probably talked about with her. If only she could remember her life with Mark.<p>

Kensi didn't know much about Mark. She had known Ian but Mark was mostly unknown to her. It was the one thing she didn't get from the team when Damian disappeared: information about Mark. She got everything else but the one thing she really need, she didn't get. Kensi started to feel the urge to get to know him. Maybe if she knew him like she had done before, she might figure out where he was hiding. This felt like another game of Mark: hiding in a spot of which he knows that Kensi would know if she hadn't forgotten their life.

_I feel like I have forgotten you the last couple of weeks, my little boy. And I feel horrible about that. Of course you were in my mind and heart but I didn't write to you. I'm twenty-one weeks pregnant now and you can really see my belly growing, which means that your sister is growing. That's right: you're getting a baby sister. Deeks seems relieved that we're having a girl. Relieved that I won't worry about replacing you. But now I worry that a girl is more of a replacement than a boy because a boy wasn't good enough._

_I know nothing could replace you. You're my boy. But I do think about it. I'm worried that I'll think less about you when your sister has arrived. That she will take my time away from you. That I could walk right passed you because I need to get your sister home._

_I'm going to promise you that even when I don't write as much, I'll always think about you and love you. If I don't write, it means that I'm taking care of your sister…because I can't write to you. I'll always try to write. Soon I'll have to buy another notebook as this one is being filled more and more. But this is the only way I can talk to you, for now. I don't want you to feel left out of our lives when you come back. When you come back, you'll be able to read everything in the notebooks. Every important thing in my life. You're never excluded from it._

_When your sister is born, I'll tell her about you. I'll make sure she knows you and through these notebooks, I'll make sure you know her._

_Brother and sister shouldn't be separated. I wish that there was a way I could contact your father, to tell him that I want, that I need you back. I miss you, beautiful boy._

_Lots of love and kisses,_

_Your mom._

* * *

><p>Annoying knocking on the door forced Kensi to leave the room. She suspected that it was Deeks, checking up on her. And when she opened the door, she saw Deeks standing in front of her, with a little smile on his face and bags with food in his hands. Kensi gestured him to come inside.<p>

'You're early,' she told him when she glanced at the clock.

'Yeah, I finished my paperwork early,' Deeks said and Kensi looked surprised at him. 'I know: big shock. But I think that those seven weeks of desk duty worked. But it gave me enough time to come here with food.'

'I'm not hungry,' Kensi stated and she sat down at the couch, not being able to stand any longer. Deeks put the bags down and he looked at her.

'You're always hungry,' he said and Kensi shrugged. 'You don't even want Twinkies? Carrots with peanut butter?'

'Deeks, I said I wasn't hungry,' Kensi replied irritated. 'Just take the food and go home!' Deeks walked towards her and when he sat down, he put his hand on her thigh.

'What's wrong, Kensi?' he asked her and Kensi looked at him, with once again tears present in her eyes. Deeks pulled her in a hug and rubbed her back.

'I've had it,' Kensi sobbed into his shoulder. 'I just want my baby boy back.'

'I know, babe,' Deeks soothed. 'I know how much you want him back.'

* * *

><p>'Here you go,' Deeks said softly when he walked into the bedroom where Kensi had gone to and he put a plate next to her bed. Kensi turned around in her bed and she looked at the plate. She couldn't help to smile. Deeks had made a plate with all kind of sweet and carrots with peanut butter. Kensi sat up in the bed and she grabbed one carrot. Deeks sat down on the side of the bed, in silence and he looked at her eating.<p>

'What happened?' he asked her when she almost ate half of the plate.

'Nothing,' Kensi said.

'Something happened during therapy?' Deeks asked. 'A break-through?'

'No,' Kensi answered. 'Can we stop talking about therapy?' Deeks nodded and his phone started to ring. Kensi was glad when he walked out of the room. Therapy was something she needed but it wasn't like she wanted to discuss that with everyone who was interested. Soon Deeks walked back in the room.

'You want more to eat?' he asked her and Kensi shook her head.

'Can I please watch _Bambi_?' she asked him with a begging tone in her voice and Deeks sighed. He nodded and Kensi smiled in victory. It was all about timing.

* * *

><p>'So Deeks is getting us lunch,' Callen said while he and Sam were playing basketball in the gym after a boring workday. Again they were playing for the title <em>Champion of the World.<em> And this time Sam wouldn't be distracted by Deeks who would walk in with a dog or something like that. This time he would become _Champion of the World_.

'Gentlemen,' Hetty greeted and Sam turned around, just when Callen shot at the hoop. Callen started to cheer with the ball went through the hoop and Sam growled.

'That doesn't count!' he told Callen, just like last time. 'Hetty walked in.' Callen laughed and kept cheering.

'Once again Champion of the World,' he smiled. They turned their attention back to Hetty when she cleared her throat.

'Hetty, you came here with an important message,' Callen said and Hetty nodded.

'I would like to know what happened with my jackets,' Hetty said and Callen and Sam looked at each other. 'The jackets you wore at the last op…the one where you needed to go to a club and definitely couldn't wear your own clothes.' Both Callen and Sam looked down at their clothes, not seeing what was wrong with them. 'And now they are destroyed!'

'It was just one little spot…' Callen started to explain but he was interrupted when Eric came running into the gym.

'You really need to come,' he told them and Callen, Hetty and Sam followed him quickly to Eric's domain.

* * *

><p>Deeks and Kensi were sitting on the couch together. Deeks watching TV and Kensi reading a magazine. They had a quiet evening, after a quiet day. Their day had been filled with making paperwork.<p>

'You know, Eric asked me something interesting today,' Kensi said while she put her magazine down. Deeks nodded while keeping his eyes on the TV. Kensi raised her eyebrow.

'He asked me if it would be weird if he asked Callen out,' she told him.

'Very strange,' Deeks replied, still not paying attention. Kensi sighed and she punched him in his arm. That got his attention and he rubbed his arm while he looked at her. 'Was that really necessary?' Kensi nodded, laughed.

'He asked me if we're going to move in together,' she told him.

'Who asked you that?' Deeks asked. 'With whom?'

'Eric asked me,' Kensi answered slightly annoyed.

'He wants you to move in with him?' Deeks asked confused and Kensi rolled with her eyes. Deeks finally caught on. 'Oh, if _we_'re moving in…where does he get that idea from?' He looked away from her, back to the TV and Kensi growled.

'You told them that you wanted to move in?' she asked him angrily.

'No I did not!' Deeks replied quickly before he got another punch. 'We were just talking about the nursery a few days back…and we came to the subject but I told them that we weren't moving in…that you had made that clear.'

'So you want to move in?' Kensi asked him.

'Umm…yes…' Deeks answered carefully. 'I mean: I want to be with my daughter.'

'Deeks, we're only just in a relationship and we're supposed to take it slow!' Kensi said and she sounded offended. Offended by the thought of them moving in with each other.

'So I have to deal with it that I won't see my daughter every day?' Deeks asked. Kensi didn't know what to say to that. Deeks was right. It was unfair of her to think that she could keep living on her own once their daughter was born.

'I'm sorry,' she told him eventually and Deeks pulled her closer, kissing her.

'We'll figure it out,' he told her.

* * *

><p>'Deeks!' Kensi said annoyed when he told her to sit down. 'I can do the damn dishes with you. Being pregnant isn't being disabled. Maybe you should go into therapy for that problem.' Deeks held his hands up in defends and let her walk into the kitchen.<p>

'We'll do it together then,' Deeks said and Kensi nodded satisfied. 'Are these mood swings going to get any worse?' Kensi just laughed and she put the plates in the sink.

'You should know that: you're the one who reads the baby forums,' she joked and Deeks put a smile on his face.

'Well those are about _babies_,' Deeks told her. 'Not about pregnancies…maybe a little bit…but not about how bad the mood swings will be. Maybe it's just y…'

'I suggest you don't finish that sentence,' Kensi threatened and Deeks immediately shut up. Kensi turned around when her phone started to ring. She dried her hands on the towel Deeks was holding and she grabbed her phone. The caller-ID showed her that Callen was calling.

'Hey Callen, why are you calling this late?'

'Umm, Kens…We found Mark.' Kensi turned in shock at Deeks.

**TBC.**

**Yeah he's back.**

**Unbelievable...22 chapters and even more to come. Makes me happy =D**


	23. Chapter 23

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 23_

Kensi could hear those words play over and over in her head. She slowly lowered her phone and she turned to Deeks, who was still sitting on the couch, waiting to go on with their movie. But he got up quickly when he saw her desperate face.

'What's wrong?' he asked. Kensi looked into his blue eyes, searching for the right words.

'Mark is...' she stumbled and she felt unsteady. Deeks grabbed her by her arms and lead her gently to the couch.

'Deeks, he is dead,' she said, finally finding the words and it made it feel so real. Now that _she_ had said it out loud, it was real. Mark was dead...and Damian was still missing. Now her little boy was missing and all alone...without someone to take care of him.

'He is dead,' she stumbled and she couldn't hold the tears any longer. Deeks took her in his arms and just held her tight.

* * *

><p>A half hour before that, Callen and Sam were driving to the address given by Hetty, who got it from LAPD. They had to be the ones to identify Mark. They were the ones who had to look at the body and confirm it was Mark. They knew that there was no way that Kensi could do it, even though she was still his wife. Kensi wouldn't be able to identify Mark.<p>

There were already several cops at the scene when Callen and Sam arrived. The scene felt like death. They had been to so many crime scenes but this time it felt the worst. This crime scene would only bring misery. Even now that Mark was dead, they couldn't get a rest. Damian was still missing. A few cops nodded at them as they passed by. Callen and Sam walked into the motel room where the sight overwhelmed even them.

Mark was laying on the bed, hands and feet bound to the bedpost. Over his entire body were tiny wounds which had led to his death. He had been killed the exact same way he had killed. If Mark hadn't been the victim, they would have thought that Mark was back in LA or that they had a copycat. But it was Mark and he was dead. It seemed like justice. A man walked towards them and he introduced himself as detective Weefer.

'Do you recognize the man?' he asked Callen and Sam. They took one more look and they nodded.

'That man is Mark Harris,' Callen confirmed, knowing that the detective needed hear them say it.

'Thank you,' the detective said. 'You two can go now. I'll talk to you and the rest of the team later this day.' Callen nodded and they walked back to the car. At the car they took a deep breath. Now came the hardest part. They needed to call Kensi and tell her.

* * *

><p>Kensi had stopped crying and was holding a glass of water that Deeks had given her. She hadn't taken a sip of it. She was just holding it. She felt that if she drank anything, she would throw it up immediately. Her eyes followed Deeks, who was pacing through the room and every now and then he would ran his hand through his hair. When he saw Kensi looking, he sat down next to her.<p>

'How are you doing?' he asked and Kensi's lip trembled. Any moment now she could start crying again.

'I need him alive,' she mumbled. 'I need him alive so I can torture him...so that he can tell me where Damian is. Now I can't get Damian's location out of him. How am I going to find my son?...oh my God...he is all alone right now. He must be scared.' She held her hand for her mouth and she ran to the bathroom. She threw her stomach empty in the toilet. After her breakfast had come out, she wiped her mouth. She started in the mirror but all she could see were her features in Damian's face. Once again she was failing him.

* * *

><p>The team was sitting in the boatshed as Hetty had ordered them. Callen and Sam were looking at Kensi who was just staring numbly into space. Deeks was pacing once again and Eric was sitting at the table, not knowing what to think.<p>

'Why are we here?' he asked. 'I mean all of us?' Hetty opened her mouth to answer but was interrupted by a man's voice.

'Because I wanted you here,' detective Weefer answered. 'You are the ones who hate Mister Harris. You are the ones that most likely killed him.' Eric laughed nervously.

'I don't even know how to shoot a real gun,' he said.

'Mister Harris wasn't shot,' detective Weefer corrected. 'But to be honest, I don't see you killing someone other than a person in a computer game, mister Beale. But there is a likely change that one of you-' He pointed at Callen, Deeks, Hetty, Kensi and Sam. '- killed him. You all killed before and you all had a grudge with the victim.'

'You would have too if he kidnapped your son!' Kensi spat. All detective Weefer did was smiled and he walked towards Kensi.

'I would like to talk with you first, miss Blye,' he said.

* * *

><p>'Where were you yesterday between twelve and one?' detective Weefer asked Kensi. They were sitting in the interrogation room but this time, Kensi's first time, the roles were reversed. She was the suspect and detective Weefer interrogated.<p>

'I was working,' she answered calmly, knowing that Eric could prove that to them by showing the security tapes.

'You hate Mister Harris, don't you?' he asked her and he sat down.

'Wouldn't you hate the person who took your son?' she asked him.

'Just answer the question, Miss Blye,' the detective sighed.

'Yes, I hated him,' Kensi told him. 'And yes, enough to kill him. But do you really think I can kill a serial killer in my condition?' She pointed at her growing stomach. 'I lost one child; I'm not putting the other one in danger. Can I go now? I'm hungry.'

'Not yet,' detective Weefer answered. 'You were married to Mister Harris…in fact, you're still married to him, right?' Kensi only nodded and detective Weefer continued his questioning. 'He took you and your son into the woods…' Kensi swallowed. She didn't want to go there. The team had kept those details from her. They didn't want her to go through it. And she knew that detective Weefer wanted to that.

'He kept you there hidden in the woods for two days,' detective Weefer continued and he put pictures on the table. Pictures of the cabin where Mark had kept her and pictures of her at the hospital. 'Without food or water, beating you all the time, hoping that you would die. 'Cause he had to carry out his threat to your partner, detective Deeks…'

'Deeks did the right thing!' Kensi told him angrily. 'You can say whatever you want but Deeks did the right thing.'

'Maybe he did, maybe he didn't,' detective Weefer said. 'We're not here to decide that. Where were we? Oh right: after two days the team found you, barely alive and unconscious but no mister Harris. You were in a coma for two months…you lost two years of your life, including your six-months-old son. But that solved itself. You got your son back.' Tears where forming in Kensi's eyes but detective Weefer just went on and on. 'Then you met Ian Veros, not knowing he was Mister Harris and after being in a relationship with him, he took your son and disappeared. And now four years later we find his body. Everyone would understand if you killed him. He destroyed your life, not once but twice.' Kensi wanted to jump up but she had to do with getting up slowly.

'No one understands!' she yelled at him. 'Yes, I wanted to kill him and I'm sorry I'm not the one who killed him!' After those words the door was thrown open and Deeks hurried to Kensi, followed by Callen, Hetty and Sam.

'This interrogation is over,' Hetty told detective Weefer.

'You crossed the wrong line,' Callen told him pissed. 'You went after the wrong person!' Deeks guided Kensi out of the room and Callen, Hetty and Sam followed them.

'I would like to talk to detective Deeks now!' detective Weefer shouted after them.

* * *

><p>'Detective Deeks,' detective Weefer smiled, standing in front of a very angry looking Deeks. 'I remember you...and I was kind of hoping not to see you again...but this time it's different...'<p>

'She's pregnant, you asshole!' Deeks growled angrily. 'You can't upset her! Any stress could hurt our baby! I swear...if you casued any harm to my daughter, I'll kill you!'

'I noticed she was pregnant,' detective Weefer said calmly. 'And it must be hard, seeing your girlfriend going through all that pain of missing her son...your godson. Especially with her being pregnant...apparently with a girl. You must feel relieved that mister Harris is dead, because he won't be able to hurt your girlfriend anymore.'

'I won't miss the guy,' Deeks answered. 'I can't say I'm sorry that he's dead...he was a son of a bitch who didn't deserve to live!'

'Maybe he just wanted to protect his son,' detective Weefer suggested.

'By keeping him from his mother?' Deeks replied. 'I don't think so. All that he wanted was cause pain!'

'It seems that it worked,' detective Weefer said. 'It must have to hurt to see your partner, who is currently your girlfriend, with a man, who appears to be a serial killer. She loved him; they got married and even got a son...your godson. Then one day he takes them into the woods, where he beats Miss Blye into a coma, causing her to forget two years of her life...and if my information is correct: you could have prevented it all. If only you talked sooner or didn't even talk at all. She might have still been with a serial killer but she would have been with her son. Mister Harris isn't the only one at fault, you are also. I'm surprised that you can still look her in the eye when you caused her so much pain.'

'I never did that!' Deeks growled. Detective Weefer leaned closer to Deeks.

'But did you kill Mister Harris?' he asked.

'I wish I did!' Deeks answered. Detective Weefer stood up straight again.

'Detective Deeks, can you tell me where you were between twelve and one?' he asked.

'At work, like everyone else,' Deeks answered.

* * *

><p>'It must be hard sometimes, not knowing about your family?' detective Weefer asked Callen, who was sitting leaned back in the chair, like he didn't care at all and simply nodded.<p>

'But this team is like family, right?' detective Weefer asked and again Callen nodded. 'And wouldn't you do anything to protect your family? 'Cause I know I would do anything to keep my family safe...'

'So _you_ kill Mark?' Callen asked acting surprised. Detective Weefer started to laugh.

'You're joking' he laughed but then he stopped laughing. 'But this isn't the time to make jokes. A man was killed and you seem like a perfect candidate for the murder. 'Cause you would do anything to keep your family safe.' The detective placed pictures on the table. Pictures of Kensi in the hospital, all bruised and in a coma. 'She doesn't look like you kept her safe...you failed at that and Mister Harris was the reason for that. Would that make you want to kill him, mister Callen?' Callen nodded honestly. He did want to kill Mark. Detective Weefer started to smile, like he felt like he was getting somewhere. Callen felt almost sad for the man as he needed to crush that thought

'But if I killed Mark, there would have been signs of torture,' he told the detective, whose smile immediately faded. 'Mark is the only one we know, who knows where his son Damian is. All we care about is Damian. Mark means nothing to us.' Detective Weefer nodded and he put another picture on the table. This time of Damian.

'Damian, Miss Blye's and Mister Harris' son,' detective Weefer said. 'He's a cute kid. He would be around four years old now, right?'

'Yes,' Callen answered. 'And none of us would have killed Mark before knowing Damian's location...you know: keeping the family safe.'

* * *

><p>'Mister Hanna, you have killed before,' detective Weefer said, not showing even the slightest fear for Sam. 'When you were a SEAL, and even when you were a Special Agent. And most importantly: you're a father. You know the fears of losing your children. You know the hatred you can get when something happens to your child. If anyone has the slightest idea of what Miss Blye is going through, it must be you. Not only you're a father but you're also a friend...a protective one I may add. You don't want to see your friends hurt. You would do anything to keep them from hurting, am I right?'<p>

'I didn't kill Mark Harris, if that is what you're asking,' Sam said.

'How can I believe you?' detective Weefer asked. 'Everyone knows you hated Mister Harris, enough to kill him...'

'Yes, but like you said: I am a father,' Sam said. 'I don't want to hurt my kids or lose them. That would happen if I killed Mark Harris. I would go to jail. So I'm telling you: I didn't kill him.'

'Where where you at ... until ...?' detective Weefer asked.

'I was sitting at my desk, working,' Sam answered. 'Mister Callen, Miss Blye and Mister Deeks were there with me.'

'Were they?' detective Weefer asked. 'Didn't mister Deeks leave for sometime around ...? Did mister Deeks leave the building, somewhere you didn't see him? And Mister Hanna, you know better than to lie to a detective, right?' Sam looked at the detective, who had a big grin on his face like like he thought he was Sherlock Holmes. But Sam pushed the thought away. He needed to go back to that moment. The moment that Deeks possibly left the bullpen.

'He...he did,' Sam realized, thinking about the moment. 'He said he was going to get us lunch. That was around half past eleven. He got me that nice sandwich...'

'So mister Deeks left for an amount of time?' detective Weefer asked and Sam slowly nodded. 'Can you tell me for how long he was getting lunch?' Sam took a deep breath. This wasn't going good...

'For about forty minutes...an hour tops?' he answered unsurely. Detective Weefer nodded and started to walk through the room.

'Enough time to kill Mister Harris,' he said. 'Don't you agree, Mister Hanna?' The detective looked Sam right in the eyes and Sam could do nothing else but agreeing with the detective. Deeks could have killed Mark while getting lunch.

* * *

><p>Kensi was looking at the waves which came and went. Sometimes it could calm her but this time it wasn't working. She rubbed her belly as she felt some kicks from her baby girl. It was like she was telling her mom something but Kensi didn't get it. She turned her gaze back to the waves.<p>

Why didn't the universe allow Kensi to be happy? When happiness almost reached her, when she could almost feel its warmth, something happened to make it turn away. A part of her never worried about Damian being kidnapped by Mark because Kensi had seen Mark with Damian. He really loved his son and wouldn't want to hurt him. Mark would keep Damian safe. But now that part also started to worry. Now that Mark was dead, Damian wasn't safe anymore. There was no one with him.

And then there was Deeks...why didn't he tell Kensi that Mark was dead before Callen called her? He must have gotten the call from LAPD. He was the liaison officer between LAPD and NCIS. He should have got the call first. Not Hetty. But she was the one who informed Callen and Sam about Mark's death and sent them to the crime scene to identify him. That Kensi could understand. She knew that she wouldn't be able to look at Mark, death or alive. But she couldn't understand that Deeks didn't tell her about Mark's death. Kensi knew that Deeks would always try to protect her but he should have known that there was no way to protect her from this.

She felt horrible doubting Deeks. But on the other hand, why shouldn't she doubt him. If she hadn't known that she didn't do it herself, she would have thought that she did kill him. She understood the possible motive to kill Mark from anyone of the team. They all had a motive. A motive every murder investigator would dream of. A motive that would make the case easy to solve. One knows that people do a lot, if not everything, for a child. A child is innocent. A child is something you don't touch. Revenging a child would be a perfect motive and a motive everyone would get.

* * *

><p>'You left around half past eleven to get some lunch, isn't that true, detective Deeks?' detective Weefer asked standing again in front of Deeks. 'Enough time to kill Mister Harris. And everyone knows you wanted to kill him. That means you had the opportunity and you have a motive.'<p>

'What about evidence?' Deeks asked, not caring anymore what detective Weefer said. Detective Weefer already thought that he was guilty and he seemed determined to prove that.

'We'll get that,' detective Weefer answered. 'Is that a worried question?'

'No, just a question,' Deeks answered. 'Because you will need evidence if you want to prosecute me and right now you have nothing.'

'You have a motive and your alibi didn't check out,' the detective said. 'You said you were at Ops the entire time but in reality you left, for about an hour. You did get lunch but you could have gotten that anywhere. You could have gone to Mister Harris' house and kill him before getting the lunch for your team.'

'You use a lot of 'could have',' Deeks noted. 'You really got nothing on me.' Detective Weefer took a frustrated breath and he looked at the man in front of him, who didn't look worried at all. He actually looked relaxed and relieved. Detective Weefer's phone started to vibrate and he smiled when he read the text.

'Mister Deeks, why did you call Mister Harris last week?' he asked Deeks, who stared at the table instead of at detective Weefer. 'Mister Deeks, why did you call Mister Harris and how did you get his phone number?'

'I got it from his sister,' Deeks answered. 'And I called him so that a friend of mine could trace the phone call for a location.' Detective Weefer looked interested at Deeks. He was getting somewhere.

'And did you get a location?'

'Yes, I did. I knew Mark was in LA.'

* * *

><p>Callen knocked on the door of Kensi's apartment. He was worried when he got her call. She sounded scared and confused. But it was a confusing and scary time. Mark was dead and Damian was still missing. It surprised him mostly that Kensi had called him instead of Deeks. Deeks was the guy Kensi turned to lately. Not surprising since he was her boyfriend.<p>

Kensi's eyes were red, like she had been crying, and Callen stepped inside when she held the door open. She sat down on the couch and Callen sat next to her, waiting for her to start talking. He knew better than to push her. Kensi looked at him through her teary eyes and she just let her tears flow again. Callen said nothing and he took her in his arms, like Deeks had done earlier.

'Could he have done it?' she whispered.

'I don't know,' Callen answered honestly. 'I really don't know...because I kind of know how he feels...I can't really blame him.'

'I'm a horrible person for thinking that he could have killed him,' Kensi sobbed. Callen rubbed her back.

'I could have killed him too,' he told her. 'And so could have Sam. We could all have killed him. It doesn't make you a horrible person to think it.' Kensi looked up to Callen.

'But it makes me a horrible person for not wanting Deeks to come home tonight,' she sobbed. Callen sighed.

'I don't think that Deeks will be home tonight,' he told her honestly.

'He blew the interrogation that bad?' Kensi asked Callen and he nodded.

* * *

><p>In front of him were steel bars and next and behind him were walls, with text written all over it. <em>Sometimes you need to wake up to start dreaming<em>...does dreaming start when you wake up, Deeks asked himself. Because then I'm having some nightmare. _I was born free and soon I'll be free again...just so that I can end up in here again!_ No one is really free. There are always rules you have to follow, whether you agree with them or not, Deeks thought and he shook his head reading these messages on the wall. Suddenly and without a reason he felt the urge to write one himself. Just to let the next person know that he had been in here. To give the next person something to think about. Deeks sighed and he sat down on the bench.

It sucked to be behind bars. Why anyone would choose to become a criminal? Actually Deeks understood it. Sometimes you just had to become a criminal. It wasn't always a choice. Sometimes being a criminal was the best way. The best way to ease the hurt, to ease the pain...

**TBC.**

**My sister wanted for Deeks to write: **_**If anyone could please kill Mister Weefer, I would be most grateful**_** on the wall but unfortunately Deeks doesn't have anything with him to write on the wall…otherwise he would have written that down =D**

**But tell me: who saw this coming?**

**I'm sorry for the long wait! I'm just really busy with my study. From now on I'm only able to update in the weekends. Luckily I can write on the train. Not happy about it 'cause I don't want to leave you all waiting, but there is no other way. I'm sorry!**


	24. Chapter 24

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

**I was so happy with all the reviews! So double thank you if you reviewed!**

_Chapter 24_

When Callen got a phone call, he was surprised to see that Rose was calling him. Curiously he picked up. He hadn't expect her to call. She wasn't working on a case with them right now.

'Rose, why are you calling?'

'Callen, I didn't know who to call…well I did know it but I couldn't call him. Callen, Kensi is here…in the morgue and she isn't reacting to anything I say. She's just standing here. I can't get through to her.' What Rose was saying confused Callen.

'Why is she at the morgue?'

'She demanded that she could see Mark.' Callen immediately got up from the chair and he started to grab his stuff. 'I tried to stop her but she wouldn't go unless she could see Mark. So I let her see him and now…now she's standing there, not saying a word.'

'Rose, I'm on my way. Keep an eye on her.' Callen hung up and he hurried to his car. Why would Kensi want to see Mark? He and Sam had seen him, identified him. Why did she need to see him? As prove that he was really dead?

* * *

><p>Callen's heart broke a little when he saw Kensi standing in front of Mark's body. Her eyes were glued on the body and tears were rolling over her cheeks. Relief was written all over Rose's face when she saw Callen. She walked out of the room to give Callen some space. He walked over to Kensi and carefully placed a hand on her arm. Kensi's head snapped in his direction.<p>

'Kensi,' he said softly and he pulled her into an embrace. When he had her in his arms, he felt her shaking and he rubbed her back softly. 'Let's go home. Get away from here.' Kensi turned her eyes back to Mark, as if he was a loved one she didn't want to leave. Callen pushed the body back into the freezer with Kensi standing numbly. When they walked out of the room, they walked passed Rose.

'I'm going to take her home,' Callen told her. 'Thanks for calling me. I'll take care of her.' Rose nodded. Callen nodded goodbye and he let Kensi to his car. Driving to her apartment Kensi still said nothing and stared into space.

Once they arrived at her apartment, Callen helped her out of the car and into the apartment. Callen closed the door and when he turned around he saw Kensi walking into Damian's room. He decided to let her alone for a while and to call Hetty, since he had no clue what to do. He could think of two things that Kensi would want right now: Damian and Deeks, but neither were a possibility.

'Mister Callen, how can I help you?'

'Kensi went to see Mark.'

'How is she doing?'

'She looks in shock. She isn't saying a word and just stares into space. Rose called me and I took Kensi to her apartment.' He took a quick glance into Damian's room where Kensi was sitting in the chair, hugging the stuffed rabbit. 'And currently she's sitting in Damian's room.'

'That doesn't sound good, mister Callen. I suggest you call her therapist: Dr. Jones. I think she is the person who can help Kensi right now. You know: _I_'ll call Dr. Jones. You take care of Miss Blye.'

Callen has never been so happy to see a therapist when Dr. Jones walked into the living room, followed by Sam, whom Callen had called. Callen directed Dr. Jones to Damian's room while he stayed behind with Sam.

'She saw him?' Sam asked worried and Callen nodded.

'Only his face, which is a good thing in my opinion,' he told him. 'The rest of his body looks a lot worse with all those wounds.' Callen rubbed his face. 'She looked so…broken.'

'She'll be okay,' Sam told Callen.

* * *

><p>Kensi looked up for just a second when the door opened, to see who was disturbing the peace in the room. When she was Dr. Jones walking in, she turned away again. She didn't need to talk to her therapist to know she was messed up. But who could blame her? Their only lead to Damian was dead.<p>

'Kensi,' Dr. Jones said calmly and softly and she stepped in front of Kensi. 'Those guys in the living room are pretty worried about you. Can you tell me what happened? What are you feeling?' Kensi glanced up and looked at the woman, through her tears. How could she explain all of this? How could she explain what she was feeling when she was confusing herself about what she was feeling.

'Your boss told me that they found Mark,' Dr. Jones tried. 'But that it wasn't the way you would like to find him: murdered. How does that make you feel? Sad? Desperate? Angry?' Kensi felt all that. She felt sad for a reason she didn't understand herself. She felt happy because Mark finally got what he deserved. She felt desperate because Mark was the one who would lead her to Damian and now he couldn't. And she felt angry because Mark escaped them once again. He didn't even give them a chance to find him.

'Kensi, I need to tell me what you're feeling,' Dr. Jones urged. 'I need you to talk to me so that I know that you understand me.'

* * *

><p>Callen and Sam looked up when the door of Damian's room opened. Dr. Jones walked out of the room with an unreadable face. Both men got up from their seat.<p>

'How is she doing?' Sam asked worried. Dr. Jones sighed.

'She isn't responding to my questions,' she told them. 'But this situation is very emotional for her. She never lost hope for finding Damian because she knew he was with Mark, who would never harm him. Now that feeling has disapeared. Damian hasn't got anyone she knows with him. Also she never really had the chance to close the chapter of Mark or Ian. She might even feel the same way about him as before. There might be still a tiny bit of love for the man. He was the one she chose to marry and have children with and the one she chose again. It's always hard to lose someone you love. But when you're not supposed to love that person it all gets very confusing. Emotions start to become one big pile. That may result in a total shut down of emotions.'

'So what can we do?' Callen asked.

'Normally I would prescribe tranquilizers but since she's pregnant I can't do that,' Dr. Jones answered. 'All we can do is keeping a close eye on her. See if it will get better.'

'There isn't anything useful we can do?' Sam asked. Dr. Jones shook her head.

'We can't help her with this,' she told them. 'This is something Kensi has to deal with herself, just like any other death. I'll come back tomorrow to check how she's doing but if at least one of you could stay with her. She can't be alone right now.'

'I can stay,' Callen said immediately.

'Important is that you don't push her,' Dr. Jones said. 'She has to do this in her own pace. But be there for her if she needs it. I'll give you my number so that you can call me whenever you need to. I'm reachable twenty-four-seven on this number.' She wrote something down on a business card and she handed it to Callen.

* * *

><p>Two days passed without any chance and Callen began to worry. Not only was Kensi not talking, she was also hardly eating or drinking. The only way he could get her to eat was telling her that the baby needed it, but she stil late very little.<p>

'Look, some soup,' Callen said and he put the bowl in front of her. Kensi was still sitting in the chair in Damian's room. She only left the room to go to the bathroom. Hetty had placed a small table in the room so that they could put things down. Callen, Eric, Hetty and Sam all took shifts watching her and every day Dr. Jones came by to check up on Kensi, like she had said she would do.

'Would you like to go anywhere?' Callen asked her, hoping for at least a reaction but nothing came. Callen sighted and he left the room where Eric was sitting, behind a laptop.

'What are you doing?' Callen asked curiously and Eric looked up from the screen.

'I might have informed Abby about all of this and made sure she got the evidence we need to be analyze,' Eric answered. Callen looked confused at the tech.

'The evidence _we_ need to be analyze?' he repeated. 'Eric, we don't have evidence. We don't have a case.'

'We have a case,' Eric said. 'We may not be allowed to work on Mark's murder case but we can work on Damian's disappearance case. That is why I sent all necessary things to Abby, like Mark's clothes. Knowing Abby she'll be able to tell us where Mark has been and maybe that way we can find Damian.' Callen smiled.

'Good thinking, Eric,' he said.

'Thank you,' Eric replied. 'Right now I'm sending all the information we had to Abby and when I say everything, I really mean everything. Abby will try to get Gibbs and his team also involved with the case like last time.'

* * *

><p>Sam opened the door when someone was knocking and was looking at a strange man. The man introduced himself as Ronald Evors and he wanted to walk inside but Sam stopped him.<p>

'I'm a friend of Kensi,' the man said to Sam.

'Everyone can say that,' Sam said, still standing in the doorway, keeping the man from coming in. The man clearly looked confused by the treatment he was getting from Sam.

'Kensi never talked about me?' he asked and Sam shook his head. 'She never told you that she had hired me? Sam, right?'

'Hired you?' Sam asked confused himself now. 'And how do you know my name?'

'Kensi told me,' Evors answered. 'And she described you as the big Navy SEAL. But Kensi hired me to locate Mark. To find her son. I've been working for her for four years now. Has she never told you anything about me?'

'No, she hasn't,' Sam answered, still a bit suspicious but he did step aside so that Evors could come in which Evors did.

'Can I talk to her?' he asked.

'Umm, Kensi isn't really herself right now,' Sam answered. 'She isn't really talking. She's quite shaken up by Mark's death, of which you know.' Evors nodded. 'But I can't stop you from talking to her.' He led Evors to Damian's room. Sam was surprised by the reaction Kensi gave when she saw Evors. She immediately got up and hugged the man. Sam walked out of the room. He would have wanted to stay but he knew that that wasn't what they would want.

* * *

><p>'I'm so sorry, Kensi,' Roland told her and he held her tight. 'I'm sorry that I didn't know that Mark was in LA and that I couldn't find him in time.' Kensi wiped away the tears that were falling and Roland let her go. Kensi sat down in the chair.<p>

'And I heard that Deeks was arrested on suspicion of murder,' Roland continued and Kensi nodded. Roland ran a hand through his hair.'I'll see what I can find out about that. Deeks wouldn't have killed Mark, right? He's not that stupid!'

'I don't know,' Kensi mumbled and Roland squeezed her hand.

'Deeks wouldn't have killed Mark,' he told her. 'What I have heard: he loves you more than anything and he wouldn't do that to you. And would it be logical to kill Mark?' Kensi shook her head and she looked up at Roland.

'Can you get me out of here?' she asked softy. 'I don't want to stay inside but I don't want Callen or Sam hovering when I go outside.' Roland nodded.

'Of course,' he said. 'I feel like a teenager planning escapes from houses.' A smile appeared on Kensi's face and she got up from the chair.

'In my room is a window we can use,' she said and Roland laughed.

'You already planned the escape,' he said. Kensi nodded and she walked in the direction of her bedroom. Roland quickly wrote a small note for Callen and Sam and he followed her.

* * *

><p>Kensi took a deep breath when they were standing in the park. Roland looked around and waited for Kensi to continue walking. But Kensi kept standing on her spot underneath the tree. Right now it was good to be outside.<p>

'Kensi, you have been standing here for over half an hour,' Roland said, disturbing her moment of peace and Kensi turned to him. 'Do you want to get something to eat?'

'No,' Kensi answered. She wasn't hungry. She hadn't been hungry for days. All the food she had eaten was forced by Callen and Sam. Roland placed a hand on her arm.

'Come on, Kens,' he said. 'You should eat something. I can see that you haven't been eating. You already have lost weight. Think about the little person inside of you.' Kensi placed a hand over her belly. She was thinking about her and it made her think even more about Damian. She couldn't imagine what he must be thinking. He was only five years old and his daddy wouldn't come home. Would he wish that his mommy finally came to see him?

**TBC.**

****I hate that I'm only able to update on Thursdays of weekends and I'm so sorry to keep you waiting! But unfortunately there is no other way...=(****


	25. Chapter 25

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 25_

_I'm sorry that your daddy died. No child should lose his or her parent at such an early age. He had done so much wrong but he did love you and took care of you. Now you're alone, waiting for someone to find you. We're looking for you, my boy. We never stopped. Your daddy's death will give us hopefully more clues on your whereabouts. _

_I'm so worried. There is no one who will give you food or drinks, put you in bed, play with you, read your stories…Or is there? Is there someone who keeps you safe even though your dad isn't here anymore?_

_I wish that you were here. And I wish that Deeks was here. Right now he's in big trouble and we can't help him. Even Hetty can't help him. He made such a mess. He's in jail. They think he killed your dad. And I don't know what to think anymore. It's all confusing. My heart says he could have never killed your dad. He would never do something like that. But my mind is throwing in counterarguments. It's driving me crazy. How can I not know if Deeks killed your dad or not? When you love someone you should know, right?_

_All I know for certain right now is that we need to find you, my little boy. I want to see and hold you. I miss you so much._

_Lots of love and kisses,_

_Your mom_

Kensi glanced at the door when someone knocked on it. Sam's head appeared and he stepped inside, holding a tray with food. He put it down but instead of leaving her alone, he stayed in the room. Kensi looked questioningly at him.

'You should eat,' he said. 'And not only for the baby, but also for you. In give or take twenty weeks you'll have to deliver a baby. I have seen three of those and I can tell you that you'll need to eat to prepare.'

'I'm not hungry, Sam,' Kensi said frustrated.

'Then it's going to be a long day,' Sam said. ''Cause I won't leave until you finish that plate. Don't think I won't be able to keep that up. Ask any of my kids and they will tell you that I _will_ stay until the plate is finished. I do it for you.' Kensi took a piece of fruit and put it in her mouth.

'Happy?' she asked him and Sam nodded.

'Keep going,' he said. 'Meanwhile, I will tell you something.' Kensi raised her eyebrows but she kept eating. Sam leaned against the dresser before he continued. 'I know this woman and she is really stubborn but she's stubborn because she's afraid. Afraid of getting hurt again. She has dealt with a lot of loss and she wants no more hurt. She doubts about her abilities of being a mom because she lost her son. But what she doesn't realize is that she was a great mom for that boy. That it isn't her fault that he's missing. The only problem is now that she _is_ turning into the bad mom she thinks she is.' Kensi glanced down at her big belly and stroked it gently. Sam crouched down in front of her.

'Kensi, you are an amazing mom,' he told her. 'Give your little girl a change to meet her amazing mom.' Kensi nodded and suddenly she was hugging Sam.

'Thank you,' she whispered in his ear.

'Now eat your food,' Sam smiled. 'And you have an appointment with doctor Idle in two hours.'

* * *

><p>'We talked about your blood pressure before, right?' Dr. Idle asked and Kensi nodded, slightly confused while Dr. Idle wiped the gel from her stomach. 'Well, it's still too high. This means that you'll have to stop completely with work. Your work is still causing too much stress.'<p>

'Well, right now everything is a bit stressful,' Kensi said. 'My husband is murdered, my son is still missing and my boyfriend is in jail on suspicion of the murder.' Dr. Idle calmly wrote something down, like she heard those kind of reasons every day.

'Well, it still means that you have to stop working,' she said. 'And that not only means not going to your work but also no work at home. And I want you to come back next week to check your blood pressure again. Kensi, I really mean it. This is serious. Not only is a high blood pressure harmful for your baby but it is also harmful for you. It'll eventually harm your kidneys.' Kensi slowly nodded.

'I'll take it easy,' she said.

'Great,' Dr. Idle replied with a smile.

* * *

><p>When Kensi walked out of the office, Callen and Sam got up from their seats and they walked towards her.<p>

'Everything okay?' they asked worried.

'Umm, doctor Idle thinks it is wise to stop with work,' Kensi answered. She wasn't telling the complete truth to keep them from hovering. Only it didn't exactly work.

'Something wrong with you or the baby?' Sam asked worried.

'My blood pressure is too high,' Kensi told them. 'But it's caused by stress. When Deeks comes home and when we find Damian and Mark's killer, everything will be fine. I just have to take it easy now.'

* * *

><p>'Since when is it such a mess in here?' Kensi heard Deeks say and she turned to the front door, where he was standing with a big smile on his face. Kensi walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him. Then she kissed him, not caring about Callen and Sam who were standing in the same room. She was so happy that Deeks was back. Also the kiss was an apology. An apology for doubting him. She should have known that Deeks wouldn't have killed Mark.<p>

'Well, that was a nice greeting,' Deeks smiled and he gave her another kiss. 'You missed me that much?'

'Yes,' Kensi answered him.

'Alright, I think that this is our cue to leave,' Sam interrupted the moment and he looked at Callen, who nodded.

'Thanks for taking care of them,' Deeks said, still holding Kensi close, like he never wanted to let her go again.

'When are you going to learn that we will always take care of them? Callen asked with a smile on his face. He and Sam quickly grabbed some of the files that were laying all over the room. They said their goodbyes and left Deeks and Kensi on their own.

'You're okay?' Kensi asked worried and she looked at him. 'Do you want anything to eat?' She was already on her way to the kitchen when Deeks stopped her by grabbing her hand, pulling her back to him.

'As horrible as the food was,' he began and he leaned in closer, 'I missed you and our girl the most. And if I want some food, I'll get it myself. Now tell me: how are you?' Tears threatened to fall and Kensi swallowed. Deeks pulled her back in the hug. 'That bad, huh?' Kensi nodded into his shoulder and Deeks rubbed her back softly.

'He's all alone now,' she sobbed and she looked Deeks into his eyes. He said nothing and he placed a kiss on her forehead. Right that moment Kensi realized how much she had missed him and how much she needed him.

* * *

><p>Callen looked at the woman in the picture that was hanging to the left side of his wall. It was a picture of Sarah, holding her brother, and they had both big smiles on their face. That was how Callen remembered Mark. As a happy, loving person. He had liked Mark right away. The entire team had. Mark had become a friend of them. They were all happy when Kensi told them that she was getting married to him.<p>

'_If you tell me to pick you up at half past six, I'm here at half past six,' Sam said annoyed while he and Callen were driving to Kensi's place. 'You should have been ready to go!'_

'_I just had to get my jacket,' Callen replied. 'That took a minute.'_

'_Actually it took two minutes,' Sam corrected. 'And I like to be on time'_

'_Kensi won't be on time, so why should we?' Callen asked. 'If we arrive at her place at seven , Kensi won't be ready. You have to give her fifteen minutes extra.'_

'_When we're talking outside of work…you might be right,' Sam agreed. _

'_Might be?'_

'_Yes, might be. Can we discuss something else? Like the reason why Kensi is making us all dinner?' Callen nodded. That was a good question._

'_All she told me was to be at her place at seven,' he told Sam. 'I didn't even need to bring beer.'_

_Kensi opened the door with a big smile and she was looking over her shoulder, probably listening to one of Deeks' stories._

'_Deeks beat us?' Callen asked Sam softly. _

'_I told you we had to be here at seven,' Sam replied. But when they walked into the room, they saw that Deeks wasn't sitting on the couch. Callen had never seen the man before, or at least that he could remember. The man immediately stood up to shake their hand._

'_Mark Harris,' he introduced himself with a big smile and he took a quick look at Kensi._

'_Hello?' Deeks asked carefully from outside and he looked inside._

'_Mark, this is Callen, Deeks and Sam,' Kensi introduced them. 'Guys, this is Mark and he…he is my boyfriend.' She looked at Mark with a smile on her face._

'_Nice to meet you all,' Mark said and he slipped an arm around Kensi's waist. 'Kensi told me a lot about you all.' Callen glanced at Deeks, who was standing speechless in the room. This was going to be a fun dinner._

* * *

><p>'<em>I asked you all to come so that you could meet Mark,' Kensi told them and she took a look at Mark, who was cooking in the kitchen. 'And also to tell you that we're planning to move in with each other.'<em>

'_So soon?' Deeks asked in shock. Kensi smiled shyly. Callen had never seen her do that before._

'_Actually we have been together for two months now,' she told them. 'We met four months ago and there was just a click…'_

'_Still: so soon?' Deeks repeated._

'_You could be happy for me,' Kensi replied and she crossed her arms._

'_Of course we're happy for you,' Sam said and he pulled her in a hug. _

'_Where are you going to live?' Eric asked, who had finally arrived. _

'_For the time being, we're going to live here,' Kensi answered. 'But we do want to get a place for the two of us.' Mark gestured her to come and she quickly left._

'_Well, that was a surprise,' Eric said._

'_Yeah, not what I expected when she asked me to come over for dinner,' Deeks said._

'_They look really happy,' Callen noted, who was looking at Kensi and Mark. Mark gave her a quick kiss and it looked like Kensi was giggling._

* * *

><p>'<em>So, I hated her that she was right there, ruining my best shirt and my meeting,' Mark told them laughing. 'But over the next couple of days, I couldn't forget her. Mainly because she owned me money for the drycleaners. And when I went to a bar a few days later, I saw her sitting at the bar. That was the moment I thought: why do I hate her? I should get to know her better.' He looked lovingly at Kensi and he held her hand. 'But that was more than enough about me. I would like to get to know Kensi's friends.'<em>

'_We like to keep our lives private,' Deeks told him bitterly. _

'_Don't pay attention to Deeks,' Kensi said. 'He doesn't like surprises.'_

'_Deeks? So you're the one keeping Kensi safe?' Mark asked Deeks._

'_We're the ones who make sure he doesn't mess up,' Sam said._

'_Well, I thank you all,' Mark smiled and he gave Kensi a kiss, who was smiling. The guys weren't used to see Kensi like this. But Callen didn't mind to see her like that. She looked happy. Mark seemed like a good guy, who really cared about Kensi. _

But it had been all a lie. Mark had threatened to kill Kensi to keep Deeks silent. What kind of person threatens to kill his own wife?

Sam looked at his kids, making homework and Nina, supervising them. He thought about how close Mark had been to his family. Mark had danced with Sam's family. And Sam hadn't suspected a thing. He was genuinely shocked when Deeks told them everything. He didn't even believe him for the first minutes. He thought it was jealous talk of Deeks. Until they arrived at the cabin, finding Damian all alone, with no sign of Kensi or Mark. That was when Sam knew Deeks was right about Mark because Kensi would never leave Damian alone.

When Eric looked again at the information about Mark, he noticed something and he felt so stupid. While he checked the database and his mail, he called Callen and Sam to let them know what he had found.

* * *

><p>'Okay, Abby tested Mark's clothes for all kinds of things but came up with almost nothing,' Eric told Callen and Sam. They were at Ops working on Damian's case. 'He had polls on his clothes but those polls can be found all over America, so useless. McGee and I checked his credit cards but that's all over the place. We were trying to pinpoint his location but that's causing us some trouble.'<p>

'So we got nothing new,' Sam concluded.

'I didn't say that,' Eric said. 'Somewhere I came across Sarah Williams' phone records. She has been called by her brother several times.'

'And you could find his location by the GPS of the phone?' Callen asked.

'No, it was a burner phone' Eric said. 'But Sarah has been talking with her brother. It started about two and a half years ago.'

'Which means that she might know where Mister Harris has been living,' Hetty said, walking into the room. 'I suggest you go talk to her, Mister Callen and Hanna.'

'Why do I have to come here, again?' Sarah asked. 'My brother was killed. I need to arrange his funeral…wait…do you...You don't think I killed my brother, right?' Once again Callen and Sam were shocked by the resemblance between Mark and Sarah. Both had dark brown hair and bright green eyes that looked so trustworthy. And of course they saw some of Damian's features in the woman's face.

'We don't work on your brother's case,' Sam told her. 'We're not allowed…'

'Because of Kensi's partner right?' Sarah said. 'Because he probably killed my brother.'

'We're working on your nephew's case,' Sam continued, not reacting to her question. 'Damian is still missing and now without someone who can take care of him. We need you to tell us where he is.' Sarah shook her head.

'Mark was so happy with his son,' she told them with a sad tone in her voice. 'It's horrible that he won't be able to see his son grow up.'

'Neither could Kensi, his _mother_, for the past four years,' Callen replied. 'And it wasn't like your brother was an innocent person. He killed seven people.'

'Stop telling me that!' Sarah said frustrated. 'Mark wasn't well then. He is…was a great person, a great dad. I don't want to hear it anymore!'

'It'll be something that you'll keep hearing since it is the truth,' Callen replied. 'Now please tell us where Mark lived for the last couple of years so that we can find Damian!' Sarah stared at the table and after a minute or so, she looked up.

'Can I tell Kensi?' she asked and Callen and Sam glanced at each other.

**TBC.**

**I don't have enough time to update this weekend but I did found time to update today =D Hope you liked it**


	26. Chapter 26

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

**This chapter is for Benjamiek, for being my friend. And all that because we both love NCIS:LA =D With out the show, Fanfiction and Twitter I wouldn't have known her...**

_Chapter 26_

Sarah looked up from her hands when Kensi walked into the room, with a clearly visible pregnant belly on which her hand rested. Sarah couldn't believe how much her sister-in-law had changed. She looked sad. Sarah had thought that Kensi would be happy to hear that Mark was dead. Not that she would be affected by his death in a sad way.

'Hailey told me you were pregnant,' Sarah said. She surprised herself with how hateful that sounded. But this woman had made her brother run. She was the reason why her brother couldn't visit her anymore. Kensi sat down and agent Callen and Hanna stepped behind her, posting as her protection.

'You wanted to talk to me?' Kensi asked. 'You wanted to tell me where Mark was living…' Sarah straightened up and took a deep breath.

'Mark didn't mean to do this to you,' she said and she could hear agent Callen and Hanna sigh. But Sarah had to tell them this. She had promised that to her brother. 'But he needed to go, and he didn't want to live without Damian. He only took Damian with him because he loved him so much. Not to hurt you. He came to my house one day. Asking, begging me that he and Damian could stay with me for a while. Until he found a place where he could live. Of course he could stay. When you called me, he begged me to lie to you. When I got back, he had left with Damian.'

'Where did Mark go?' Kensi asked calmly.

'He didn't tell me,' Sarah answered and the disappointed was shown all over Kensi's face. 'But about sixteen months later, he contacted me again. I had moved with my husband and son. Mark wanted to stay with us again. Once again he was looking for a place to stay. He came with Damian, and that boy had grown so much. He's such a great boy.'

'What is the address of the place?' Callen pressed and Kensi pushed a note block towards Sarah. Sarah stared at the clean white paper and after few seconds, she wrote down the address.

'This is the place,' she told them and she pushed the note block back to Kensi. Agent Hanna grabbed the note block and he left the room with agent Callen.

'Thank you,' Kensi said gratefully. Sarah took another deep breath.

'I have a picture of him,' she told Kensi and Kensi's face lit up. 'It's in my bag. Can I get it?' Kensi nodded and Sarah reached in her bag for the picture. Sarah handed it to Kensi, and she looked at it like it was worth millions. It was clear that the picture was priceless to Kensi. That moment made Sarah realize that her brother was wrong. Kensi loved Damian.

* * *

><p>Deeks was waiting for her outside of the interrogation room and as soon as Kensi stepped out, he walked over to her. He held her tight and Kensi couldn't hold back her tears any longer. He gently stroked her back.<p>

'Look at him,' Kensi sobbed and she showed Deeks the picture. 'He looks happy, right?' Deeks smiled at the picture.

'He really looks happy,' he said. We should get you home.' Kensi simply nodded and Deeks walked her to the car.

'Are Callen and Sam on their way to the house?' Kensi asked anxiously and Deeks nodded.

'They will call when they know more,' he told her and he took her hand. 'It will be okay. We'll find Damian soon.' Kensi nodded and she let her head rest against the headrest. Deeks took a deep breath and he drove away. He really hoped that Callen and Sam hurried. He didn't know how much more disappointment Kensi could take.

'Hey,' Nina said at the front door. Deeks and Kensi had been back for half an hour and Kensi was currently sleeping. Deeks gestured for Nina to walk inside.

'Kensi is sleeping right now,' he told her, knowing that Sam had send his wife to check up on them. 'Do you want something to drink?'

'Some tea if you have that,' Nina answered with a smile. Deeks nodded and he walked into the kitchen.

'So what does Sam want to know?' he asked while he made the tea. 'How Kensi is holding up? Well, she is hardly holding up. If I'm watching her? Yes, I'm watching her.' Nina raised her eyebrows.

'I'm here all on my own,' she told him. 'I don't even know where Sam is. He left, only telling me that he'll be home late. I just wanted to know how you were doing. Have they found Mark's killer yet?'

'No, but they did realize it wasn't me,' Deeks answered, slightly irritated. Nina put her hand on his arm.

'That is good news,' she said calmly. 'Kensi will need you.' Deeks slowly nodded and he handed Nina her cup of tea.

* * *

><p>Annoyed and frustrated Sam knocked again on the door. No one was answering the door but they could hear a child cry inside. A man walked out of the house next door, looking relieved.<p>

'Finally someone came!' he said. 'It took you long enough. That boy had been crying like forever. His dad left and hasn't returned! I called two hours ago.' Callen and Sam showed the man their badges and he looked confused.

'Why is NCIS responding to this?' he asked surprised.

'We suspect that the child is the one we're looking for,' Callen explained. 'How old is the boy inside?'

'Umm, between four and six?' the man said doubtfully. 'At least young. I don't know much about kids. They're all the same to me.' Callen and Sam glanced at each other and they nodded. They walked back to the front door and on the count of three, Sam kicked in the door. The neighbor yelped in shock and Callen and Sam moved inside, gun drawn. Quickly they cleared downstairs and they headed to upstairs where they could hear the boy cry. When they moved into the first room on the left, they held their breath.

* * *

><p>Callen and Sam lowered their guns and Sam lifted the boy out of the crib.<p>

'Hey little boy,' he said soothing while he tried to stop the boy from crying. 'Everything is okay. We're going to take you downstairs.' He glanced at Callen and he could see the disappointment clearly on his face.

'What the hell?' they heard a man yell from downstairs. Callen drew his gun and carefully they moved downstairs. A man was standing in front of his kicked in door with two grocery bags in his hand, which he dropped very fast when he saw Callen's gun.

'Who the hell are you?' he asked. 'And what are you doing with my son?' Callen put his gun away and showed the man his badge. The man walked over to Sam and took his son over from him.

'That damn neighbor,' the man growled. 'My name is John Canavan and that is my son. I only left him for an hour or so. He can stay alone for that hour! He's five! That neighbor didn't need to call the cops!'

'We're not here because your neighbor called,' Callen told the man. 'We're here because of a missing child. A woman gave us this address as the current location of the man who took the child.'

'Well, Brooklyn really is my son,' John said. 'You can take DNA or something like that if you need to.'

'Not necessary,' Sam said. 'Do you know who lived here before you?'

'Yeah, some guy,' John said. 'He moved out of the house about two weeks ago. Umm, brown hair, green eyes, tall…is that guy a kidnapper? He seemed like a nice guy and no kid. Not that I would walk around with a kidnapped child…'

'Thanks for the information,' Sam said and he and Callen moved towards the door. 'Sorry about the door.' John shrugged.

'No problem, I can fix that easily,' he said. Sam nodded and he walked out. Callen was about to leave, when he turned around.

'Just so you know: it's not okay to leave your five-year-old son alone for an hour,' he told John frustrated. 'Next time call a babysitter. Or ask your neighbor. Just don't leave the boy alone.' John nodded while he stroked his son's head. Callen took a deep breath when he walked to the car where Sam was already waiting.

'I really thought we had him,' Sam sighed. 'This will be another disappointment for Kensi. I really wanted to give her good news this time. To give her her little boy back.'

'I know,' Callen said disappointed. 'Same for me. I'll call Kensi. No need to keep her wait any longer.

* * *

><p>Deeks just put his bag down when a phone started to ring. He walked over to the phone and he saw that Callen was calling Kensi. Deeks glanced at the bedroom and he took a deep breath. He prayed that is was good news.<p>

'Hey Callen, Kensi is still sleeping. Did you find him?'

'I'm sorry, Deeks. Mark moved out about two weeks ago. The new owner could describe him, though he hadn't seen Damian with Mark.' Deeks sighed.

'Really don't want to tell her that. Did you discover anything else?'

'We talked to the neighbor who told us that Mark kept to himself. He thinks that he saw a boy, Damian, with Mark but he wasn't sure. Normally he leaves his neighbors alone. So nothing from that man.'

'So we still don't know where Damian is? All we know is that Mark did live there two weeks ago, before he moved to LA.' Deeks heard some noise from the bedroom and he turned his head in the direction of it. 'I got to go. I'll tell Kensi when she wakes up.' Deeks hung up and he walked into the room. Kensi was tossing and he thought he saw tears rolling over her cheeks. He hurried towards her and he laid his hand on her cheek.

'Kensi, wake up,' he urged. 'It's just a bad dream. Come on, Kensi.' Kensi's eyes flew open and she looked frightened at him, breathing very fast. Deeks sat down on the side of the bed and he held her close.

'We left him alone,' Kensi sobbed. 'I tried to get back, but he wouldn't let me go. He dragged me away from my little boy.'

* * *

><p>'<em>Aren't you the cutest boy in the world,' Kensi babbled to Damian, who was laying on her lap. 'Yes you are. You are the cutest.' Damian put a big toothless smile on his face and she tickled him, just to keep that amazingly cute smile on his face. Mark came inside in a hurry, slamming the door. Immediately Damian's smile disappeared and he began to whimper. Kensi lifted him into her arms, rocking him to ease. Mark rested with his hands on the kitchen table. Kensi got up and she walked over to Mark.<em>

'_What's wrong, Mark?' she asked him carefully. Mark looked up with big, alarmed eyes and he switched his gaze from Kensi to Damian._

'_It's time for Damian's nap,' Mark answered absently. Kensi stroked Damian's head to keep him from crying and she nodded slowly. She walked to their bedroom where Damian's traveling crib was standing._

'_Don't worry about daddy,' she whispered to Damian. 'He's just a bit grumpy.' She put Damian on their bed to change him into his pajamas and sleeping bag. 'It's time for our big boy to sleep.' Damian rubbed in his eyes and Kensi smiled. She put him in the crib and gently stroked his tiny nose._

'_I have got a thousand kisses in my head_,' _Kensi sang_ _softly. _'_And if you want them – come quickly. They are all for you – a promise is a promise. Because I love you so much. A kiss on your cheek, a kiss on your hair, kiss to say: we belong.' Slowly Damian's eyes started to close and his breaths evened. Kensi gave him one last kiss on his forehead and she walked back into the living room._

_Suddenly an arm was wrapped around her neck, squeezing tightly and the tip of a knife was pressed again her neck._

'_Sssh,' was whispered in her ear and Kensi felt her heart beat faster._

'_Mark, let me go,' she told him._

'_I'm sorry, but there is nothing else I can do,' he told her. 'You should know that I love you and Damian so much. I didn't want this but Deeks caused it…' He started to pull her towards the door._

'_No!' Kensi shouted. 'We can't leave!' But Mark ignored her and that was when Kensi's instincts kicked in. She couldn't leave her son alone and she rammed her elbow into Mark's ribs. Mark instantly let go of the knife which fell on the ground. Mark was holding his ribs but rage was in his eyes when he moved his fist fast towards Kensi's head. Kensi could dodge it but kicked a chair over with a lot of noise. Cries from Damian started to come from the bedroom and it distracted Kensi for a moment. The moment Mark needed and Kensi's world turned black, with the last thing she heard where her son's desperate cries. _

**TBC.**


	27. Chapter 27

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

****Need your help once again. I want to thank my sister in a special way for checking this story all the time...but I don't know how yet. Does anyone have an idea?****

****So happy with the 95 reviews! Still can't believe how much chapters I have. I still remember that I was to put the first chapter of _Trying to Remeber_ online. I was so nervous. And here we are: _Trying to Remeber_ finished with 25 chapters and _Never Really Gone_ at 27 chapters.  
>Makes me happy =D Enjoy the new chapter!<strong>**

_Chapter 27_

'How long did it take you to get to the cabin?' Kensi asked sobbing. Deeks was still holding her, even tighter, when she finished telling about her dream.

'We don't really know,' he answered honestly. 'But not more than three hours. The EMT immediately checked Damian and told us that he was perfectly healthy. Because you had just fed him.'

'I tried to fight him off…but all I could think of was keeping him away from Damian,' Kensi sobbed. 'Who knows what he would have done…' Kensi choked up and Deeks stroked her back gently.

'He wouldn't have hurt Damian,' he told her. 'Sarah told us: he really loved Damian.' Though the team thought that Mark also really loved Kensi.

'I'm glad you came there in time,' Kensi said and Deeks swallowed. He didn't feel like that himself. He felt like he hadn't come in time. He was supposed to watch Kensi's back, to keep her safe. All he had to do was keeping his mouth shut. And he couldn't do that. Kensi put her hand on Deeks' cheek.

'You were there in time,' she told him confidently. 'You got Damian in time. That was all I cared about. You kept him safe. Thank you for that.' She kissed him and after the kiss she looked him in the eyes. 'I love you, Marty.'

'I love you too, Kensi,' Deeks said softly.

* * *

><p>They spent the rest of the day in bed. Just holding each other and talking about anything they could think of. Memories of Damian, plans for their future and much more. It was a nice way to spend a day.<p>

'I'm going to make you dinner,' Deeks told Kensi and he kissed her before getting out of bed.

'Don't you mean: order dinner?' Kensi joked and Deeks laughed. Kensi knew him pretty well. 'Make it Italian!'

'Okay, Italian it is,' Deeks said and he walked to the kitchen to grab his phone. He looked on the fridge of the menus when his eye came across an ultrasound. The ultrasound of the only appointment he had missed. He smiled, looking at the picture. His daughter was beautiful and she had grown each time so much. No matter what happened, she kept growing.

Deeks quickly ordered the food and he got back in the bed, with the ultrasound in his hand. Kensi smiled when she saw it and she stroked her belly.

'She's beautiful, isn't she,' she said and Deeks nodded. He put his hand over Kensi's, stopping her from stroking. Immediately they felt a kick.

'She doesn't like that I stopped you,' Deeks smiled.

'When will the food be here?' Kensi asked, wanting to know how much more time they had, laying like this in the bed.

'Half an hour,' Deeks answered, keeping his eyes on her belly. 'What do you think she will look like?'

'Well, she will be gorgeous if she looks anything like you,' Kensi answered and she stroked him over his hair. 'Although if she has your hair, that might be a problem. It will drive all the boys crazy.'

'Does my hair drive boys crazy?' Deeks asked with a playful smile on his face. Kensi shook her head and she leaned in closer to kiss him.

'You drive all the girls crazy,' she whispered to him after the kiss.

* * *

><p>His eyes fell almost closed and almost he fell asleep, It was good to lie here, with Kensi and their baby girl, who was very calm. No more kicks against her parents' hands, which were resting on the big belly. Everything was at peace.<p>

'I'm going to give the baby Damian's rabbit,' Kensi suddenly stated, sounding as sleepy as Deeks felt. But the statement woke Deeks up.

'Are you sure?' he asked her. 'Damian loved that rabbit…' Kensi nodded halfway through the sentence.

'Doctor Jones told me to get something special for our daughter,' she told him. 'And what is more special than her big brother's rabbit? I'm really sure about it.' Deeks smiled.

'You're right: it is special,' he agreed. 'I love the idea. Maybe we should do something with it, like putting him name on it. So that she will know that it was her big brother's.'

'That's a beautiful idea,' Kensi said and she kissed him. The ringing of Deeks' phone made an end to their moment. He groaned and he turned around to grab his phone, under Kensi's protest.

'Deeks?'

'It's Sam; you need to come at Ops. And I know you wanted to have the rest of the day of to settle in at Kensi's place. But that was only when we had only paperwork. Now we got a case.' Deeks looked at Kensi, who sighed.

'I'm on my way.'

* * *

><p>'Why do we have a new case?' Callen asked irritated. 'We're already working on a case: Damian's case.'<p>

'Damian's case has been reopened for a week now without any results,' Hetty said. 'This case came up and needs our attention. As soon as something comes up in Damian's case, I'll give this case to someone else. But until then, you're working on this case, Mister Callen. Mister Beale, if you would be so kind…' Eric stepped in front of the big screen and just when he wanted to start speaking, Deeks walked into the room.

'Good that you came, Mister Deeks,' Hetty said. 'Mister Beale was just about to start telling us about the case.'

'Okay, two weeks ago C4 was stolen of the Navy Base,' Eric started. 'The base wanted to handle it themselves but LAPD connected the stolen C4 to one of their cases: a serial killer, who binds his victims to a table with a bomb on top. He uses a timer to set the bomb off. He always sends a video link to the victim's e-mail just half an hour before the bomb is set to explode. LAPD was seconds too late with the latest victim. They lost the victim as well as two officers…'

'So why are we involved?' Deeks asked annoyed, not wanting anything else than go home and spend more time with Kensi.

'Because Petty Officer Thomas Taylor was the one who stole the C4,' Eric answered, pulling up the picture of the man. 'Or at least that is what LAPD and the Navy think. He was discharged from the Navy for stealing from his comrades. He has been at home without a job for six months now. He's married to Celine Taylor. She hasn't arrived at her work today.'

* * *

><p>Kensi couldn't remember the last time she had read a book and liked it. She should make more time free for reading. She should read to the baby. A pile of children's books were laying next to the bed, on the nightstand. Kensi grabbed the first book. It was <em>The Very Hungry Caterpillar<em>. She smiled. She remembered her father reading this story to her.

'One Sunday morning the warm sun came up and pop: out of the egg came a tiny and very hungry caterpillar,' Kensi started to read out loud, one hand resting on her belly. 'He started to look for some food. On Monday he ate through one apple but he was still hungry. On Tuesday he ate through two pears but he was still hungry. One Wednesday he ate through three plumes but he was still hungry. On Thursday he ate through four strawberries but he was still hungry. On Friday he ate five oranges but he was still hungry. On Saturday he ate one chocolate cake, one ice cream cone, a pickle, a slice of Swiss cheese, one slice of salami, a lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, a sausage, a cupcake and a slice of watermelon. That night he had a stomach ache. The next day it was Sunday again. The caterpillar ate through one nice leaf and after that he felt much better. Now he wasn't hungry anymore and he wasn't a little caterpillar anymore. He was a big, fat caterpillar. He builds a small house, called a cocoon, around himself. He stayed inside for more than two weeks. Then he nibbled at a hole in the cocoon, pushed his way out and he was a beautiful butterfly.' Kensi laid the book next to her and immediately got a kick from her daughter. Kensi rubbed her belly.

'You liked that story?' she asked softly. 'Your daddy got you lots of more books. I see _The Very Lonely Firefly_ and _The Very Busy Spider_.' Kensi yawned. 'But now mommy wants to sleep.' Kensi laid down and she closed her eyes. After only minutes she was woken up by the ringing of her phone. She groaned and grabbed the phone.

'Kensi Blye?'

'Miss Blye, it's detective Weefer. If it's possible we need you to come to the station. We found Mark's killer but he'll only confess to you.' Kensi rubbed in her eyes and she sighed.

'Fine, I'll arrange for someone to drive me.'

'Thank yo…' The detective couldn't finish his sentence because Kensi had already hung up on the man. He might be the one who found Mark's killer, now, but he was also the one who interrogated the team and arrested Deeks.

* * *

><p>'Are you sure Deeks won't kill me if he finds out I drove you to the police station so that you can talk to Mark's murderer?' Eric asked nervously as he closed the door. He walked over to the passenger's side, waiting in case Kensi needed help to get out of the car.<p>

'I'm not sure,' Kensi answered honestly. 'But I'll make sure he doesn't kill you.' Eric nodded and he walked her to the entrance.

'Do you need me to come inside with you?' he asked. 'Or can I get back to Ops before the team notice that I'm gone and before Deeks discovers I drove you here.'

'You can go,' Kensi answered. 'I'll find a ride back. No worries about that. Detective Weefer will drive me.' Eric seemed to be doubting but then he got in the car and Kensi walked into the police station. Detective Weefer was standing next to desk, chatting with some woman. He smiled politely when he saw her. Kensi felt uneasy and she laid a hand on her belly. A kick from her daughter calmed her nerves slightly.

'Thank you for coming,' detective Weefer greeted and he shook her hand. 'How is detective Deeks doing?'

'He's doing fine,' Kensi answered curtly, still hating the man from keeping Deeks away from her. 'Nothing you should worry about.' Detective Weefer smiled.

'Do you want something to drink?' he asked and Kensi shook her head. The detective took a deep breath. 'Alright, shall we go?' He gestured for her to walk through the door.

* * *

><p>Kensi felt weird sitting in front of this man. She didn't know him but she was supposed to know his daughter. Jimmy Cardoza had lost his daughter five years ago. She had been killed in Kensi's house, by Mark's hands. Rosa Cardoza had been Damian's nanny and when Kensi looked at the man, she felt sorry that she didn't remember the girl. She was glad that detective Weefer wasn't in the room. This man wasn't a threat. He didn't need to kill more people. All he had wanted was revenge and he had gotten that.<p>

'I'm not sorry I killed that man, Miss Blye,' Jimmy said bluntly. 'It was the right thing to do. He deserved it. He had killed my baby girl, who had done nothing wrong to him, or to anyone else. She was such a sweet girl. You know how it feels to lose your child like that…'

'Actually I don't,' Kensi contradicted. 'My son is still alive.' She hated the look of pity that appeared on the old man's face. Like it was foolish to think, to hope, like that. But Kensi knew better. She was going to find Damian and bring him home, like she had promised him.

* * *

><p>Kensi looked nervously at Deeks. Dr. Idle had told her to keep it calm and she hadn't done that. Even more stress had added to her stress. Dr. Idle would probably notice that immediately. Kensi hadn't told Deeks that she should have taken it easier. Deeks caught her looking and he wrapped his arm around her waist.<p>

'It'll all be fine,' he said and he gave her a quick kiss. They didn't have to wait long for they could walk into Dr. Idle's office.

'Good afternoon,' the doctor said smiling when Deeks and Kensi sat down. 'How have we been feeling?'

'Okay,' Kensi answered.

'Did you take it easy, like I told you?' Dr. Idle asked. 'No work?'

'Not exactly,' Kensi answered. 'There was a lot going on…too much to take it easy.'

'I see that Deeks is out of jail,' Dr. Idle noted. 'So that should ease the stress, right?' Kensi nodded and she took Deeks hand.

'It has been a stressful week for everyone,' Deeks said. Dr. Idle nodded slowly.

'Well, why don't we take a look at your baby,' she said. 'And take your blood pressure.' Kensi nodded and she walked over to the table.

'Why didn't you tell me that you had to take it so easy?' Deeks whispered to her.

'I didn't want you to worry,' Kensi answered. 'You had enough on your mind…' Kensi laid down and put her shirt up. Dr. Idle applied the gel and put the transducer on her belly. Deeks and Kensi smiled when they saw their girl appear on the screen.

'She's looking good for twenty three weeks,' doctor Idle said. 'Now I want to measure your blood pressure.' Kensi swallowed and she glanced at Deeks. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently. Dr. Idle put the blood pressure meter around Kensi's arm. Kensi looked at Dr. Idle's face and saw that the doctor wasn't happy with her blood pressure.'

'Still too high,' she told Deeks and Kensi while she removed the meter. 'You didn't take the rest like I ordered. I hoped that you realized what the consequences were when your blood pressure keeps being this high. I tried to make it easy for you since I caught it early and we could prevent it from being so high. Only you didn't follow my orders. So I'm telling you, Kensi, that you have to make a choice. Either you take complete bed rest or you're admitted in the hospital. 'Cause if you don't do anything, your baby is going to die.'

**TBC.**

**I loved _The Very Hungry Caterpillar_ (_Ruspje Nooitgenoeg_ in Dutch) when I was young. If you don't know it: **.com/watch?v=HpISHA8Fs4w. **It's a great story even when you're older xD**

**Need your help once again. I want to thank my sister in a special way for checking this story all the time...but I don't know how yet. Does anyone have an idea?**


	28. Chapter 28

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 28_

Kensi was silent the entire drive back home, her hands resting protectively on her belly. Deeks couldn't resist to glance every ten seconds or so in her direction. But it seemed like she didn't even notice. Deeks kind of understood it all: their daughter was Kensi's second child who was at risk right now and there wasn't a lot they could do. He knew Kensi was blaming herself. In her mind she was a horrible mom.

Deeks helped Kensi out of the car once they were at her place. Monty was jumping and barking loudly when they walked inside. The dog had been inside for a long time and needed to get rid of its energy.

'I'm going to take a nap,' Kensi told Deeks blankly and she went to the bedroom. Deeks decided to take Monty for a run. It would get rid of the energy the dog had and it wouldn't take too long. He triple checked whether he had his phone with him and he also checked if Kensi's phone was in her reach. When he knew that, he was a bit more at ease and he could go outside with Monty.

During the run Deeks thought about how he had to handle the current situation. Kensi would be home all day, not allowed to leave the bed and Deeks had to work, which meant leaving her alone. He needed to find someone who could be with Kensi during those hours, to help her.

* * *

><p>'I don't think Nina would mind,' Sam said the next day in the bullpen. 'She likes Kensi. I'll call her right now. She was already complaining about not having much to do today. I hope that Kensi can handle three crazy kids in the house.'<p>

'I don't think she would mind,' Deeks answered. 'This morning she was already complaining about boredom.' Sam laughed and he walked away to call his wife.

'But this is all caused by stress?' Callen asked, just to be sure he got it right and Deeks nodded. 'Bad timing of Mark to reappear and die. If we would just find Damian…'

'Mister Callen and Deeks, how is it going with our case?' Hetty asked when she walked into the bullpen. The guys went back to their own desks.

'Still not much,' Callen answered. He started to tell Hetty about their findings while Deeks tried to concentrate on the files in front of him. One of Eric's loud whistles made them all look up from their work after half an hour.

'We have a missing woman: Celine Taylor,' he exclaimed. Callen, Deeks and Sam hurried upstairs where Eric continued. 'Thomas Taylor is convinced that his 'friend' kidnapped his wife to make sure that Taylor would keep his mouth shut. However LAPD thinks that the woman is kidnapped because the serial killer wants to tie up the loose ends, which means that she will die if we don't find her in time. There hasn't been an e-mail sent yet. LAPD and I are on the lookout of it, ready to trace where it came from. Bomb squad is ready to move when we give them a go.' Callen, Deeks and Sam nodded. There wasn't much to do but wait, wait until they got a location and pray that they will get there in time to save Celine Taylor from being blown up.

* * *

><p>'We got an e-mail!' Eric suddenly yelled and Callen, Deeks and Sam ran upstairs. They all knew how little time they had to find Celine Taylor: give or take half an hour. 'Okay, tracing who ever sent it and opening the e-mai…'<p>

'Wait!' Sam suddenly said and Eric moved the cursor away from the e-mail. They all looked questioningly at the ex-SEAL. 'What if the timer is triggered when you open the e-mail?' Eric's eyes went from Sam to the screen and back.

'Might be possible,' he said.

'But if it's not the case, we're wasting time,' Callen contradicted.

'True,' Deeks agreed.

'How is it going with the trace of the sender?' Sam asked and Eric hit a few keys on the keyboard.

'Nothing yet, he's using a lot of proxies,' he answered.

'Are we risking losing Celine Taylor over a hunch?' Deeks asked.

* * *

><p>A big house appeared in front of them and Sam accelerated some more. There wasn't much time left for Celine. It took ten minutes to get to the house, and only because Sam ignored all speeding rules. But they had no idea how long it would take to disarm the bomb. Sam hit the brakes when they were at the house and they quickly got out the car.<p>

'You can't go into the house,' Sam said while he grabbed Deeks' arm firmly. 'Last time people died because they were too late. If you die…Kensi needs you. You're staying outside.' Deeks pulled his arm out of Sam's grasp.

'You have kids and a wife,' he contradicted.

'And I have no one so I'm going inside,' Callen said, which earned him glares from Deeks and Sam.

'Let's let the experts do their thing,' Sam said. 'And we all stay outside. 'Cause I'm not going to tell my kids that their uncle G blew up today.'

'Neither am I telling Kensi that,' Deeks added. 'That will cause too much stress.'

'Gentlemen, I suggest you wait for the bomb squad, who will be there in two minutes,' Hetty sounded over the earpieces and Callen, Deeks and Sam all agreed

'What if we just take a look,' Deeks suggested after a minute of waiting. 'Just to make sure we're at the right address.' Callen and Sam agreed and they moved inside the house. They found Celine, scared to death, in the dinner room, bound on the table with a bomb strapped at her chest.

* * *

><p>Thomas Taylor was hugging his wife tightly, glad that she was still alive. LAPD had brought him over, to show him that his wife really survived it. Fortunately they didn't tell Taylor how close it was. With twenty seconds left on the timer, Celine was able to get out of the house. It had been nerve wrecking for Callen, Deeks and Sam since all they could do was stand there and wait.<p>

'I'll drive you home,' Sam said to Deeks while he took a relieved breath.

'_You_ are driving _me_ home?' Deeks repeated and Sam nodded.

'Hey, how am I getting home?' Callen asked. 'You picked me up this morning.' Sam shrugged.

'You were complaining about it, G, so maybe you should drive yourself,' he replied. 'Don't want my partner complaining. And Deeks, I need to pick up my wife and kids, who are at the place where you're living.'

'That's right,' Deeks said. 'Sure, I would love a ride.' He smiled at Callen and got in the car with Sam. Callen appeared at the driver's window.

'You can at least drop me of at Ops,' he said to Sam, who had a big grin on his face.

'Are you going to complain?' he asked.

'Of course not,' Callen answered. 'Do I ever?'

* * *

><p>'Finally you're here,' Nina said relieved when Deeks walked into the living room. Confused he looked at Sam's wife.<p>

'What do you mean finally?' he asked. Nina didn't answer but ordered Aimee, Sarina and Leo to gather their stuff and she walked into the bedroom. Deeks kept standing confused in the room, having absolutely no clue what was going on. Nina hurried back into the room.

'We'll be back tomorrow,' she said. 'Have fun.' She smiled and walked out of the apartment with the kids. Deeks ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Monty came walking towards his owner with his tail wagging. Deeks absently stroked the animal's head and he walked to the bedroom, which made him even more confused.

There was a table standing next to the bed with a chair beside it. Kensi was sitting on the bed and she was smiling.

'What is this about?' Deeks asked curiously. He couldn't help to smile.

'Well, I wanted to make you dinner because you have been such a help and put up with me all this time,' Kensi started to explain. 'But because I was ordered to stay in bed, I couldn't and I had to think of something else. Nina cooked dinner and prepared the dinner. I swear: I stayed in bed and I had absolutely no stress.' Deeks laughed and he kissed her.

'I love it already,' he told her while he sat down on the chair.

'I do have to admit that I started eating because you took really long to get here and I was really hungry,' Kensi said and Deeks started to laugh even more.

'Of course you did,' he laughed.

* * *

><p>'Good morning, Kensi is still sleeping,' Deeks said at Nina while he stuffed a piece of toast in his mouth. He had spent too much time in bed, watching how Kensi slept. If it was up to him, he would be still laying there with her. Nina smiled while she put her handbag down.<p>

'Good morning to you too,' she said smiling. 'Running a bit late?'

'Kind of,' Deeks smiled. 'I'll be back at…'

'You can't see when you're back,' Nina said. 'Don't worry about it. I'm used to it all. Don't forget: Sam has been longer at NCIS than you. You don't have to worry about anything. I'll take good care of her.' Deeks smiled.

'Sam told you to say that, right?' he asked and Nina nodded with also a smile on her face. Deeks quickly drank the rest of the coffee and grabbed his keys and phone.

'Call me or someone else when there is any trouble,' Deeks said. 'Oh, and thanks again.'

* * *

><p>Kensi sighed and she turned the TV off. One could only watch so many times a commercial for detergent before going crazy and Kensi felt like she was on the edge of becoming crazy. The fake happy voices and smiles of those people irritated Kensi so much by now that she had almost thrown her alarm clock at the TV. Nina was doing groceries and the kids were still at school, so there was no one to talk to, unless she wanted to talk with Monty. She grabbed one of Damian's notebooks, which Deeks had put on the nightstand, and started to read it.<p>

_My gorgeous boy, it has been two months now. My life feels empty. I lost almost everything: my apartment, love, happiness, trust, but the thing that hurts the most is that I lost you. You are my everything and right now you're not here with me…I don't feel complete anymore. When you're back safe with me and old enough to read this you will think that this is such a cliché. But I'm telling you that it's nothing but the truth. No cliché but the plain truth. You are the only thing in the world that I love so much, that the pain of having to miss you in my life, is almost unbearable_…

…_Happy second birthday my big boy! I have bought a lot of presents for you, which are all waiting for you in your room. I saw the worried looks of the team today. They seemed to wait, wait until I would break. But today is a happy day. It was two years ago that you came into my life, giving it so much more meaning. You made it more worth for me to be alive. That's what I'm celebrating today, that you came to live with us. Today I try not to be sad that you're not here with me to celebrate because you deserve an amazing, fun filled day. Because you are my beautiful boy who made my world wonderful_…

* * *

><p>Deeks felt positive when he walked through the rooms of the house. It was beautiful and just perfect. He could see him living here with Kensi, watching their kids play. The garden was amazing with a terrace and a play set. The house was just perfect.<p>

'What do you think?' the realtor asked with a big smile.

'Better than the other houses you showed me,' he answered.

'So we got a winner?' she asked.

'I don't know,' Deeks answered, looking around once more. 'I don't know if my girlfriend is ready to move yet.'

'A lot of memories in the house?' the realtor asked and Deeks nodded. Like a room full of memories, he added in his thoughts. 'Maybe she needs to know that she can make new memories in this house.'

'Thank you for the time to show me all the houses,' Deeks said. 'But I have to get back to work. Lunch break is over.'

'Call me if you want to show the house to your girlfriend,' the realtor said when they walked back to the front door. 'Or if you want to make an offer on the house.' Deeks nodded and he walked to his car. When he was about to leave, he took one more look at the house. It was just perfect. Now all he had to do was convince Kensi how perfect it was for them.

* * *

><p><em>I feel myself giving up. Giving up hope to find you. It has been so long without you. Your dad keeps you hidden so well from the outside world, from me. We tried so much to find you. I don't know if there is anything left to do.<em>

_But then I see your pictures hanging on the wall and I hate myself for wanting to give up. You're so worth to keep looking for. You deserve only the best and maybe we're not giving you that. We need to do more._

_Then I think of what doctor Jones said: where does it stop? When can we say that we did everything we could do to find you? After three years? After five? Ten? Or not until we find you?_...

* * *

><p>Callen and Sam were very curious about where Deeks had been in his lunch break but he couldn't tell them anything. He had to talk with Kensi first. He knew she would react hesitant. Because of Damian's room. But that was why he had chosen houses with a room for Damian as well. He couldn't wait to show it to Kensi, even though he had to wait for that until the baby was born. But the realtor had promised to keep it off the market as long as possible. Maybe he could film the house and show it to Kensi. It would be better than pictures. With a smile on his face, Deeks started to fill in the paperwork of the last case.<p>

* * *

><p>…<em>I almost stopped my life. Gave up my job, moved out of my apartment, sold my car, destroyed my phone. Just so I would have all the time in the world to look for you. Traveling from city to city to find you. After three long unbearable years I can't just sit and wait anymore. I need to do sometime productive. Something that brings you closer to me. Maybe even something that brings you back to me.<em>

_I stopped seeing doctor Jones. I felt like she was telling me to do the most impossible thing in the world: forget you. How am I even supposed to do that? You're not a simple piece of paper or something like that! You're a part of this world, of my life, of me. You're my son and you're out there, somewhere_…

Deeks' happiness about the house disappeared very soon to the back of his head when he heard soft sniffing as he walked into the apartment. He wasn't happily greeted by Monty. There was a strange oppressive atmosphere in the apartment. First thing that came to Deeks' mind was Kensi and he almost ran into the bedroom. Kensi was crying on the bed holding a notebook in her hand and Deeks noticed all the other notebooks. He took a deep breath and without saying a word he took her in his arms. They sat like that for a long time. Deeks' arms began to cramp but he didn't let her go. She needed him right now, so this was how he would stay, forever if necessary.

**TBC.**

**I know I didn't update this weekend but I'm updating now xD And probably again this week because I've a week vacation =D**

**Love reviews and can't believe this story already has 98 reviews. So happy with that! Means that you like my story**


	29. Chapter 29

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 29_

'Tell me how it's going between you and that boy -Cam right?' Kensi asked when Aimee walked into the bedroom. The girl started to blush immediately and glanced in the direction of the living room where her mom, sister and brother were. She smiled and plumped down on the bed.

'We have talked today,' she told Kensi. 'It was about math, which sucks, but he was really nice and funny.'

'That's a lot better than hiding behind a wall,' Kensi joked. 'It's how it all starts: a talk.' Aimee started to blush even more.

'Well, my dad would never allow me to date,' she said. 'Or at least not until I'm like fifty. But talking about math: mom told me to ask you if you could help me with it?' Kensi nodded, taking whatever to keep her from boredom. Aimee smiled and she grabbed her books from her bag.

'I have to warn you: it's horrible and extremely boring,' she told Kensi, who started to laugh.

'Believe me: nothing is a boring as lying in bed all the time,' she laughed. 'Especially when you're hardly allowed to out of bed to go to the bathroom. Besides your mom is a tough one.' Aimee laughed and nodded. 'So let's get started with that homework of you.' Aimee opened her book, showing Kensi what she had to do.

* * *

><p>'Did we get anything else on our killer?' Callen asked Eric while he, Deeks and Sam walked into the room. A Lieutenant had been killed after he has been tortured. The question was whether he had given up the classified information and the only way to get the answer was to find the killer. Eric jumped in his seat and quickly turned around.<p>

'LAPD is working on it,' Eric answered. 'We found his address and they were on their way over there while you were talking to his friend.' A ping was heard from the computer and Eric typed something in. 'And they got lucky. Our killer, Ben Lewis, is arrested by the LAPD.' Callen nodded contently.

'Well that means I can go,' Deeks stated. 'Nina is leaving early because…' He looked at Sam, asking for help.

'Parents-teacher-day,' Sam helped and Deeks nodded.

'Yeah, so I'm going home early,' he said.

'We should get a beer,' Callen said, looking at Sam. 'You could use one before that parent-teacher-stuff.'

'Right,' Sam said. 'One drink before I go. Deeks I'll tell you now: parent-teacher-day is okay for one kid, but not for three.' Deeks laughed.

'I'll keep it in mind,' he said. 'I'll see you after the weekend. No calls in the weekend. I'm spending the entire weekend with my family!' He could hear Callen and Sam laugh while he walked to his car. He was looking forward to a weekend with Kensi. If it went well, he might even tell her about the gorgeous house. The realtor had been harassing Deeks all that time. Apparently he was the only one interested in the house. That realtor wanted to sell. Deeks dumped his bag on the passenger's seat. He had bought some chocolate and movies to watch. He was definitely ready for a weekend with his family.

* * *

><p>'Thank you so much for helping Aimee with her homework,' Nina said gratefully when she and the kids were getting ready to leave. 'Sam and I try to help her but it's like she doesn't want to understand anything we try to explain.'<p>

'No problem,' Kensi said. 'It was actually a lot of fun. She also wanted to make her English homework. She was very motivated.'

'You should have become a teacher instead of a NCIS agent,' Nina joked. 'Next time I'm sending all three kids to you so that they will all make their homework. Also I'm very sorry we have to go early but those parents-teacher-days are very important and serious at their schools. They already don't like that Sam can't make it to all of them.'

'Again, no problem,' Kensi assured her. 'Deeks will be home in half an hour or so. We already talked about it this morning. So don't worry.'

'Isn't that what I'm supposed to tell you?' Nina smiled.

'Mommy! We have to go!' Leo yelled from the other room.

'I guess I should leave,' Nina laughed and she said her goodbye to Kensi. Once they had left, silence fell in the apartment and Kensi sighed. When week 25 had started Kensi had read all the baby books, all the book she wanted to read herself, but never had the time and she had done her administration. Bed-rest was the most boring thing in the world. She was so happy that Nina, Aimee, Sarina and Leo came by every day.

Now, around 32 weeks, Kensi couldn't even remember how many times she had played the countless games and how many times she had read those books. She felt like she was going crazy. She longed to go outside and take a walk at the beach with Deeks. But the only time she got outside was when Deeks drove her to doctor Idle.

* * *

><p>Kensi quickly got the phone when it started to ring, so happy for the distraction.<p>

'Hey Gabby, how are you doing?'

'How did you know it was me?' Gabriella sounded confused and Kensi smiled a little bit.

'I have caller-ID. It shows your name when you call me.'

'Oh, that's way too modern for me to understand. But are you okay? I heard about your partner.' Kensi froze.

'What's wrong with him?' She said it in a small whisper, not finding the strength to speak up.

'I heard he was kidnapped and still missing. You called me a few days back, feeling sorry for not knowing Dom so well.' Kensi felt horrible when she took a relieved breath. But she couldn't help it. Deeks was okay.

'Umm…we found him but he was shot to death, saving another team member, Sam.'

'Oh, sweetie, how horrible! I'm so sorry to hear that! I really hoped that you would find him alive and well.' Kensi wanted to tell her aunt how long ago it was, but she didn't want to hurt her aunt's feelings.

'Yeah, me too, Gabby. I have to go…'

'Of course! I just wanted to know how it was going…are you coming soon to visit me? I miss you.' Kensi took a deep breath.

'I miss you too. You'll have to wait a little longer but then I'll come with Deek…' Kensi shut her mouth when she realized what she was saying.

'Oh, Kens, I'm sorry…it's just…sometimes I forget things…How long ago did Dom die?' Kensi took another deep breath. She could hear the sadness and frustration in her aunt's voice. She rubbed small circles over her belly when she felt the baby.

'About six and half years ago,' Kensi answered, deciding to be honest with her. 'I'm sorry Gabby, but I have to go. I'll call you soon.' She listened to Gabby's goodbye and apology and hung up. Then she gasped in pain.

* * *

><p>Callen and Sam were just on their way to Callen's house where Sam would drop Callen off when Kensi called them.<p>

'Hey Kens, how is it going?' Callen answered the phone cheerfully.

'…can't reach Marty…' Callen was immediately alert when he picked up on the hurt in Kensi's voice.

'Kensi, tell me what's wrong.'

'It hurts….'

'Is it the baby?' But before Kensi could answer, the line went dead. 'Kensi?' Sam glanced worried at Callen.

'What's going on, G?' he asked his partner.

'We need to get to Kensi's,' Callen urged. 'I believe there is something wrong with the baby!' Sam didn't need to hear that twice and he immediately made a sharp U-turn. He stepped on the gas and raced towards Kensi's apartment.

* * *

><p>Deeks was running through the long corridors of the hospital, trying not to bump into everyone in his way. How could he be so stupid to not charge his phone last night? How didn't he even think of the possibility that Kensi might try to reach him. At a nurse's station he stopped. The nurse behind it looked up with a bright smile.<p>

'How can I help you?' she asked.

'Kensi Blye,' Deeks said. 'I got a call that she was admitted.'

'And you are…?' the nurse asked.

'The baby's father,' Deeks answered impatient. He wanted the nurse to hurry up. He needed to be with Kensi. Fortunately he saw Callen and Sam sitting in the waiting room and he walked over to them without saying anything else to the nurse.

'What the hell is going on?' Deeks asked. 'Where is Kensi?' Callen stood up and he took a deep breath.

'Kensi called us after she couldn't reach you,' he began telling. 'She told us that something was wrong. When we got to the apartment she was laying unconscious on the floor and she was bleeding. We called an ambulance. The doctor is examining her right now.' Deeks ran his hand through his hair. How was this all possible? Why couldn't they get one bit of happiness?

'Did you get anything from the paramedics or some nurse?' Deeks asked. He wanted to know what was wrong. He _needed_ to know what was going on. Both Callen and Sam shook their head. 'Do you at least know what room she's in?' Deeks continued and again they shook their heads.

'It happened all very quickly,' Sam answered. 'When we got to the hospital the doctors took over.' That didn't sound good at all, Deeks thought and he sank down on one of the plastic chairs in the waiting room, not knowing how this could happen.

* * *

><p>'<em>Get her to the OR!' the doctor yelled while he had just taken one glance at Kensi's beaten body. Deeks ran along with the stretcher until a nurse stopped him. It took all his strength not to punch the woman right there. He needed to know what was happening to Kensi. He needed to be with her.<em>

'_I'll get you something to drink,' the nurse said kindly while she forced Deeks to sit down. When he sat down, he felt how exhausted he was. The stress and no sleep for the last couple of days caught up with him. But there was no way he could get some rest. Not now Kensi was fighting. With a loud of commotion Callen, Eric, Hetty and Sam walked into the waiting area._

'_Where is she?'_

'_How is she?'_

'_What did the doctors say? What are her chances?' All the questions made Deeks confused and even more stress. He actually didn't know the answers._

'_Mister Deeks, what can you tell us?' Hetty asked and Deeks rubbed his face._

'_They took her into surgery,' he told them. 'It isn't looking good. Even the doctor looked like he had no idea…she looked really bad…' The nurse who had dragged him away from Kensi came back with paper cup with some water. She was surprised with the extra people standing around him, who were looking at her._

'_Can you tell me how my agent is doing?' Hetty asked in her boss-like, forcing tone._

'_She is taken into surgery,' the nurse said nervously. 'Our best doctors are working on her. Your agent has been through a lot…'_

'_You don't need to tell me that!' Deeks yelled angrily, causing the nurse to jump. Callen, Eric, Hetty and Sam looked at him and Deeks stormed off. It was his fault that Kensi was here, going through all of this. If he just kept…_

* * *

><p>'Deeks,' doctor Idle said, pulling Deeks back into the waiting room. She looked at him with empathy. Deeks jumped up and faced the doctor. Callen and Sam also stood up when they heard doctor Idle say his name.<p>

'How is Kensi?' Deeks asked worried and slightly panicking. 'And the baby?'

'The baby is in distress and we need to do a c-section,' doctor Idle told them. 'Kensi is going to surgery as we speak. We got it early so there is a good chance they will both survive.'

'Also Kensi is a fighter,' Sam said, looking at Deeks. 'And so is your baby girl.'

'I have no doubt believing that,' doctor Idle said with a faint smile. Deeks took a deep breath, taking it all in. His baby girl was in distress and so they needed to do a c-section. Again they were in the hospital and again because of Kensi.

**TBC.**


	30. Chapter 30

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

**This was Benjamiek's birthday present =D I hope you all like it!**

_Chapter 30_

* * *

><p><em>Kensi was rubbing her big round belly gently. The baby was calm and Kensi was enjoying it. No kicking in her ribs felt good for once. But suddenly she gasped and she looked down.<em>

'_Oh shit,' she stumbled. 'Oh God.' She reached for her phone. Her water had just broken. Why was this happening right now? Why did it have to happen when she was at Ops, having some quiet time?_

'_What is going on?' Deeks asked worried when he saw Kensi reaching for her phone. 'Everything okay?' He got more worried when he saw her grabbing her stomach._

'_No, everything is not okay,' she growled. 'My water just broke!' Deeks jumped and hurried towards her. He wanted to touch her, rub her back or something, but he didn't do it. He stood there in utter shock, not knowing what he was supposed to do._

'_Deeks!' Kensi yelled, snapping Deeks out of his shock. 'Get the damn car and drive me to the hospital!' Deeks nodded and went in search of his keys. Of course he couldn't remember where he had placed his damn keys. This could only happen in moments like this._

'_Mister Deeks,' Hetty said and when Deeks turned around, he saw Hetty holding his keys. 'I believe that you will need these to get Miss Blye to the hospital. I prefer that she delivers the baby there.' Deeks took the keys gratefully._

'_Thank you, Hetty,' he said and he helped Kensi out of her chair. Slowly they walked towards the car._

'_Oh God, that hurts!' Kensi hissed when she had another contraction._

'_Alright Kensi, ready to deliver your baby?' doctor Idle asked enthusiastically. Kensi was holding Deeks' hand like it was her only lifeline._

'_No!' she answered and she groaned at another contraction. Deeks gently rubbed the back of her hand, having never felt this useless before._

'_Well, your baby isn't waiting any longer,' doctor Idle said. 'It's time to push, Kensi.' Kensi shook her head violently._

'_Where the hell is Mark?' she practically shouted at Deeks._

'_We haven't been able to reach him yet,' Deeks answered carefully. 'Callen and Sam are still trying though. I can check…' Kensi held his hand even tighter when she felt him move towards the door._

'_I can't do this alone,' she panted. Deeks nodded and he gently stroked her hair._

'_I'll stay here,' he promised her. 'I'm going to stay right here, Princess.' Doctor Idle nodded._

'_Kensi, when I say so you need to push,' she told Kensi. 'Alright? One…two…three…push!' Deeks and Kensi both began to scream in pain as Kensi began to push and squeezed Deeks' hand._

'_That was a good one,' doctor Idle praised. 'You need to take deep breaths…in through the nose and out through the mouth…ready? One…two…three…push!' After a few more pushes Deeks and Kensi could here crying and doctor Idle began to smile._

'_Congratulations Kensi, you have a son,' she told Kensi and she placed the tiny boy on Kensi's chest. Kensi let a few tears escape from her eyes when she stroked her son's little head. Deeks could feel the tears sting in his eyes. That was one gorgeous boy._

* * *

><p>'Deeks,' Sam said and he touched Deeks' shoulder, pulling him out of the memory. He looked up and he saw doctor Idle coming towards them. He jumped up from the uncomfortable seat.<p>

'How are they?' he asked worried.

'They are doing okay,' doctor Idle told them. 'Kensi has lost quite some blood and your baby girl is two months early. She is placed in NICU and both will be closely monitored.' The entire team took a relative relieved breath.

'Can I see them?' Deeks asked.

'Kensi is still sleeping in ICU but I can show you your daughter first,' doctor Idle answered and Deeks nodded.

'There she is,' doctor Idle pointed. Deeks looked through the window and he felt like crying. Both of joy and sadness. Their daughter was finally here but she was so small and looked so sick with all those tubes and wires.

'I know it all looks scary but everything is helping her,' doctor Idle explained. 'Like I said she needs to be watched closely. Right now she can't control her body temperature yet. The incubator regulates that for her. On that monitor we can watch her breathing, heartbeat, blood pressure and the oxygen in her body. The IV is there to make sure she gets enough fluids in her body.'

'Will she be okay?' Deeks asked worried.

'I would love to say yes but we can't know that for sure,' doctor Idle answered honestly. 'But if she's anything like her mother, she'll be okay.'

'She is beautiful,' Deeks smiled. Doctor Idle looked at her paper.

'Kensi is waking up,' she told him. 'Do you want to see her?' Deeks nodded and he followed her to Kensi.

* * *

><p>Kensi blinked a few time and she turned her head to see where she was. She tried to get up but someone's hands held her down. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to get rid of the dry mouth.<p>

'I just saw our little girl,' Deeks whispered softly.

'Is…' Kensi swallowed. 'Okay?' It was hard to form the right words.

'She's doing okay,' Deeks answered. 'She's in an incubator and she has all kind of tubes and wires attached to her but those are all helping her. She's beautiful, Kens.' Deeks smiled and Kensi started to cry. Deeks kissed her on her forehead and he stroked her head.

'It's all going to be okay,' he shushed her. 'She is a fighter, just like you.'

'I'm…sorry,' she stumbled.

'It wasn't your fault,' he replied. 'There was nothing you could do about it.'

'But I…I ignored…' Kensi sobbed. 'Doctor Idle…warned me…'

'This wasn't your fault, Kensi,' doctor Idle said, stepping in. 'This would also have happened if you stayed in the bed. Actually you were lucky that you were calling someone so that you had your phone in your hand. If you hadn't had the phone in your hand, there hadn't been enough time to call your colleagues.' Deeks wiped away Kensi's tears and he kissed her again.

'When can I see her?' Kensi asked.

'We'll see when you're feeling good enough,' doctor Idle answered. 'But that won't be today. You lost quite some blood and you need to stay in bed.'

'Are Callen and Sam okay?' Kensi asked. Deeks smiled.

'They were a bit shocked to find you but they are okay,' he answered. Kensi nodded and she yawned. Deeks took her hand in his. 'Why don't you get some more sleep?'

'Are you going to stay with our girl?' Kensi asked.

'If you want me to,' he answered and she nodded. He gave her another kiss. 'Sleep well. I'll be back in some time.'

* * *

><p>'Hey, you gave us quite a scare,' Callen said when he walked into Kensi's room, who was awake again. Deeks was walking inside with the team, heading straight to her side. Kensi reached for his hand and he hold hers tightly.<p>

'She's doing okay,' he told her. 'She's fighting.'

'But first we got something for your daughter, and maybe a bit for you,' Sam said and he handed them a teddy bear and a present. The teddy bear was white and wearing a pink t-shirt with printed in white letters _It's a girl!_ on it. Kensi handed the present to Deeks; feeling too tired to opened it. It consisted of two tiny rompers with on one _I love mommy_ and on the other one _I love daddy_.

'Thank you,' Deeks smiled.

'That's not all,' Eric said and he gave them also a bag with two presents. Deeks held it in front of Kensi but she gestured him to open it. It consisted of tiny pink socks. Eric laughed shyly.

'I couldn't leave them behind when I saw them,' he said. 'They were so cute.' The other present was a t-shirt with _ready for trouble?_ written on it and they all started to laugh.

'Thank you,' Deeks laughed. 'This is a great t-shirt.' Hetty gave them a beautiful mobile for the baby. Then Deeks noticed that Kensi was getting sleepy.

'Hey, you want to get some sleep?' he asked her softly and Kensi shook her head.

'Everyone is here now,' she told him. Deeks stroked her over her hair.

'They can come back,' he said. 'You should get some sleep.'

'Deeks is right, for once,' Callen said. 'We have to go anyway. So you get some sleep and we'll come by later.' Kensi nodded.

'I'm sorry,' she said. 'But I am really tired.' Callen and Sam gave her a hug before going. Kensi grabbed Deeks' hand.

'Will you stay?' she asked him. 'Or at least until I'm asleep?'

'Of course,' Deeks smiled and he gave her a kiss. 'I love you.'

'I love you too,' Kensi mumbled and seconds later she had fallen asleep.

* * *

><p>Deeks pushed the wheelchair towards NICU. Kensi was sitting anxiously in it. She was going to see her baby girl for the first time. Deeks had warned her for all the wires, tubes and equipment but all Kensi could care about was their daughter. She straightened up when she could see the incubators and hear babies whimper.<p>

'Good day, Mister Deeks,' a nurse greeted with a smile. 'You're here to show your girl to her mom?'

'Yes, I am,' Deeks answered and the nurse pointed at the incubator in which their daughter was laying.

'She's doing well,' she told them. 'She'll be a handful when she grows up.' Deeks and Kensi smiled.

'Then she will take after her dad.' '…after her mom,' they said at the same time and they looked at each other.

'I'm not a handful,' Kensi replied. 'You whine about a broken nail and you have to pie every twenty minutes because you want to drink coffee efficiently.'

'You have a 'secret' candy stash and you're very stubborn,' Deeks said. 'You _are_ a handful. But I still love you.' He leaned over and he gave Kensi a kiss. 'Now it's time for you to meet our gorgeous daughter.' The nurse nodded, smiling and Deeks pushed the wheelchair further. Despite Deeks' warning Kensi was shocked when she saw their baby girl. She was so small and looked sick.

'It's all to help her,' Deeks told her when he noticed her discomfort.

'She's so small,' Kensi whispered and tears threatened to fall. Deeks took her hand.

'Well, stubborn handfuls don't give up that easily,' he told her. 'Our little is a fighter, just like her mom. All she needs is a name. Do you still want the name that we came up with?' Kensi nodded and she looked again at their little girl.

'Our Olivia Gabriela,' Kensi whispered, looking at their daughter who was fighting for a chance in this world.

* * *

><p>'Hey, it's good to see you awake,' Sam said when he walked into Kensi's room with Callen, Eric and Hetty. Deeks was with their daughter. Kensi smiled and she pushed herself in a sitting position, wincing at the pain.<p>

'Have you seen her yet?' Kensi asked.

'Only in a couple of hundred pictures,' Callen answered. 'And she looks gorgeous.'

'Do you have a name for her?' Eric asked. Kensi nodded.

'Her name is Olivia Gabriela,' she told them.

'A beautiful name,' Hetty said. 'Peace and Strength of God.' Kensi smiled. Their girl had two names with beautiful meanings.

'How are you feeling?' Sam asked.

'Happy, tired and a bit sore,' Kensi answered. 'But meanly happy that she's finally here.' They all smiled and Sam held up a bag.

'The kids made something…well, a lot…for you and the baby,' he told her. 'Also I had to congratulate you from them. They wanted to come but I thought it was better if they came another time.' Sam handed her the bag. Kensi took some pictures and cards out of the bag.

'Thank them from me,' Kensi said while she looked at the drawings and cards. 'These are really beautiful. And they come by if they want too. I'm never to tired or sore for them.' Sam smiled.

'I'll tell them that,' he said. 'You should know that the girls are almost as excite to meet little Olivia as when they were going to meet their baby brother and Leo is acting like Olivia is his little sister. He told us that she could sleep in his room.' Kensi laughed.

'Well, if he doesn't mind, I would like to keep her myself,' she joked.

**TBC.**

**Yeah, their little girl is already here. But they're not out of the woods yet. The start of little Olivia's life isn't easy.**

**Sorry it took such a long time for me to post this chapter. It's been crazy with school. Portfolio, tests en all kinds of reports.  
>Also we had German exchange students for a day and we had a lot of fun together! So I was busy, busy, busy. Too busy to write but yesterday I wrote a lot in the train so the next chapter is also finished, but will be posted sometime next week. <strong>

* * *

><p><strong>I love that we're at chapter 30 and more then a 100 reviews. It makes me so happy and I want to thank everybody:<strong>

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**To all of you: thank you! Thanks for sticking with me!**

**A Special thanks to:  
><strong>**muzy95, my sister for checking it over and over!  
><strong>**Benjaminek, for being my new amazing friend!**

**Lots of love from the Fanta Girl  
>(Long story, it was late when I wrote this and I love the new nickname that my dad gave me xD) <strong>


	31. Chapter 31

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

**I'm not sure about one sentence, and neither was my sister. Can you say in English that your wound is pulling painfully? If not, I'm sorry!**

_Chapter 31_

Deeks and Kensi were standing in front of their daughter's incubator, or in Kensi's case, sitting in the wheelchair. The rest of the team was standing behind them. Olivia was waving a bit with her arms, something Deeks and Kensi had never seen her do before and Deeks proudly called it Olivia's new trick.

'She surely got Deeks' hair,' Sam said. 'Look at those tiny blond locks. That is going to be fun to comb.'

'What do you mean?' Deeks asked, glancing quickly at Sam, not wanting to miss anything that his little girl did.

'You know what I mean,' Sam replied. 'You told me once you could never comb your hair.'

'No, I said I let it go freely,' Deeks corrected, or at least he tried.

'We'll comb Olivia's hair,' Kensi said. 'Trouble or not.' She smiled when Olivia wrapped her tiny hand around Kensi's finger. It was so unbelievable. Their girl was here but also so far away. She wanted nothing more than just hold her baby in her arms.

'We should go,' Callen suggested. 'Leave mom and dad alone with their beautiful daughter.' Eric and Sam nodded in agreement.

'If it's okay with you, I'll be visiting you later this day with Nina and the kids,' Sam said and Deeks nodded.

'And I'll take care of Monty,' Eric said. 'Not that your neighbor minded to take care of him…but I just took him.'

'Monty stole everyone's heart,' Deeks smiled.

* * *

><p>'You're doing okay?' Deeks asked while he stroked Kensi's arm. They were back in her room so that she could get some rest.<p>

'I'm fine,' she answered. 'Just tired. Don't worry.' She stroked Deeks over his cheek. 'You're really sweet, you know? I love you.' Deeks leaned in and he kissed her.

'I love you too, princess,' he replied. 'You and our girl. We're going to be a family soon. I promise you that.' Deeks thought about the house for a moment and he looked at Kensi. She looked tired, but happy. Maybe now was the right time to tell her about it.

'A penny for your thoughts,' Kensi smiled and Deeks placed a delicate kiss on her hand.

'I need to talk to you about something,' he started. 'When Olivia can go home, I want to be with her…with you. I want to live together.' He noticed that Kensi got a little bit uncomfortable. 'You might get angry but I started to look at houses, and I found this one house.' Kensi pulled her hand out of his. 'It's really perfect for us, Kens. We can live in it as a family.'

'No,' Kensi said and she shook her head. Deeks noticed glistening in her eyes.

'Kens,' Deeks tried but Kensi cut him off.

'NO! I can't leave my place! I live there…Damian's room…'

'Kens, that's so perfect about the house: there is an extra room,' Deeks told her and he put his hands on her face, forcing her to look at him. 'There is a room for Damian. And a room for Olivia. There is no room for Olivia at your apartment.'

'She can stay in my room,' Kensi sobbed.

'She can't stay there forever,' Deeks told her. 'And I want to be with you. I want to see my daughter every day. I don't want to miss anything of her life.'

'You can move in,' Kensi sobbed. 'I just can't move out!'

'Sweetie,' Deeks said softly. 'Damian never lived in the apartment. The room had no real meaning to him. His room now will have the same meaning as the room that he gets in the new house.'

'I'm tired,' Kensi told him. 'I would like to sleep now.' Deeks sighed and he nodded. He placed a kiss on the top of her head and he left the room. Maybe if she saw some pictures of the house, she would know how perfect it was for them.

* * *

><p>Deeks looked at his daughter, his innocent, small daughter and he felt nothing but love. This was his little girl and he wouldn't miss anything of her life. Not if he had anything to say about it. He had to convince Kensi somehow that they needed the house. They needed a house to be a real, proper family.<p>

'Can't keep your eyes of your girl?' Sam asked and when Deeks looked at him, the man was smiling. Deeks nodded.

'I can look at her for ages,' he answered.

'That will never change,' Sam said. 'The only problem is that it will get harder to do so. They start to move very much once they grow up. Half the time I don't know where Aimee is hanging out. Fear the day she starts to get interested in boys. And having you as parents, your little girl while have tons of boys lining up for her.'

'Tell me: how I can scare them away from my girl?' Deeks asked.

'The second I discover it, I'll tell you,' Sam smiled. 'Aimee might get her first boyfriend soon. She thinks I don't know.'

'Kensi told me about that,' Deeks remembered. 'Cam, right?'

'Yeah, Cameron Williams,' Sam answered and Deeks looked at him. 'You don't think that I would let my daughter hang out with everyone? I know the people she hangs out with. That is my advice: know your kids' friends.'

'I'll remember that,' Deeks said and he looked at Olivia. 'Fortunately it will take some time before that will happen.' Sam shook his head.

'Don't count on it,' he told him. 'Before you know it she has her first boyfriend and you don't know where the time has gone. They grow up way to fast.'

* * *

><p>Kensi was sitting on her bed, thinking about what Deeks had said. How could he even suggest moving out? Actually Kensi knew. He was thinking about his family. But Kensi was thinking about Damian as well. Deeks might think that Damian's room had no meaning. It might not mean much to Damian right now but to Kensi it meant everything. It was her quiet, peaceful place where she could hide. Where she was in contact with her son. All his stuff was there.<p>

But Deeks had been right about something. Damian's things could be moved into another room. Maybe a room even more beautiful, more perfect. Maybe they could even buy new furniture for him. Damian was now four years. He couldn't sleep in a crib anymore. Why did it feel so wrong to move out of her apartment? All the house would add was happiness. Maybe because it was happiness for her, Deeks and Olivia. Not for Damian. He didn't need a bigger house.

A knock on her door pulled Kensi out of her thoughts, back into reality. When she told the person to entire, a nurse walked into the room.

'The daddy is with your daughter?' she asked smiling while she looked at the monitors and checked her vitals.

'Probably,' Kensi answered. 'We had a small argument.' The nurse nodded in understanding.

'Can I take a look at your wound?' she asked and Kensi lifted her gown. The nurse carefully removed the bandage and looked at it. After cleaning it, she put a clean bandage on it. When she looked at Kensi, she smiled.

'Your wound is looking fine,' she told her. 'No sign of infection. The doctor will come and check up on you later. Probably to talk about your release. In most cases mothers are allowed to leave after three, four days. But it's all up to the doctor.' Kensi nodded.

* * *

><p>After two more days, Kensi was allowed to leave the hospital. Callen had driven her home and Deeks followed shortly after. He wanted to check up on Olivia first. Things had been awkward between him and Kensi. Neither of them had spoken a word about the house. Kensi was glad to be back home, with her own stuff. Walking was still a difficult task because her wound pulled painfully. But she was happy to be able to sit in Damian's room again.<p>

_Congratulations big brother! You're officially a brother, now. Your sister, Olivia Gabriela Blye – Deeks is born! It wasn't an easy birth. Something happened and we almost lost her. They had to do a c-section. That when they have to cut the baby out so that it can survive. She's also born too early, six weeks too early. She is in an incubator to keep her alive. She's so little but she is beautiful too. I wish you could see her right now. She's only four days old and I love her already so much. As much as I love you. You both are my children and I would do anything for you._

_Deeks and I have some issues. He wants us to move, out of the apartment. In a house for ourselves. I don't know if I can do it. It means, I have to give up your room. That's like giving up on you. Your room in this apartment is everything of you that I got. Can I move out?_

_Lots of love and kisses,_

_Your Mom_

Kensi looked around in Damian's room. Could she move this into another room? A room in the house with Deeks and Olivia? She touched the edge of the crib and took a deep sigh. She might be able to give up the room but can she move the furniture in it? What if it broke or went missing?

* * *

><p>'How is Olivia doing?' Deeks asked the doctor while he was standing in front of the incubator, looking at his beautiful little girl. He could hardly take his eyes of her.<p>

'Olivia is doing great,' the doctor answered. 'It's looking good. I can say with a certain amount of certainty that your girl is going to make it. From what I heard from the nurses, she got her parents' fighting mentality. She's willing to fight and that is all she needs right now, the will to fight. She's strong enough to do so.' Deeks smiled as he looked proudly at Olivia, who started to wave around with her arms again.

'I have to go to my next patient,' the doctor announced. 'But when you have any questions, ask the nurses or let them page me.' Deeks nodded. Right now he was almost perfectly fine. He had his little girl right here.

'You're the most beautiful baby in the whole wide world,' he whispered to her. 'You're my girl. I hope we have a nice house for the three of us to live in soon. You have to be very sweet to your mommy when we get there. She might cry sometimes. That's not because of you, but because of your big brother Damian. I think you heard plenty of stories about him. I'm sorry that he isn't here to meet you. He's gone and that is why your mommy is so sad sometimes. She just misses her son. It doesn't mean that she doesn't loves you or loves you any less. You're the most important thing in her world…our world. And if she does love you less, I have enough love for you to fill that. Because to me you're more than the most important thing in my world. You _are_ my world.

So please promise me, promise me my little girl, that you won't stop fighting. I don't know what I would do without my little you.' Olivia grabbed her daddy's finger tightly like she was letting him know that she wouldn't let go. Like she promised him that she would keep fighting. Deeks smiled and he wiped a tear away.

**TBC.**

**I really hate updating so slow and writing so little but there is no other possible way. Thank you all for being patient with this story. Right now I have two tests but after that I'm free for five days =D**


	32. Chapter 32

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

****Okay, time posting and writing didn't turn out as planned...but here's another chapter and it's kind of long =D****

_Chapter 32_

Kensi paced through the corridor in front of Olivia's room. She had been forced to leave the room by the nurses. Nervously she chewed on her thumbnail. When would they be letting her back inside? She glanced at the two parents closest to the door. The man was holding the woman tightly in his arms. She was sobbing on his shoulder and he cried softly, rubbing his wife's back. It was their child in there who forced every parent out of the room. Their child was crashing, dying right now. Kensi rubbed her face in frustration. She wanted to go back inside, be with their daughter.

'What happened?' Deeks asked shocked when he walked into the corridor. He immediately walked over to Kensi. She put her hands on his arms, forcing him to calm down.

'Olivia is fine,' she said with a shaking voice. 'It is the child of the parents by the door. He or she stopped…umm…breathing…or something…All alarms started to ring. I first thought it was Olivia…' Deeks pulled her in a hug and placed a kiss on top of her head while tears escaped from both of their eyes. The chance of losing Olivia became somehow more real with this situation.

'She's strong,' Deeks whispered over and over again , both for Kensi and himself. But the fear stayed with them. Even when they were allowed to go back inside, back to their daughter. The empty incubator in the room was the reason for the present fear. An hour ago there was a child inside that incubator. A small child who had lost the cruel fight of a change of life.

* * *

><p>Deeks was supposed to go back to work the next day but with the death of the other child, Hetty had agreed to postpone that day. She perfectly understood that Deeks needed to be with his family right now. After an hour of the workday Deeks had been called by Callen, Sam and Eric, all asking how Olivia was doing. All worried, just like Deeks and Kensi, about the little girl. Currently Deeks and Kensi were sitting next to Olivia's incubator, both with a hand inside. Olivia had a firm grip on her parents' finger.<p>

'Deeks?' Kensi asked slowly and Deeks looked at her. 'About the house…I would like to see it.' Deeks nodded with a small smile on his lips.

'What made you change your mind about the house?' he asked curiously.

'Olivia needs both her parents,' she answered. 'Seeing those parents having lost their baby like that…it made me realize that I shouldn't keep us apart. We should get a house to live in, together.' Deeks still smiled and he grabbed Kensi's hand over the incubator and placed a gentle kiss on it.

'There might be a slight problem,' he stated carefully. 'The house might already be sold. The realtor couldn't keep it of the market any longer.'

'Then we'll find another perfect house,' Kensi said to him. 'Or a house between now and our perfect house. We'll be fine.' Deeks laughed.

'You know: I love you so much right now,' he told her. He glanced at Olivia. 'I love you both so much.'

'I love you too,' Kensi told him and they leaned over the incubator to kiss each other. Olivia was waving around like she was happy to hear her parents telling they love each other and that they were getting a house.

* * *

><p>Deeks had been right: the perfect house had indeed been sold. That was expected since it was such a gorgeous house. But the realtor did have a similar house which she could show them right away. The nurse had asked Deeks and Kensi to leave to give the babies in the room some rest so they agreed to meet the realtor at the house. Deeks supported Kensi when she got out of the car. Her wound was painful at that moment.<p>

'Are you sure that today is a good day to take a look at the house?' Deeks asked worried, just to be sure.

'Yes,' Kensi sighed, answered him once again. 'I _am_ sure. Though you might have to go upstairs alone with her. I don't think it's a good idea to walk any stairs.' Deeks nodded and the realtor greeted them happily.

'Well, here we are at the house that could be possible yours anytime soon,' she said. 'Let's take a look inside. It's quite beautiful if I may say. Not as beautiful as the other house, but it could turn into the same thing: your home.'

'Nice sales talk,' Kensi whispered to Deeks, who started to laugh.

'If you can look past that, it's a nice woman,' he told her. The realtor showed them the house with great enthusiasm. She was really trying to sell the house.

'Here we have the hallway,' the realtor told and she waved around the room. 'Not that big but perfect to keep your stroller for example. Then we're entering the living room…with a nice fire place.' She pointed at the fireplace in the middle of the room. 'And it actually really works. There had been a chimney-sweet just a month ago and everything was perfectly fine. As you can see the room is very light because of the big windows at the front and the back. At the back we also have the doors to the garden. All the windows are double glazed and the walls are isolated very well which keeps this room cool in those hot summer days we all love so much…and since we're in LA we have those almost every day. So that's perfect. Next up is the kitchen.' Deeks and Kensi followed the woman to the kitchen. Also the kitchen was very light, except the kitchen cabinets. There were very dark.

'I hate those cabinets,' Kensi whispered to Deeks who put his hand on her back.

'You can take the entire kitchen out and put a new one in,' the realtor said, like she had heard Kensi. 'And put in ones you love. It's easy to do. If you want I can even recommend someone to do it.'

'Then we're never losing her,' Kensi whispered and Deeks laughed.

* * *

><p>Kensi sat down in the garden while Deeks went upstairs. She smiled while looking at the garden. She could already see Damian and Olivia playing in it. They would love it. There was a nice, wooden, safe looking play set and a small terrace. Nice, curving flower beds were on the sides and the end of the garden, with beautiful, colorful flowers. The rest of the ground was covered with grass. Perfect for two children to play in.<p>

'Upstairs is nice,' Deeks said from behind her when he got back and he placed his hands on her shoulders. 'Three bedrooms and a nice big bathroom with a shower and a bath…so what do you think about the house?'

'It's beautiful,' she smiled. 'I think we should do it, buy this house. We do have to renovate a bit because I don't like that kitchen. And we need to paint, buy furniture…but I really think this could be our home. If you go and arrange everything with the realtor, I'm going to the hospital.' To her surprise Deeks shook his head.

'You're not allowed to drive,' he told her.

'The doctor _discouraged_ driving,' Kensi corrected. 'She never said I wasn't allowed to drive…but I'll wait and then we'll go together. And you can drive.' Deeks smiled and he kissed her.

* * *

><p>'Daddy found a nice house for us to live in, baby girl,' Kensi told Olivia and she stroked her daughter's head. 'It has a big garden for you to play in with your big brother. You know his name, right?' A nurse walked over to the incubator, followed by the doctor. Kensi became worried when she saw them.<p>

'Would you like to hold Olivia for a while?' the doctor asked and Kensi looked dubitable at her. The doctor repeated the question and Kensi slowly nodded. The nurse smiled and instructed Kensi to sit down in the rocking chair. Nervously Kensi waited for the first time she could hold her daughter in her arms. The nurse carefully placed Olivia in her arms and gave Kensi some instructions for all the wires.

'Hello, little girl,' Kensi whispered to Olivia, who was suddenly very close. She leaned over and kissed Olivia on her forehead. She slowly started to rock in the chair and Olivia blinked a few times.

'Look at you, outside your incubator,' Kensi said proudly.

'I'll right here in the room,' the nurse said and Kensi nodded. The nurse left and Kensi was alone with her little girl.

'I was telling you about your big brother,' she continued. 'He has such a beautiful smile. You should see it. I'll take a picture of him with me tomorrow. He has gorgeous green eyes and brown hair. You have gorgeous blue eyes and blond hair, like your daddy. Damian loved playing with Monty, your daddy's dog. You will meet him when you can go home. Damian won't be home when you can go home. Damian's daddy took Damian away from us.' She stroked Olivia's soft hair while her eyes watered. 'So you have to miss him in your life. He can't be your big brother, like he's supposed to be. But I'll tell you about him, so that you know him…' Kensi took a deep breath. The door opened and Deeks looked inside. When he saw Kensi sitting in the rocking chair with Olivia in her arms, he started to smile.

'She's allowed to go outside the incubator?' he asked surprised and proudly. Kensi nodded and she looked at Olivia.

'You want to hold her?' she asked him and Deeks immediately nodded. Kensi stood up so that Deeks could sit down and she handed him Olivia. He proudly looked at her.

* * *

><p>'Ask Sam if he can come with us when we're allowed to take Olivia home,' Kensi instructed Deeks when they were standing at the entrance of the hospital. Deeks had to go to work today. He couldn't postpone it any longer. He was only at the hospital to drop Kensi off.<p>

'Why?' Deeks asked confused.

'Because he knows how to put a baby safely in a car,' Kensi explained and Deeks nodded.

'I'll ask him,' he promised her. 'Also I'll ask him and the rest of the team if they wanted to help with painting and moving our stuff.' Kensi opened her mouth to say something but Deeks didn't give her a change to speak. 'I know: you'll move Damian's stuff from his room. At your own time and pace. We already talked about it and I didn't forget.' Kensi smiled and she leaned through the car window, kissing Deeks. She stroked his cheek.

'I love you,' she told him.

'I love you too,' he replied. 'Tell our girl that daddy is sorry for not being there.'

'I'll tell her that her daddy is busy saving the world,' Kensi joked.

'That is actually your job, Wonder Woman,' Deeks joked back and Kensi started to laugh. She gave him one last kiss and walked into the hospital. Deeks watched her go with a hint of jealousy. He didn't want to go to work. He also wanted to go inside and see Olivia.

* * *

><p>'Of course we'll help with the move,' Sam said. 'It's great that you found a house to move in together. And I'll come with you when you bring Olivia home. Just call me when it's time.' Deeks smiled.<p>

'Thanks,' he said.

'Well, we expect beer afterwards,' Callen smiled. 'Otherwise there won't be any moving done by us.' Deeks laughed and he nodded.

'You'll get your own six packs,' he said. 'I do want to you to keep quiet about the nursery. Right now Kensi isn't thinking about that and I want to give her a finished nursery as a surprise.'

'That is really nice,' Eric said and Deeks smiled.

'Let us when we need to come and we'll come,' Callen said. 'Also if we need to pick up furniture…'

'Like you know something about furniture,' Sam interrupted him. 'Your greatest achievement was buying a chair!'

'Well, I can pick them up,' Callen said. 'I don't need to buy them.'

'We already have the furniture,' Deeks said. 'Only spread over two apartments.'

'Gentlemen, time to work,' Hetty announced and the men moved to upstairs.

* * *

><p>'Blake Holt was killed last night in a drive by shooting,' Eric told them and he showed them the pictures of Blake Holt and the crime scene. There was shattered glass everywhere and a lot of blood. 'He was shot three times in his chest, two times in his legs and one time in his eye.'<p>

'That is a lot of blood for one person,' Sam noted and Eric nodded.

'The owner of the house, Gerald Lawrenson, was also killed,' he answered them. 'And Blake's sister, Pia Holt, was with him. She barely survived the attack. She was shot in her arm, stomach and leg. She crashed on her way to the hospital but she's stable now. Also she's awake and the hospital said that we could talk to her.'

'The hospital?' Deeks repeated and Eric nodded. 'I'll go talk to her.'

'Fine,' Callen said. 'But don't spend too much time with Kensi and Olivia. We need her statement as soon as possible to catch the killer of her brother.' Deeks quickly nodded and he walked to his car. Now he had a good excuse to go to the hospital. He had planned to go during his lunch break but now he could go both now and during lunch. Going back to work wasn't as easy at Deeks had thought. He missed seeing his little girl waving around and he tight grip on his finger. He just missed his little girl. And she has been only two weeks in his life.

* * *

><p>Eric had forgotten to tell the team something. Pia had a development disorder. She was physically twenty two years old but mentally seven years old.<p>

'I want Blakey!' Pia whined, banging with her one good fist on the bed.

'Pia, calm down,' Deeks tried carefully. 'Do you remember what happened? What happened when you walked home with Blake?'

'We went to the park,' Pia smiled and her face lit up. 'He gave me ice cream. I'm not allowed to have ice cream during the week but Blake said it was our secret…' As if she just realized that she couldn't tell Deeks, she looked at him. 'You won't tell Blake I told you, right?'

'I won't,' Deeks said smiling and Pia pointed her pinky at him.

'Pinky promise?' she asked.

'Pinky promise,' Deeks answered and Pia seemed to relax again. 'Can you now tell me what happened when you were walking home with Blake?'

'We were walking through the street with the nice flowers with all the colors of the rainbow,' Pia started to tell. 'And suddenly there was a loud bang…BANG…BANG…BANG…BANG…BANG and BANG. It was really loud and it hurt. I fell on the ground; on the nice flowers…the mister will be mad…'

'What mister?' Deeks asked.

'The mister of the flowers,' Pia answered like that was obvious. 'He was standing in the garden and he waved at me.' Gerald Lawrenson, Deeks thought. 'But after the bangs, the lights went out. I don't like the dark. Blake always leaves a light on…where is Blake?' Deeks took a deep breath.

'Umm, Blake was also hurt, like you are,' he started to explain. 'But he was hurt more …he died. Do you know what that means?' Pia shook her head.

'I just want Blakey,' she said and her lips began to tremble.

* * *

><p>'You could have informed me that Pia had a developed disorder,' Deeks said to Eric over the phone. 'It would have prepared me. Translated she told me that she was walking from the park to their house when there were gunshots. Pia felt pain and fell on the ground, on the nice flowers of Gerald Lawrenson. Then it went all black for her.'<p>

'Yeah, I'm sorry. Anyway, Blake was Pia's only living relative. Their parents died couple years back. Right now she's alone. Hospital is trying to arrange something for her since she can't live on her own. Also Hetty said you had to stay with her.' Deeks sighed. There went his plans. 'But she said that you could see Kensi and Olivia.'

'Alright, then I'll do that.' Deeks quickly hung up and he walked over to the elevators. He was nodding along with the elevator music and at the right floor, he walked out. The nurse behind the desk greeted him with a smile. When he wanted to walk into the room, the nurse walked over to him.

'Mister Deeks, your daughter was placed in another room,' she told him and Deeks looked in shock at her.

'Is everything okay with her?' he asked worried.

'Everything is fine with her,' the nurse assured him. 'She doesn't need to be in the incubator anymore. She's now in a regular crib.' Deeks smiled. That was a good thing. Olivia was strong enough to be outside the incubator. His strong little girl. The nurse showed him to the room.

'You could have sent me a text,' he said with a big smile on his face. The same big smile was present on Kensi's face. She was sitting in the chair with Olivia in her arms.

'I kind of had my hands full,' she smiled. Deeks walked over to them and he kissed them both. 'What are you doing here? I thought you had to work.'

'I do,' he answered. 'And I am working. The victim of a shooting is here. Hetty told me I could visit you and Olivia.' He stroked Olivia's head.

'She is doing so good,' Kensi smiled. 'The doctor was really happy with her progress so far and she was allowed to be out of the incubator…she's good.' Deeks laid his hand on her shoulder.

'Are you okay?' he asked worried.

'Umm…is it strange to be scared?' she replied. 'I mean, the doctors know what they're doing…but what if they made a mistake?' Deeks kissed her on top of her head.

'Olivia will show you that it was no mistake,' he told her. 'Soon she'll be home with us, in our own house.' Kensi smiled and Deeks kissed her. They looked at the same time at Olivia, who was sleeping easily in her mommy's arms. A bright flash made them look up. A nurse looked smiling at them.

'Sorry, force of habit,' she apologized. 'I'm used to taking pictures of parents with their newborns at the special, beautiful moments.'

'It's fine as long as you send us the picture,' Deeks smiled.

**TBC.**

**Really hope you liked it. Now I'm going back to sleep xD Had a long and very fun night last night with my friends but I'm _ so_ tired!**


	33. Chapter 33

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 33_

Deeks walked into the bullpen, happily whistling. It earned him some surprise looks but he couldn't care.

'Look what I got,' he said proudly and he held up a key. Callen and Sam stared surprised at it, not knowing what to think.

'Look what I got,' Sam replied and he held up his keychain. 'More keys.' Deeks shook his head with a big smile. They didn't get it.

'No, this key is the key to our new house,' he explained. 'The house is officially ours. We can't live in it right away with all the renovations, but in a month or so we can live in it.'

'That is great, Deeks,' Callen said.

'You're still up for helping us with moving?' Deeks asked and Callen and Sam both nodded. 'Great. I can use the help.'

'Of course,' Sam said. 'G. could paint everything, couldn't you, G.? Maybe there is some use to your cover as a painter. Make some publicity for your company…what was the name again?'

'Not important,' Callen answered quickly, in Deeks' eyes a little too quickly.

'I think _Callen and Sons _was a great name for a company, Mister Callen,' Hetty said, coming once again out of nowhere. 'But can we continue with the case. Don't you have to go to the hospital, Mister Deeks?'

'Already on my way,' Deeks answered.

* * *

><p>'<em>I have got a thousand kisses in my head<em>,' Kensi sang softly to Olivia who was laying in her arms, being rocked by her mother. '_And if you want them – come quickly. They are all for you – a promise is a promise. Because I love you so much. A kiss on your cheek, a kiss on your hair. kiss to say: we belong…_' Kensi felt so much more at ease now that Olivia was in a regular crib, out of the room with all the sick and dying babies. It felt safe now that Olivia was laying in this room.

'Wow, you must be a wonder mother,' the other mother in the room smiled and Kensi looked at Olivia. Olivia was laying calmly, sucking her thumb. The other mother's baby was laying in his mother's arms as well but was looking around and restless.

'It's all her,' Kensi replied. 'She's a good baby.'

'How old is she?' the mother asked.

'Fifteen days now,' Kensi answered after some calculating. 'And two days out of the incubator.'

'Our Bradley over here is seventeen days,' the mother answered. And also two days out of the incubator. Isn't that the best feeling?

'Sure is,' Kensi answered.

'But I do wonder how a birth is without all this chaos,' the mother said. Kensi nodded in agreement. She did wonder about that. She wondered how it felt to have a normal birth. She wondered how it felt when she had Damian.

* * *

><p>'Oh no,' Eric whispered in shock, staring at his computer screen. He quickly grabbed his phone and called Callen, who should be at the crime scene with Sam. Impatiently he was waiting for the phone to be picked up.<p>

'Yeah, Eric?'

'The car that was at the crime scene was spotted in another street, shooting again two people, man and woman, who were walking home. It just happened minutes ago. This time both victims died.'

'We're going to the scene as soon as possible. Where is Deeks? Still at the hospital?'

'Yes. He talked to Pia, who didn't gave us much new. She heard bangs, the gunshots, and felt pain. Then she blacked out. She didn't even mention a car.' A ping came from his computer and Eric returned his attention to it. 'The car is spotted again…wait…I believe it heading towards the hospital…'

'Eric, call Deeks and warn him. They might want to finish the job with Pia. Sam and I are on our way. Meanwhile you need to find the connection between Blake Holt and the new victims…' Eric was busy typing on his computer until he found the connection.

'They were in the same year of training. Holt and our new victim, Ron Catrone were supposed to be deployed in three weeks. I did some more digging and they were involved in some accident. A girl was killed, both Holt and Catrone walked away without a scratch.'

'So this is a revenge action?'

'Looks like it. And Pia is somehow part of the revenge plan.'

* * *

><p>'And then one day, brave knight Damian went so see the beautiful princess Olivia to play with her,' Kensi told her little girl. 'They went into the nice woods, riding on their horses. Both were laughing so much and having so much fun…' She stopped because of some commotion in the corridors. She laid Olivia back in her crib and she stepped out of the room. To her surprise she saw the nurses moving the incubators.<p>

'What is going on?' Kensi asked worried.

'We got an order to evacuate,' a doctor answered. 'I don't know what is happening but it sounded serious. We'll get to you soon to get you outside.' Kensi thanked the doctor and walked back to Olivia's room. On her way she saw Callen coming towards her.

'Callen?' she asked surprised and she got even more worried. 'Why are you here? What is going on?'

'Did Deeks tell you about the woman he was visiting?' Callen asked and Kensi nodded. 'Well, the killers of her brother are on the way to the hospital.' Kensi immediately turned her head in the direction of Olivia's room. 'Eric gave the hospital the order to evacuate. You should take Olivia and go outside.' Callen pulled out a gun and handed it to Kensi. Kensi took it and she nodded. She walked back into Olivia's room. Inside the room there were other parents and nurses, already getting ready to leave the hospital.

'Come, little girl,' Kensi whispered to Olivia. 'Time to get you outside safely. It's not yet time for you to see us at work.' She gestured a nurse to take Olivia, knowing that she needed to be ready to shoot if necessary. The parents and the nurses with the babies moved into the corridor with Kensi in front.

* * *

><p>They were almost at the stairwell when Kensi heard people talking. When she looked around the corner, she saw two men with big guns. She pulled her head back and she leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. It had been some time since she had been in this kind of situation. Unfortunately they needed to move passed the two men to get to the stairwell.<p>

'Why are we stopping?' one of the parents asked and Kensi put her finger to her mouth, shutting the parent up. She looked again at the two gunmen, who were now heavily in discussion with each other. Kensi glanced back, at Olivia, who was laying in some nurses arms. She gestured the group to head back. In one of the rooms Kensi spoke up.

'Does anyone have a phone with him?' A parent handed Kensi a phone and she dialed Callen's number.

'Special Agent Callen?'

'Callen, its Kensi. We're having a problem. Two gunmen are in our way to the stairwell. I don't think they saw us…'

'Alright, we're almost at your floor. Give us a minute, Sam and I are on our way.' Kensi hung up and handed the phone back to the parent.

'My co-workers are on their way,' she told the group. She walked over to the nurse holding Olivia and she took her little girl over, holding her close. She placed a kiss on the top of the girl's head. Nervously they waited. Suddenly there sounded gunshots and the babies started to cry. Every parent desperately tried to calm their child.

They all held their breath when they saw the doorknob going down. The nurse took over Olivia and Kensi pointed the gun at the door, hoping that she didn't need to shoot anyone in front of these kids.

Kensi had never been so glad to see Callen and Sam walk in and she put her gun down. Callen and Sam guided everyone outside. Kensi took a deep breath when she stood outside with Olivia in her arms. She looked at the building, knowing that Deeks was probably still inside.

* * *

><p>Deeks held his gun tightly as they moved through the corridor. His heart was pounding in his chest. There were killers in the hospital and he had no idea if Kensi and Olivia were safe. Small whimpers came for Pia and Deeks turned around, putting his finger to his mouth. Deeks took a deep breath when he saw how scarred the woman was.<p>

'It's going to be okay,' he whispered to her. 'We're going into the stair well and when we're going outside. You can meet my friends.' Pia slowly nodded and Deeks guided her towards the stairs. More people, doctors, nurses and patients, were in the stair well. Deeks looked at the empty corridor and back to Pia. Before he could do anything, Pia slipped her hand in his. Deeks looked at the woman and saw a scarred little girl.

'Let's go,' he said and he helped her down. Outside it was busy with all the doctors, nurses and patients. Deeks scanned the area, looking for Callen and Sam and Kensi and Olivia.

'Deeks!' he heard being shouted from behind and he turned around. Callen, Kensi with Olivia and Sam joined them. Deeks gave Kensi a kiss and took a relieved breath. He looked at Olivia, who was wrapped in a warm blanket, asleep. Everything was okay. His family was safe.

'Guys, this is Pia,' Deeks introduced the woman who was still holding his hand. 'Pia, this are my friends.'

'Hey, Pia,' Sam said slowly. 'It's all going to be okay.' Pia blinked a few times and then she nodded.

'Can I see Blakey now?' she asked them.

* * *

><p><strong><em>One day later<em>**

* * *

><p>'Olivia is doing great,' the doctor told them. 'She's healthy and growing perfectly.' Kensi tightened her grip on Deeks' hand. She was waiting for the 'but…' to come. Deeks placed a kiss on her hand and smiled reassuringly at her.<p>

'And we think it's time for your girl to leave us.' Kensi blinked a few times and then she looked at Deeks, meeting his bright smile.

'Are you serious?' he asked. 'No need for her to stay?'

'No, absolutely not,' the doctor smiled. 'She's really yours now. No more hospital visits.' Kensi laughed relieved and she kissed Deeks. Their little girl was coming home!

'Anything we need to know about taking her home?' Deeks asked.

'Just enjoy your time together,' she answered and Kensi nodded. 'You can go to her now. A nurse will come in later with the release papers you need to sign. Then you can leave the hospital.'

'Thank you,' Kensi smiled and she shook the doctor's hand. Deeks did the same and they walked to Olivia's room. Deeks wrapped his arm around her and he rubbed her arm.

'She's finally coming home,' he smiled.

'Not yet,' Kensi said. 'Our home is being renovated.' Deeks laughed and he kissed Kensi.

'This is one of the happiest days in my life,' he told her and Kensi nodded. Together they walked into Olivia's room, ready to take her home.

* * *

><p>'You need to be careful!' Deeks said worried. 'Drive slower!' Sam groaned in frustration.<p>

'If I go any slower we would be standing still on the road!' he told Deeks and he pointed at the cars passing them by.

'Two hands on the steering wheel!' Deeks exclaimed.

'I'm never driving you again!' Sam sighed frustrated.

'Well, it is the _safety_ of my daughter we're talking about,' Deeks replied. 'I would like her to be safe and alive when we get home.'

'And I would like to be able to get home before all my kids are in college,' Sam mumbled. Deeks wanted to speak up again but Kensi stopped him.

'Deeks, shut up,' she told him. 'Sam drove three kids home from the hospital. I trust that he will get us home safely.'

'Thank you, Kensi,' Sam replied with a smile. Deeks turned his attention to Olivia who was in her car seat. He stroked her little cheek. Maybe he did overreact a bit. But he meant what he said: he just wanted Olivia to be safe.

* * *

><p>'This looks right,' Deeks noted satisfied. 'This is definitely where she belongs: at home with us.' Kensi slowly nodded and Deeks wrapped his arm around her waist. He knew it was hard for her to have Olivia home but not Damian. He kissed her gently on the top of her hand.<p>

'Soon there will be two,' he whispered to her. Kensi sighed and looked at the little cradle where Olivia was laying contently.

'I'm going to get some sleep too,' she said to Deeks and she gave him a quick kiss. Deeks took that as his sign and he walked out of the room. He sat down on the couch and stroked Monty's head. The dog looked at his owner with those big begging eyes.

'We should go to the beach, shouldn't we?' Deeks asked and Monty began to wag its tail. Deeks patted the dog on its side and grabbed the necessary stuff.

It had been quite some time since Deeks had been on the beach to surf. He had spent so much time in the hospital and at home. He was excited to catch some waves again. He looked at the other surfers. Now was the perfect time to surf. Olivia was home and Kensi was with her right now. There was nothing to worry about.

But still Deeks couldn't enjoy the surfing to the fullest. He wasn't at ease. He wanted to be home.

**TBC.**

**Sorry that it is taking so much time. But don't worry about me forgetting this story! I won't forget it! I'm writing whenever I can, like in the train on my way home for college.  
>There is an idea for another fanfic really bugging me. But I'll finish this story first before posting a new one!<strong>

**What makes the writing go even slower is that the hard part of the story arrived...It just takes time to make it good and logical. That doesn't make it easy to write unfortunately. **

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter and I'll try to update soon.**


	34. Chapter 34

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 34_

'It's an awful mess,' Deeks said in shock. He, Kensi and Olivia had gone over to their new house to take a look on the progress of the construction workers. 'We don't even have a kitchen anymore!' Kensi smiled and put her hand on his arm.

'Calm down, Deeks,' she said to him. 'This is just how it goes. First a big mess and then it becomes perfect.'

'Alright, I'm going upstairs to do some painting,' Deeks said, looking away from the destroyed kitchen. 'You can sit in the garden. Nice dividing of the work.' Kensi laughed and she kissed him.

'Don't forget, I'm spending my time with Olivia,' she joked.

'Yeah, that is a big sacrifice of you,' Deeks said sarcastically. 'Good luck.' He gave her and Olivia a kiss and moved upstairs. Kensi walked into the garden. It looked even more beautiful now that the sun was shining brighter. Kensi sat down in one of the chairs that the construction workers had put in the garden. Olivia lay in the stroller and Kensi pushed it gently. The only annoying part was the banging and drilling coming from the kitchen.

'Good afternoon, Miss,' one of the construction workers smiled when he passed her, pushing a wheelbarrow filled with rubble. Kensi smiled at him.

'She already has a boyfriend!' Deeks yelled through the open window upstairs. The guy quickly continued walking and Kensi looked up. Deeks shrugged at her, with a smile on his face. 'Just so that he knows to leave you alone.'

'Just keep painting,' Kensi told him and Deeks blew a kiss to her. Kensi lifted Olivia out of the stroller. It was time to feed her 'Your daddy is a bit silly.' Olivia kicked a little with her legs and Kensi smiled at her little girl.

* * *

><p><em>There is a lot of chaos around us, little boy. Construction workers are destroying our house, as Deeks calls it and we now have a baby in the house. It's a lot to get used to. But the house will be beautiful when it's finished. I start to get used to the idea and might even want to leave the apartment. Your room will be beautiful too. We found this beautiful big wall poster for one of your walls. It's a picture of the beach, because I remember how much you loved the beach. It's going to be a beautiful room where you can sleep when you get back.<em>

_We're still looking for you, I promise you that. But we can't be actively on the case anymore. They say you have been gone too long. They gave up hope on you. But I know that Eric is looking for you with his computer when his workday is finished. He is still trying. Right now I don't have access to anything because I'm on maternity leave. Once I'm back I'll spend my free time to find you. Because seeing Olivia, having Olivia close to me…makes me miss you even more._

_I start to realize how little I knew you. I barely knew you for six months. I don't remember how it felt to take you home from the hospital. I don't remember your first movement, the first time I saw your little green eyes. And now I might never know your first day at school, your first writing, your first time on the bike... I'm missing your life. And I wonder when it is too late. Too late to get you back in my life and me back in yours. Is there a time when it ends? Do you sometimes think of me? Or am I just a vague memory? Were you too young to remember me now?_

_I won't ever forget you. I'll remember you forever because you are my son and Olivia's big brother. You need a chance to meet your sister. Come back soon, little boy. I love you and miss you so much._

_Lots of kisses and love,_

_Your mom._

* * *

><p>'Who's the pretty girl?' Deeks babbled and Olivia started to wave around with her arms. 'Yes you are.' He started to tickle her. 'You are my beautiful Livie. Daddy loves you so very much.' He leaned closer and kissed Olivia on her nose. He took a moment to inhale her baby scent. Monty walked over to his owner, like he was telling Deeks that it was now time that he got some attention.<p>

'Jealous of the baby, Monty?' Deeks smiled and he stroked Monty. 'I'm sorry to disappoint you and to tell you this, but I might love Livie a bit more.' Monty barked and that made Olivia cry. Deeks immediately started to rock her to sooth her.

'No barking, Monty,' he told to dog firmly and his attention went back to his crying daughter. 'It's only old Monty. No need to cry, sweetie.' After some time Olivia calmed down and Deeks looked at the closed door of Damian's room. When was Kensi coming out of that room? Deeks sighed and he walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge.

'What should mommy and daddy eat today?' Deeks asked Olivia and he grabbed a container. 'Maybe some nice leftovers…' He opened the container but the smell that was coming from it made Deeks throw it in the trash. 'Leftovers from I believe two weeks ago isn't healthy for you, Livie. Never eat those.' Deeks couldn't believe his eyes when he saw a smile appear on Olivia's face. Her very first smile.

'Oh, good girl,' Deeks exclaimed. 'You are a happy girl, aren't you? Yes you are.'

* * *

><p>'It must have been gas,' Kensi said when Deeks told her about Olivia's smile during their dinner. Deeks put his fork down.<p>

'I know the difference between a smile and gas,' he said.

'Deeks, you read the baby forums,' she told him. 'Babies don't start smiling until they're around six weeks.'

'Maybe Olivia is just brilliant and is she the only baby in the world that starts smiling at two weeks,' Deeks tried but he quickly threw away that idea. 'Alright…gas it is. But it was a happy gas.' Kensi laughed and continued eating her dinner.

'Tomorrow I want to go back to the house,' Deeks said after some minutes of silence. 'To make sure that it's still standing.'

'Deeks, they know what they're doing,' Kensi sighed. 'You should leave them alone. Things go wrong when you're constantly watching them.'

'No way, before you know it they stripped every wall and removed all the doors and windows,' Deeks replied. 'Then we don't have a house left and we're without a roof above our heads…also we should start packing things in here and in my apartment.'

'Then we're going to do that tomorrow,' Kensi said. 'And we're leaving the construction workers alone, deal?'

'We check once a week,' he said and Kensi nodded. 'And we can call them twice a week. Just to know if everything is going according to plan.' Kensi raised her eyebrows and Deeks sighed. 'Alright, once a week a visit and once a week a call.' Kensi smiled at him and gave him a kiss.

* * *

><p>'Is she still breathing?' Kensi whispered worried at Deeks. Both were standing hovered over Olivia's cradle. It was one o'clock in the morning. Deeks had stepped out of the bed to check on Olivia, quickly followed by Kensi.<p>

'I think so,' Deeks whispered.

'That's not a good enough answer!' Kensi said and Deeks motioned her to be quiet. Both looked intensely at Olivia for a sign of her waking up.

'Should we go back to bed?' Deeks whispered and they looked from Olivia to their bed and back.

'It's close by,' Kensi said but neither of them made a step in the direction of the bed. Olivia started to grimace and made a small sound. Immediately all their attention was back to their daughter. They lifted her out of the cradle at the first cry.

'It's okay,' Deeks said soothingly. Kensi rocked her gently.

'Do you think she's hungry?' Kensi asked. Deeks shrugged but they did walk to the kitchen to give Olivia a bottle. She was hungry because she gladly drank from the bottle. Kensi leaned against Deeks, feeling tired and waited till Olivia finished drinking.

'We should get some sleep after this,' Deeks opted and Kensi slowly nodded before yawning. She put Olivia on her shoulder and gently tapped on her back so that Olivia could burp. Then they walked back to the bedroom, putting Olivia back in the cradle. Instead of going to bed themselves, Deeks and Kensi waited until Olivia was firmly asleep. Back in bed Deeks took Kensi in his arms, placing a kiss on her shoulder.

'Good night,' he whispered to her. 'I love you.'

'I love you too,' Kensi whispered back and she gave him a kiss before closing her eyes. She snuggled against him and let out a deep sigh. Deeks also closed his eyes and he waited for the sleep to come.

'Should we check on her?' Kensi whispered after a couple more minutes.

'I don't think we should,' Deeks answered but he was already standing next to the bed. His mind could tell him so much but this time his instincts won.

* * *

><p>Deeks was resting with his head on his desk. Having a baby at home was way more tiring than he imagined. He opened his eyes when he smelled coffee. He shot up straight when he saw Hetty standing in front of him, with a cup of coffee in her hand. She handed it to him.<p>

'I think you could use this, Mister Deeks,' she told him and Deeks took the damping cup gratefully. He breathed in the smell and he felt the energy building up.

'Thank you, Hetty,' he said. 'First night wasn't that easy.'

'Good morning,' Sam said when he walked inside and he smiled when he saw Deeks sitting behind his desk. 'Let me guess, you stood next to the cradle making sure Olivia was still alive.' Deeks nodded sleepily.

'We stood almost all night beside it,' he said. 'But she kept breathing.'

'Will take some time for that urge to disappear,' Sam said. 'Lots of coffee is the only solution, which you already have.' Deeks pointed at Hetty. Eric appeared at the top of the stairs and whistled.

'We got another case,' he told them and Deeks and Sam got up from their seat.

'Where is Callen?' Deeks asked curiously.

'Callen has an appointment with the dentist,' Sam answered smiling. 'Be nice to him when he gets back…'

'Callen is afraid of the dentist?' Deeks asked smiling.

'No, of course not,' Sam answered. 'But he gets grumpy because of the anesthesia.' Upstairs the screen was filled with pictures of a girl around eight years.

'This is Stephanie Balesison,' Eric started. 'Her mother was driving her to school when a car made them stop and took Stephanie while keeping her mother at gunpoint. Her father is access to classified information about operations in Afghanistan. The kidnappers want that information. Stephanie's father is willing to give it, only his bosses aren't. They want NCIS involvement to find Stephanie without giving the classified information.'

* * *

><p><em>I wondered if I stayed up all night on your first night home, checking if you were still breathing. I know that I would do it when you get home. I would check up on you just to make sure you're still in your room. <em>

_It's hard to be around Olivia yet I want to be around her. It's such a mixed feeling. When I look at her, I remember you. She looks a bit like you. That's why it's so hard to be around her. But I also want to be with her because I love her. That's why I stayed up all night, checking her breathing. Just like Deeks. We were so scared she suddenly would stop breathing. _

_Soon we will leave the apartment to live in our new home. That means I would have to move your stuff. I don't know if I can do that. But I do want to live in the house with Deeks, Olivia and with you. In order to do that, I need to move your stuff. So I'll be ready. Because we all need a happy life, together._

_Lots of kisses and love,_

_Your mom_

* * *

><p>'Deeks, you need to calm down!' Callen told Deeks forcefully when Deeks was pacing back and forth. Deeks stopped with his hands in his hair. Sam looked at Callen, who nodded at him. Sam walked over to Deeks and put a hand on his arm.<p>

'You see Olivia in the missing kid?' he asked him and Deeks nodded. All he could see when he saw Stephanie's pictures was his own little girl. All he could think about was his girl in the hands of such a creep.

'That will never change,' Sam told him. 'I see my kids in every picture of a missing child. It's something you'll have to learn to deal with if you want to be able to work. And that makes it so hard. But it also makes you more committed to finding the missing child. Right now Kensi is with Olivia.' For some reason that didn't make Deeks feel any better. 'And when Kensi comes back to work, Olivia will stay with Nina. She will take good care of your girl. She already raised three kids. And most important you should know that she knows how to handle a gun.' Deeks took a deep breath.

'Thanks,' he said.

'Are you good?' Callen asked when he joined them. Sam glanced at Deeks, who nodded.

'Let's find this girl,' Deeks said determined, thinking about how sooner they found Stephanie, the sooner he would be able to hold his girl safely in his own arms.

'Alright,' Callen said. 'Deeks, you check with Eric what he has found and Sam and I will talk with the parents.' Deeks knew he was being pulled of the field. He understood that right now he wasn't much use to Stephanie and maybe even put her in danger. Deeks watched Callen and Sam drive off and he want to see Eric.

* * *

><p>'Hello my beautiful baby girl,' Deeks babbled at Olivia. He smelled her baby scent and he smiled. She was really okay and safe. That was all he needed to know right now.<p>

'Hey,' Kensi greeted and she gave him a kiss. 'Everything okay?'

'Hard case,' Deeks sighed. 'A missing girl and all I could think about was our beautiful girl.' He hugged Olivia and Kensi put her arms around his waist, leaning against his shoulder, looking at Olivia.

'She's fine,' she told him. 'She has been a good girl today. We went for a walk with Monty and she loved it. She was trying to see everything. We should go to the park this weekend. Then you can see it for yourself. It's great to watch.' Kensi touched Olivia's nose softly and she smiled. 'Wasn't it fun, Livie?' Deeks started to laugh and Kensi looked surprised at him. 'Why are you laughing?'

'You called her 'Livie'. I thought you didn't want to call her that.' Kensi punched him in his arm.

'That's your fault,' she said. 'You use that name all the time. Now I'm used to it. I have to admit that it's kind of nice. Our little Livie.' Deeks laughed and he kissed Kensi. It was good to be home again.

**TBC.**

**I found time, energy and inspiration to write again, resulting in two finished chapters. So the next update will be soon and I'll just keep writing =D.**

**Hope you liked it! **


	35. Chapter 35

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

**This chapter will have some jumps into time.**

_Chapter 35_

'Good morning, Livvie,' Deeks smiled while he lifted his one month old daughter out of her cradle. Today was a big day. Today Callen, Eric and Sam would help him with Olivia's nursery while Kensi had a meeting with Megan, Bradley's mother, taking Olivia with her.

'Where is your mommy?' Deeks asked Olivia. 'Where is your mommy, Livie?' Deeks saw the door of Damian's room closed and he opened it slightly. Kensi was sitting in the chair, writing in one of the notebooks. Deeks closed the door again and he walked into the kitchen. There he took a deep breath. Kensi was staying more and more in Damian's room. Even now, at six o'clock in the morning she was sitting in the room. Monty greeted him happily.

'Hello boy,' Deeks greeted him back. 'I need to feed Olivia first, and then I can feed you and me.' Monty wagged his tail and Deeks started make Olivia's bottle. 'Monty, get Kensi.' Monty walked to Damian's room and barked a few times. Kensi came walking out of the room, annoyed.

'What is it, Deeks?' she asked. 'And couldn't it wait just a minute?'

'No,' Deeks answered. 'You need to feed Olivia so that I can feed Monty.' He gestured her to take Olivia over. Kensi did that, but Deeks noticed some hesitation. He filled Monty's bowl and started on Kensi's and his breakfast. Every once and awhile he glanced at Kensi, sitting on the couch feeding Olivia.

* * *

><p>'Why does a baby need so much furniture?' Callen asked putting another moving box in Olivia's new room. 'I have less furniture!'<p>

'G. almost everyone has more furniture than you!' Sam replied while putting a closet together. Deeks and Eric laughed. Deeks put the paintbrush back in the pot. The walls were finally finished.

'When are you coming here again?' Eric asked. 'So that Kensi won't see the room until you move in?'

'We checked the new kitchen yesterday,' Deeks answered. 'And we're moving in next week. So we won't come back until then. Can you help with the crib?' Eric nodded and they opened the building kit for the crib.

'We're finished downstairs,' one of the construction workers said while passing the room. 'Is it okay if we go home early?'

'Sure,' Deeks answered. 'Thanks for everything.' The man nodded and walked downstairs. Deeks looked at the other guys. 'Construction people are nice guys. They do make a mess at first but they clean up after themselves.'

'Did you also pay them in beer?' Callen asked. 'They seem relatively nice to you.' Deeks smiled.

'I'm just a likable guy,' he replied. 'And we're paying a lot more than beer. I wish they would let us pay in beer. That would have been a lot better.' Sam looked around in the nursery.

'I like this nursery,' he told Deeks. 'The colors are very nice. Though there is something missing…' Deeks looked worried at Sam. What did he forget? He started to look around but stopped when Callen, Eric and Sam started to laugh.

'We got something for in the room,' Eric said and he handed Deeks two presents.

'Should I open them at home with Kensi or just now?' he asked.

'Now,' Callen answered. 'They are for in the room.' Deeks nodded and he opened the presents. It were several picture frames. One of the team, one of Deeks, Kensi together, one of Deeks, Kensi and Olivia and one of Damian. Deeks smiled at them.

'They are beautiful,' he said. 'Thank you. They will get a special place in the room.'

* * *

><p>'Hello,' Megan greeted with a big smile and she stood up from their table to hug Kensi. 'And look at little Olivia. She looks great.' Kensi smiled and she placed the stroller next to the table. On the opposite side stood Bradley's stroller. Kensi looked at the little guy.<p>

'He has become a lot bigger,' she said and Megan nodded.

'He grows so fast,' Megan said. 'I have the feeling that he never stops eating. He just eats, eats and eats. He's still waking up every three hours begging for food. And with even splitting the feeding duties with Nathan it's very tiring.'

'Well we didn't even sleep the first night,' Kensi told her. 'We were so worried that she would stop breathing.' Megan nodded understanding. 'But now it's going better. We're used to having her home.'

'But how is it going with the new house?' Megan asked. 'Is there a visible progress? Last time we talked you no longer had a kitchen and only half a stair…'

'Yeah, that's alright now,' Kensi smiled. 'The kitchen is beautiful. I'm really happy with it. And they repaired the missing piece of our stairs. But not everything is finished yet and in a week we have to leave my apartment. So there is some pressure.' Some whimpers came from Bradley and Megan took him out of the stroller.

'He seemed to want to be involved with the conversation,' she smiled and she tickled the boy a bit. Then she kissed him on the top of his head. 'But even with the hard nights, I wouldn't want to change anything. Bradley made our lives better.' Kensi smiled and she glanced at Olivia who was sleeping in the stroller. Seeing Megan with Bradley made Kensi realize that she was missing something. Surely she loved Olivia but she wasn't like Megan, taking Olivia whenever Olivia made a sound. There was just something missing.

* * *

><p>'Sam, did Nina ever act distant towards Aimee, Sarina or Leo?' Deeks asked. They were sitting in the garden, enjoying their well-earned beers. Sam thought for a moment and then he shook his head.<p>

'Not that I remember,' he answered. 'Why do you ask? Is Kensi acting distant?'

'Not really…' Deeks answered doubtfully. 'But it does seem like that sometimes…It are just small things that make me doubt…'

'Maybe it's because of the c-section,' Eric suggested and the other three men looked questioningly at him. 'Sometimes a mother has less of a connection with their child after a c-section. When a baby is born…naturally there is a connection.' The other men kept looking questioningly at him and Eric smiled uncomfortably. 'My niece had the same thing when she had her baby…' Deeks nodded understanding. That could be.

Kensi sat in the chair of Damian's room, putting everything one by one in the moving boxes. She and Deeks had agreed that maybe she needed to leave some of the things behind, but Kensi couldn't do that. Everything in this room had so much meaning to her and seeing it all again made her tear up. Pictures of Damian, cards from people telling her that they would pray for her, all of Damian's birthday presents over the years…there was so much and all with a meaning. How could she get rid of anything? She wiped away a few of the tears that were coming down. She couldn't cry right now. She needed to pack the stuff. When she came across the picture of Damian which Sarah had given her, Kensi couldn't hold it any longer and she just broke down.

'I miss you so much, my little boy,' she whispered to the picture and she stroked Damian's little face. He looked so big. Such a big smile, probably laughing because of something behind the camera. When Kensi saw him like that, she couldn't believe how big her boy had become. She remembered him as this small boy, barely able to walk. Now he was five years old. He must have changed so much. Would she even recognize him if she would see him?

* * *

><p><em><strong>One week later<strong>_

* * *

><p>'This is crazy!' Kensi said, looking at all the packed boxes in the living room. 'We can't live in the house with so many boxes. You can hardly walk around without tripping over a box!' Deeks laughed and put some boxes away.<p>

'It will be fine,' he said. 'We will unpack most of the boxes today. That is why we brought Callen, Eric, Nina, Sam and their kids. They will start unpacking…'

'What are we going do?' Kensi asked and Deeks grabbed her hand, leading her upstairs. 'Where are we going, Deeks?' Deeks let her to the door of Olivia's room. There he stood still, still holding Kensi's hands.

'We went back to the house last week,' Deeks started to tell her and Kensi looked surprised. She glanced at the door. 'Even though we agreed to go once a week. But I thought I needed to do something. I asked Callen, Sam and Eric to come with me.' Kensi began to smile because of the nerves. She wanted to know what Deeks wanted to show her. 'We finished the nursery. Everything is done.'

'Really?' Kensi asked amazed and Deeks nodded. He opened the door and Kensi walked inside. Her mouth dropped open of amazement. Deeks stood behind her and rubbed her arm when he saw tears in her eyes.

'It's beautiful,' Kensi told him and she kissed him. 'Olivia is going to be so happy in here. You are amazing.' She kissed him again. Deeks laughed and he wiped her tears.

'And look at the pictures,' he said and Kensi walked over to them. More tears came, especially when she saw the picture of Damian. Underneath the picture was _Your big brother_ engraved.

'It's perfect,' Kensi cried and she hugged Deeks.

'Was it a success?' Callen asked carefully when he walked inside, holding Olivia in his arms. Kensi laughed and walked over to hug him. Eric and Sam were next.

'Thank you so much, guys,' Kensi smiled. 'It is really beautiful.'

* * *

><p>That night Deeks and Kensi lay for the first time in their new bedroom. Kensi rested her head on Deeks' chest and he had his arms around her.<p>

'Do you think she's okay in her own room?' Deeks asked worried and he glanced at the wall which was connected with Olivia's room. 'Don't you think she's confused?'

'She's quiet,' Kensi noted and grabbed the baby phone. Eric had given them one with a camera so that they could watch Olivia sleep instead of standing next to her crib all night. She handed Deeks the screen where he could see Olivia sleeping.

'Looks okay,' he agreed. 'Though I think we should check anyways…' He was half way up when Kensi pulled him back.

'She can't get used to us being there in seconds whenever she needs us,' Kensi said. 'Sometimes it's good to let a baby cry…that was what Nina said.' Deeks nodded and he lay back down.

'But I hate it when she cries,' he said.

'So do I,' Kensi admitted and she kissed Deeks. 'We just have to be strong together. Now go to sleep. We both have to go to work this time.'

'Are you sure Nina is up to babysitting Olivia?' Deeks asked once again, just to be sure and Kensi nodded.

'She would love to watch Olivia during the day,' she told him. 'We talked about it today and she gave me her phone number. Also she has this list of important numbers in case of an emergency.'

'We didn't even have one!' Deeks said.

'We do now,' Kensi answered. 'And all because of Nina.' Deeks sighed.

'Tomorrow is going to be a hard day,' he said and Kensi nodded in agreement. Neither of them wanted to leave Olivia in the hands of someone else.

* * *

><p>'Great to have you back, Kens,' Callen greeted. 'We could use the help with the paperwork.' Kensi sighed with a smile.<p>

'Maybe I should stay home for a couple of more days,' she joked. 'At least till you're done with you paperwork.' Callen laughed and continued making his paperwork. Kensi sat down behind her desk, happy to be back. Deeks walked over to her desk and showed her a text that Nina had sent. _Everything is fine again. No more crying. She calmed down. Nothing new happened in the hour that you left her with me. _Kensi smiled. Nina was so sweet for updating them on how Olivia was doing. It was heartbreaking to leave Olivia behind today. Olivia made it even worse by starting to cry.

'Don't you have to make paperwork?' she asked Deeks, who smiled at her.

'That's why I like having my partner back,' he said and he dropped a couple of files on her desk. 'Now we can share the paperwork.'

'No way!' Kensi said. 'That is your paperwork!'

'I love you,' Deeks smiled and he gave her a quick kiss before heading back to his desk. Kensi sighed and grabbed the first file.

'How often are you going to text Nina?' Sam asked when he walked into the bullpen. 'Nina was even worse than Aimee. I knew Aimee texted a lot, with that boy Cam, but Nina is constantly texting with you.' Sam looked at Deeks, who smiled.

'I just wanted an update about our daughter,' he explained. 'Look, the phone is on my desk. I'm not texting right now.' He pointed at the phone. Sam nodded and sat down at his own desk.

* * *

><p>'Stop texting my wife!' Sam said frustrated when he saw Deeks and Kensi sitting next to each other with their phone in their hands. Acting innocently, they looked up.<p>

'Put the phone down,' Sam ordered and Deeks put it down. But as soon as the screen lit up, Kensi grabbed the phone to read the next text.

'I'm deleting her number from your phone!' Sam threatened.

'Fine,' Deeks scrawled and he looked over Kensi's shoulder to read the text too.

'Unbelievable, they memorized the number,' Sam mumbled and he gave up. There was not much else he could do for Nina to get her some rest. He knew that when he took their phones, they would find new ones. But Sam had to admit that he recognized something of himself in them. He also wanted to know every minute of the day how it was going with his kids. Always checking up on them. Having children might be the scariest thing in the world.

**To Be Continued!**

**It been hectic at home which means for me that I can write again.  
>I hope you liked it and maybe you like to know that there are a few chapters left (though I can say that but if I find more to write, I write more chapters) <strong>


	36. Chapter 36

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 36_

Deeks woke up by the sounds of crying. After two weeks he still wasn't used to be woken up that way. He stretched and turned his head to look at Kensi. But Kensi wasn't in the bed. Deeks lay thinking for a while. Had she heard Olivia before him and gone to get her? But Olivia kept crying and Deeks walked to the nursery. He lifted Olivia out of her bed, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. He walked to the kitchen to make a bottle for her. While feeding Olivia, he looked for Kensi.

He found her in Damian's new room. She was crying softly and Deeks walked over to her. She looked up to him with tears in her eyes. He stroked her cheek. When Kensi saw Olivia, she got up.

'Did she cry?' she asked shocked.

'Yeah, she was hungry, weren't you, little Livie?' Deeks answered. 'Did something happen, Kens?' Kensi shrugged.

'I had some kind of dream,' she answered after a few seconds staring at the ground.

'About what?'

'About my life with Mark and Damian. Just a simple day out of our lives. I came back from work…I was happy to be home. I was happy with Mark and Damian. We played with Damian for awhile like a real family does…it isn't fair. I want to know him. I want him back, here in this room. I want him to live with us. He's still on his own!'

'We don't know that,' Deeks said. 'Maybe Mark was living with someone who now takes care of Damian. And otherwise neighbors would have alerted the police, like that time Callen and Sam went to Mark's last known address. A child isn't left on his own that easily.'

'If the police got him, why isn't he back with us?' Kensi asked angrily. 'They should know that he is my son!' Kensi's angry and loud voice scared Olivia and she started to cry. Kensi turned her back to her family and Deeks tried to sooth his little girl.

* * *

><p>'Good morning,' Nina smiled when Deeks arrived at their door. Deeks glanced over his shoulder to Kensi who was still sitting in the car, staring into the distance.<p>

'Good morning,' Deeks greeted and he handed the maxi-cosi where Olivia was laying in. 'She has been fed and changed so she should be good for awhile.' Nina smiled at the girl when she took the maxi-cosi. 'We will pick her up around seven.' Nina nodded.

'I know how it works,' she said. 'Take your time. I enjoy spending my time with this little girl. And Aimee and Sarina love it even more. They are obsessed with Olivia.'

'How couldn't they be?' Deeks smiled. 'She is the best girl ever.' He rubbed Olivia's belly and he gave her a quick kiss. 'See you soon, baby girl.' When he looked at Nina again, he saw her looking at the car.

'Everything okay between you?' she asked him. Deeks looked again over his shoulder.

'Kind of a hard start of the day,' he answered. 'But it will be fine.'

'Of course,' Nina said. 'Have a good day at work and tell my husband to come home early today. No drinking with G. after work. His kids want to see their daddy longer than one hour a day.' Deeks laughed.

'I will,' he promised her and he turned to Olivia. 'Goodbye little girl. Be nice to auntie Nina. Daddy will come back soon. I love you.' Nina laughed at his babbling with Olivia. Deeks waved one last time at Olivia and he walked back to the car. While he drove off, he waved at Nina, who was about to get inside. Kensi was still staring in the other direction.

* * *

><p><em>Little handsome boy, <em>

_Where it first went so well, it's now all going wrong. Moving into the new house was such a bad idea after all. I feel even more like I'm losing you and I don't want to lose you. You are my little boy._

_Deeks is trying, trying so damn hard…trying too hard to act like we're this normal happy family. We're not that and it hurts me more and more when he acts like that. It's like he has forgotten you, like you don't matter any longer. But to me you matter. You matter more and more as time passes. _

_I don't know where you are and if you're okay. When you were with your father I at least knew that you were okay. I don't believe that he would ever hurt you. I started to remember little things of our life: you, me and your dad. And I think we were happy, or at least in some way._

_I don't feel like that when I'm with Deeks and Olivia. Seeing Olivia gets harder every time. You were that little once and that close to me. Now you are fading more and more as the days, weeks, months and years pass. _

_I wish I had you here, with me. To see you play with your sister. I just know you would be the best brother in the world. Fun, protective, loving and a listening ear (even thought Olivia doesn't talk yet). That is how I see you as a big brother._

_What might hurt me the most is that Olivia doesn't know you, her big brother. She won't know who you are. She will never know what she has to miss…_

_I love you so much my little boy!_

_Lots of kisses and love,_

_Your mom_

'Are you alright, Miss Blye?' Kensi heard Hetty ask her with a gentle tone. Kensi folded the note and put it in her pocket. Then she turned to face her little boss.

'I'll be okay,' she answered with a weak smile, not wanting to appear weak in Hetty's eyes. Hetty continued looking at her without saying a word and Kensi started to feel uncomfortable. She looked around, not knowing where to look.

'Good,' Hetty suddenly said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. 'You know that you have lots of people you can turn to, who support you no matter what. That includes me.' Kensi smiled.

'Thank you, Hetty,' she said. 'I'll keep it in mind but right now…I won't need it.' Hetty nodded and she patted Kensi on her leg before walking out of the room. Kensi waited a few moments before breaking. She couldn't hold it back any longer. Tears were bottled up and needed to be released.

'You are a good mom, Miss Blye,' she suddenly heard Hetty say and she looked up. Hetty was standing in the room again. 'Even when you don't feel it, you are.' Hetty took a few steps closer and she took Kensi's hand. 'And you are right. Everything is going to be alright. In some way.'

* * *

><p>'Did you notice that Deeks and Kensi haven't said a word to each other,' Callen asked Sam when they were upstairs with Eric. 'It looks like they are avoiding each other.'<p>

'No, Kensi is avoiding Deeks,' Eric corrected. 'Deeks is holding back because he knows she's avoiding.' Callen thought for a moment and then he nodded.

'Nina told me that when Deeks brought Olivia over, Kensi stayed in the car,' Sam said. 'So, is there trouble in paradise?'

'It has never been really paradise,' Callen replied and Eric and Sam nodded. Callen said that right. There hasn't been paradise in four years. For no one on the team. That little guy Damian was a lot of times on their mind. Holidays became weird and there was always that hint of sadness on those days. No one could be 100% happy anymore.

'Should we talk to one of them?' Eric asked. 'See if we can help?' Callen and Sam both shook their head with determination.

'They have to figure it out on their own,' Callen said. 'Until they ask for our help.'

'Or until we feel like we need to help Olivia,' Sam said. 'Since she can't speak and she is our little cute NCIS girl.' Eric nodded in understanding.

* * *

><p>'Kensi, can you please tell me what is going on?' Deeks asked. 'This silence from you is driving me crazy.' They were driving home after a day of avoiding and not talking. Kensi had done her paperwork somewhere were Deeks wasn't. He had hardly seen her all day.<p>

'Nothing is really going on,' she told him. 'I'm just tired and want to get some sleep.' Deeks nodded and concentrated back on the road. He didn't like this situation. They were back to not talking to each other. He sighed and parked the car in front of Sam's house.

'Are you coming?' he asked Kensi, but she shook her head. Deeks got out of the car, slamming the door close. He walked over to the front door which was thrown open and Leo ran towards him. Deeks smiled when he saw the boy and he hugged him.

'Hello, Leo, how is it going?' he asked.

'Good, I learned about tigers today at school,' Leo answered. 'Are you staying a bit longer so we can play on the Wii? You wanted a rematch, right?' Deeks ruffled Leo's hair.

'I remember,' he smiled. 'But not today, buddy. I'm just picking up Olivia and then we're going home. But you should come to our new house. We can play there.' Leo cheered and he ran upstairs. Deeks walked into the living room where Aimee and Sarina were playing with Olivia and Nina was standing in the kitchen. When she saw him, she smiled and she gave him a kiss on his cheek.

'Still no Kensi?' she asked him and Deeks shook his head.

'She has a hard time right now,' he explained and he looked at Olivia who looked like she was having fun with Sam's daughters. 'They are great with her.' Nina laughed.

'Yes, they are,' she agreed. 'They already started to beg for their own baby since Olivia has to go back to you every day. They are really bumped about that.'

'Wait until they get to spend the nights with a baby,' Deeks joked. 'Then they will change their minds fast.' He glanced at the car through the window. 'But I think I should take my daughter with me.' He walked over to the girls and he picked Olivia up, kissing her softly. Nina and the girls waved them goodbye as Deeks walked over to the car with Olivia and all her stuff.

* * *

><p>'Enjoy your day off,' Kensi heard Deeks say. She turned around once again, hoping to get some more sleep. She was rather enjoying her dream. She was with Damian, playing at the beach. She could still hear his laugh. Kensi sighed when she couldn't get back to sleep. She looked up at the ceiling. Hetty had given her a day off to think, to get everything straight…or something like that. Normally Kensi would love to have the day off but now she wanted to be busy. When she was busy she didn't think about Damian or Olivia. Her mind didn't wander. Kensi sighed again and she got out of bed. Not bothering to get dressed she walked into the corridor. She stopped at Damian's room but she decided to move to Olivia's room. She smiled when she got inside. The room was beautiful. She saw Olivia laying in the crib with her eyes open. When Olivia saw her mom she began to whimper. Kensi lifted her out of the bed.<p>

'Good morning,' she smiled to the girl and she started to walk through the room. She stopped at Damian's picture. 'Look, that is your big brother Damian. The brave knight from the stories.' Kensi stroked Olivia's head. 'I'm going to make sure that you remember your big brother. Because when he comes back, you should know about him. The rabbit you have, that was once your brother's. That's why your rabbit has _Damian_ written on his ear. So that you never forget whose rabbit it once was. It's like he gave that rabbit to you.' Kensi took a deep breath as she looked at Olivia who looked like she was listening intensely. Like she wanted to know more about her brother. As she took another breath, she noticed it was a shaky one. Tears were coming as she kept looking at Olivia. Her little girl deserved to know her brother.

_I don't know what to do. I want Olivia to know you but I don't know how I make sure of that. I can tell her so many stories about you, show her pictures but that doesn't make her know you. She should see you, meet you, really know you. How can I do that, my little boy? All I can think of is finding you…but if I couldn't find you for four years, how can I suddenly find you now?_

_Yeah, you're not with your dad anymore and he was brilliant at hiding. I don't know if your current caretaker is that good…if you even have a caretaker. I pray that you have one because I can't bear the thought of you being alone..._

* * *

><p>Deeks stared at the picture on his desk. It was the picture that the nurse had taken in the hospital. They looked so happy. Why couldn't they be like this at home? Why was it so wrong to have a happy family? He understood that in the hospital it was all still far away, that family. They left Olivia at the hospital as they got home. And now Olivia is home. They brought her home every day. That must be hard for Kensi because Damian wouldn't come home every day with them. He was still somewhere in this world, alone or with someone. All they knew for certain was that Damian wasn't there with them.<p>

Deeks suddenly put the picture down. He shouldn't be here at Ops. He should get home. Be with his family. Help them through this. He grabbed his stuff and walked to the exit. On his way he passed Callen and Sam.

'Deeks!' Callen said. 'Where are you going?'

'Home!' he told them. 'Tell something to Hetty. I don't care right now.' He got in his car and drove to their house.

* * *

><p>Desperate cries filled the house when Deeks walked inside. He remembered those cries. He had heard that in the cabin when Mark had kidnapped Kensi and left Damian behind. And this time hearing the crying was worse. This time it was his daughter that was crying like that. Deeks dropped his bag and grabbed his gun. He moved towards Olivia's room, checking every room he passed.<p>

Inside her crib Olivia kicking with her legs and waving around with her arms. She cried even louder when she saw her daddy. Deeks put the gun on the dresser and he lifted Olivia out of her crib.

'Where is your mommy, Livie?' he asked he soothing. 'Where is she?' He placed a kiss on top of her head and took in her baby scent. He stroked her head gently while he went to search for Kensi. Slowly Olivia calmed down and Deeks found Kensi.

**TBC.**


	37. Chapter 37

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

**Yay, a quick update!  
>(Sorry really happy about that because normally it would take some time)<strong>

_Chapter 37_

'Kensi?' Deeks asked carefully when he saw her sitting in the chair in Damian's room. 'Why are you sitting here? Didn't you hear Olivia cry?' Kensi didn't respond. She kept staring at a picture. When Deeks took a closer look at the picture, he saw she was looking at a picture of her, Damian and Mark. Damian looked around the same age Olivia was now.

'Kensi, didn't you hear our daughter cry?' Deeks repeated and again he didn't get a response from her. Deeks sighed frustrated and he took Olivia downstairs.

'Don't mind your mommy, Livvie,' he told his daughter. 'Today is one of mommy's sad days. But daddy is here right now. We can play together and have fun. We'll just give mommy some Damian-time.' Deeks stroked her little head and he sat down on the couch, laying Olivia next to him. He started to rub her belly gently and then he started to tickle her. The biggest smile he had ever seen appeared on Olivia's little face. Just like that Deeks forgot all his worries. He was with his little girl.

* * *

><p>Kensi came downstairs around dinner timer. Deeks was cooking and Olivia was laying in the playpen, with Monty in front of it like a real guard dog.<p>

'Dinner's almost ready,' Deeks told her casually. Kensi nodded as a reply and she glance at Olivia in the playpen.

'I really didn't hear her, Deeks,' she said sadly and Deeks noticed her trembling lip. He pulled her close to him and he put a kiss on her forehead.

'It's okay,' he told her, even if he didn't really felt like that. What if there had been something wrong with their daughter? 'Next time I'll stay home and maybe you could get the groceries…also to get out of the house some more.' Kensi slowly nodded and Deeks continued with their dinner. He knew Kensi wasn't going to get more out of the house. If anything, she would stay more inside. Deeks noticed that Kensi started to spend more and more inside in Damian's room. He knew it was hard for her to see Olivia grow up and realize that she might never see Damian grow up. He had thought about suggesting to Kensi to go see Dr. Jones again but he already knew Kensi didn't want to go to her anymore. She had enough of talking about her feelings and how much she missed Damian. That she missed him more every day that Olivia got to grow up with them.

But this concerned his daughter and she deserved more than the best. She deserved a mother that loved her unconditionally; who most of all showed her love to her daughter.

* * *

><p>'And the brave knight Damian rode as fast as he could to save the beautiful princess Olivia,' Kensi told Olivia, who was laying in Kensi's arms, ready to go to bed. 'The evil king wanted to keep Princess Olivia all to himself but our brave knight wouldn't let that happen. He pulled out his sword; ready to fight the evil king…The evil king grabbed his own sword and looked at Knight Damian. The determined look of knight Damian didn't go past the evil king and he became a bit scared. He might be the evil king but he wasn't as brave as brave knight Damian. Knight Damian was ready for the fight and in a few seconds he disarmed the evil knight. He put his sword against the evil king's throat…'<p>

'And then the good king and queen came in to arrest the evil king,' Deeks continued as he walked into the nursery. 'The evil king had to go to court and was thrown into the dungeons for life.' Kensi smiled weakly and she looked at Olivia, who was staring back at her. Deeks stood next to them.

'I thought we needed a good, realistic ending,' he told Kensi. 'Since she's only a month old. Let's keep her view on the world innocent.'

'Sure,' Kensi said and she put Olivia down in the crib. Then she looked at Deeks and Deeks nodded before walking out of the room. Kensi placed the stuffed rabbit next to Olivia.

'_I have got a thousand kisses in my head_,' Kensi sang softly to Olivia. The little girl's eyes started to close slowly. '_And if you want them – come quickly. They are all for you – a promise is a promise. Because I love you so much. A kiss on your cheek, a kiss on your hair. Kiss to say: we belong…_' Calmed by her mother's voice, Olivia fell asleep.

* * *

><p>When Kensi walked into the living room, Deeks was in the kitchen, cleaning up all the stuff they used for dinner. Kensi grabbed cloth to clean the table. In silence they cleaned the kitchen and living room. They stared at each other when they were both finished. Both not knowing what to do or say next. Then Kensi took a step towards Deeks, grabbing his hands.<p>

'I'm sorry for screwing up, today,' she told him and Deeks sighed.

'It's not just today,' he told her and he pulled his hands back, walking to the couch. Kensi watched him walk away before going after him.

'It isn't easy for me, you know,' she told him and to her surprise Deeks looked angrily at her.

'Yeah I _know_,' he replied. 'But do you also know it isn't easy for me? Because right now, you're only concerned about yourself while you have a child you should be concerned about! Has it ever occurred to you that she needs you as well? It's not only Damian who needs you. Olivia and I need you as well!' Kensi looked dumbfounded at him.

'I know…' she said slowly.

'Do you really know?' Deeks asked and Kensi looked away from him. Deeks was right. She did think about Damian all the time, forgetting about Deeks and Olivia. But she couldn't help it. Damian was on her mind all the time.

'Maybe we should leave for a couple of days,' Deeks suggested. Kensi looked at him for a long time and then she nodded.

'Maybe you're right…' she told him. 'Maybe I should…' Deeks wanted to object but Kensi didn't gave him a chance. 'I could go and visit Gabby. I called her a few times but it's been a while since I visited her. She would also like it…' Deeks wanted to tell her that he didn't meant that. That he wanted to go with all three of them. But Kensi looked so pleased with the idea that he didn't say a thing. If she wanted to leave so badly, she could. He wasn't going to stop her. Not anymore.

* * *

><p>Most of the wall was covered in blood. One trail of blood had made it all the way down the stairs. It was a horrible sight. Not something a sixteen-year-old should see. But she had seen it. Deeks glanced at the girl at the back of the ambulance. The paramedics were checking her over. Her mother was holding her hand tightly.<p>

'Rick Ayson, forty-eight years old,' Rose told the team when they arrived at the body. 'Stabbed to death and as you might already know found by his daughter.' Deeks looked at the body and shook his head. No child should see this violence.

'What is the time of death?' Callen asked.

'Around eleven o'clock,' Rose answered. 'I'll be able to tell you more precise after the autopsy.' She gestured two guys to come and they took away the body. Sam pulled out his phone and called Eric, putting it on speaker.

'Alright, Rick Ayson, married to Tess Ayson and the father of Noa Ayson. Last year he left the Navy to be with his family. He was currently working at his brother's company. Ayson doesn't have a record.'

'Why was he home?' Callen asked. 'If he had a job, you would expect him there.'

'Noa Ayson was the reason. She asked him to be home when she got out of school. Apparently she had a bad day at school. But when she got home…'

'It got even worse,' Kensi added.

'Did we get anything on the brother's company?' Deeks asked.

'A small cleaning company. They have contracts with a few other legit companies. Liam Ayson is the owner and arranged the job for his brother. Liam told us that Rick was a good worker. Always on time, mostly happy. It was like he knew his brother.'

'Alright, we will go to the brother and talk to him,' Callen said, looking at Sam. 'And Deeks and Kensi, you go talk with the wife and daughter.' Kensi nodded but Deeks looked at Callen. He didn't know if it was a good idea to let Kensi talk with the daughter whose father was just murder. But before he could say anything Callen and Sam were already on their way to the car and Kensi to Ayson's family.

'Are you coming, Deeks?' she asked casually.

* * *

><p>'I knew something was off when I saw the front door unlocked,' Noa told Kensi. 'My parents never leave the front door unlocked, only the back door. My dad is…was really paranoid about that. Always double checking the locks and stuff…but I just walked inside, not thinking about it. I shouted for him because I knew he was home. He promised me he would be and my dad never breaks any of his promises. But he didn't answer…because he was…and I got mad. Really mad and I shouted all kind of horrible things about him…Only he couldn't answer me because he was dead. I was so mad and he was dead…' Noa broke down in tears and Kensi placed her hand on the teenager's back.<p>

'You didn't know,' she told the girl. 'Your dad never broke a promise and now it was like he did break the promise. I would have been mad too. But Noa, can you remember anything else out of the ordinary? Did you see someone on your way home? A car?'

'Maybe,' Noa sobbed. 'How do I know which car is suspicious? But there was this old car and all the people in the street have kind of new ones. But I have no idea what kind of car. I wasn't paying attention to the cars driving in the street. I wanted to go home and be comforted by my dad!'

'What happened at school that you wanted to go home and speak to your dad?' Kensi asked. Noa glanced at the floor.

'It seems so stupid…' she sobbed. 'I had a fight with my boyfriend…and I need my dad to be there for me…I still need him to be there for me…' Noa looked at Kensi with tears rolling over her cheeks. 'What am I going to do without him?' Kensi pulled the teenager in a hug.

'You're going to be okay,' Kensi said soothingly.

* * *

><p>'I should be with my daughter,' Tess urged Deeks and she wanted to walk back to the ambulance but Deeks stopped her.<p>

'My partner is with her,' he said. 'Noa will be fine. Now can you tell me if your husband has enemies or been into a fight with someone?' Tess took a deep breath and started to pace. She ran her hand through her hair.

'Not that I know of,' she answered. 'Rick was very protective over us. He wanted to keep us out of everything. I didn't know that he was leaving the Navy till the day he left. He always took care of us. There was nothing I worried about…'

'Did you receive weird phone calls, letters or e-mails?' Deeks asked. Tess shook her head.

'Not that I know,' she told him. 'Again: Rick took care of that. He took care of everything. He made sure I didn't worry…or Noa for that matter. Last year she was worried about passing her tests and you should have seen Rick, giving her the best pep talk. You could see the confidence grow in Noa….I really should see Noa now.'

'Mrs. Ayson, we need to know where you were at the time of death,' Deeks said and Tess looked shocked at him. 'We don't suspect you, but we need to know.'

'I was at work,' Tess told him. 'You have thirty kids who can confirm that. And maybe some other teachers. Can I now go to my daughter?' Deeks nodded and Tess hurried away. Soon Kensi came walking towards her.

'You're okay?' he asked worried.

'I want to catch this bastard,' Kensi answered.

**TBC.**

**It's weird...I have no more chapters left to write. I finished writing the story.  
>And both my sister and I are quite nervous... <strong>


	38. Chapter 38

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

_Chapter 38_

The team was standing in front of the house, ready to arrest their suspect. It had taken a day of searching and questioning people but they were fairly certain that this was Ayson's murderer. Aaron Kinney was seen in a fight with Rick Ayson after a night at a bar and they found his fingerprints on the knife that they found dumped into a trash bin next door with Ayson's blood on it.

'Ready?' Callen asked and they all nodded. They were all ready to bring some justice to the Ayson family. Callen signaled for Deeks and Kensi to go around the back. They were almost at the back when they heard a door open. Carefully Deeks and Kensi looked into the garden and they saw Aaron Kinney move out of the house. With their guns drawn, Deeks and Kensi moved into the garden.

'NCIS!' Kensi shouted.

'LAPD!' Deeks shouted at the same time. 'Don't move!' Kinney looked shocked and immediately started to run.

'Kinney is on the move!' Deeks yelled over their earpieces as he and Kensi ran after Kinney. 'He went around back, moving west to the street!' Kensi was running in front of him and suddenly he didn't see her anymore. He heard some sounds from the left and he turned into the alley. There he just saw Kensi tackle Kinney onto the ground. Before she could cuff him, she received a couple of punches.

'Don't move!' Deeks yelled, pointing his gun at Kinney, who stopped moving. Kensi spit some blood on the ground. Deeks moved his eyes to Kensi for just a second and that opportunity Kinney took. He kicked Kensi off him and got up again, ready to run away. But there were Callen and Sam standing with their guns ready.

'NCIS, Aaron Kinney, you're under arrest for the murder of Rick Ayson!' Sam told the man and Callen cuffed him. Deeks helped Kensi up.

'Are you okay?' he asked worried and Kensi nodded. She walked over to Kinney.

'That's what you get for ripping a father away from her daughter,' she told him and she spit on the ground in front of him.

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><p>Kensi smiled as she watched Deeks putting Olivia in the crib, babbling to their daughter. She was glad that her little girl had a father who loved her so much. Deeks gave their daughter one last kiss and walked out of the room. He walked passed her without looking at her. Kensi followed him to the living room where he sat down on the couch.<p>

'Is there something wrong?' she asked him. Deeks stared at Monty, who was laying next to the TV. Kensi stepped in front of him, forcing him to look up and she repeated her question.

'Are thinking about others?' he asked her, sounding angrily. Kensi looked surprised at him. 'Are you?'

'Deeks…' she started. Deeks stood up so he was facing her.

'You just tackled that guy, without me as backup,' he said. 'You just tackled the guy without thinking. What if I wasn't there in time? What if he has a knife or a gun? Did you look in the mirror and seen the big bruise on the side of your face? Do you feel your ribs?' Kensi's hand went to the side of her face, wincing as she touched the bruise.

'I couldn't let Kinney get away,' she told him.

'You should if the choice is going after him alone or wait for back-up! You are a mom now and it's not just you!'

'Damn it, Deeks! I know that! You don't have to remind me all the time! I just wanted to give Noa some peace of mind by catching the guy who murdered her dad. Is that so strange! I knew you were only seconds away. You always are! I have been a mom for a long time! Why do you act like this now?'

''Cause Olivia is also my daughter!' Deeks yelled and Kensi just looked in shock at him. The silence was broken by cries of Olivia and Deeks walked away. Kensi swallowed her tears away and she walked into Damian's room. Why was Deeks acting like Damian was less important than Olivia?

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><p>Deeks knocked on the door of Damian's room. There came no sound from the other side of the door. Deeks sighed and he leaned against the door.<p>

'I shouldn't have said that about Olivia,' he said, hoping that Kensi could hear him. 'It came out wrong. It isn't that I don't care about Damian…' He took a deep breath and he wished Kensi would just open that door. That would make it a lot easier. Talking to a door wasn't how he wanted to talk with Kensi.

'I'm just scared,' he admitted. 'We already lost Damian; I don't want to lose you too. Olivia already has to miss so much. It wouldn't be fair to her. I don't want her to lose any more.' He stopped talking and listened at the door but he didn't hear a thing out of the room. Was Kensi even in the room? Was he talking to no one? He knocked again on the door but still nothing. He stared at the doorknob and then he walked away. As he walked away, the doorknob went down and Kensi watched him walk away.

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><p>Kensi surprised Deeks the next morning by giving him a kiss and stroking Olivia over her head. She grabbed a bowl and filled it with cornflakes.<p>

'Good morning,' Deeks said surprised and he drank some of his coffee. He actually wanted to pinch himself to see if he was still sleeping or not. Kensi had looked so hurt after their talk and the fact that she didn't come to their bed last night, he didn't expect this.

'Everything okay?' she asked with a spoon full of cornflakes ready to go into her mouth. Deeks shook his head casually. Kensi gave him a smile and he smiled back. This was weird, Deeks thought. It was like yesterday didn't happen. Acting like normal Deeks started to pack Olivia's bag for her day at Nina and the kids. Kensi had to take Olivia to the doctor this afternoon so she would stay only for the morning at Nina.

'The appointment was for two o'clock, right?' Kensi asked and Deeks nodded.

'Paper is on the fridge,' he told her and Kensi grabbed the piece of paper, reading it. After the appointment she was meeting Megan to drink some coffee.

'Shall we go?' Kensi asked and Deeks nodded. He took Olivia in his arms and they walked to the car.

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><p>'So this is the final moment in Callen's undercover?' Deeks asked and Sam nodded. They were sitting in a tuck and looking at the screens, seeing Callen walk towards a building. 'And how long was Callen undercover already?'<p>

'About three months,' Sam answered. 'You know how it goes, Deeks. Not everything is discussed with the team. This was something Callen did alone.'

'And now, at the end, we're involved,' Deeks said. Sam nodded and concentrated on the screen. Deeks looked at his watch. Kensi would be at the doctor with Olivia. And he was sitting here in this truck, waiting for the action to happen. He turned his attention back to the screens. It was time to get focused. And just when he did that, it all went wrong.

The screens were black and the audio disappeared. From the truck they could hear gunfire and in seconds Deeks, Sam and the SWAT team were on their way to the warehouse. Deeks and Sam went looking for Callen as SWAT dealt with the suspects. They found Callen hiding behind a wall, bleeding from his stomach, only half conscious.

'You had to get shot G., didn't you,' Sam said and Callen smiled weakly, putting his hand on Sam shoulder, who was crouched down.

'I couldn't disappoint you, right,' he smiled.

'EMTs are on their way,' Deeks informed them and he nodded at Callen. 'Hang in there.' Callen nodded before slipping into unconscious.

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><p>Deeks and Sam were sitting in the waiting room while Callen was being operated on. Deeks jumped from his seat when he saw Kensi walking towards him. What shocked him the most that she was alone.<p>

'How is Callen?' she asked him.

'Where is Olivia?' he asked her immediately, ignoring her question about Callen.

'She's at the neighbor,' Kensi answered. 'How is Callen?'

'They're operating right now,' Sam answered, stepping into their conversation. 'He was shot in his stomach but the doctor said he had a chance. And it's G. He always pulls through.' Kensi took a deep breath.

'How could you leave Olivia at the neighbors?' Deeks asked shocked. 'We have only known them for three weeks! We can't even call it know! We don't know what kind of people they are! And you just left our month old baby with them? Are you crazy? Have you learned nothing at all over the last couple of years! We can't trust the people we know so how can you trust someone we just met?'

'I wanted to see Callen since he was shot,' Kensi told him. 'And it didn't seem like a wise idea to take a one-month-old baby to the hospital! That is why I brought her to the neighbor!' Sam stepped between them.

'Stop it,' he hissed. 'This is not the place to fight. At least not until we know how G. is. We're here for him!'

'You could have brought her to Nina, to Megan,' Deeks said angrily. 'You had so many choices but you chose our neighbor? That's just stupid. You learned nothing from the last four years. Absolutely nothing! You're an irresponsible mom!' With those words Deeks walked away angrily. Right now he didn't care about how Kensi felt or how Callen was. He needed to get his baby girl.

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><p>Kensi looked in shock as Deeks walked away. She was an irresponsible mom…she didn't think when she brought Olivia to the neighbor. She just wanted to go to the hospital to see Callen, to see her friend. Sam put his arm around her, rubbing her arm.<p>

'It's okay,' he said softly. 'He's just mad and worried.' Kensi shook her head. She knew that Deeks meant this. He really thought that she was a bad mom.

'Agent Hanna,' the doctor asked and Sam nodded. Kensi wiped away her tears and she looked at the doctor.

'How is Callen?' Sam asked the man.

'He's doing okay,' the doctor. 'The surgery went well. We got the bullet out and it didn't do too much damage. No important organs were hit. Your partner was a lucky guy.' Sam smiled.

'He has always been,' he told the doctor.

'Can we see him?' Kensi asked.

'He's just waking up but yes, you can see him,' the doctor answered and he walked them to Callen's room. Sam walked in the room first. Kensi first tried to remove any evidence of her tears but she knew that Callen would notice immediately.

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><p>'Hello, you are coming for your little girl?' the old neighbor asked with a sweet smile on her face. It took all from Deeks not to charged inside with his gun ready. He was that desperate to get his girl. To make sure she was okay. The old lady opened the door further and let Deeks inside.<p>

'Your wife seemed desperate,' she said to him.

'She is not my wife,' he told her firmly as he walked along with her to the living room where Olivia was in the arms of the husband.

'She's a real sweet girl,' he told Deeks as he handed Olivia to him. Deeks hugged his little girl and kissed her several times. He was just so glad that she was okay.

'Do you want a cup of tea before you go?' the woman asked.

'No, thank you,' Deeks smiled politely. 'And thank you for taking care of her.'

'Of course,' the old man said. 'We're here when you need us. Is everything okay?'

'Umm, our friend was rushed to the hospital,' Deeks told them.

'Oh my,' the old lady said. 'You're sure that you want to take her? We can watch her for some more time. That won't be a problem. Then you can see your friend.'

'It's fine,' Deeks answered and he looked at Olivia. 'I'm taking her home.'

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><p>Kensi had gone into the lady's room in the hospital. She needed some time alone. Progress it all. Deeks being angry at her and Callen being shot. She needed to get everything straight. It was all too much right now. Kensi sank down to the floor, resting her head against the cool wall of the bathroom. She needed to get away. Going to her aunt seemed like a good idea right now. To get away from it all. She splashed some water in her face and walked out of the bathroom. Back to Callen's room.<p>

'You're alright, Kens?' Callen asked.

'Shouldn't I be the one asking you?' Kensi forced a smile on her face. 'Considering that you have been the one that was shot.' Then she looked at Sam. 'You told him, didn't you?' Sam smiled and then he nodded.

'Coming back to the question: are you alright?' Callen asked.

'No,' Kensi answered honestly and Sam wrapped his arm around her.

'Now you have a choice to make,' he told her. 'Should we do easy and quickly or slowly and painful? Shot in the head or stabbing him to death?' Kensi smiled as she leaned onto Sam's shoulder. It was good to have friends, brothers like them.

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><p>This was one of the hardest choices Deeks had ever made in his life. He had never thought that he would have to make this choice, and he rather didn't have to make it. But he had. He had made the choice, with pain in his heart. He zipped his bag closed and sighed.<p>

His eyes went to the picture of Kensi, Olivia and him on the nightstand. Kensi was holding Olivia in her arms and she was leaning against Deeks, who was half behind her, both lovingly looking at their daughter. He loved that picture. A similar picture was packed in his bag but that one was the one he loved the most. He hauled the bag of the bed and walked downstairs. He hated to leave the house that had become his home. To leave the family that had become his. But he needed to leave. This couldn't go on. Their situation had to change but it wouldn't change until he did something. He had written a note for Kensi and left it on the table where she would definitely find it. Hopefully his decision forced Kensi to take action, to change.

Deeks walked one more time through the house. Then he picked up Olivia, hugging her firmly.

'Everything is going to be okay, sweetheart,' he told her softly and he placed her in the car. He had to take several deep breaths before he could drive off.

* * *

><p>Oh my God, she was really doing this. She was abandoning her child, again.<p>

She had to turn around. She couldn't leave her baby like this! What kind of mother would that make her? Just as she made the turn, Kensi changed her mind. Leaving was the best thing she could do right now.

Deeks said it himself: Olivia needed a real mom and if she wanted to be the mom that Olivia deserved, Kensi had to leave. To get everything straight. In order to do that, she had to take a step back.

Back to her safe zone.

**TBC.**

**This is all happening for a reason...I'm working towards the end of this story (which makes me very sad because I don't want it to end!)  
><strong>

**All that I'm doing right now is updating so the chapters will follow each other quickly. Only tomorrow no update because then I'm away with the family the entire day.  
>To visit my grandfather's grave because tomorrow he's dead for 30 years. Which means (if you know my age) that I never got to met him, and that makes me sad because of from the story my dad tells about him, my grandfather sounds like a great man. I wish I had met him... <strong>


	39. Chapter 39

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

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><p><strong>Yesterday was a very emotional day for me and the rest of the family, visiting my grandparents graves. My grandfather died at the age of 54. My dad is older than his father ever been. And my grandmother wanted grandchildren so badly...she died three years to early.<strong>

**But being our family we also laughed. About the good moments my parents, aunts and uncles had with my grandparents, sharing them with us, the grandchildren.  
>One moment we were laughing and the next we were crying. Our waiter must have been confused.<br>****It was such a special day and I won't forget this day, that I got to spend with my family. **

**So this chapter is for all the lost grandparents. They may be gone, but they're always in our heart and mind, forever.**

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><p><em>Chapter 39<em>

Kensi wiped away the tears that had fallen when she parked near Gabriela's house. It was real now. She had left Deeks and Olivia. Kensi took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. She knocked on the front door and Gabriela opened the door. Her aunt looked happily surprised when she saw Kensi standing in front of her and she hugged Kensi.

'Hello, sweetie,' she greeted. 'How are you doing?' She put both her hands on the side of Kensi's face, taking a good look. 'Was it too hard to stay home?' Kensi nodded and tears stung in her eyes.

'Oh, baby,' Gabriela said sadly. 'Come inside.' Kensi followed her aunt into the living room. Gabriela walked to the kitchen and Kensi sat alone for a moment.

'Is tea okay?' Gabriela asked.

'That's fine, Gabby,' Kensi answered and Gabriela came back holding tray on which the teapot and teacups, damping from the warm tea inside. Gabriela sat down and handed Kensi a cup. She put her arm on Kensi, looking sadly at her.

'It must be hard without your dad,' she sighed. Kensi took a deep breath and somehow started to relax. She was back to being fifteen. Without Mark, Damian, Deeks, Olivia or Ian in her life. Somewhere she was glad that Gabriela slowly forgot everything because everything was such a mess right now.

'I miss him so much,' Kensi replied and that was no lie. She missed having her dad, especially now. She had no doubt that he knew what to do. Gabriela put her cup down and pulled Kensi in a tight hug, like Kensi was used to with her aunt. The familiarity was too much for Kensi and she started to cry onto her aunt's shoulder.

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><p>Kensi lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling. She felt horrible. She felt alone. She lost her parents and Damian, she was so close to losing Gabriela and she honestly didn't know with Deeks and Olivia. It almost felt like she never really had Olivia.<p>

She wished that everything was perfect. A family with Deeks, Damian and Olivia growing up with them, her parents as the loving grandparents, Gabriela as the amazing woman she used to be and also the team.

But Kensi knew that the events that had happened led to the next. If her father wasn't murdered she might never have become an agent and then she had never met Deeks. She would never have Olivia.

It was all messed up, Kensi sighed and she closed her eyes, letting sleep overtake her after this long and emotional day.

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><p>Deeks lay on the uncomfortable hotel bed, staring at Olivia in her traveling crib. She was finally asleep. Deeks felt like it had taken forever to get her asleep. Deeks sighed and he ran a hand over his face. Nothing was going as planned in his life. His life was doomed to fail and disappoint him, like it had done over and over again.<p>

First his dad by using Deeks and his mom as a punching bag, then his mom for leaving him alone. LAPD wasn't much better. No one liked him there. He had no friends. He had thought life was changing when he met Kensi. When he was introduced to NCIS and the team. He got friends, a family. It was all good but then life took its usual turn.

Mark had come and with his arrival, hell. For a long time Damian was the only good thing that happened, but Deeks started to doubt that. As horrible as he felt thinking that, Damian hadn't brought his family anything good.

Now the only good thing in his life was laying about four feet away from him, sleeping soundly in her crib. Deeks was so scared for the moment that life was going to mess that up too. He had to protect Olivia.

It was all messed up, Deeks sighed and he turned around to try to get some sleep.

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><p>Kensi woke up early in the morning. It was strange to hear almost nothing. She had gotten used to waking up and hearing Deeks babbling and playing with Olivia and Monty moving around in the house.<p>

She got out of bed and she moved over to the cabinet, looking at the stuff inside it. There were a few pictures of Gabriela with her family. She smiled and took some more time at the picture of Gabriela, her parents and herself. They looked so happy in that moment. When she moved to the next picture, she was surprised. She had never seen it before. Taking a closer look, Kensi realized it wasn't a picture but a birth announcement. She grabbed the frame and took the card out of the frame. She opened the card to see for whose birth it was. She was shocked when she saw the name inside.

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><p><em><strong>Henry Christian Blye<strong>_

_**July 15**__**th**__** 1985**_

_If only he had survived._

_ Paul and Miguela Blye  
><em>_ and the big sister Kensi_

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><p>Kensi had to read the text a few time before she was certain that she read it correctly. She had a brother? But why did her parents never said a thing about him? She heard some noise downstairs and without thinking of changing, Kensi walked downstairs to ask Gabriela about Henry.<p>

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><p>'Henry was your little brother,' Gabriela answered with a faint smile. 'He didn't survive his first day on this earth. He died within seconds of his birth. His lost was very hard for your parents. Especially Miguela had a hard time coping with it. She closed herself of from the world, spending all her time in Henry's nursery. She told me that it was the only place she felt okay. After two long, torturous years Miguela left Paul, your dad.' Kensi had listened in shock at the story. She had done the same thing as her mother. Been through the same things.<p>

'Are you okay, sweetie?' Gabriela asked worried, putting her hand on Kensi's knee. 'I know it's a lot to take in, especially when you just lost your dad.' Kensi nodded numbly.

'Dad took it hard when mom left, didn't he?' she asked and Gabriela nodded.

'I don't think Paul ever loved a woman as much as Miguela,' she replied. 'He asked every time he brought you here how Miguela was doing. I think he put all his unanswered love for your mother in you, making sure you had a great childhood. But the same went for your mother. She never loved another man. They loved each other without admitting it to each other. Both thinking that the other did no longer love them.' Kensi thought of Deeks, who she loved. Was that going to happen to them as well? Dancing around each other for the rest of their life.

'Miguela wrote me some letters about Henry and how it felt,' Gabriela said. 'Maybe you would like to read them…'

'If you don't mind,' Kensi answered, curious about what her mother would write about her brother.

'Of course not,' Gabriela smiled. 'Though you can't tell your mother about it. She thinks you're too young and dealing with enough at the moment.' Kensi nodded and took a deep breath. Gabriela walked over to one of the cabinets in the living room and grabbed an old looking tin box. She looked at it for a moment and then she handed it to Kensi, who opened it carefully. She swallowed when she saw the invitation to her mother's funeral, seeing the picture of her mother on the front. Gabriela gasped and grabbed the invitation. Kensi watched her aunt as she saw time catching up with the old woman.

'Oh, Kensi, I'm so sorry,' Gabriela whispered, keeping her gaze at the invitation. 'I'm so sorry…'

'It's okay, Gabby,' Kensi said quickly, pulling her aunt into a hug. 'You can't help it.' Gabriela stroked Kensi's cheek.

'You're so sweet,' she told Kensi. 'Your parents would have been so proud of you. You turned in such a beautiful woman.' Kensi smiled at Gabriela. If only her aunt knew…

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><p>Kensi stared at the pile of letters in the tin box. They were discolored, showing that they had been inside the box for a long time. She grabbed the first letter on top of the pile. It was weird to see her mother's handwriting after such a long time. It made Kensi realize how much she missed her mom in moments like this.<p>

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><p><em> September 4<em>_th__ 1985_

_Dear Gabriela,_

_It's getting worse. I feel like I lost both my children on the day Henry died. The pain is unbearable. I don't know how to act around little Kensi. Paul is being such an amazing dad and husband. He's taking care of her now and I think that's for the best now._

_I feel empty without Henry. It's not only like I lost my son, but also something of myself. I'm a horrible mother. A mother should keep her child safe, not kill it the same day it's born – I know you don't agree with me, Gabriela but it's true – Henry didn't survive outside my womb. I killed him. I didn't make him strong enough to survive._

_Paul and I hardly see each other. He's always busy with Kensi, making sure she's okay. He's taking over my part. For me it's hard. When I see Kensi, I think of our lost son. It's not easy right now and I don't know how long I go on like this. It's all too much…_

_I love you, my sister. I'll come soon._

_Miguela_

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><p>Kensi was shocked after reading the letter. It was exactly like she felt, like she had written the letter. It was so hard to look at Olivia without thinking of Damian. Kensi decided to grab the last letter of the pile. Some of the words were unreadable. It was clear that her mother cried while writing this letter.<p>

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><p><em>July 17<em>_th__ 1985_

_Oh Gabriela,_

_Something horrible happened today. After carrying my son around for nine months, waiting anxiously for his arrival, he was born two days ago: July 15__th__. But our joy didn't last long. He died within seconds. I no longer have a son. I feel so empty._

_Paul and I tried to explain it to Kensi since she was talking so happily about the baby (in her own language of course) but we don't think she understood. She keeps touching my belly, even though it's much flatter than before. It hurts me to see her being so excite for the baby, especially because I know that her brother will never come. His life only lasted a couple of seconds. It isn't fair. He was so welcome in our lives…_

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><p>Kensi read a few more letters, understanding more and more how her mother must have felt. And more and more Kensi understood that she felt the same way. She felt empty without Damian. She didn't know how to act around Olivia but she knew that she loved Olivia. She would never want to harm her little girl.<p>

Just like Kensi's mom. She had always loved Kensi but just didn't know how to act around Kensi after Henry died. But her mother had eventually learned how to act because Kensi mostly remembered her mom as a loving mother. Maybe the same thing would happen to her and Olivia. Maybe it had to grow. But why was she there then and not with her family?

A knock on the door made her look up. Gabriela's head appeared in the room.

'Do you want anything to eat?' she asked and she walked inside. Kensi noticed that her aunt was looking confused at the letters that were now all over the bed.

'You gave them to me,' Kensi reminded her aunt and Gabriela nodded. 'So that I could learn about Henry…'

'You know about Henry?' Gabriela asked surprised and Kensi nodded.

'Mom told me about him,' she answered, trying to spare her aunt any more pain and Gabriela nodded.

'But would you like some lunch?' she asked again. Kensi looked at her watch and was surprised by the time that had passed. She was so focused on reading the letters.

'I would like to eat something,' Kensi smiled at her aunt and they walked downstairs together.

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><p>Deeks didn't want to go to work the next day. He would have to face Callen and Sam, who would know everything by now and he knew that they wouldn't be happy. He remembered the Talk too well and he feared it. Maybe he should stick with Hetty for this day. She knew what was going on. He had explained it to her when he asked for a day off yesterday so that he and Olivia could settle into the hotel. Nina also knew, or at least part of it. He had noticed that when he dropped of Olivia. She looked differently at him. Deeks took a deep breath and walked into the bullpen, which was empty. Carefully Deeks put his bag on the floor and he sat down. So far, so good.<p>

Time passed and Deeks got more and more nervous. It was like they were waiting for the moment he relaxed to attack him. She he was cautious all the time.

After an hour Callen and Sam walked into the bullpen, discussing something useless, like usual, and without noticing Deeks.

'Good morning,' Deeks greeted, trying to act casually. Sam nodded at him and he got nothing from Callen. Yeah, they were definitely waiting for the moment he would relax. So Deeks decided to grab the bull by the horns.

'I moved out of the house with Olivia, temporary,' he told them bluntly and to his confusion, Callen and Sam looked surprised.

'We thought Kensi went to see Gabby,' Callen said.

'What?' Deeks asked confused. 'No, I moved out…into a hotel.'

'Well, all I know is that Kensi is at Gabby's,' Sam said.

'That could be possible,' Deeks said slowly. 'She was already planning to do so…to get some things straight.'

'She texted me something like that,' Callen noted. 'But she didn't say a word about you moving out, with Olivia.' Deeks looked fearfully at Callen and Sam, who had stood up and walked over to his desk.

'I couldn't deal with anything anymore,' he told them. 'Kensi needed to realize that we are her family and that we need her. I thought this would be the way to do it.'

'Well, you failed, Deeks,' Sam said. 'Kensi doesn't know you left. She left before you did. And how could you leave with Olivia? How could you rip another child away from her?'

'Because I needed to protect Olivia!' Deeks replied angrily. He needed to proctect his daughter against the moment it all changes.

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><p>When Kensi's phone started to ring, her heart made a jump. She hoped that it was Deeks who was calling her. But it was Roland Evors. Not expecting him to call her, she answered the phone.<p>

'Kensi, great! I reached you! I got big news! I found something, something big. I found his house…'

'Roland, we have already been to Mark's house. We didn't find anything there. No Damian or whatsoever.'

'No, Kensi, I found the house he still owned. It took a lot of time but I found it. The house is in the name of Paul Widdiger, as in your dad's first name and his mother's maiden name. Mark used an alias to protect this house, a pretty good one, so there must be something there. I'll text you the address and then you can thank it out.'

'Thank you, Roland.'

'You don't sound as happy or relieved as I thought.'

'It's a house, Roland. Not my son. I have to go, my aunt is calling me.' Kensi quickly hung up and she looked at her phone. Mark's house had been found, the one he bought with her dad's first name and his mother's maiden name…But was that worth it? What was the chance she would find anything? The last house didn't give them anything. And she needed to be with her family. Fight for them. Or should she go to the house?

* * *

><p>It was empty. The house was completely empty. And not because they went to the park for a talk. The mail of about three days had piled up. Kensi hurried to their bedroom and she immediately noted the empty looking closet. She went to Olivia's room. The stuffed rabbit was no longer in the crib and Olivia's stuff were gone. Kensi went down and saw the note Deeks had written on the table. She grabbed it and when she read it, tears began to form in her eyes. She hadn't use the time she had. She had blew it. It was too late. Kensi sank down to the floor, crying. Then she grabbed her phone and dialed Deeks' number. She needed to reach him, needed to speak with him. Telling him what she had learned, what she wanted. But the call went to voicemail every time. After trying for about twenty times, Kensi decided to call Eric. He had to help her to save her family.<p>

'Hey Kensi, I thought you were at Gab…'

'No time to talk, Eric! I need you to trace Deeks' phone!'

'Kensi, are you okay? You don't sound…should I get Callen?' Kensi could barely hold it together.

'No I need you to tell me where Deeks is.'

'I don't know, Kensi…'

* * *

><p>'<em>I have got a thousand kisses in my head<em>,' Deeks sang to Olivia, for the sixth time. '_And if you want them – come quickly. They are all for you – a promise is a promise. Because I love you so much. A kiss on your cheek, a kiss on your hair. Kiss to say: we belong…_' Finally he was sure that Olivia was asleep and he kissed her forehead one more time. He was about to sit down on the bed, when someone knocked on the door. Deeks sighed and walked to the door. It was about time that room service showed up. But it wasn't room service. It was the one that called him twenty-seven times and the one he ignored every time. But now she was standing in front of him.

'Kensi, what are you doing here?' he asked softly, looking over his shoulder at Olivia. When he looked back at Kensi, he noticed the tears. 'I thought you were at Gabby's…'

'I was,' Kensi answered. 'Can I come inside?' Deeks looked again at Olivia and then he opened the door further. Kensi quickly thanked him and she walked inside, sitting down on the bed. Deeks stood in front of her with his eyes on Olivia's crib.

'Why are you here?' he asked her.

'I found out I had a brother,' Kensi started and it made Deeks look at her. 'His name was Henry…he died the same day he was born. My mom had a hard time coping with his lost. She lost it…like I did. I read some of the letters she wrote to Gabby…it made me realize that you and Olivia are important. That I can't give up on you. That I shouldn't give up on the people I love.' Kensi stood up and she stepped closer to Deeks.

'Kensi…I don't know…' he said.

'Roland found another house of Mark,' Kensi told him before he could say anything. 'I decided to come here, instead of the house.'

'You should have gone to the house,' Deeks said and Kensi looked shocked at him. She took a step closer and before he knew it, they were kissing. He had missed that so much. But it didn't change anything. She had to finish the one chapter before she could go to the next. Otherwise the story wouldn't make sense. So he pulled away.

'You need to go,' Deeks said while resting his forehead against Kensi's. He looked into her eyes and saw tears. He wiped them away and gave her one kiss before pushing her to the door. 'You need to go and figure everything out. We're ready for you, when you are ready.' It broke his heart to do this to Kensi, but it needed to be done.

**TBC.**

**I hope you liked it 8)**

**The end is near...**


	40. Chapter 40

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

**Because I don't really have much time this week, I decided to update now. Otherwise you had to wait an whole week for this chapter. And thank you for all the kind responses to the last two chapters about my grandfather.**

**This chapter is the chapter that scares me the most!**

_Chapter 40_

Once again Kensi parked her car at Gabriela's house and walked inside. Her aunt immediately came walking towards her, ready to comfort her if necessary. And that was necessary. Kensi never felt so hurt. Gabriela pulled her in a hug and Kensi let all the tears go. Gabriela stroked her back.

'It's going to be alright, sweetie,' she soothed.

'No, it isn't,' Kensi sobbed. 'I lost him, Gabby. I lost Deeks. I love him and I tried…but he didn't want to know it. He sent me away…I lost him…and it's all my fault!'

'It can't be your fault,' Gabriela replied. 'I don't know this Deeks guy but if he sent you away, he's a fool….'

'No, I'm the fool,' Kensi sobbed. 'I didn't see how amazing he was…how good he was. I let him go…to lose him forever.'

'If he's really amazing, he wouldn't have let you go,' Gabriela said. 'He would have hold on to you, no matter what happened.'

'But everything happened,' Kensi cried. 'I married a serial killer while the love of my life was my partner. I had a child with Mark while actually my partner should have been his father. Then Mark beat me into a coma…and Deeks was my side all the time, taking care of Damian like it was his own son. And I decided to screw that up by not taking my chance with him, a chance with true love…I went back to Mark, disguised as Ian so that he could kidnap Damian and disappear. It took me four more years to take my chance with true love, with Deeks. And all of that because of a stupid drunken one night stand. That drunken night gave me my true love and a beautiful daughter…but I had to screw up again. All I could think about was the past: Mark, Ian and Damian…and I lost the ones that mean the most.' Gabriela had listened calmly to the entire story and when Kensi stopped, she grabbed her niece's hands.

'Kensi, it won't be too late,' she told her. 'True love will be there forever. You just have to go with it. Grab the opportunities. Make it all right again.'

'That was what I did,' Kensi sobbed. 'But he turned me down. Told me to leave…that I wasn't really choosing for them.'

'Then make sure you are really choosing for them,' Gabriela said as if it was that simple. 'Go do the things you need to do to make sure you really choose them. Deal with the past. You know what they say: life is like a book and in order to move on, you need to finish the chapter.' As Kensi looked at Gabriela, she noticed the picture behind her. The picture of her with little Damian. That was the moment she realized what she had to do. She had to finish her chapter.

* * *

><p>Deeks was pacing through the hotel room, trying to calm down. But it wasn't working. He was still shocked that he sent Kensi away. They kissed and it was like it used to be. It was the woman he loved that he was kissing. He had missed that woman. But he also knew that Kensi wasn't that woman right now. Looking at Olivia, he knew he had made a right choice. Kensi needed to deal with all the stuff that was bothering her. It was time for her to move on.<p>

He had seen the hurt in her eyes and he had felt that hurt in his heart. Suddenly he had the urge to call her. To make sure she was okay. That she came back safely at Gabby's place. She had been so upset and he knew that she couldn't think straight when she was upset. Why did he have to turn her away so harshly? He would never forgive himself if she had been in an accident, if she died. Then it would have been his fault that Olivia would have to live without a mom. Then he was the changing moment for her.

Deeks searched through his stuff for his phone. He needed to call her. He hit speed dial but before it could ring, he hung up again. He had been the one who sent her away. She would be angry at him. She wouldn't answer his call. So instead of calling her, he decided to call Gabby. Kensi had to be at her place by now.

'Gabriela Fortes?'

'Hello, Gabby. It's Marty.'

'Marty?'

'Deeks, Kensi's…umm…it's Deeks.'

'You are the man who made my niece so upset.' Deeks took a deep breath. Yes, he was the guy who had upset her niece. But she was also the reason he was upset.

'I just want to know if Kensi came home okay…'

'She is and I prefer if you won't call me again, mister Deeks. I don't know you and by the stories of my niece, I don't want to know you right now. You broke her heart.' Before Deeks could say anything else, Gabriela hung up. Deeks kept holding the phone against his ear.

'She broke my heart too,' he whispered.

* * *

><p>Kensi walked to the house in front of her. It was a nice house. The walls were beige and it had a wooden veranda. But it clear that no-one had lived in the house for a while. Kensi began to doubt if Roland had found the right address. She held the doorknob in her hand, not sure if she wanted to go inside. She hadn't thought about the possibility getting closer to her little boy. She took a deep breath and she opened the door.<p>

Inside it was dark. All the curtains were closed. Kensi moved inside and looked around. Dust was covering the furniture. There were no pictures or anything personal inside. It was just a house with furniture. It wasn't a home.

Kensi looked upstairs but there is was the same as downstairs. Like no-one had ever lived here. She searched through the drawers of dresser. The more she searched, the more she realized that she wasn't going to find anything. Her phone vibrated and she glanced at the caller ID. It was Deeks, who was calling her. She stared at her phone, not sure if she should pick up. If she wanted to pick up. The decision was made for her. Her phone stopped vibrating and it showed that she had missed one call.

Kensi got up and wanted to walk away but she saw a shed in the garden. She decided to search it as well. She never got to the shed. Next to it, between colorful flowers, was a stone. There was something engraved in the stone.

_Damian Harris_

_4 March 2012 – 13 December 2014_

_A son and just a little boy_

_In loving memory_

Reading the engraving Kensi's heart stopped. Trembling Kensi walked away from the house, to her car. Inside she grabbed her phone and she dialed the first number that came into her mind.

'Deeks, he is dead.'

* * *

><p>All around Deeks was hectic, chaos. Callen and Sam looked like they were ready to kill the first one that stepped in their way. Behind them were several other cars and vans. That was the forensic team and the Medical examiner. This had to be handled correctly. This was a case where they couldn't make a mistake. This case was too important.<p>

Deeks got out of the car the second it stopped. He looked at the old but nice looking house. Here had Damian lived the last years of his life. He had died here. Deeks was almost at the door when he noticed Kensi's car with someone inside.

'I'm going to see Kensi,' he told Callen and Sam, who had followed him to the door. They nodded and walked inside. Deeks turned around and walked over to the car. The closer he saw, the better he could see Kensi. She was sitting like a statue in the car, face completely blank. He saw no tears. He opened the door and sat down. He decided to say nothing. He just looked at her, waiting for her to begin. She looked nothing like Kensi. She looked like an emotionless doll. Until she bent her head down, looking at her hands.

'He's dead,' she whispered to him.

'Yes,' Deeks answered.

'He has been dead for two years,' she mumbled.

'Yeah,' Deeks answered.

'Stop answering with those stupid answers,' she told him angrily. Deeks nodded and that was when Kensi broke down. He leaned closer to here and tried to hold her, which was hard since they were in a car, but he wanted her to know that he was there for her.

* * *

><p>Kensi was sitting closely to Deeks, with Olivia in her arms in the bullpen, waiting anxiously for any results. Callen, Eric and Sam were also sitting with them. A day had passed and they were all still sitting in the same spot. They all wanted to know what happened to their little guy.<p>

The Medical examiner had dug up Damian's body to do an autopsy. They wanted to know how Damian died. None of the team members had been in the garden that moment. None of them wanted to see Damian's body. They preferred the happy memories they had of him. The entire ride back to Los Angeles, Kensi had constantly looked around to be sure that the Medical Examiner's van was still behind them.

When Hetty cleared her throat, she immediately got everyone's attention. Deeks took over Olivia, just in case the shock would be too big for Kensi. Hetty walked closer to them.

'I just got off the phone with the medical examiner,' she started and everyone looked intensely at her. 'And her conclusions were that there were no indications of a violent death. Damian probably died of natural causes. Mister Harris didn't kill his son.'

* * *

><p>For the first time in a long time Kensi felt at peace. She had done what she had promised. She had found Damian. He might not be alive in this world but in her heart and her memories he was alive.<p>

That is what she said at the funeral. That he had only died in the real world. That he was never really gone. He has always been with them.

Even though Damian hadn't been in their lives long, many people came to his funeral. Of course Kensi, Deeks, Olivia, Gabriela, Callen, Sam, Eric and Hetty had come. Also Nate, Gabriela, Melissa and her dad, Nell, Megan, Sarah and Hailey had come. All to say their goodbyes to the little boy. Monty was sitting at the end of the casket, watching over his buddy like he always did.

Now Kensi was standing in front of her son's grave that was lying next to her parents' graves. He was with his family again.

'You'll be my little boy forever,' she whispered to the grave. 'Can you watch out for you little sister from up there?'

'I think he already did.' Kensi turned around and she saw Deeks standing there. 'He made sure she survived in the hospital.'

'I'm so sorry,' she said and she stood in front of him. 'I screwed up really bad.' Deeks placed his hand on her cheek and he pulled her closer.

'I love you,' he said. 'Even when you're doing stupid things. I love you even more in this moment. I want to spend all the great and the bad moments in life with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and Olivia. I don't want to spend any more time without you. I love you too much for that.' He kneeled down to one knee. 'Kensi Marie Blye, will you marry me?' Kensi stumbled before laughed and she pulled him back up, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him passionately.

* * *

><p><strong>The End<strong>

**I so hope that you don't kill me. I have to be honest: as from the ending of **_**Trying To Remember**_** I knew that Damian wasn't coming back alive. To me, it didn't fit. As much as I wanted him to come back and have a happy life with Deeks, Kensi and Olivia, life isn't always fair or has a happy ending.**

**But I did want a bit of a happy ending. Kensi is now with Deeks and Olivia, ready to become a real family.  
>And Deeks got another price from my sister: most original place to propose.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>I think I'm going into hiding now. Goodbye! *starts looking for a good place*<br>****I'm really sorry for killing Damian!**


	41. Chapter 41

**I don't own NCIS Los Angeles! My native language is Dutch and I'm dyslectic so sorry for any mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites!**

**I'm glad everyone reacted so well. My sister and I were nervous about it because she had a bad experience. She was reading a story and people loved it. Until the writer killed of one of the main characters at the last chapter. People told her that she was horrible and that she couldn't end it this way. That they wouldn't read her stories anymore and that she ruined the story.  
>I'm glad that the NCIS:LA fans are better =D <strong>

**_Epilogue_**

_My sweet, beautiful angel,_

_I hope that you can see your sister sometimes. She is doing so great. In two years she will start school. She will learn to write and read. Maybe she would like to write you a letter sometime. Just so that you can know her. I think she would like that. She likes it when I share memories about you with her or when I tell her the stories about the amazing knight Damian and the princess Olivia. Those stories are her favourites and she wants to hear them every night. She has your smile, you know. It's like I'm seeing you smile when she does. But it is different. Somehow you could make everyone smile with you._

_Sometimes I miss you so much. Sometimes it hurts to see Olivia growing up, knowing that you never got that change. You would be so wonderful growing up. You would be such a great brother to her. You would be eight now and able to read and write. Maybe that is why I write you this letter, hoping that you could read this letter._

_You aren't forgotten in our lives. That will never happen. We still go to your grave on your birthday. Olivia now seems to understand what it all means. That the grave is where her big brother is resting. On your eighth birthday she placed flowers on your grave and gave it a kiss because everyone needs a kiss on his birthday. Could you feel it?_

_You got a place in my life, in my mind and in my heart and I'll make sure the same happens to your sister because I don't want her to live her life without you. You are a part of our life. Sometimes your place makes me hurt. Those moments make me miss you so much in our lives. So much that I sometimes want to stop...to stop with everything. But Deeks and Olivia make me want to move on. They are my reason now to move on from it all. It's like Deeks said: sometimes you need to leave one life behind and go on with the other life. I'll never leave my life with you behind but I always go on with my life with Deeks and Olivia. I like to think that now my life is with Deeks and Olivia and with you. Because you are a part of me. No one can take that part away._

_I'm so glad for the moments I have spent with you. I would rather have spent so little time with you than no time at all. I wouldn't have wanted to miss you in my life. And don't blame your father for anything. You need to forgive him if you can. I have forgiven him. He may have done horrible things but one thing was sure: he loved you so much. He never wanted to hurt you. I could forgive him even though he took you away from me. Making me miss those couple of years more I should have had with you. It took time but I forgave him. He is and will always be your father so I'm even grateful to him. He gave me you: my beautiful wonder._

_I made you a promise about seven years ago. I promised you that I would find you and take you home no matter what. And I kept that promise. I found you and took you home. It wasn't like I hoped but it is okay. I found peace with it. I kept my promise to you. Now you're safe. And I hope you found your father up there, to keep you safe even up there._

_I'll never forget you, my beautiful boy. You'll always be my son. I'll love you forever with my whole heart. _

_Lots of love and kisses,_

_Your mom_

* * *

><p>Kensi took a last look at the letter before looking up. The sun was warming her face, removing all evidence of her tears. She placed the pen next to the letter and she stood up. When she walked towards the street she saw her beautiful family standing. Olivia ran towards her mom and Deeks followed his daughter. Meeting halfway, he gave Kensi a kiss and she smiled at him.<p>

'Shall we get some ice cream?' Kensi asked Olivia, who started to cheer. Deeks wrapped one arm around her waist and placed a soft kiss on the side of her head.

'Are you okay?' he whispered in her ear. Kensi smiled and Olivia turned to her parents.

'Can I have the biggest ice cream of the world?' the little girl asked with a familiar smile. Kensi smiled and she looked at Deeks, who had a hint of worry in his eyes.

'How can't I be okay when I have you two?' she smiled and she kissed him. Olivia pulled her dad's hand, wanting him to race her to the snack bar. Kensi took a deep relieved breath when she saw her husband and daughter running and laughing. Everything was okay, she thought happily and she watched how the wind played with her family's hair.

* * *

><p><em>Nothing should be more precious <em>_than a child_

_Nothing should be more__contagious than a smile __of a child_

_Nothing should be __more cared of __than a child_

_Children's innocence __so often shattered_

_Children's love __so often flouted_

_Nothing should be more __of importance than a child_

_Nothing should be more __powerfully loved by us __than a child_

_Children's spontaneity __so often trampled on_

_Children's forgiveness __so often ignored_

_Nothing should be more __cherished in this world __than a child_

_Nothing should be more __hugged with affection __than a child_

_Tell me, stranger, what is more beautiful and precious than any dear child?_

* * *

><p><strong>This is the real end of the story. I want to thank everyone for reading this story and for their reviews, alerts and favorites! And a super big thanks to my sister for checking this story each and every time!<br>I really enjoyed writing this story as well as **_**Trying to Remember**_**. I never expected for it to go like this. I wasn't sure it was a good story and if anyone would like it. And here I am, one finished story and a finished sequel So I'm really happy with all the reviews, alerts and favorites.**

**Thank you so much for reading and making this a wonderful experience!**


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